by King Ellie
Bambi’s brown eyes take me in from head to toe. She’s a sight to behold. I watch her as she doesn’t answer me. I check for indications, signs that show me what she’s going to say next. She’s upset with me from the way she crinkles her nose as if she smells something foul. Her big brown eyes are searching for something as she looks into mine. I don’t know what but I need her answer.
“Why?” She tilts her head, studying my actions being intrusive.
“Because I asked?” I place my hands in my pockets and lean on the doorframe.
“Would it be wrong for me to say I don’t know?”
“How can you not know?” I ask.
“Do you love me?” She asks.
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation.
“How do you know you love me, Phoenix? If you love me, how can you do this to me, huh?” She shuts her eyes.
I take a deep breath in and release another one. “How can I not love you, Bambi? How? Every time you’re around me, I draw nearer to you. I study everything about you. From your mannerisms to how you look at me, whether or not you’re upset. I can’t love anyone else. There’s no such thing for me…” I pause. “Do you love Bowie? Do you want to choose between the two of us?” I’m not feeling insecure or anything, I’m just trying to understand like Orion just told me to.
She stares off on a random spot on my bed. “I don’t know,” she mumbles. “But I would never choose between either of you. I can’t get one without the other. It wouldn’t make sense. Being with one, while the other isn’t here, would feel…” She doesn’t end her sentence.
“Would feel like what?” I ask her. “Like a missing limb? Like you’re in a Tango and have no one to lead you? Your partners make the first step. They do that for you and you’re uncertain of us as your partners. But I want you to know this. That we will figure this out. We will figure out how to make you love us again. It doesn’t feel good that you don’t love us.”
“I never said I didn’t love either of you, I said I didn’t know.”
“Feels like a no to me,” I say.
“It’s not,” she states once more.
We stay quiet for a bit and I hear the elevator ding. I know it’s Bowie; I saw his text. He never left.
Bowie
Something tells me I’m walking into a crazy moment!but I don’t know how to leave. I stayed outside parked in my car and even though my damned driver kept asking me where to, I just couldn’t do it. I can’t leave. The text from Phoenix saying we need to talk and that Bambi might not love us anymore caused me to race my ass upstairs. I have no desire to tell anyone that I hiked up the steps and needed to take a moment to breathe before I came in. The Bishops men let me up when I reached the floor and didn’t care to say anything to me.
I walk, following the voices, and catch the end of their talk. “You don’t know if you love us?” I ask her.
Usually, I’m hot-headed but seeing the look on Bambi’s face. The way she’s ready to cry, I can’t even be mad. It makes me sad that she has that expression with us, her men. I don’t care if we never met again, but I would have always loved her until my last breath. Maybe that’s why I always told people I would be single for forever.
She looks up at me. “You came back too.” she says it with confirmation.
“I never left, Bams. I couldn’t leave but now I don’t know whether to be sad or mad that I didn’t leave. To hear you say you might not love us anymore makes me want to break some shit, yet I want to work double time for that shit. I want to prove to you, you love us. That you suffered just like us. You made yourself emotionally handicapped the moment you left us. A woman without her soul because we took that and split it into two for us to share.” I say with conviction.
Phoenix speaks up as she watches us both. “When you moved, we moved. We were three dancers who found an odd rhythm and dance that worked for us despite others telling us we were too young for that. Too young to understand what it is we were dancing to. What we were creating. Before, you used to lead, and we followed, but not anymore, my little deer.”
“Now,” I continue finishing Phoenix’s sentences as though we never felt out of our pattern. “We lead, and you follow. Do you understand what the fuck we mean? Do you know what you mean to me, to us?” I ask Bambi.
She shakes her head. “No.”
Phoenix scoffs. “Do you know what you make us feel, especially two 18-year-old boys who never got the chance to understand what feelings were? I didn’t even know I could extend it past those I already gave it to. Then you came along. You never chose between the two of us, you didn’t make either of us feel like we had to fight each other over you. You didn’t break our friendship apart, instead you strengthened it. You strengthened us. So strong that Bowie’s heart and mine synced beating at the same time for you and only you.” Phoenix captures our feelings towards Bambi so perfectly.
