I, Neil: An Alice in Deadland Adventure (Alice, No. 8)

by Mainak Dhar

  I, Neil...

  An Alice in Deadland Adventure

  (Alice in Deadland, Book VIII)

  By Mainak Dhar

  Copyright © 2015 Mainak Dhar

  All Rights Reserved.

  www.mainakdhar.com

  This is a work of fiction, and all characters and incidents depicted in it are purely the result of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely co-incidental.

  Table of Contents

  Greetings from the Deadland

  I, Neil...

  Credits

  About Mainak Dhar

  As always,

  for Puja & Aaditya

  GREETINGS FROM THE DEADLAND

  It has now been almost exactly three years since I uploaded the first Alice in Deadland novel to the Kindle store. At that time, I had no idea what a wonderful journey I was about to begin. Just as Alice embarked on a new adventure that gave a whole new meaning and dimension to her life by following a bunny eared Biter down a hole, I found myself entering an adventure of my own. While Alice had the Queen, Bunny Ears, Hatter and others for company, I had all of you, dear readers. Your encouragement sustained me; your ideas inspired me; and your love for the characters I had created made them no longer just mine, but ours. So, first of all, thank you. The fact that this series is now on its eighth book is testament to just how passionate all of you have been about it, and the extent to which that passion has inspired me to keep going.

  As the series progressed, many of you told me that the one character you’d love to know more about was Bunny Ears, especially with the exposure we got to the life he had before the Rising in Off With Their Heads. So in The Crocodile’s Jaws he began to remember his life as it once was, and now here is a book devoted to him and told in his own voice. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

  Some of you are part of the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/aliceindeadland/ and I have loved the way that interaction has allowed us to step beyond just being reader and author, to truly being friends. I do look forward to meeting many more of you there and getting to know you better.

  Also, a special thank you to two young fans who brought two of the most loved characters in the series to life this Halloween. Here they are.

  Mainak Dhar

  ONE

  It smells like a day when there will be much killing to be done.

  Alice has asked me to scout out the area around the old city we had come to a few days ago, and while my human friends do not see them, I smell them. The Bad Men, the ones who loved to burn and torture those like me, who called us monsters, till Alice came along.

  There are four of them, faces covered against the dust, carrying long rifles. They wear black clothes of the sort I came to hate and fear long ago. Alice tells me they are part of an army called Zeus—the ones we fought and destroyed under Alice.

  The men are sloppy. Their boots scrape against the pebbles and their unwashed stench gives them away. My human friends trust what they can see, but there are other senses that serve far better in the hunt. They are sitting down, tired and sleepy. I can smell their sweat, their fear.

  Why do I know all that? Where did that come from? I never knew I had a name. I just was. I lived, I hid, I killed when threatened and I followed the Queen and the book she had with her. That was the world I had known. Then came the little yellow-haired girl we know as Alice. And she gave me a name. The name you know me by.

  I became Bunny Ears.

  I knew I had to follow the one with the book, but was it just the book I was following, or was it Alice? The girl who did for us what no human had ever done—treat us as something better than monsters or animals. She gave us a home, Wonderland, where we live together with her and the humans, and more than all that, she gave me hope.

  She became one of us, yet human. She showed that perhaps there could be more to my life than being a hunter, a scavenger and a survivor. As I learned what peace looked like, and what friendship felt like, I also began to remember.

  I cannot talk in the tongues I once did, so it is hard to find the words to express what I see, but it seems some memories last even when the flesh rots and the ability to speak is lost. There are flashes of people I knew, of a boy who used to smile a lot. A boy who was me.

  A boy called Neil.

  The memories of smiles and better times will wait, for now Bunny Ears is needed.

  The Zeus troopers begin to doze off, and I start to move.

  Alice talks to me a lot. I don't know if she realizes that at first, I had little idea what she was saying, but just went along to please her. But over time, I began to pick up and remember more and more. She told me to not rush in, but to strike when I can succeed. If I could, I would tell her that was funny advice coming from someone who always rushes into danger. If I could, I would smile. But, somehow, I think she knows that.

  The first trooper snores as I slash him across the neck with my nails. He makes a strange gurgling noise. I have heard a lot of the sounds of death and life, but this is a new one, and I stop to listen. The other men are scrambling to their feet. I grab the second and bite his neck. He screams and drops. I spit out the blood. Why do men think we like the taste of their blood? We bite to survive, as we have no other means to defend ourselves, we bite because something makes us see danger in every man we see. Where did that hatred and that fury come from? Why did I always lose myself in a red mist of rage when I saw men in the early days?

  I have few answers. Alice has changed me and many others like me, but in the middle of battle, I still find myself becoming what men fear so much. What you fear so much.

  A Biter.

  The third man has his gun up and he falls as bullets tear into him. The fourth is running. He will not get far. You cannot outrun bullets. We Biters learned that in the early days when we were hunted down.

