Happy Never After

by Candace Dowds

  addressed at a later stage.

  By the fourth week, we’d grown accustomed to the tests, the physiotherapy, and drips being changed over, but on a Monday afternoon, Matt came up to the hospital and demanded I go with him downstairs to get coffee.

  Usually, I wouldn’t leave the room, but John assured me there wouldn’t be any change, and if there was he’d call me back up. It felt like the boys were in cahoots, like they were desperate for me to leave, but then again, I couldn’t blame them. I’d been spending every minute of every day up there, maybe it was time I stretched my legs.

  Before leaving, I gently pressed a kiss to Mia’s forehead and assured her I would be back soon.

  As we walk down the corridor towards the elevators, I ask, “So, what’s new with you,

  Matt?” Yes, he’s been up at the hospital at least once a day since Mia was admitted that dark, horrible night, but we don’t really talk about anything that isn’t related to Mia and her recovery.

  Coming to a stop at the elevators, I reach out and press the down button. “Same shit, different day, but things are getting serious with Leah. We’re thinking of moving in

  together.”

  Surprised, I smile. “Damn. What’s the family going to think about that titbit?” Both Leah’s and Matt’s families are devout Jehovah’s Witnesses, but unlike my mother and father, they’ve always seemed like they were a little more on the laid-back side of things.

  “Mum and dad seem to be okay with it, but it’s the grandparents I’m going to have to try and fool into thinking I still live at home.” He shrugs as the elevator doors open before us.

  Stepping in, I press the ground button then turn to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “As you know, I have two grandparents left and they’re knocking on death’s door, so my parents have asked that we keep them out of the loop. Mum’s worried the news of my ‘living in sin arrangement’ would give them a heart attack. It’s the same deal Leah’s made with her parents since she only has her grandmother left and it would also

  kill her to know that Leah has left the religion. She only gets away with not going because her nana is in a home and she listens to the bible studies over the phone. So, I figured it was the least we could do since the family refuse to cut us off.” Lucky bastard.

  The doors open and we exit the elevator and head straight for the cafe where we put in our coffee orders. When the orders are placed, Matt and I take a seat in the far

  corner, opposite one another. “I’m really happy for you, Matt. Once Mia is finally out of here, I’ll be more than happy to help you get settled into your new home.”

  “Thanks, but we have it covered.” he nods. “Have they said how much longer they’ll keep her in the induced coma? Surely her body must be healing, it’s been four weeks?”

  “They want to try and bring her out of the coma next week, but they said it could take a couple of tries, depending on how she reacts.” Yes, I’m looking forward to hearing her sweet voice again, but I also don’t want her to be in immense pain. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

  “I guess it’s a step forward, but make sure they put her back under if she’s in agony. Another few days asleep won’t kill her. Honestly, I was hoping they wouldn’t bring

  her out until her bones had set. We’re only two weeks away from the casts coming off.” As Matt explains his concerns, a blond, skinny waitress arrives at our table and places the mugs down in front of us.

  “Two lattes, with two sugars?” she questions.

  “Yeah, that’s us. Thank you,” I tell her as I stare at my coffee.

  As she walks away, I pick the mug up by the handle and take a long, much-needed sip of caffeine bliss.

  “Dude, she was crushing on you so hard,” Matt leans in to tell me.

  Putting down my mug, I look to him. “That’s what John said last week when we came down while Mia was having her x-rays done. She can try all she likes, there’s only one woman for me,” I state. Mia is the one and only woman I will look at in that way, for the rest of my life. I’m not going to screw this up, at least, not again.

  “Good for you. Come on, let’s drink these so we can go back and check on Mia. I know you’re dying to get back up there,” he teases.

  “You know me far too well, my friend.”

  “That I do.”

  When we’ve finished up downstairs, and we’re walking back through the ICU doors, I

  spot a doctor coming out of bed four, Mia’s room, and he is pushing an ultrasound machine.

