Zombie Lover

by Piers Anthony

  They paused One turned its weathered head “Yesh?”

  “I am King Dor of the living humans. Do you know where I live?”

  “I amm Dropsy Wheere yooo hvze?”

  Dropsy That sounded female, and now that he came close, he saw that it was indeed female. Portions of her showed that would have locked his eyeballs, had they not been decaying .“Do you know where I live?“ he repeated carefully

  “Yooo hvze I hvzmg deadth “ She gestured to her two companions “Zeeze Dee “

  “Dee?”

  “Dee Composed andz Dee Ceased Zhey deadth too.“

  Dor realized that he was not getting through, and probably would not be able to; the zombie's brain had rotted too far. However, he did not want the zombies going to the same dock that the three living folk were about to check out. “I talked with the Zombie Master.”

  “Zjonathzan!”

  She understood that much. “Yes. He is looking for a world for you. A zombie world. You should go home, so you can go there when he finds it.”

  “Zzombiee worlz?”

  “Zombie world. New home. Go there.” Actually they would not be going there physically, but would lie in their graves and dream of it. But that was too complicated to explain.

  Dropsy exchanged a wormy glance with her companions. “Ggo homze.”

  “Go home,” Dor agreed. He knew the Zombie Master would be calling in all the zombies when he returned, so this would give these three a head start.

  They turned and shuffled toward the east. He had succeeded in getting them to leave the beach.

  They waited until the zombies were out of sight, then resumed their own trek toward the dock. From a distance it had seemed ordinary; from up close it seemed routine. But one never could tell, because even the dullest things could harbor magic.

  Dolph peered under the pier. “Say, now,” he murmured. “A sleeping beauty.”

  The others joined him. There was a pretty Black Wave girl of fifteen, sound asleep in a pillowed nook.

  “Do you think she knows?” Dolph asked.

  “She might,” Bink said. “Because she is evidently waiting for something. Maybe she's a woman going to the Isle of Women.”

  “Then we should ask her,” Dor said. “But she's asleep.”

  “Well, kiss her awake,” the dock said. “That's what you do with sleeping beauties.”

  “Perhaps if I were young and single,” Dor said. “But I am middle aged and married, so I don't feel free to disturb her.”

  Dolph sighed. “We're all married, so none of us can wake her,” he said with regret. “We'll just have to wait. She is pretty, though.”

  “You're all hopeless,” the dock said. “If I were a living man, I would know what to do with a pretty sleeping maiden.”

  “If you were alive,” Bink said, “you would soon develop some notion of the constraints that life and ethics place on individuals.”

  “Aw, spoilsport!”

  Dor studied the girl's face. “Yes, she reminds me of Irene when she was that age, with the appealing health and vigor of youth.”

  “And she reminds me of Chameleon when she is almost at perihelion,” Bink said.

  “I wish we could wrap up our mission and get on home,” Dolph said. “Wherever that is. I miss Electra.”

  “Perhaps the maiden won't sleep long,” Bink said. “We shall just have to see. Meanwhile, we can settle down for some rest ourselves; we have had a busy day.”

  They leaned against posts of the dock and relaxed. It was reasonably pleasant here, Dor reflected, and the mystery of the maiden was intriguing.

  Chapter 9

  SERIOUS SEDUCTION

  “Wake, Breanna, but feign sleep for the nonce.“

  “What's a nonce?” she asked sleepily.

  “For the time being.“

  “Being what?”

  “There being three men approaching. It is too late to escape without being spied, so I think it best to remain still.”

  “Oh.” She kept her eyes closed and her breathing even. She was under the dock, and possibly in danger. “I don't think I could escape three men, even with the protection racket.”

  “Precisely. Unless they believe you are sleeping, and then you move very suddenly I should be able to judge when the moment is propitious.“

  “Okay, I'll fake it. But I hope it's a false alarm.”

  “So do I, Breanna0“

  They waited while the men approached. “Say, now, a sleeping beauty,” one said.

