Big Dreams for the West End Girls

by Elaine Roberts

  She looked back at the chest and realised it was time she emptied it once and for all. Weeks had passed and it still was in the same position as the day she had last opened it. Joyce sat down in front of it and closed her eyes, feeling emotionally drained at seeing her father again. Having to show restraint in front of Philip, and discovering he was her brother. She opened her eyes. Remembering the wedding ring she had left on the table she stood up and picked up the box. After opening it she took the small gold band out of it. Her mother had been so small and thin; she placed the ring on one of the fingers of her right hand and stared down at it. ‘Oh, Ma, I miss you so much.’

  The front door slammed shut. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to slam it,’ Arthur called out.

  Arthur’s footsteps thudded along the hall and into the dining room, the smell of fresh air coming in on his clothes. ‘I wondered if you’d be sitting in here.’

  ‘You look better for your walk. I’ll make you some tea.’

  ‘There’s no rush; stay where you are.’ Arthur sat down in the chair Joyce had just vacated.

  Joyce watched him. ‘Do you feel better for escaping?’

  Arthur looked thoughtful. ‘I do. I needed to give myself time to think. I was in danger of just exploding.’

  Joyce grimaced. ‘You don’t have to explain. I understand.’

  ‘I can’t believe you agreed to him being here for dinner.’

  Joyce shrugged. ‘I didn’t really have any choice. Philip was beside himself with excitement, so how could I say no?’

  Arthur nodded. ‘Yes, I can see that. He was so happy, like a different child.’

  Joyce stared over at Arthur. ‘Does it sadden you to know that his father will always come first?’

  Arthur gave a little smile. ‘No, well yes a little, but it is the right way round.’ He paused as he looked at Joyce. ‘He’s your father too.’

  Joyce frowned. ‘I know, I do want to forgive him for all the upset he’s caused but I can’t deny I’m struggling with it all. One minute I had no one.’ Her head jerked up. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it came out.’

  Arthur’s hands were clenched on his lap. ‘Don’t worry, I understand; carry on.’

  ‘Well, I was just going to say one minute I had no family, then suddenly, I had a father and a brother.’ Joyce paused as anger flitted across her face. ‘Simon is paying off the rest of his debt. How embarrassing is that? I was resentful that he offered to do it, no matter how much he was trying to help. In fact I’m not sure who I was more annoyed with. I was outraged at my father for bringing all his troubles to my place of work, I was offended at Simon for offering to pay off his debt and I was angry with Frank for pretending to be something he wasn’t. I feel like everybody has lied to me, yet again! Everybody’s pretending to be something they’re not. Simon doesn’t have the means to pay that bill, so I’ll have to pay it back, and I can’t afford it either.’

  Arthur stared at her for a moment. She looked so tired, and her shoulders were hunched over as she slowly lifted her hand to take something else out of the chest.

  ‘I don’t understand how I can have a little brother and have not known about him.’

  Arthur sighed. ‘Your father has always been a rule unto himself, but at least you know he didn’t cheat on your mother.’

  Joyce looked up at the ceiling as she heard movement upstairs, forgetting that Ted was still in the house reading Philip a story. She had watched them closely together; she didn’t understand what had gone on but it was obvious he loved Philip.

  There were several sharp bangs at the front door, causing both Arthur and Joyce to automatically look at the clock on the mantelpiece. It was eight o’clock in the evening.

  Joyce frowned at Arthur. ‘Who could that be knocking on the door at this time of night?’

  After pushing himself up out of the armchair, Arthur walked towards the hall. ‘There’s only one way to find out.’

  The floorboards creaked in places as he stepped towards the hall. Joyce heard the front door creak open. She leant sideways, straining to hear the mumbled voices, wondering who it could be. Should she go and see, in case Arthur needed help? The voices grew louder as they got nearer. The dining room door was suddenly pushed open and Arthur walked in, quickly followed by Jeremiah King.

