The Smart One and the Pretty One

by Claire Lazebnik

  “Does she know you think that way?” Ava said.

  “Of course. She doesn’t wear teeny-tiny sports tops for no reason, you know.” He tapped on the steering wheel. “Anyway, I’ve been shortchanging myself on sleep all week, so I’m ready to collapse, but I’ll happily take a rain check if you’re offering one.”

  “Absolutely,” Lauren said.

  “I’ll call you.” He glanced over at Ava to include her in the “you.”

  She didn’t acknowledge it, just said a quick good night and slid out of the car. Lauren leaned forward to give Russell an air kiss near his cheek and said, “Talk to you soon,” before getting out of the car.

  Ava was already halfway across the lobby by the time Lauren caught up to her.

  “That was fun,” Lauren said, falling into step with her. “I hope when you guys are married you’ll let me hang out with you a lot.”

  “Would you really wish that guy on me? On anyone you liked?”

  “Sure. Why not?” The doors opened and they stepped in. Lauren immediately reached over to punch the floor button—she always tried to do it before anyone else. “What’s your problem with Russell? He’s a good guy.”

  “So all that stuff about how a woman will lie and cheat to get a man to marry her—that didn’t bother you at all?”

  Lauren thought for a moment, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth with her top teeth. Then she said, “That stuff was stupid. But it didn’t make me mad at him. It felt less like he was a jerk and more like he was . . .” She thought again and said, “Damaged. He feels a little damaged to me. Not beyond repair, but like he’s been messed up in the past. He hides it with all the jokes and stuff, but it comes out when he talks about women.”

  The elevator doors opened and they got out. “Yeah,” Ava said as they walked in synchrony down the hall, their heels making quiet scuffing sounds on the gray and blue carpet. “I know what you mean. He probably has known some awful women in his time. But I blame him for at least part of that. He seems like the kind of guy who goes for looks. I mean, his job is all about clothes. And he has a trainer. And look at Corinne.”

  “Yeah, she’s a mistake, no question.”

  “Exactly. You know, I’ve seen this before.” Ava groped in her purse for her key.

  “What?”

  “Men who are like this. Women too. They have a certain view of the opposite sex—a negative one—and then just keep confirming it by choosing people who fit that mold. They get what they expect to get. Oh, here it is.” She pulled the key out and unlocked the door. She held it open for Lauren and followed her inside. “Like my friend Lisa. She always fell in love with guys who’d sleep with her and never call again. She would complain and complain that men were horrible and self-centered and cruel—and then she’d fall in love with another horrible, self-centered, cruel guy.” She let the door swing shut behind them. “It was like she couldn’t even see the good guys out there because they didn’t fit her description of what makes a man a man.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean,” Lauren said. “And Russell might be a little like that—but all the more reason he needs to spend time with someone nice like you so he can learn the difference.”

  “Ah,” Ava said. “My purpose in life is finally clear: I was put on this earth to teach Russell Markowitz to trust women.”

  “You do think he’s cute, don’t you?”

  “Sure,” Ava said with a shrug. “But I haven’t had a man in my life for so long, everyone looks good to me. The UPS guy who comes to the office sets my heart a-pumping.”

  “UPS guys,” Lauren said with a sigh. “I’ve never dated one. Flirted with a lot. Never dated. It’s a goal of mine.”

  “It’s good to have goals,” Ava said with a gigantic yawn.

  Two days later, when Ava and Lauren arrived at the house to have Sunday brunch with their parents, they found their mother still in bed, even though it was past ten and she was usually up by seven every morning. She raised her hand as they came in and then let it drop back down. Ava felt a little pang at seeing her usually energetic mother so listless.

  A hoarse choking sound coming from the bathroom interrupted their greetings.

  “What is that noise?” Lauren said, looking over. “Is that Dad?”

  “Is he okay?” Ava asked as another loud cough echoed through the room. “Should we go check on him?”