  Breanna tensed, but forced herself to seem relaxed and asleep. But as the dialogue of the three men proceeded. Justin suffered a revelation. “I know these men!” he exclaimed. “I have heard their voices before, when they visited my tree. They are Magician Bink, his son King Dor, and grandson Prince Dolph.“

  “Royalty!” she exclaimed silently.

  “Indeed They are all Magicians, and good folk We need have no fear of them.“

  “What they're saying is interesting. Who is Chameleon at Perihelion?”

  “Chameleon is Bink's wife. She wanes with the cycles of the moon, alternately extremely smart but physically ugly, and extremely lovely but very stupid He is saying that you remind him of her of the latter stage.“

  “I'm not stupid!”

  “No one implies that you are, Breanna. Just that you are beautiful.”

  She reconsidered. “I think I like this man.”

  “He is eighty one years old, and his wife is seventy six.“

  “Oh, ugh!”

  “Still, I believe it is time for you to wake. We need to check for the island.“

  “Gotcha.” Breanna stirred, sighed, stretched, and slowly flickered her eyes open. She hoped that she resembled a truly beauteous enchanted lovely maiden innocently awakening.

  “She's waking!” one of the men exclaimed.

  So far, so good. Breanna looked at the men as they came to look at her. One was a mature fifty five, but the other two looked to be twenty four and twenty one. That didn't compute. How could they be three generations?

  “I recognize King Dor and Prince Dolph. But the third—why it's Bink, as he was when young1 He must have been youthened.“

  “Euthanized?” she asked, alarmed.

  “Youthened. Made young again. By about sixty years, it seems.“

  “Miss,” the elder man said cautiously. “Do you know where the Isle of Women is?”

  “He is King Dor.“

  Breanna sat up and worked her way out from under the dock. After all, it was less than enchanting to have mainly her feet visible. Her skirt slid up some, but a little of that was beneficial. “Why yes, King Dor,” she said. “I am going there myself.”

  “Excellent. May we go with you?” Then the man did a doubletake. “You recognize me?”

  She wasn't ready to tell them about Justin Tree. Just in case. So she evaded that. “I should hope so.” She looked at the prince. “And you are Prince Dolph.” And at the third man. “But maybe not you.”

  “I am Bink,” he said He didn't add more, which meant that he wasn't telling her everything either. Okay.

  “I am Breanna of the Black Wave I'm fleeing my zombie lover, and—“ All three men jumped.

  “The zombies'“ Dolph exclaimed. Breanna was surprised. “You know about them?”

  “We are trying to find out about them,” Dor said “They have gotten all stirred up, and we need to get them settled.“

  “They're stirred up because the Zombie King Xeth kissed me awake and wants to marry me,” Breanna said “I told him I'm only fifteen, but that doesn't bother him. He likes my firm living flesh. So I'm fleeing, and the zombies are chasing me, and the Good Magician says I can escape them on the Isle of Women, so that's where I'm going.“

  “But if you escape them, they will continue to be stirred up,” Dor said “We need them to settle before the big wedding.“

  “What big wedding?”

  “The one at Castle Roogna next week. We don't know who is getting ma
rried, but we all have important roles to play in it. We suspect it is a royal occasion, for it will be a prince or king marrying a common girl. We don't want zombies attending.“

  “For sure,” she agreed.

  “A horrible thought has occurred to me.” Justin said. “Could that be your marriage to Xeth?”

  “No!“ Breanna cried

  Immediately the men crowded solicitously around her “Are you all right?” Dolph inquired anxiously

  “I—I'm all right, I guess I just had a horrible thought Suppose— suppose the royal groom is King Xeth—the Zombie7 After he catches me?”

  All three had the grace to look appalled “Oh, Breanna, we wouldn't want that.” King Dor said “We must help you escape.“

  “We saw some zombies a while ago.” Prince Dolph said. “They must have been looking for you.“

  “For sure,” Breanna agreed weakly “I had a spell to make them not see me, but that must have worn off by now, so they're picking up my scent again. They can feel my magic talent of seeing in blackness. They home in on it. So I have to keep running. But I can't run from here, because I have to be here when the Isle of Women comes.“

  “We’ve been looking for it all day.” Prince Dolph said “We keep finding the wrong islands How can you find it?”