  Joyce’s eyes widened. She shook her head, wondering what the problem could be now. ‘Mr King, what brings you here this evening?’ She took a breath. ‘I’m sorry, please forgive my manners. I will make us some tea.’

  ‘Good evening, Miss Taylor, tea won’t be necessary, thank you. I’ve come to tell you your grandmother has come round and wondered if you and Philip would like to go and see her?’

  ‘Oh my goodness, of course we would; just give me a minute to go and get Philip. He’s in bed. You need to know my father, her son, is here as well.’

  Mr King nodded. ‘So I understand. I am happy to take you all to the hospital if you wish to go. I’m sure your grandmother would love to see you. I don’t think there’s time to hang around because though she’s awake they seem to think she won’t make it through the night.’

  *

  Joyce gripped Philip’s hand as they walked along the hospital corridor. Her brow wrinkled as she bit down on her lip. Her heart was pounding. It was one thing to see her grandmother when she was in a coma, but another when she could tell her what terrible things she had done to be thrown out of her house. She held back, letting everyone else enter the room first, Jeremiah King leading the way. Philip let go of her hand and ran to be next to their father inside. She wiped her damp palms down the side of her skirt and took a deep breath.

  A young nurse was sat next to the bed, holding the patient’s hand. She looked up as they all trundled in. ‘Mrs Taylor, your family are here now so I’ll leave you all to chat.’ She released her hand and stood up. ‘If you need anything then please come and see me. I’ll be at the nurses’ station further along the ward.’ She nodded and walked towards the doorway, only the squeaking of the shoes on the tiled floor and the rustling of her uniform broke the silence.

  Joyce turned to the nurse. ‘Thank you.’

  The nurse nodded and left the room.

  Philip rushed forward to sit on his father’s lap.

  Edith Taylor kept her eyes shut as she lay still under the bedcovers. Joyce watched her chest for movement; she wasn’t convinced she wasn’t unconscious again.

  Without a word, they all sat down around the bed on the extra wooden chairs that had been brought into the room in preparation for their visit. The only noise was the chairs groaning as they were each sat on. They all stared at the frail, grey-haired lady in the bed.

  Joyce held her breath. She would normally have said hello when she walked in but not tonight.

  After a few minutes Ted broke the silence. ‘Jerry, I thought you said she was awake?’

  Jeremiah King stared at his client lying in the bed. She was so thin, and she didn’t look at all how he remembered her. He glanced round everyone’s pale, still faces before letting his gaze rest on Ted. He stared at him for a few minutes, wondering whether to speak up or not, but something inside him wouldn’t let it go. ‘Don’t call me Jerry.’

  ‘It’s good to see you all.’ The low whispering voice caught all their attention.

  ‘Grandma.’

  ‘Ma.’

  The family all spoke as one.

  Edith Taylor slowly opened her eyes and gave a thin smile. ‘You always were impatient, Ted, a bit like your father.’ She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘It can’t be long now,’ She peered at each of them from under her lashes. ‘I don’t think they were expecting me to wake up.’ She took a breath. ‘And, as you’re all here it must be just a matter of time now.’

  Ted leant forward. ‘Don’t say that, Ma, you’re going to pull through I know you are. You’re a strong woman, who has been tested many times over by me. I’m sorry.’

  Edith gave a weak smile. ‘Is that genuine sadness I see on your fac
e, Ted?’ She tried to laugh but it came out as a cackle. ‘You certainly kept me on my toes. I’m amazed I’ve lasted as long as I have.’ She moved her gaze to Joyce. ‘It’s good to see you here. Jeremiah tells me you have turned into a fine young woman. How have you enjoyed looking after Philip?’

  Joyce glanced at Philip. ‘I wouldn’t be without him.’

  Philip smiled. ‘I love having a sister; she’s a good cook, Grandma.’

  Everyone chuckled.

  ‘That’s good – at least you won’t go hungry.’ Edith turned her head slowly to look at Jeremiah. ‘It looks like I’ve won our little bet. It looks like I was right.’

