Silver Search

by Rock Whitehouse

"That's not what I wanted to talk about, at least not yet."

  Puzzled, she looked at him with a question in her eyes. "So?"

  He got up and retrieved his personal case. Most officers had a small case to carry their personal tablet, phone, and a few miscellaneous small items. As he returned, she could see he was holding a small bag, satin, with a drawstring.

  "Oh my God..." she whispered. He stopped mid-stride and looked at her, her eyes wide, her hand over her mouth. He slowly sat down next to her. With a little difficulty he untied the string and dropped the object it contained into his hand and turned to her.

  "Carol —"

  "Yes."

  He smiled as he lifted the ring in his fingers. It was an old style and not large, but it was a beautiful stone in a fine, graceful setting. They both fixed their eyes on the ring as he spoke.

  "This was my grandmother's. After everything with my parents was done, there wasn't much left, but she gave me this. She said it had brought her a happy life and she hoped I could inherit some of that joy with it." He paused. "Crazy old lady, I know."

  "I remember her visiting you. She was kind and funny and so proud of you."

  "And short." David reminded her, and she laughed again.

  "Yes, very short."

  The breeze felt good against their faces. The day was warming, and it looked like it would be clear and pleasant.

  "OK, Carol, if I can finish this time?"

  "OK."

  He took a breath to get himself together.

  "I don't have much beyond this ring, but everything I do have, everything I am, is yours if you will have me."

  She took the ring from his hand and closed it in her right palm for a moment, her eyes shut as if in prayer, then she opened her hand, gave it back to him and held out her left hand.

  "I want nothing in this world beyond this ring, and everything I am, is yours."

  He slipped in on her offered finger, where it looked as if it had always belonged.

  South Fleet Resort

  Florida Keys

  Wednesday, December 28, 2078, 1030 EST

  The reception had been everything they had hoped, with plenty of good music and the warmth of the company of comrades-in-arms. Far from feeling up-staged, Dan and Linda made David and Carol's engagement a welcome counter-melody for the reception, something that only added to the joy of the day.

  After breakfast the next morning, Carol and David headed out for a walk. This would be their last day at the Resort, so they wanted to make the most of the short time they had there. They circled the apartments, seeing several friends along the way. They were out of uniform in bare feet, shorts, and t-shirts, but the NetLinks on their wrists gave them away as Fleet personnel.

  As they walked another lap down the wide path behind the beach, hand in hand, they came upon a family trying vainly to take a picture of themselves in front of a passing ship. Carol, happily incognito out of uniform and with short, colored hair and large sunglasses, went over and offered to take one of all of them together. They gratefully agreed, and shortly they were walking away happy, the parents telling the children about how wonderfully nice the Fleet lady was. As Carol came back to David, he was looking at her strangely.

  "What?"

  "My grandmother used to do that."

  "What?"

  "Take pictures like that for people."

  She shook it off. "What's so important about that? It's just a kind thing to do."

  "Yeah, I know, I guess, but, well, you don't see that much anymore."

  They walked in silence for a while.

  "I never met your mother," she said offhandedly.

  Goddamn right, he thought to himself. Outwardly he just shrugged.

  "She was my Mother. I was her son."

  Carol took his arm in her hand and spun him to face her.

  "That tells me nothing," she said, sounding much more than just mildly annoyed. "Don't just make words, David, talk to me." He looked surprised as she went on. "It matters to both of us but I think even more to you than me."

  "I am talking," he began, hesitantly. "That's how it was. She played her role, and I played mine." David looked around as if searching for the right words. "There was never any question that she cared for my welfare, but I can't say that she loved me."

  "But you loved her."

  He gave her that same hopeless shrug. "She was my mother."

  Watching his face, Carol realized that she was perhaps not his first unrequited love, and she shuddered at the pain that must have surrounded his young heart. She put her arms around him and pulled herself close to him.

  "I love you...I love you...I love you."