  “He’s fine,” Nancy said, unconcerned. “He’s doing it on purpose. He read an article saying that if you think you might be having a heart attack, you can keep your heart going by coughing deeply at certain intervals—”

  “Wait,” said Ava. “Does Dad think he’s having a heart attack?”

  “No,” Nancy said. “Of course not. But he decided that he should do it preventively. So every day—well, it’s only been two days now—but anyway, he’s been making a habit of going into the bathroom and coughing repeatedly in the morning.”

  “Does it work like that?” Ava asked.

  Nancy sighed. “I seriously doubt it.”

  “He’s insane,” Lauren said. “We are all aware of that, right? I mean, it’s a given that our father is certifiable?” There was another loud cough and the three women all looked at one another and then burst out laughing.

  “He’ll be done soon,” Nancy said with the tolerant shrug of someone used to letting things run their course.

  Ava sat down on the bed. Nancy turned to smile at her. There were dark purple shadows under her eyes.

  “You okay?” Ava said. “Dad told me you threw up last night.”

  “It’s just the chemo. No big deal.”

  Lauren said, “I thought the doctor said it wouldn’t make you sick.”

  “He said it probably wouldn’t.” She moved her legs restlessly under the blanket. “I beat the odds.”

  Ava looked at Lauren. “Maybe one of us should call him, just to make sure it’s normal.”

  “You don’t need to call anybody,” Nancy said, an edge to her voice. “I’m fully capable of monitoring my own health.”

  “I know,” Ava said. “I’m sorry. I just worry.”

  “Well, don’t. I’m fine.”

  Jimmy emerged from the bathroom, massaging his throat with his fingertips. “Anyone want to come with me to get bagels?” he said, a little hoarsely.

  “I will,” Lauren said. “Can we get some lox too?”

  “I already took care of that. I went to Whole Foods last night.”

  “Really?” Ava said, surprised. “You went food shopping? All by yourself? That’s not like you.”

  “I’m learning,” he said. “I have to learn how to do these things. That’s just the way it is.”

  Lauren linked her arm in Jimmy’s. She was far more comfortable being physically affectionate with him than Ava was, and he tolerated her caresses with the not entirely displeased resignation of a family dog whose tail is pulled by its toddler owner and who knows he could make it all stop with one ferocious snap if he wanted to. “Don’t forget to listen for the doorbell while we’re gone,” Lauren said as they headed toward the door. “Russell should be here soon.”

  “Who?” Ava said.

  “I invited Russell Markowitz to join us,” Lauren said as she and Jimmy left the room.

  “Why did she invite him?” Ava said with mild horror. “Mom, if you’re too tired to have company, I can make her call him back and—”

  “No, it’s okay,” Nancy said. “I told her I wanted to see Russell again. I found him very appealing as a kid.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “I don’t know.” Nancy hiked herself up into a sitting position. “I just liked the way he looked. He was a very clean boy. Very neat. His shirt was always tucked in. Sometimes he wore a belt.” She smiled. “He even wore a bow tie to our house once for no reason.”

  “He’s still a pretty clean guy,” Ava said. “Wears nice suits and always looks very put together. Is that why you wanted me to marry him? Because he was so clean?”

&n
bsp; Nancy pushed the covers back. “I think it was more because you were both so smart. His mother and I used to compete in bragging about you two and how well you did in school.”

  “Were you proud of me, Mom?” She knew she was fishing for a compliment, but her mother came through anyway, with a firm “Always.”

  Ava tried to repress the delight her mother’s praise still gave her. She was a grown woman, after all. “So did you betroth Lauren to anyone?”

  “Not that I remember.”

  Ava gave her a comical look of distress. “You thought I needed the help, didn’t you? That I wouldn’t be able to find a husband on my own? You weren’t worried about Lauren, but with me—”

  Her mother laughed. “Ava, you were something like seven years old. Trust me when I say that I wasn’t all that worried yet about your marital status.”

  “Yeah, well maybe you should have been.” She was joking, but Nancy took her seriously.

  “I know it must be so hard to meet someone when you work the kind of hours you do . . .”

  “I was just joking,” Ava said. “Really. I’m fine.”