  'Neil, you okay?'

  It is John, a new friend we picked up in my last trip with Alice. He can fight harder than any other man I have seen, but there is something that makes me want to go on hunts with him other than his prowess. It is the fact that he is the only person other than Alice who calls me Neil all the time. He kicks over a dead body and studies the body.

  'These are Chinese soldiers. Must be Red Guards left stranded in the Deadland after Alice overran them. So, Danish was right.'

  As he collects the weapons and other gear he thinks will be useful, I look at the body. Chinese, American, Indian, black, white, yellow. Humans split themselves in so many ways, yet they all bleed the same. We Biters know that the only divide that matters is that between living and dying. Alice told me they used to think we are monsters who cannot die. If only she knew how many times I wanted to die. But that was then. Now I have other things to do.

  I want to live.

  I want to remember.

  I want to find out who Neil was.

  ***

  I don't like it when Alice sounds worried. I want her to feel safe, and if she doesn't, then I have failed. I am not called into these meetings, but I stand near her like I always do. The men have a map and Aalok is scowling. He catches my eye and shakes his head. He is the other man I want to be with. He is the first person other than Alice who started talking to me, he spent time in that monster's cage with me. He was the one who tried to make me remember, who showed me a piece of paper and words that meant nothing to me at first, yet somehow meant a lot at one time.

  Make A Wish.

  Children, smiling, me among them. Did that ever really happen? A girl called Neha. I flinch as I remember her afraid, amon
g Biters trying to kill her. Was I trying to attack her or was I protecting her? Was I one of the Biters or the boy called Neil?

  I walk out. The fear and worry in the room must be getting to me. I need Alice to tell me that everything is okay, that today I will not have to hunt, that I can sit and think of these memories that keep coming back. But that is not to be. I go back in and they are still at it. Danish, the grey-haired one who keeps sitting listening to his machines, is talking.

  'Damn, I was hoping I had been wrong about those Chinese broadcasts I had picked up. So there are indeed Red Guards out there and they're organized enough to be talking to each other.'

  'Not just talking, but planning.'

  John is passing around some papers he picked up from the men we killed. Alice leans over to take a closer look.

  'Aalok, these maps show at least six squads, and this may just relate to one operation. Who knows how many more are out there? Who could be leading them?'

  John pushed the map away.

  'I'll tell you again what my gut feeling is, but then Aalok here will accuse me of another conspiracy theory.'

  Aalok smiles but I can still smell the fear. Humans are good at saying one thing but meaning another. I wonder how they do that. I run or attack when afraid, I relax when safe. I am one or the other. Perhaps it's better that way.

  Aalok exhales loudly. I know he does that when he is thinking of what to say.

  'You'll say that Robertson is doing this to put pressure on us since he wants more farmland devoted to the Homeland's needs. You'll say that he is still pissed with us because Alice did not let him get his hands on the nukes on that submarine.'

  'Damn right, I will.'

  Alice now speaks.

  'John, the people of the Homeland are our friends. So many of them are working in the farms here, so many have fought with us and died for Wonderland. I know men like Robertson and their ambitions, but he speaks for the people of the Homeland. They would never let him do such things.'

  John is a big man, and I have seen how strong he is, but as he replies, I see weariness, and a man much older inside than he looks.

  'I took an oath to serve the people of the United States, and we all learned that the people and the government need not be the same thing. When Konrath was at the helm, perhaps, but not now. You don't know how politicians work. Have you seen his broadcasts? He claims to be the man of the people, the one who will bring peace, the one Konrath chose to follow him. Yet there is no mention of how Konrath died, no mention of how Robertson tried to get the nukes you found. Our people have been through a lot, have suffered a lot, but one thing hasn't changed—most people would rather be led than lead, and they would give up freedom if it if feels safer to do so.'

  Freedom. Alice and her friends talk a lot about it.

  What is that humans try to gain when they impose themselves on others? Money? Oil? Land? Food? I have heard Alice talk of battles over all of them, and how what you call the Rising was due to men who wanted to rule over those who remained. You think I am no longer human, but perhaps that is better. I do not kill unless I have to. I covet nothing more than the knowledge that I will not be hunted. I am satisfied easily—the only possession I seek is the company of those I can be safe with. I do not accumulate anything. I do not hope to take anything with me, nor leave anything behind. I am, and one day I will cease to be. That is all.

  At times like this, I am happy I am a Biter.

  ***

  A few days have passed. I do not think of the passing of days the way you do, for I do not sleep. Night or day meant little to me in the early days after the Rising. I still cannot sleep the way you do, but Alice has taught me something she does. She closes her eyes at night and tries to remember all those she has lost, all the memories that were a part of her life before she became the Alice you know. When she was the girl I met in the hole, the girl who was my captive, then my responsibility, then my leader, and then perhaps the only friend I have had since I became a Biter.