“He’s right,” I continue. “I understand what he’s saying even if I haven't spoken a word how I feel about you again, yet it seems like you’re the only one out of us three that doesn’t get it. You don’t understand what it is we’re trying to convey. Is that so hard to comprehend?”
Bambi stares at the both of us. “Do you love me? Do you truly still love me like you think you did then? It’s been over 10 years. How can you know that your feelings didn’t change, huh?” She says on the verge of tears. She shuts her eyes.
I growl, running my fingers through my hair. “How can you not break that down and understand that asking me, us, if we still love you is about the stupidest, most disrespectful thing you could ever ask? This isn’t an ordinary love, Bambi. How we love you is hard, it’s special, it’s full of passion...”
“It’s also obsessive,” she adds, opening her eyes. Her breathing pattern has changed, it’s speeding up now.
Phoenix and I must have the same thought because we move closer to her. Like she’s some kind of magnet for us. “Yeah, We’re obsessed with you. For fourteen fucking years, you never looked back at either of us. You didn’t find me, you didn’t contact Bowie or even send us anything, but we still love you. So, how is it so hard for you to answer the fucking question?”
“If I made the mistake of ever finding you,” she looks at me, then she looks at Phoenix. “Or contacting either of you,” she blinks, avoiding us. “I would’ve run back here. I don’t know who either of you are, Phoenix, but the 18- year-old boys that stole my heart will always have it. How can I even answer and say that I don’t love you? I would be lying if I said everything I’ve ever felt is gone. I just don’t know right now. I don’t know. So, don’t ask me something like that. I don’t know how to answer.” She sniffles, trying not to cry. “But you can’t love me like this.” She jingles the cuffs.
Phoenix is the first to break as he storms towards her. He climbs onto the bed and grabs her jaw, making her look at him. “I can and I will. I don’t have a choice but to love you, Bambi. You saw me now, live with that and look at me. See me, not the 18-year-old but the grown ass man who would kill anybody for your love, even you.”
His words make me realize something. “He’s right, you know?” I calmly state. “You saw past my hurt, past my fucking anger. You gave me love outside of my best friend. You loved me in a way that no one else could. It was like learning a whole new language. I could never fall out of love with you.” I shake my head. No wonder why I was so hurt and still am.
“How could you still love me when you haven’t known me for 14 years?”
“Was I stupid to love you or rather were you a fool to fall for us in the first place? Two men who, if they loved, they would love so hard that there wouldn’t be anything to tear them away from that.”
“You’re not making any sense. Answer me now, Bow, Nix, tell me, how can you love someone you don’t know?” She asks again.
“Because…” Phoenix starts. “When we look at you, Bambi, we see you,” he uses the words that she once used on us. I smile at that. The memories of that chips aw
ay at my hardened heart. “You’re a reflection of our soul.”
“Phoenix, I can—.” he cuts her off and kisses her deeply. I don’t hesitate this time as I step closer to them and sit on the spot, I know Phoenix left for me. I touch Bambi as Phoenix kisses her hard. She doesn’t get the chance to breathe or express herself as I bunch up the front of her shirt and I pull her to me. I kiss her like I did the very first time. She grabs my hair with her free hand, trying to pry my lips away from her. We struggle for a moment until she sighs, kissing me back just as powerfully as I started. I forget about what’s going on, my anger, the confusion that I saw in her eyes and the fear. I kiss her because this is the last warning, I’ll ever give her. Bambi is ours whether or not the universe likes it. She should’ve never been born if she thought she was going to love anyone else outside of us. I pull away from the kiss groaning, I kiss a trembling Bambi’s jaw and continue down as Phoenix kisses her bruised lips again. She’s getting the hang of it. Her hand is still in my hair as she tugs and I groan. Fuck. This Bambi is a little different, a lot more into pulling, and I love it.