  “I could ask my friends if they know anyone.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Ava said with genuine panic. “I don’t need your friends to start setting me up with their sons. I’m perfectly happy with my social life.”

  Her mother was following her own thoughts. “I could call Sylvia Alberts—she told me her nephew just got divorced and is moving to—”

  “Stop that right now,” Ava said. “I mean it, Mom. Stop it or I’ll call your doctor and tell him how worried I am that you vomited last night.”

  “Fine.” Nancy held her hands up in surrender. “No phone calls. Neither of us. But I still get to worry if I want to.”

  Ava rested the back of her hand briefly against her mother’s cheek. “So do I.”

  “Phew,” Russell said when Ava answered the front door in response to his knock. “This is the right house. I wasn’t sure.” He kissed her on both cheeks in the European way, shifting the paper bag and bouquet of flowers he was holding to the side so he could get at her.

  “Did you have trouble finding it?” Ava asked as she ushered him in.

  “Only because your sister gave me an address that doesn’t exist.” He wore khakis and a dark blue sports coat over a crisp white oxford shirt that was unbuttoned at the neck. It bothered Ava that he had put effort into looking good on a Sunday morning, a time made for being comfortable and casual, but there was a tiny part of her that also thought he looked kind of cute. “The GPS system got very testy with me when I tried to enter it. I tried calling, but her cell phone wasn’t on. And,” he added with a slightly accusing tone, “I don’t have your number.”

  “Never trust Lauren with things like phone numbers or addresses,” Ava said. She gave the door a shove and it swung shut. “She thinks she remembers them correctly, but she never does. The downside of overconfidence.”

  “Now you tell me. Fortunately, she was only off by one digit and the house looked vaguely familiar.” He handed her the flowers. “These are for your mother.”

  “How nice.” It was an impressive bouquet—big fancy flowers like orchids and tiger lilies all draping over one another in an extravagant arrangement. She cuddled the flowers against her chest like a baby. “They smell wonderful. My mom will love these. She’ll be down in a second.”

  “Where is Lauren, anyway?”

  Ava let the flowers sag lower in her arms. It hadn’t taken Russell long to start looking around for better company. “She’ll be back any minute. She and Dad ran out to buy bagels.”

  “What?” He stared at her like she was nuts. “You’re kidding me.”

  “Why would I be kidding?”

  “Because Lauren told me to pick up bagels.” He shook the bag he was holding. “I got three dozen.”

  “Three dozen?” Ava said. “That’s a lot of bagels.”

  “I didn’t know how many people were coming—didn’t want to run short.”

  She flicked the edge of the bag. “No danger of that.”

  “Is Lauren always this flaky about things?”

  “Only about things that don’t matter,” Ava said. “She’s dependable when she needs to be.”

  “Is that true, or are you just being a loyal sister?”

  “I don’t know. She’s just Lauren.”

  Nancy came down the stairs. “Russell!” she exclaimed with what appeared to be genuine delight as she joined them and gave him a big hug. “Look at you! You’re a man now.”

  “Not even a young one,” he said with a laugh.

  “Young enough,” she said and stepped back. “I mean, if you’re not young, where does that leave me?”

  “He brought you flowers,” Ava said, rescuing him from answering. “Look.”

  “Oh, they’re beautiful,” Nancy said. “Thank you, Russell. You didn’t need to, but they’re lovely.”

  “He also brought bagels,” Ava said. “And he really didn’t need to do that, since Lauren and Dad are out getting some right at this moment.”

  “Lauren told me to,” Russell said. “I swear.”

  “Oh, I believe you,” Nancy said. “She’s like me—completely disorganized. Go put the bagels and flowers in the kitchen, Ava. Russell, come with me.” As she watched them leave the foyer, Ava saw Russell look down at her mother—he was much taller—and pat the hand that was on his arm with a warm smile that Nancy didn’t even see but which made Ava suddenly like him more than before.

  By the time she’d arranged the flowers in a vase (badly—she just shoved them in there with the elastic still holding the stems together) and rejoined them, Nancy had apparently already caught up on what Russell was doing and was moving on to the rest of his family.