  “It's supposed to be the island we can see from this dock. I didn't realize there were several.”

  King Dor nodded “We have been traveling north along the coast Maybe we were simply in the wrong position to see the right island.“

  “And I'm supposed to take the boat,” Breanna continued “Were you using a boat?”

  “No,” Prince Dolph said with three-fifths of a smile.

  “Maybe the isle won't show, unless someone's by the right boat,” she suggested

  King Dor nodded “That seems possible. So we will wait here with you for it.”

  But then four figures showed up Breanna recognized them instantly. “Zombies!“

  “More zombies,” King Dor agreed, looking “Others must be orienting on your talent. We might hold them back a while, but perhaps you had better get in the boat now, so as to be out of their reach.”

  “I can't do that.“ she protested “The magic is wrong when the island's not there Paradox—oh, never mind I must wait.“

  King Dor looked at Prince Dolph “Can you stop them without hurting them?”

  “I can carry them away, two by two “

  King Dor nodded “Do that Bink and I will try to stall the other two.“

  Then the prince disappeared, and a roc bird appeared in his place. Breanna was so surprised her jaw dropped.

  The roc bird spread its wings and launched into the air It swooped toward the zombies It caught two in its huge claws and carried them away. But the remaining two came straight on.

  “Why—why don't you want to hurt them?” Breanna asked.

  “They mean no harm,” the young-looking Bink said “The Zombie Master is our friend. His creations don t try to hurt living folk, and we don't try to hurt his folk. We just prefer to exist apart from them.“

  How well she understood1 But the zombies weren't letting her live apart from them.

  The two men stepped out to intercept the two zombies “What is your business here?” King Dor demanded of them.

  “Bzeenna,” one replied, spitting out part of its tongue.

  There was no doubt of their mission to fetch her back to Xeth.

  “She does not wish to go with you,” King Dor said “You must leave her alone.“

  “Bzeenna,” it repeated It tried to push on past King Dor spread his arms and blocked it.

  Breanna shuddered. The thought of physical contact nauseated her. She was coming to understand that the zombies were entitled to their own lifestyle, if that was what it could be called, but she couldn't stand to be part of it.

  Several more zombies were converging from other parts of the beach, and the roc bird wasn't back yet. Now she was surely done for! The island is appearing Justin said.

  “The Isle!“ Breanna repeated “Oh, thank you, Justin!”

  Bink turned to glance at her “Justin?”

  In her excitement she had spoken the name aloud. There was no help for it now but to tell the rest of it. “He's a tree. He's with me, sort of. He gives me good advice.“

  “I know Justin,” Bink said as he fended off his zombie “We have been neighbors for a long time.“

  “True.” Justin said.

  “Well, the Isle of Women is appearing,” Breanna said “We'll have to get in the boat together I think there's room “

  The roc bird reappeared King Dor signaled it, and pointed to the boat. The roc nodded and came down for a landing Prince Dolph reappeared “Zombies all over,” he reported “Dozens of them.“

  “Maybe we better link hands.” Breanna said “The dock—just link hands!“

  King Dor and Bink shoved their zombies back, then turned and took the hands of Breanna and Prince Dolph. Together they stepped on the dock. The zombies followed, not yet quite there.

  Suddenly all of them were sliding along the dock as if it were a slippery chute. They sailed off the end and landed together in the boat. The boat bounced, then started moving.

  Two zombies stepped on the dock, and slid along it. They fell into the water behind the boat. They splashed helplessly Breanna almost felt sorry for them.

  “Water can’t kill them.” Justin said. “They are already dead. They will wade back out.”

  Breanna was relieved. She was getting more insights into zombie nature than she had ever cared to have, but slowly the recognition that they were after all people of a sort was gaining ground. She could almost wish them well—if only they would leave her alone. Dropsy— what kind of a woman had she been, in life? What kind of a woman was she now, apart from her awful undead status?