  "I know, Carol, I know."

  "Do you? Do you really?"

  He looked down, still firmly locked in her arms, and nodded.

  "This is no role for me, David, this is me — this is all of me — like I said, this is everything I am."

  He leaned down slightly and kissed her, fighting the tears forming in his eyes.

  "I do know, Carol, I do. And this is all of me, too. "

  It took a moment before he could say what he was thinking. "I always dreamed of a Fleet life, but those were a little boy's dreams of spaceships and adventure. Now, together, you and I, we go so far beyond those childish visions, to real devotion, the truth of the two of us together, to the beauty of this...this...connection."

  He stopped to catch his breath, realizing suddenly that she was still right there in his arms.

  "If we survive this war, and you know as well as I do, we're both very lucky to still be alive right now, there is a future waiting that I never imagined. I hardly know how to tell you what it means to me."

  She reached up and touched his cheek, smiling. "Three times, fella, I said it three times."

  "Yeah, got that."

  "Good." She took his hand in hers, and they moved on down the warm, sandy walk.

  "So, when do we see Grandma?"

  "Tomorrow. When do we see your folks?"

  "Right after."

  The Home of Virginia Graves

  Kendallville, Indiana

  Thursday, December 29, 2078, 1000 EDT (1400 UTC)

  She was indeed tiny, not quite five feet. Her silver hair was full, and she was trim for a woman in her middle eighties. Her accountant's mind could still drive her bright green eyes to look right through you if necessary. David could clearly see his mother in her eyes and the shape of her face.

  She stood as they came in, reaching up to touch Carol's cheek, gently pulling Carol's face down to her own. She held her there a few seconds speaking quietly into her ear, so quiet that David could not make it out. He could see Carol's eyes fill, then as they separated, she kissed the old woman on the cheek and said, "I will...I promise I will." The old woman nodded, smiling, and sat back down.

  "I see you've found a good home for my ring!" she said, with a strong dose of humor in her tone.

  "Yes, Grandma, as I recall you made me promise to do that when you gave it to me."

  She smiled. "Yes, indeed, I did."

  They talked about the weather, about Grandma's home and her quiet life with just the one cat and a small rose garden. Just enough, she said, to lighten her day and give her a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Marie had been her only child, and David was Marie's only child, so Grandma Virginia had but one grandchild, and she loved him dearly. After a while, she got moving and served them tea and homemade cookies. As she sat down after pouring the tea, she folded her hands in front of her and looked intently at David.

  "David, my dear, there are some things I need to say to you. I need you to listen to all of it with an open heart. Can you do that?"

  Unsure of what was to come, but willing to hear it, David nodded.

  "David, please try not to judge your father too harshly."

  David immediately realized that whatever was coming, it was not anything he expected.

  "As you know, David, my family and your father's were friends s
ince I was a little girl."

  "Yes, ma'am, I remember. That's a very long time."

  "It is. From the day your father Raymond was born, they told him how smart he was, how he could do anything, how wonderful he was. Your grandfather Richard doted on him. I saw it even before he and your mother knew each other. But as he grew, he made his own choices, which usually disappointed Richard, and he made sure Raymond knew just how much. Richard played basketball in college, pretty well, in fact, so Raymond played baseball, but not quite as well. Richard wanted him to be a doctor like himself, so Raymond became a lawyer. Richard was famous for his skills and wealthy, but Raymond never caught on with a big firm and finally settled into some obscure area of the law. He was good at it, and he made a good living, as you know, but as time went on, he questioned his choices. He became disillusioned with himself. Then, he became disappointed with himself for being disillusioned."

  She paused, shaking her head slowly, the sadness plain on her face.

  "Sometimes, he thought he had done pretty well; other times, he mourned the life he never chose to have. He was a Christian, but he condemned himself for his sins, then condemned his self-condemnation as evidence that he was not, in fact, a true Christian. This was a spiral from which he could not escape, David. He hated himself, and he hated himself for it."