Phoenix’s hand makes his way around her throat as I reposition myself and lean in, finding a spot on her neck to suck on. Phoenix tightens his hold as I sink my teeth into her earlobe. Phoenix must’ve stopped kissing her as Bambi releases a moan and I move my hand up grabbing her jaw making it hurt a little but not too much. I maneuver her head back a little as Phoenix whispers in her ear. “You will learn to love us again, Bambi, because neither one of us will ever let you play with our fucking hearts again.”
Bambi shudders but doesn’t respond. “Did you hear what he just said, little lamb? Clarify that you heard. Say it with your mouth.”
“Yes, Nix, Oh god, yes Bow,” she answers.
Phoenix and I switch. He grabs her jaw and I wrap my hand around her throat but I don’t tighten. Instead I caress the vein there. I rub circles with my thumb. I kiss down her neck and run my teeth back up. “You’re saying yes right now because you’re in the moment but Bambi, my little lamb, I promise you we’re going to make you fall so much harder in love with us than before that you won’t know which direction to go,” I say.
Phoenix continues as I suck on her neck. “Our love will be like a gigantic chess game. You’ll only be able to move when we move. You’ll fucking beg us to move just so you can get another glimpse of us. We’ll have you so drunk on our love, you’ll weep for us when we take your body and show it what it’s been missing for years.” Bambi moans at his words. Our poor little Bam-Bam.
“You don’t know what true power is until yours is dripping from the tip of our fingers and you know what we’re going to do with that? We’ll each take our turn licking your power off as if we’re licking your exquisite juices. Then, we’ll fuck you with the remnants of that power.” Bambi audibly shudders and I chuckle.
“We’ll be your fucking god, Bambi. Not two gods, just one because we are each one half of a whole with you. You need us both to be fucked completely. You’ll worship your god on your knees. Little deer, this isn’t a promise, Bam-Bam, but it is a declaration. We vow to wreck your soul from the inside....” Phoenix stops and kisses her hard.
I complete the statement saying, “out.” I suck on her neck some more. It seems like the marks I tried to leave aren’t appearing just yet but I’ll make sure they’re there now.
Chapter 9
Bambi
My entire body is on fire from their words. This is something that I will never deny with the way Phoenix and Bowie make my body feel. I feel the lingering effect on my lips, my neck, my jaw and now, my wrist as Phoenix removes the cuffs. I rub my wrist and Bowie snatches it from my hand. He brings it up to his mouth and kisses the bruising of the cuffs.
“It left a mark.” I look up at Phoenix.
Phoenix looks up at me through hooded eyes. “I can leave more as a reminder not to fuck with me, if you like, baby.”
I look away from the fervent emotion displayed in his eyes. Phoenix leans in and wraps his hand around the nape of my neck. He makes me look at him, “Never look away. Look at the monster, Bambi.”
His words are conflicting to me. “You’re not a monster, Phoenix. I never thought you were,” I admit.
“Then what did you think I was, my sweet little deer?”
“I thought you were a misunderstood angel, Nix,” I say because that’s what I still believe.
Phoenix smiles and I bite my lip. I forgot how overwhelming it is to see him smile. A genuine smile from him is like gold. Phoenix lightly chuckles. He looks down and shakes his head. The feeling is even more amplified. Bowie is caressing my hand as he checks something on his phone. This is what I missed the most. The simpleness of our relationship. There is no pretense with us. We know that what we have is it and we don’t have to pretend to be other people. I look back at Phoenix, “How come you get to look away from me?” I inquire.
Phoenix looks up at me through his lashes, the smile is still prominent. “I can’t ever look away from you. Look, Bambi… Look into this monster’s eyes and call me a misunderstood angel again. If I’m an angel, baby, then I’m a fallen angel.”
I smile at that and nod. “I agree but you’re not a monster, Phoenix. Please stop saying that.”
He cocks his brow. “Leave.”
I furrow my brows. “What?”
“Go back to your penthouse. It’s yours until next week. So, go to sleep and enjoy your night.” He walks out of the room and I go to follow him but Bowie stops me.
“Give him a minute, Bambi, you need to remember his process and yours are different. He’s being good. He’s giving you the space you begged for.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“Which part?”