  Meanwhile the boat picked up speed. It had no paddles and no engine, yet was propelling itself smoothly through the water. The dock was shrinking behind, and the Isle of Women was expanding before.

  The young-seeming Bink looked over the side. “What propels this boat?”

  “I don't know,” Breanna said “In fact, I'm not sure why this boat is here. When I went to sleep it was gone.“

  “It must have returned while you slept,” King Dor said reasonably.

  “That's for sure,” the boat replied “I dumped that mean man on the Isle of Blobs and came back to home base.“

  Breanna looked around, startled “Who said that?”

  King Dor smiled “My talent is to talk to the inanimate, and have it respond. The boat responded.”

  She looked at the boat “Oh Yes Can I ask it a question?”

  “Go ahead, black beauty,” the boat said.

  “What makes you go?“

  “My duck feet, dummy. What else?”

  “The inanimate is too stupid to be polite,” King Dor remarked.

  “Yeah,” the boat agreed with gusto “So I can peek up under your skirt and blab the color of your—”

  “Stamp on it,” King Dor advised.

  Breanna lifted one toot and stamped hard on the deck. The boat was silent. But she wrapped her skirt more closely about her legs, so that nothing was visible from below. The irony was that she was proud of the black underwear she wore, but she was not about to have a piece of wood think it was getting away with a sneak peek.

  “I had forgotten what fun Dor's talent is,” Justin remarked. “Girls do have to watch their skirts.“

  “What do you mean, 'fun'?” she demanded silently.

  “No offense intended, Breanna, but seeing under skirts or into shirts is one of the great male pastimes. Your best strategy is to pretend to be unaware of it. That preserves your innocence even if something accidentally shows.“

  “Even underage skirts and shirts?” she asked sharply.

  “You are very mature in outlook and poise. They obviously regard you as a young woman.“

  She pondered, and concluded that that was b
est. Justin had once again found a persuasive way to frame his insight. It wasn't as if she didn't already know that men were hopelessly juvenile in certain respects. “Okay. Anyway, it was the boat that tried to peek, not the men.”

  “They are all honorable. Still, it is probably best not to put them in an awkward situation Their good wives would be upset.”

  “For sure.” She kept her knees together.

  “It is nevertheless a fault that can give women great power over men The sight of an uncovered bosom—”

  “You mean breasts?”

  “To be sure. And the surprise glimpse of well-filled panties can freak out an army. Keep that in mind for emergencies.”

  “I'll do that,” she agreed.

  Meanwhile the boat was rushing toward the island. Breanna decided to risk another question to the boat. “Who set you and the dock up here?”

  “The women of the Isle, dodo. So princes can cross.”

  What a contrast between Justin Tree and this dead wood! “Princes?”

  “Only women and princes can cross to the Isle of Women, idiot. Because it is entirely populated by women who want to marry princes and spend the rest of their lives in comfortable leisure. Everyone knows that.”

  “Now that's interesting.” Bink said. “Our group just happens to consist of a woman and three kings or princes.”

  “Darn right, stupid. Otherwise I'd have dumped you on some other isle. Those are my orders.”

  “So it wasn't just timing that messed up Ralph.“ Justin said. “He wasn't a prince or a woman.“

  “For sure he was neither princely nor female,” Breanna agreed sourly.

  “Maybe the boat knows what Ralph wouldn't tell you?”

  “Say, yes! I'll ask.” Aloud, she said: “Boat, do you know why the Isle of Woman may not help me escape the Zombie King?” But as she spoke, she got it: “King! He's a king! So he can follow me!”

  “For sure, splinter-head,” the boat agreed smugly.

  King Dor shook his head. “If the Good Magician told you that the Isle would solve your problem, then it will. He always knows.”

  “But sometimes a person has to help herself somewhat, also,” Bink added. “Perhaps Humfrey meant that you could find the solution to your problem on the Isle of Women. You assumed that the Zombie King could not follow you there, but that's not the rationale.”