  Speeding up my pace, I hurry into the room. “What’s happened? Is everything okay?” I ask in a rush.

  John is sitting by her bed and he looks up at me, “Everything’s fine, they just wanted to check her internal organs. So far, all is well,” he offers me a smile of reassurance, and the tightness in my chest subsides. My breathing settles and I lower myself down into the chair that is now moulded to my body shape after

  spending so many hours, days, and weeks in it, waiting for Mia to wake up and be with us once again.

  For another three days, we sit and wait, but as I hold her hand, staring at her in the evening, I’m taken aback when I see the white sheet under her soak with blood. So much blood.

  In a panic, I stand and look over to where the young brunette nurse, Sally, is seated behind the desk filling out paperwork. “Sally, Mia’s bleeding. There’s blood all under her,” I say in a rush, my heart now racing.

  Quickly, Sally stands and races to my side, pulling back the top sheet that’s covering Mia’s legs which are still in casts to help set her bones.

  “What is it? Why is she bleeding?” I press, my voice breaking.

  John comes around the bed and rests his hands on my shoulders. “Come on son, let’s take a step back and give the medical team some room to work.” He sounds so calm. Why, why isn’t he in a panic? How is he so in control of his emotions?

  “All available staff to bed four, get a doctor!” Sally uses the intercom attached to Mia’s bed to get help, and not two seconds later, the room is filled to the brim with doctors and nurses, and we’re asked to wait out in the hallway.

  John senses my reluctance to leave Mia, and he has to physically pull me from the room. Finally, when we reach the hallway, my stomach begins to turn and I bend over, resting my hands on my knees to try my best to catch my breath. And to try and stop the bile rising in my throat.

  “It’ll be okay, son,” John continues to try and reassure me, but it simply isn’t sinking in.

  “Why and how do you know that, John?” I ask as I stand, straightening my back so I can look him in the eyes. When I do, I see nothing but sadness in them. Something more is happening here, and I need to get to the bottom of it.

  John takes a breath, and his head lowers.

  “Mia’s ten, going on eleven weeks pregnant, Cole. Or she was pregnant. I think she’s losing the baby,” when he gazes back up at me, I can see that his eyes are welling with tears.

  “What? What do you mean? She’s pregnant? Is it mine? How long has she known?” I have a million and one questions, questions I desperately need answers to.

  John takes a few steps up the hallway, where he finds a row of chairs lined up against the wall, and lowers himself into one, resting his elbows on his knees, his head then lowers into his hands.

  Following suit, I take a seat beside him and

  patiently wait to hear what he has to tell me.

  “I don’t think she knew about the baby. That night, when we first arrived and when the doctor asked to see me in private outside the room, that’s when he told me that she was four to five weeks pregnant.” Quickly, I do the math, and a lump forms in my throat.

  “The baby is mine,” I sigh, feeling both happy and a touch of sadness. I’m thrilled to know that the woman I love is pregnant with my child, but I’m also scared that this will be a short-lived warmth in my heart.

  “I knew it was. Mia would never let herself get pregnant with an
yone else’s baby, ever.” John’s tears fall down his cheeks. “She

  would have been so happy, regardless of the circumstances between the pair of you. I know that one way or another, you two would have made it work. Since the very second the doctor told me about the baby, I knew everything would be okay. I knew that once I leaned in and told her that she

  was carrying your child, she would have fought hard to stay with us. I believe it is the one thing that’s been keeping her alive, but if the baby dies, I know I’ll lose my daughter, Cole. She is the only family I have left that has anything to do with me, and for selfish reasons, I can’t let that happen.”

  “So, when Matt took me downstairs for coffee the day I arrived back to see them

  wheeling an ultrasound machine away from the room...”

  John cuts me off. “Matt doesn’t know about the baby. He only took you for coffee because he thought it would do you good to get out of the room for a bit. And yes, they did check Mia’s internal organs, I wasn’t lying about that, but at the same time, the doctor took measurements of the tiny jellybean. I made sure to grab a copy of the sonogram so you and Mia had something to look at when the time was right.”

