by Lori Wick
Megan’s lungs emptied on these words. Her hand came to her lips. What had she done? For weeks now she’d boiled with rage at Bracken, King Henry, her mother, and even her father, but they were not at the source. It was God and God alone. He was in control, and when all the rubble was cleared away Megan could see that she had been lashing out in fury toward Him.
“I can see that I’ve made you think,” Father Brent went on compassionately. “And I would be glad to pray with you. But if I remember correctly, you would probably prefer to have some time alone.”
“Yes, I would.” Megan rose slowly.
“Then before you go, I would like to give you something.”
Megan watched the priest bring out a square, thick volume from a bag at his side. It was not overly large, but when he handed it to Megan she found it quite heavy
“It’s the Psalms and Proverbs, Megan, and it’s for you.”
“The Bible?” she whispered incredulously “In English?”
“Just two books, child, but I know God will use them to bless and teach you. I must warn you, Megan, there are some people who would burn such a volume; you must take care with it lest you lose it.”
“I will,” she said, tears standing in her eyes. “Thank you, Father Brent. Thank you so much.”
The elderly man smiled as Megan clasped the book to her and moved toward the door, confident that she would take care of the Scriptures as well as the sin of which she was now aware. He knew that some of the sisters were waiting to see him, but he took time then and there to pray for Megan’s heart.
“Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him; fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; fret not thyself in any way to do evil.”
Megan finished reading out of Psalm 37 and then wept into her pillow.
“I have sinned against You, Father God. I have been enraged against Your holy plan,” Megan cried out quietly. “I do feel like a pawn in the king’s game, but You are in control, and I now confess my anger. Please cleanse me, Lord, so that I may know Your peace. I have wanted my way more than Yours, and I confess that as well.
“I know that I’ll stumble in this again, Father God, but help me through each trial. I have been so hard on Bracken. I have been so impossible to live with. Help me to care for him and to be the wife I need to be. Help him to deal gently with me and with kindness. Help me to forgive King Henry and my mother and to really see this as Your hand.
“My desire is to do Your will, Father God. Please help me to be strong in this pledge. Thank You for sending Father Brent to me. Thank You for his words of rebuke. Help me to heed them from this point on. In Your holy name I pray, Amen.”
Megan lay spent now, her body heavy with fatigue but her heart light with her confession. The way she had been acting, the defensive way in which she’d lived, was all so clear. Bracken still intimidated her in many ways, but she could see now that he had been trying.
Megan was not at all hungry, but she wanted to speak with the sisters whom she would not see again. She was weary as she made her way from her room, but the look on Megan’s face made it very evident to both the Reverend Mother and Sister Agatha that something had changed.
In the morning Megan made her goodbyes swiftly. Leaving the sisters this time was nearly as painful as the first. However, there was a marked difference about her, a serenity, and she caught Bracken staring at her as he helped her onto the back of the horse.
“I’ll be leading as we begin,” he told her. “You will ride about halfway back. If you have need of me, just send Stephen.”
Megan nodded. “Thank you, Bracken.”
She watched him stride away, and it wasn’t two minutes before they moved out in a double line of about 25 men. Kendrick was beside her, and Stephen was to the front. She didn’t know the other men, but they talked as they rode. She soon learned that the man behind her was Owen and the man in front and to the side of Stephen was Stafford. Stafford, along with some of the other men, was not a knight of the realm, but rode in fealty to Bracken’s keep.
“What is in your sack, Stafford?” Owen called, a teasing note in his voice.
“You’re a busy thing, Owen,” Stafford told him in no uncertain terms.
“I’d rather like to know as well,” Stephen cut in. Megan could see the smile on his face.
“Stafford is in love with Pen, Lady Megan,” Kendrick told her. Megan nodded and smiled as well.
“I know Pen,” she stated and watched Stafford’s neck go red. “I met her at the creamery.”
Stafford couldn’t help himself; he turned to look at Megan. Indeed, Pen had told him all about Lady Megan’s work out there, and he was still amazed.
While he was still staring at her, Megan said, “She’s very pretty.”
“I think so,” Stafford admitted.
“So what did you buy?” Owen persisted.
“Come now, Owen,” Kendrick chided, “do not force the lad to tell.”
“Have you asked her to marry you?” Megan asked, feeling a bit nosy herself.
“Of course, Lady Megan,” Stafford told her.
“And what did she say?”
The other men laughed because they had seen the adoring look on Pen’s face whenever Stafford was near, but the young knight still only smiled and answered her.
“She said yes.”
“So when are you to marry?”
“We’re not. I mean, not until I’ve gained Lord Bracken’s permission.”
“Why don’t you ask him?” It all seemed so elementary to Megan, but Stafford did not answer.
“Bracken takes his job as lord very seriously, Lady Megan,” Kendrick gently told her. “Pen is a part of Hawkings Crest and so her wellbeing, as well as that of the other servants, is of interest to Bracken. He is not a moody lord, but if he says no to Stafford’s suit of Pen, the subject is closed. Stafford would rather wait for the correct time.”