  "And Mother?"

  Grandma looked away for a few seconds, feeling again the pain of losing a child, even a full-grown daughter as Marie was when she died of a heart attack nine months after Raymond's suicide. When Grandma spoke again, it was quieter, full of sympathy and grief for both her daughter and her son-in-law.

  "She saw the pain he felt, she would talk to me about it sometimes. She just never was able to break into his fortress."

  She paused a moment again, her hands shaking just a little. She took a sip of tea.

  "He held onto the pain, the distance, more fiercely than she could overcome. There is a conceit in that, David, a dangerous one. It's a feeling that no matter what, he knew better than anyone how horrible he was inside. But of course, he wasn't horrible at all, just a flawed human soul like the rest of us, the same strange mixture of beauty and beast. Your mother knew this, she saw the need in him, the beauty he was hiding, and she tried to help it escape, but he was never able to unclench his heart long enough for her to break in. That's what broke her heart, David, the knowledge that with all her love, and all her talents, she could not get her husband to love himself enough to save his life."

  "I never thought of it that way."

  Carol sat quietly through all this, seeing even more clearly now the pain that David had been surrounded by as he grew up, wondering how he had emerged from that environment as the man he was.

  "No, you wouldn't. It's so hard to be in the middle of something like that and see it objectively."

  "I always thought I was just an accessory, you know, something they had to have as part of their lifestyle."

  "That's unfair, David. But I do understand why you would feel that way. Marie was always preoccupied with Raymond. You probably didn't always get the attention a child needs."

  He nodded his understanding, and as he did, Carol reached over and took his hand. Grandma Virginia looked on this approvingly, a small smile on her face.

  "I think my dear David, that will not be a problem from here on."

  He looked at her, then at Carol. "No, Grandma, I think you're right about that."

  They talked about the wedding a little, how fine a match Linda was for Dan, how much they both had enjoyed their few days in the warm sun. Grandma extracted a promise that they would set a date not too far in the future.

  "After all, David, I'm eighty-six. I can't wait forever."

  "Soon, Grandma, soon as we can work it out. We still need to see the Hansens."

  Grandma turned to Carol. "So, do you think he'll pass muster with his future in-laws?"

  "Oh, I think I can get him through," she answered, laughing.

  "Very good. Very, very good."

  They rose and each embraced Grandma Graves, then went back out into the street where their ASV was waiting. The trip to Lancaster would take two hours.

  Word was, Laura Hansen was planning quite the feast.

  January 2079

  ISC Fleet Shuttle Pad

  Ft. Eustis, VA

  Tuesday, January 3, 2079, 0020 EST (0420 UTC)

  David and Carol had their farewell dinner at their favorite, most dependable Chinese restaurant the night before he left. The New Year had brought him an unexpected promotion to Senior Lieutenant, and Carol the news that she would be promoted to Lieutenant Commander within six months, pending an open position. The war had completely scrambled the promotion system, and at this point, the Fleet needed more senior officers than it had. This situation had driven Dan Smith's early advancement, and things had not gotten any better since then. Nor, FleetPers knew, would it improve any time soon.

  Carol heard from Terri Michael that she had picked up her silver eagles at the same time, promoted to Captain. Terri appreciated CINC's confidence in her, she told Carol, but she dreaded that it also meant Antares might be getting a new commander soon.

  That would break her heart, Carol knew.

  It was a little after midnight in Virginia, as Carol and David played out the same excruciating goodbye scene at the Fleet Shuttle pad. Except on this night, it was freezing cold, and there would be no crickets or bullfrogs to accompany their farewells. The bright lights that illuminated the waiting shuttle gave it a strange appearance against the surrounding darkness, making it look more like a movie prop or a toy, not a vessel easily capable of space flight.

  They held each other for a long time, each trying to memorize what it was like to be together. When they finally separated, David reached up to touch her cheek as they were eye-to-eye for a moment.