  “And Jonah? What about him?” she was saying as Ava sat down on the living room sofa next to her. “What does he do?”

  “He’s a guidance counselor at a high school in upstate New York.”

  “Good for him! It must be challenging, with kids bringing guns to school these days and selling drugs and all—”

  Russell laughed. “He’s a counselor at a small private prep school. I think his biggest problem is keeping the kids—and their parents—from freaking out when Harvard e-mails their rejections.”

  “Is he married?”

  “Yes, to his college girlfriend. They’ve been together over a decade, which seems incredible to me.”

  “No wonder,” Ava said. “I mean, only one marriage in all those years? What’s wrong with the guy?”

  He shot her a look. “I just meant that we’re getting old.”

  Nancy touched him lightly on the arm. “I heard that your father remarried. Did your mother ever—?”

  “No,” he said. “She’s much too busy being miserable to make time for an actual relationship.”

  “Do you like your father’s new wife?”

  He shrugged. “He seems happy.”

  “I’m glad,” Nancy said. “People should be happy.”

  “Really going out on a limb there, Mom, aren’t you?” Ava said. “You sure you want to take such a controversial position?”

  “Oh, shush,” Nancy said.

  Russell said, “I don’t know if I’m supposed to mention your health or not . . .” He looked at Ava, who looked at Nancy, who waved her hand.

  “It’s fine,” she said. “I’m fine. I’m doing chemo right now, which isn’t as much fun as they’d have you believe. But once that’s done, I’ll be as good as new.”

  “Better, if Lauren has her way,” Ava said. “Lauren wants her to get new breasts,” she told Russell. “Despite the fact she still has her old ones.”

  “Lauren thinks everyone should have new breasts,” Nancy said.

  “She’s like the breast fairy,” Ava said. “She wants to flit about the country giving beautiful new breasts to all the good little girls and boys.”

  “Really?” Russell said. “Boys too?”

  “May
be not them so much.”

  “And yet she disparaged Carson Flite’s fake breasts,” Russell said. “Oops—allegedly fake breasts, I mean. Anyway, I sense a discrepancy here. Might your sister be a tiny bit inconsistent in her views?”

  “She might,” Ava said.

  “Just like every woman I’ve ever met,” Russell said.

  “Present company excluded?” Ava said, but she was teasing this time, not angry. The truth was, she was enjoying Russell’s company. Somehow having her mother as the third rather than Lauren made a difference. For once, she didn’t feel like she was losing a competition she hadn’t entered in the first place.

  “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he said as the front door banged open.

  “We’re home!” Lauren called from the hallway. “We have fresh hot bagels!”

  “So do we!” Ava called back, trying to ignore the strange pang of disappointment she felt at hearing her sister’s voice. “We had a visit from the bagel fairy!”

  “Do you have to call me that?” Russell said. “It makes me feel unmanly.”

  “I have a fairy thing,” Ava said.

  “I’ve noticed.”

  “It’s not like I like them. Actually, they scare me, with their little wings and all.”

  Russell started to respond, but was interrupted by Lauren’s sticking her head into the living room. “What do you mean, we already have bagels?” she said.

  “You told me to bring some.” Russell rose to his feet.

  “Did I?” she said. Then: “Oh, right. I did. Where are yours from?”

  “New York Bagel.”

  “Oh, good.” She came into the room and gave him a friendly peck on the cheek. “Ours are from Noah’s. We can do a taste test.” She turned to her sister. “Hey, A, can you help Dad make the coffee? He asked me but I don’t know how.”

  “How can you not know how to make coffee?”

  “Duh,” Lauren said. “Starbucks? Ever heard of it?”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard of it,” Ava said. “They charge like four bucks for a cup of coffee. That’s another habit you need to break.”

  “Dad’s waiting for you,” Lauren said, and Ava got up and left the room. It wasn’t like anyone needed her to make conversation now that Lauren was there and already chattering away about how ruthless the old ladies at the bagel place were about cutting the line.