“What does he mean? It's mine until next week. I live there now. I will not be bullied.” I try to state with some oomph behind my words.
Bowie looks up at me and chuckles. He kisses my hand and stands. “Babycakes, he means what he says. You’re our wife. You didn’t think you’d be living on your own, now did you?” Bowie winks at me and walks out of the room. I scramble off the bed, following him to the elevator.
“What did you guys do?” I ask.
Phoenix shrugs. “Nothing. We’re moving again.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say putting my foot down.
Although I asked Phoenix, Bowie faces me. There’s no emotion left in his eyes. He’s just blankly staring at me. He says nothing and neither do I but I’m not like him, I can’t handle his intense staring. I break first. “Why?”
Bowie cracks his neck from side to side. He places his hands in his pockets and faces the elevator again when it opens. Both of them step in and they switch. This time it’s Phoenix who looks up at me as though he doesn’t get why I’m even asking. He cocks his brow. I wait for him or rather both of them to answer me because I won’t let them leave until I get an answer. The elevator door shuts and I press the button so it opens up.
I cross my arms over my chest and purse my lips, waiting for an answer. Both just stand there even when the elevator door shuts once again. I blink, are they serious right now? The elevator dings again opening the doors and my heart beats faster and harder in my chest. Phoenix reaches out pulling me in and grabs me by the collar of my dark t-shirt. He groans as he slams my back into Bowie’s chest. Bowie, who wasn’t fully expecting it, slams into the elevator off of the impact. Bowie chuckles as his hands wrap around my body like some snake. Phoenix gets on his knees practically the same height as me. He looks at me, angry and aroused. The palm of his hand travels up to my neck and he wraps it around my throat while Bowie’s hand travels lower, playing with the buttons of my jeans. “Do you know how many ways I’ve thought about snapping this little neck of yours, baby?” Phoenix says too close to my face and Bowie takes this opportunity to dip his hand inside my panties. I whimper as he groans at how wet I am because of their actions. Bowie plays with my clit, driving my temperature high. Phoenix nips
at my cheek, my jaw, and then my chin before he continues talking. “I want to fuck you and kill you because you don’t get it. You don’t understand what I feel. You don’t get how different it is now that you’re in our face again. We can’t let you go now that you’re here, in front of us, like this. Don’t make me choose, Bambi. We never made you do that.”
I heed his warning. I know what he’s saying. I know all too well this man has the capability to kill me, but I don’t know if I can just walk away from him. How can someone leave the people who catch them? The one who gave them what they needed? “I need time, Phoenix,” I say.
Bowie’s free arm wraps around my midsection even tighter. “What you need is to cum,” he says and I throw my head back but I don’t have time to breathe as Phoenix makes me look at him and he captures me in a scorching kiss. My heart is beating out of order. I can’t handle this. “How about a week, Nix?”
Phoenix pulls away from kissing me but Bowie doesn’t slow down. My hands land on Phoenix’s shoulders, trying not to dig into his flesh. He hisses from the impact but I can see how turned on he is. He smirks as he caresses my swollen lips. He looks up at Bowie, then back down at me. “We’re giving you a week.”
“That’s… Oh! Go—, that’s not enough,” I complain.
Phoenix looks down at my lips and back up to my eyes. He leans in resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t give a fuck, just kiss me like you love me so I can kiss you like I want to kill you.”
I don’t have time to even ask what that means as Phoenix kisses me and Bowie somehow bites my neck. I scream my release in Phoenix’s kisses. Bowie removes his arm from around my waist and he brings it up, grabbing my jaw. He forcefully removes me from kissing Phoenix. I look up at him and he bites his lip. “Don’t get fucking greedy, baby cakes,” is all the warning I get right before he devours my soul through his kissing. I moan, arching my body as I feel as Phoenix pulls my jeans and panties down. He kisses my midsection and before I know it, I feel his tongue licking up my juices. He nips at my sensitive nub and I moan longer in Bowie’s mouth. Bowie lets me go, and he brings up his other hand placing his fingers into his mouth licking off the remnants of my juices. “You taste just as fucking delicious as you did back then, maybe even better.”