  At first, I remembered nothing, I saw nothing, but then they started coming to me. On days Aalok would sit and chat with me, or on days when I had time to just sit and watch people together, holding hands, talking to each other, parents with children, men with women. Things would come back to me.

  Tonight is one of those nights.

  I see a boy washing dishes. I see him riding on a motorcycle.

  He feels so alive.

  I open my eyes with a jolt. That boy has so much energy, so much desire that just feeling it lights a spark in me. Was that Neil? Was that really me?

  Aalok comes by. He is holding a bottle of beer. He brews it himself, and it smells terrible. I wish I could tell him that humans should not complain about how Biters smell when they can tolerate that. He has that broad smile I like to see, and that smile gets broader as he drinks.

  'It's good to be in love, Neil.'

  He speaks of Sayoni, the girl Alice and I once rescued from bandits. I see them together all the time, and on days when I see them, at night a name and a face come back to me.

  Neha.

  We came back with a girl called Neha from our last trip, and while the name is the same, this Neha was different.

  'You look awfully quiet. Fancy a drink?'

  Aalok passes the bottle to me. I have never tried it before and I have no desire to do so. But the look in his eyes makes me want to please him, to see his smile broaden. I almost raise my left hand, and then realize I can hold nothing with the stump that remains. How many times have I been shot, stabbed or showered with shrapnel? I don't think I could count the wounds even if I tried. I shrug as I do when I would have rather smiled, and take the bottle in my right hand.

  'Take a sip, Neil, and let's talk about girls. Think of this Neha of yours and I'll keep rambling about Sayoni.'

  I take a drink and the liquid works its way down my throat. You have been misled if you've been told Biters don't feel anything. I don't feel pain, but I do know the taste of things, and Aalok's vile concoction tastes worse than blood.

  I shrug, hand the bottle back and he talks as I close my eyes and see a girl on a bike behind me.

  I was this Neil, wasn't I?

  ***

  Everyone is gathering weapons, rushing here and there. Sayoni shouts at Aalok to not be a hero if he sees something while on patrol. And above all that noise, Alice stands there, her eyes narrowed. A look I know well. A look that tells me she is getting ready for battle.

  'Neil, I need you to keep the Biters further back, behind the old river. If there's an attack, I don't want them getting caught in the crossfire.'

  I want to tell her that we want to help. Yes, we cannot use guns, but this is our home too. High-pitched growls come out of my mouth. Alice looks straight into my eyes. I don't know how she does it, but she knows what I mean even if I don't say the words. Another reason why she is so special and leads us, no longer because of any book she carries, but because of who she is.

  'What do you want to do?'

  I want to keep the women and children safe. Peace has meant there are many more human babies, and young children who cannot defend themselves. Then there are our own children—those bitten and turned when they were little. You think of us all as one mass: the undead, the foul, dangerous, unpredictable, I've heard them all. But we are not. We are just like you in so many ways. After all, we were once you. We have the weak, the strong, the aggressive, the docile. And we have our children. Children who will never grow up, who will never know what it is to live a full life the way your children will, but they are children and we will protect them.

  I want to say all that, but I point my head out towards the Deadland beyond our walls and I grunt. Alice knows what I mean. At a time like this there is not much more for her to do than to hold my hand and whisper.

  'Good hunting. Stay safe.'

  ***

  They have come out of nowhere, and in numbers far higher than we expected. Vehicles stream in, raising dust all around
them, making a loud noise. Ten of my friends are with me, and a few are on the verge of losing it. We have a much more sensitive sense of smell and hearing than you do, and our attackers know that. They are smart men, and that makes them even more dangerous than their weapons and cars.

  Two of my friends shriek and run at the cars. I scream at them to stay, to not be stupid, but I'm too late. My shouted growls are drowned out by gunfire as the men shoot my friends in the head, sending them down.

  I scream out my rage, but rushing out to attack them will serve no purpose other than to hasten my own destruction. I am not afraid of that, but I don't want to die for no reason. Alice has taught me that.

  My human friends are racing out in their own vehicles and one pauses to fire a rocket. At the speed these machines move, the rocket misses and explodes in the sand as our attackers race off at high speed.

  Three humans are also dead and several more hurt. Our attackers have vanished, leaving us to collect our dead and wounded. As we move back into Wonderland, several humans hang their heads, their shoulders slumped. My friends follow me, several of them moaning. They may not be able to say the words the humans can, but the same thing is on all our minds.

  War has returned to Wonderland.

  ***

  TWO

  Four raids in three days. Wonderland has not known such a level of fighting for a long time, and it is beginning to tell. The humans are red-eyed and irritable from lack of sleep and tension. I and my friends do not need sleep, but the daily attacks are beginning to get to many of us. Two of us lost their cool when their children were shot dead in a morning raid and began to attack our human friends and I had to beat them down. Like the humans, many of my friends have joined over the years since Wonderland was first formed, and many of them are still not used to living so close to humans.