  “Why did you hide it from me, John?” I wish

  I’d known all along.

  “I was annoyed that I knew before Mia did. I just wanted to wait until she woke up, so she was given the chance to share the news with you. I wanted the pair of you to have that memory. It had nothing to do with keeping you out of the know. Please believe me, son, that simply wasn’t the case.” He reaches over and pats my hand.

  The poor guy just wanted us to have a minute of normalcy, he wanted us to have one special minute together to bask in the excitement that would have been to come. I can’t blame him for wanting that for us. “I appreciate what you were trying to do and you’re right, it would have been a nice moment to hold onto. Do you think she’ll be

  okay?” I know he doesn’t hold the answers, but for now, I’d very much appreciate being lied to.

  “I hope so, son, but I guess we’re going to have to be patient. Mia is tough, I can’t see her coming this far and then giving up. It’s not in her nature.”

  As the hours pass, and we’re still waiting for answers, finally, the doctor who was on call, Dr Ken, a rather young looking Asian man, exits the room. As he does, he removes his

  glasses and rubs his eyes. He’s clearly exhausted.

  As he approaches, he slips the glasses back on and John and I stand to greet him. “How is she?” John questions. Right away, I know it isn’t good news and my stomach drops.

  “I’m very sorry, we did all we could to try and save the baby, but there was far too much bleeding. I was honestly surprised when I found out the baby had survived the crash, but Mia’s body is still far too weak to be able to carry a child. I truly am so very sorry. However, there is another problem, one we have only just been made aware of.”

  No, I cannot take another piece of bad news. John must feel my reluctance because he rests his hand on my shoulder in

  a bid to calm me. “What is it?” I ask, my voice merely a whisper.

  “There is some extensive damage to her uterus from both the pregnancy and the car accident. I must inform you that Mia may find it hard, if not impossible, to conceive in the future.”

  My body shuts down and I drop into the seat I’d been in just moments ago. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and hold my head in my hands, the tears now silently slipping down my cheeks until they hit

  the ground below me.

  Mia had always said she looked forward to having children with me. She always wanted a girl and a boy, and only a year apart so they could form a close bond. Mia always hated the fact that she was an only child, so she was going to make sure she didn’t let that happen when her turn came. Now there’s a doctor standing before me, telling me her dreams will be shattered into a million pieces. I don’t want to be the one to tell her, and I think we should wait until she’s feeling better and the casts have come off, but it’s something I’m going to have to discuss with John. His opinion means a lot, not only to me, but to Mia as well.

  “Where’s the baby?” I ask, while keeping my focus on the ground before me.

  “Excuse me?” Dr Ken asks.

  “The baby, where is the baby? You cannot just treat it as medical waste. That was our baby, I need to make arraignments for it, because Mia will need closure once she knows everything that has happened while she’s been in a coma.” We need to think about Mia, first and foremost.

  “I wholeheartedly agree with you, son. Dr. Ken, please put the baby somewhere safe until we can arrange for a funeral home to come and pick it up,” John tells the good

  doctor.

  “Of course, we can have it taken down to the morgue. I will escort the baby down there myself so I can explain the very delicate situation to the pathologist. If you like, I can have the mortician check to see if he can find out the sex? But be advised, it is still early days so please don’t expect to find out what it is, but we can try and do our very best for you.”

  “Yes, if you can, that would help me, but I will keep your warning in mind.” I hope they can find out. I think that being able to identify the sex, and give the baby a name, will help matters immensely.

  “Please rest assured, your baby will be well taken care of,” Dr. Ken rests a hand on my free shoulder so I look up and give him a smile of thanks, but the smile isn’t coming from my heart. It’s more automatic, than

  anything.