  Jeremiah gave a boyish smile. ‘Yes, you were right and your plan seems to have worked. Philip and Joyce know they are brother and sister now. There’s a bond between them, which they formed without knowing anything about each other.’ Jeremiah paused before looking over at Ted. ‘And Ted, well, he appears to be changing his ways, but don’t hold your breath on that one.’

  Edith gave a faint smile. ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day and at least everyone knows who everybody is.’ She paused to take a breath. ‘I can die happy. Joyce now knows she has a brother and her father is still alive and that’s all that matters for now.’

  Joyce took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm the anguish that was coursing through her body. She leant forward. It was now or never. ‘Grandma, I’m sorry for what happened, although, I don’t know what I did, but it must’ve been bad for you to kick us out of your home.’

  Edith reached out her scrawny arm to take Joyce’s hand in hers. ‘You did nothing, my child; don’t waste your time worrying about such things. I argued with your father over looking after Philip, it was definitely nothing you had done.’

  Joyce shook her head in confusion. She squeezed her grandmother’s surprisingly soft hand and leant in further, picking up her lavender scent. Joyce gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘All that time I thought it was something I’d done wrong. We have wasted so much time. I’m so sorry I didn’t come to see you to find out, to ask the question.’

  Edith tried to smile but didn’t quite make it. ‘I did write to you a few times but when you didn’t reply I thought you didn’t want to know.’

  Joyce laid her hand flat on her chest. ‘Grandma, I didn’t get any of your letters. I promise I would have replied.’

  ‘None of it matters now.’ Edith gasped, fighting for her breath. ‘What matters is that you’re all together, which is all that I’ve ever wanted. There’s nothing more important than family, whether they are blood or people you’ve let into your life and value as family.’

  Joyce nodded, remembering her friends who encouraged her and helped her with Arthur, who also let her live under his roof as family. ‘You’re right, Grandma. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you though.’

  Edith squeezed her hand tight. ‘You weren’t to know.’ She turned her head slightly to Jeremiah. ‘It’s time, Jeremiah. You know what you have to do and I’m happy for you to do it.’ She let her eyes roam over her family. ‘I’m not going to be here for much longer but let me tell you just seeing you all sitting here together brings me so much happiness. Ted, I want you to promise me you’ll keep your family together now and do your best to put food on the table for them but not by gambling.’

  Ted peered at his children before looking across at his mother. ‘I will do the best I can, Ma, and you can rest assured that Joyce will keep me in check. She has your way with words, and she doesn’t mince them either.’

  Edith turned to Joyce. ‘That’s good – that’s the Taylor way. Keep it up! He needs to be held in check… Your mum was always good at that. You have your mother’s beauty and love of cooking, but you also have the backbone to achieve so much; you just don’t realise it.’ Edith paused to take a breath. ‘Keep working towards your dream. I know it seems impossible right now but if your father does his bit it won’t be.’ She closed her eyes and the room was silent as they all stared at her.

  20

  Joyce stepped alongside her father as they ambled along Shaftesbury Avenue towards the Meet and Feast Café. The normality of the cars coughing and spluttering along the road, or the warmth of the evening along with the wonderful aromas that escaped from the restaurants as they walked past, did nothing to ease the growing numbness she felt inside. Her grandmother had passed away with them all gathered at her bedside; she had looked peaceful, almost asleep. They had all sat in silence for some time, but Joyce couldn’t recall how long; no one wanted to say what everyone was thinking.

  A nurse came in to check on her grandma and told them she had passed away. No one said a word. They each stood up and kissed her soft face in turn before going home, where Philip had sobbed in Joyce’s arms. She had stroked his back and wiped his tears before he finally settled down for the night. It had broken her heart listening to him and she had shed her own tears at the same time, but wasn’t sure who she was crying for. He had experienced so much loss in his young life.