Megan nodded, her mind busy. “Would you like me to ask him?”
“No!” The word was shouted in unison by all four men, and when Megan got over her surprise, her laughter floated high into the air. A moment later Stephen deliberately dropped back to ride beside Megan so he could see her face.
“Stay out of it, Megan,” he warned with a playful smile, yet with a significant light in his eyes.
“But Stephen,” Megan said with great exaggeration that all the men could hear, “I’m sure I could get him to see reason. Bracken does everything I ask.”
Now it was time for the men to laugh. Stephen, having seen that she would not pursue the matter, moved back into position.
Megan had never ridden so far in one morning. By the time they stopped for the noonday meal, she feared that her legs were completely asleep. But another need was pressing in with far more insistency, and the moment Stephen helped her alight from her horse, she made for the woods.
“Megan,” he called to her and followed. “You mustn’t run off.”
Megan turned and stared at him, her voice reasonable. “I assure you, Stephen, I must indeed.”
He knew exactly of what she spoke, but he didn’t believe the forest was safe for her.
“Just let me check for wild game, Megan, and then you can go.”
The redhead’s laughter met his ears, and she put a comforting hand on his arm.
“I just walked these woods, Stephen, in an effort to gain the abbey. I assure you, I will be fine.”
Stephen was so surprised by this reminder that he stood still as she walked away and disappeared within the trees.
“She seems in a fine mood,” Bracken commented, having come upon them and heard the laughter.
“She does at that,
” Stephen commented. “And she was certainly determined to get into the woods. I think we came too far without a break.”
Bracken grimaced and reminded himself to be more mindful of her needs. “You checked the woods before you let her go?”
“She wouldn’t let me,” the younger man admitted, knowing what would follow.
“Stephen!” Bracken’s voice rose to scold before he began to follow Megan. Stephen grabbed his arm.
“You can’t go in there.”
Bracken stared at him and then at the forest and sighed heavily. “I tell you, Stephen, I truly do look forward to the day when this betrothal is over and she is mine in earnest.”
The men were still standing together when Megan reappeared. Her step was casual until she spotted them. She came to a slow halt a few yards from them.
“Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” Bracken assured her swiftly, thinking she looked a bit tired. He came forward and took her arm. “Come, eat and rest awhile. We have many miles yet to go.”
Megan learned the real meaning of those words hours later. They had rested for a time after the noonday meal, but with only the exception of a short stop a few hours after that, they had ridden on. Bracken had come back on several occasions to ride with her. Megan had enjoyed his company and explanations of their location. He’d been very solicitous as he’d shown her several points of interest, and Megan had actually been sorry to see him go.
The sun was dropping in the sky and twilight was settling over the land when Megan’s eyes grew heavy. She caught herself drifting several times, and twice she nearly fell asleep. When her head eventually nodded and her body went completely limp, she fell to the outside of the line, making it impossible for Kendrick to catch her. One moment she was secure in the saddle, the next she was tumbling toward the ground.
Seventeen
MEGAN NEVER ACTUALLY LOST consciousness, but the world felt as if it had tipped, righted itself, and then all at once come alive. Horses and dust were all around her. Men were shouting. She shook herself quickly and scrambled to her feet just before Kendrick and Owen reached her.
“Are you all right, my lady?”
“Yes,” Megan told them, but she wasn’t sure it was true. Her shoulder hurt, and so did the side of her head. Megan shook her head slightly to dispel the image of hurtling through the air, but it didn’t work. An involuntary shudder ran over her.
“Are you all right, Megan?” Stephen, who now stood with the other men, asked.
“Yes. Maybe I could just walk for a time.”
“There is no need for that. You’ll come on Warrior with me,” Bracken said reassuringly. He had suddenly appeared and was moving toward her. However, Megan was not so comforted. She retreated, her hands outstretched as if to hold him off.
“Oh, please, Bracken, don’t make me. Your destrier is so huge, and if I fall—”
“I’m not going to let you fall, Megan.” Bracken’s voice was warm, and meant to comfort, but Megan did not attend.
“Please let me walk, Bracken, please. Just for a time.”
Bracken heard the tremor in her voice, looked at her for a moment, and then turned and walked back among his men. After a moment they dispersed. It looked as though they were setting up camp.
Megan could not stop the trembling that ran all over her frame, and as fast as the darkness was closing in, Bracken saw it clearly.
“Come rest here, Megan; the men are preparing some food.”
“We’re camping here?”
“No. Just taking a rest.”
A blanket had been laid almost at her feet, and it was a relief for Megan to sink down onto it. Food was brought, and it swiftly became clear that they had stopped for her alone. For this reason she did not allow herself to relax. It would have been heavenly to stretch out and sleep, but Megan made herself sit upright and eat swiftly.
She thanked the men who had served her and stood up just as soon as she finished. Megan would have stayed on the ground for hours if she’d known what Bracken had in mind to do next.