  “Thank you. I guess I’d better start making calls. Is it okay if we go back in and see Mia?” I need to see her beautiful face. It might, even for a second, make me feel better about the predicament we now find ourselves in.

  “Oh, of course, you can. Please, by all means,” the doctor removes his hand from my shoulder and steps aside, giving me

  room to stand. Once I’ve said thank you again, I walk ahead of John towards Mia’s room.

  When I turn the corner and see her, a wave of emotion comes over me and the tears turn into heaves and I begin to mourn the loss of our child. I know I can’t utter a single word about the matter because coma patients have been known to both understand and retain information overheard while they’re under. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for her to be trapped in her thoughts screaming to be let out. No, I’d promised I would both care for her and love her, so that’s exactly what I’ll do.

  Not twenty-four hours after losing the baby, the mortician came up to the room and asked us to follow her out into the corridor.

  Reluctantly, I left Mia’s side, and John came with me in a show of support. When we’re out of Mia’s earshot, the blonde, middle-aged, doctor introduces herself. “Hi, I’m Dr. Kennard. Dr. Ken left your precious little one in my hands. Please let me assure you that I’ve treated the baby with the utmost care and respect.” That does bring a smile to my face. It’s nice to hear someone talk about

  our baby like it’s a person and not just a dead foetus.

  “Thank you so much, that’s really nice to hear,” I breathe.

  “You’re very welcome. Now, I did do some preliminary testing and I’m very happy to say that I was able to find out the sex. Dr. Ken told me it would help the grieving process if you were to know if your baby was a boy or a girl, so I did what I could to do just that.” Her smile is wide.

  “Really? You really found out the sex?” I repeat in disbelief. My heart is now thumping against my rib cage and I know I need to get a grip. Hell, I’m surprised by just how excited I am.

  Both John and I decide that we’re going to keep the baby a secret, and that no one would be in the know until Mia was ready to tell them. She would need to get through this at her own pace and I also knew that it would be a trying time. One I hoped we

  could work through together.

  Yes, a lot has happened since the accident, but not in Mia’s mind. In Mia’s mind it’s still that Saturday night, not long
after she had found out about my marriage. She may not be all that thrilled to see me when her eyes open, so I need to start bracing myself for her reaction.

  Finally, the day arrived, and they were going to try and wake Mia. Nervous and shitting myself, I stand at the foot of the bed beside John and watch as Dr Ken injects a clear solution into the bung in Mia’s arm. The effect was immediate, and John had to hold me back as her body began to thrash about. She must be in pain, a tremendous amount of pain.

  “Reverse, reverse, reverse,” Dr Ken yells at the nurse who then hands him a syringe filled with a white substance. The very second, he begins injecting the new drug, Mia’s body stops thrashing about, and she falls back into a deep sleep.

  “What the hell?” I shouted, not meaning to, but my emotions, as per usual, got the better of me.

  Dr Ken turns to face me after handing the now empty syringe over to the nurse who leaves the room. “It’s normal for some patients to have the reaction Mia just had. It can take a few attempts to wake a patient, especially when there is such an extensive amount of damage done to their body. She may need to stay under a while longer, longer than we first anticipated. She has been through an incredible amount of trauma. I feel we need to let her continue to rest before we attempt waking her again.

  Do you have any questions? I will do my very best to answer them for you,” he offers. And at this point, I can’t think of anything, but John does have some questions for the doctor.

  “I know the pain must be a factor, but do you think that there could be a mental aspect to it too? One that could explain her not wanting to wake up and face reality? I know we’ve been leaving the room to discuss delicate matters, but is there a chance she needs more time?” John gives the doctor a knowing look. He doesn’t want to mention the loss of the baby around Mia.

  Dr Ken nods. “It’s highly possible. The body and mind can work in ways we still don’t understand. No matter how much money is donated to our research, we still can’t always put two and two together. Hopefully, one day, we will, but that doesn’t help you today, I’m afraid,” he explains in an apologetic manner.