  Joyce struggled to put one foot in front of the other, but her mind wouldn’t stop jumping around. She had decided to try to walk it off. Her father insisted on joining her, and she was too tired to argue. Her thoughts were going round in circles, fretting about the wasted years away from her grandmother and her father. How she never knew it wasn’t her who had done something wrong; the argument had been about her father not looking after his son. How she wished she’d known that years ago.

  ‘You know, I still can’t believe you’re alive, here walking and talking with me. Every time I think about it I get so cross with you for hiding away, leaving me on my own and not telling me I had a brother. Now, on top of that, I’ve discovered the argument you had with Grandma was nothing to do with me. It was always about Philip. I feel sick just thinking about the pain she must have felt when she thought I didn’t want to know her.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand what happened to those letters.’

  Ted frowned. ‘At least your grandma knows different now. We were lucky to have those final conversations, but there’s no doubt I should have told you everything instead of running away.’ He glanced down at her pale features. ‘I can understand you being angry with me. I deserve it. If I ever get to see your mother again she’ll never forgive me, but I’m not sure I’ll be going upstairs when I leave this world. I’m more likely to be downstairs.’ He paused, shaking his head. ‘I haven’t been a very good husband or father. When your mother died I took comfort in another woman’s arms. That’s one thing, but keeping Philip a secret from you is unforgiveable.’

  Joyce suddenly felt sorry for him. She shook her head and glanced up at her father, studying him for a moment. Where she remembered him always looking smart he now had an unkept look about him. There was now sadness where the bravado had been. ‘It’s never too late to make amends, but you have to work at it and mean it. It’s not just about saying the words it’s doing the deeds. It’s about meaning it; after all we all make mistakes.’ Thoughts of Simon immediately jumped into her head. She bit down hard on her bottom lip. ‘You know before Simon enlisted he asked me to marry him, and I turned him down.’

  Ted looked straight ahead, too afraid to meet her gaze. ‘Why did you turn him down? Did you not love him?’

  Joyce shrugged.

  ‘You obviously don’t have to tell me but you’ve started to share with me so I’d like to know why you turned him down. I’d like to get to know the woman you’ve become.’

  Joyce welled up. The tears were pricking at her eyes, but once again she didn’t know who they were for. She took a deep breath. ‘I don’t expect you to understand. I don’t think Annie and Rose did.’

  Ted nodded. ‘Try me.’

  Joyce hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she could say the words out loud again. ‘It crossed my mind that I was bad luck for people to get too close to.’

  Ted shook his head, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. ‘I’m so sorry. Look at the damage I have done without even realisin
g it. Please never feel you are bad luck; you deserve to be loved.’

  Joyce shrugged. ‘At the time I had lost everyone I ever loved, and as much as I loved Simon I struggled to say yes and then let him go off to fight for king and country in case he didn’t come back.’

  Ted felt the sorrow oozing from his daughter.

  Joyce closed her eyes for a moment before shaking her head. ‘That was quickly followed by the thought he was only asking me so I would look after the café for him.’

  Ted moved to wrap his arms around her and give her comfort like a father should, but he stopped before she noticed. He didn’t feel he had that right. He had a long way to go yet. ‘That doesn’t make him sound like a very nice man.’ He tightened his lips. ‘Do you still feel like that?’

  Joyce raised her eyebrows and sighed. ‘It doesn’t matter what I think or feel; the moment has passed and I will never get it back again. It’s important that I now concentrate on Philip because I can’t do it all.’

  Ted felt his heart had been ripped out of his chest as he listened to her words. ‘I’ve made a right old mess of things, and all I was trying to do was to protect you from the mess I’d made after your mother died. She tried hard to keep me on the right road as much as she could. Looking back, I kept her short of money all the time, just so I could gamble a little bit here and a little bit there. I loved her so much and wanted to give her everything, and yet she died not having the one thing that was probably the most important to her, besides you of course.’

  Joyce’s eyes narrowed as she tried to figure out what he was talking about. ‘What was it?’