“Are you feeling better?” He had been close by the whole time. He saw now that the journey had been too much for her and was angry at himself for not sensing it earlier. Nevertheless, all he could do now was try to make the best of it.
“Yes, thank you.”
Bracken signaled, and Megan watched as his horse, a huge beast of war named Warrior, was brought forward.
“Where is my horse?” Megan asked as she tried to calm the alarm rising within her.
“One of my men will bring him along,” Bracken said as he swung himself astride. Before Megan had time to react, she found herself lifted in Stephen’s arms. Their intent was immediately clear to her, and she stiffened with fear.
“Put me down, Stephen.”
The fear in her voice wrung his heart, but he knew that Bracken would have it no other way.
Seconds later, Bracken was reaching for her, and Megan found herself sitting across the front of his saddle. Her hands fisted in the fabric of his tunic and her eyes were huge as she pleaded with him.
“Please, put me down.”
“No, Megan.” Bracken’s voice was gentle and as soft as hers had been. “The day has been long, and you are tired. I won’t let you fall.”
Megan shook her head, and for an instant she buried her face against his chest. She was trembling so violently that her teeth chattered. Bracken’s heart turned over, but he knew this was best. Megan’s head came back up, and her eyes as well as her voice pleaded with him.
“I’m sorry I ran from you, Bracken,” she sobbed. “Please don’t punish me this way.”
“ ’Tis no punishment, Megan,” he told her gently “but a way to keep you safe.”
Megan chose that moment to notice they hadn’t even moved.
“Why don’t we just camp here?” she asked hopefully.
“Because we are only two hours’ ride from Hawkings Crest. It is safest to carry on. We shall all be tired, but our beds await us, and that outweighs the risk of sleeping in the forest and going in at dawn.”
Megan took a deep breath and made herself loosen her hold on his clothing. She then noticed the large arm at her back. It was like she was leaning against a fallen tree. Bracken’s face was disappearing in the darkness, but Megan looked up and saw him watching her.
“I won’t let you fall,” his deep voice rumbled out from under her shoulder that was against his chest. Megan sat still as Bracken gently plucked a leaf from her hair.
Megan would have spoken, but Brice suddenly appeared.
“All are in readiness, Bracken.”
“Good.”
“How are you, Megan?” Brice then asked.
“I’m all right,” she told him, but her voice said otherwise.
“You didn’t hurt yourself in the fall?”
Megan shrugged. “A little on my head and shoulder.”
“Which shoulder?” Bracken inquired.
Megan motioned to the one against him, and a moment later she was being lifted like a child and turned. When she was settled once again, Bracken spoke to Brice.
“Let’s move.”
Brice gave the order, and within minutes they were surrounded by men and moving down the road. Bracken felt Megan tense against him, but knowing that she would soon understand he would never let her fall, he stayed quiet. Megan did eventually relax. Her head fell against his chest, and he could see that her hands now lay limply in her lap.
Megan roused after just 45 minutes of sleep, but she did so easily. All the tension had left her. For an instant she lay still and listened to the thud of Bracken’s heart. It was a comforting sound, and the arm and chest around her were warm and safe. After a time she raised her head, rotated her shoulders, and then tried to look up into his face. It was very dark.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I’m glad you did,” he told her easily. “I’m sorry it’s been such a long ride.”
Mega
n sighed. “I really have no one to blame but myself.”
Bracken didn’t comment, but he had smiled slightly in the dark. For a time they rode in silence.
“Can you tell me of William?” Bracken’s question had come out of nowhere for Megan, and she took a moment to answer.
“William Clayborne?”
“I am not sure. A man came to the abbey. His name was William, and he was seeking you.”
Again Bracken heard her sigh.
“Have you ever been in love, Bracken?”
He could have told her that he was in love right then, but said instead, “Why do you ask?”
“William is enamored with me. There is a wonderful girl—her name is Rose—and she loves William deeply. But he thinks he wants me.”
“You do not think him capable of knowing his own mind?”
“I don’t know.”
“And you, Megan, do you love him?”
“No,” she answered softly, but without hesitation. “I care for William. He has been a good friend, but I do not love him. He believes with time that I would have a change of heart. I do not think we could be happy.”
“And what of us, Megan?” Bracken questioned while betraying none of the vulnerability he felt within. “Will we ever find happiness together?”
Megan turned to him in the dark but could not make out his features.
“I do not know, Bracken, but I pray so.”
He didn’t say anything, but after a moment he gently pressed Megan’s head back onto his chest. She stiffened for a instant, but it wasn’t long before she picked up the beat of Bracken’s heart once again. Just seconds later she relaxed. Something was happening within her where this man was concerned, and the swiftness of it astonished her. Megan could only conclude that because she’d surrendered the anger in her heart, God was finally able to work.
Comfortable as she was, Megan began to grow sleepy again, but even in her fuzzy state she was cognizant enough to thank God that Bracken had insisted she ride on his horse.