  "I love you," he finally said.

  She gripped his arms. "Make sure you come back, OK?"

  He smiled. "I could ask the same of you."

  She nodded, then looked down and rested her head on his chest.

  "I know," she said, "I'll do my best. I promise."

  "Good. We have stuff to do, you and I."

  She pulled back from him, again meeting his eye. "Stuff?"

  "Yeah, you have a wedding to plan."

  She laughed. "Yeah, a wedding."

  "And a then a whole life to figure out."

  She was smiling. "Oh, that. Right."

  "Meanwhile..." he began.

  "Meanwhile, we fight," she finished.

  They shared one more brief embrace before David turned and headed for the shuttle. Every time they did this dance, he hated it more, but duty was duty, and he could not avoid his responsibilities.

  Carol felt this no less than he did. They were as immersed in the war and the Fleet as they were in each other, and they were each required to share the other with it. Painful as it was at times, it was necessary. Had either of them quit, they would not have been the person the other fell in love with. It was a strange, emotional paradox that they lived in; a continually bittersweet existence.

  The image of Carol's face as he walked away from her, again, still haunted David as he hoisted his bag from the webbed storage at the back of the Fleet Shuttle and headed out through the airlock to Cobra. As he emerged on the other side, he looked up to see three familiar faces smiling back at him.

  The short one with the dark hair called out "You're still a royal pain in the ass, Senior Lieutenant!"

  David laughed. "Hello, Margie! Hello Gregg, Steve!" It was good to see three of his classmates from the Advanced Intel School. As he shook their hands, he flashed back to the day their instructor Ray Salazar caught him in the bar and gave him a figurative kick in the ass.

  He'd always be grateful to Salazar for that intervention.

  "Oh, we're not alone!" Gregg Browning said with a wide smile.

  "Who?"

  "Salazar."

  David rolled his eyes. "Oh, God, no!
" he said in a faux panic. They laughed at him and then headed down the passageway.

  "Anyone else?"

  "No, just us. Salazar kept us as instructors for a while but come September we were sent out to FleetIntel for temporary duty. Then Evans came around looking for talent and found us!"

  "Well, if Evans wants you here, that's pretty high praise."

  David heard a distinctive New Zealand accent echoing from behind him. "Yes, Powell, and that goes for you, too!"

  He turned to face his new commander, extending his hand, which Evans seemed determined to fracture.

  "Good to see you again, sir."

  "Welcome aboard, Powell. I see you found your classmates."

  "Good group. sir. Nice work."

  "Sure, they'll do. Listen, Powell, officer's briefing in the wardroom at 1800, OK?"

  "Yes, sir. "

  "Get yourself settled, and we'll see you then."

  Cobra

  Earth Orbit

  Tuesday, January 3, 2079, 1800 UTC

  The briefing was long, and despite David's previous study of her overall design and specifications, he picked up some interesting new details in Evans' presentation.

  Cobra had started out as Memorial Class Frigate #9, the Volkov, recognizing the sacrifice of Cosmonaut Vladislav Nikolayevich Volkov, killed during reentry from Salyut 11 in 1971. Shortly after she was started, FleetIntel prioritized the need for a fast deep-space intelligence gathering platform and pulled Hull MCF-9 out of the regular production line for extensive customization.

  She had the latest refinement of the Forstmann Drive, and a reactor capable of 25% more power output than the standard model. With those improvements, Cobra could regularly run at 1.2 light-years-per day with sprints to 1.4 or 1.5. In general layout, she was still a frigate, two hundred forty meters long, twenty-one high and twenty-four wide. She had seven decks, where a destroyer like Antares or Columbia had ten. Thinness mattered under Forstmann Drive, just as it had with ships and aircraft on Earth, so Fleet ships generally followed a 1:10 width-to-length ratio. Some scored higher, some a little less, but that was the target for efficient and safe Drive operation.