Marine Biology

by G. L. Carriger

  “You could say that.”

  “Don’t worry about the sushi. You can totally take me for some later.” Marvin wasn’t particularly subtle. Alec glared at him. Don’t you dare out me, that’s the last flipping thing I need right now.

  The merwoman glanced around, taking in Alec’s sudden tension and Butch’s avid interest in their conversation. “You can take us out later,” she qualified her brother’s statement.

  Alec gave her a grateful look. “So, what’s the meeting for then?”

  “Pack protocol,” growled his father, “think we better let Fifi tell us.”

  Hearing his name, the alpha looked up from the tri-tip he was tearing into and wiped the blood off his massive beard with his sleeve. “Yeah, let’s get this over with so we can really eat.” The alpha was big and furry even in human form, with a ruddy pockmarked complexion. If he wasn’t a werewolf Alec would have described him as yak-like.

  The pack pulled into a loose circle with Fifi, the two merfolk, Alec, and Butch at its center. This made Alec nervous. He usually tried to stay, as much as possible, out of pack focus. Half the pack seemed centered on Fifi but most of the younger members were looking at Alec. This made Alec even more nervous. It had been happening more and more recently, and he was beginning to wonder if they knew. If perhaps Jack had told someone something he shouldn’t have.

  Fifi gesticulated with what was left of the hunk of meat. “This here’s Marv and Grissy.”

  “Giselle, please!”

  “Grissy,” said Fifi firmly, “they’s in town on official business. Been ordered to meet with us so as we can provide back up if needed. We gotta assign them a pack liaison, make sure they don’t fuck-up. Alec here’s closest thing we have to a fish guy, so he’s taking the job.”

  A chorus of groans met that statement. Giselle was a tempting liaison prospect.

  I am? Okay. Well, there’s that explained. Alec couldn’t suppress a little thrill of his own.

  “We,” stated Giselle very firmly, “are not fish!”

  “And I specialize in microorganisms anyway. But I wouldn’t try to explain the difference if I were you,” advised Alec.

  Butch casually, and without much attention to detail, backhanded Alec across the face. “Don’t smart-ass,” he barked at his son.

  Pain blossomed in one cheek. Alec had to clamp down on a visceral response to launch himself at his father. It would be so easy just to morph into his wolf head and tear out his dad’s throat. Butch was stronger but it’d be worth it for that first bite.

  Marvin lurched forward, expression shocked.

  This snapped Alec out of his violent fantasies. He made an almost-imperceptible stopping motion at the merman with one hand. Then he shook his head to clear it and spat blood. Good thing he’d heal quickly. So much for trying to impress the cute boy with clever talk.

  Fifi brought everything back into line. “Now Marv, you tell us what’s going on.”

  Marvin crossed his arms, and arched an eyebrow. “Think I’ll let my sister do that.”

  “What are ya, pussy-whipped?” asked Butch.

  That’s my father for you, so fucking classy.

  Marvin didn’t miss a beat. He smiled an ironic little twist of a smile. “Nope, fin-whipped. We’re a matriarchal society, fourlegs. No point in fluffing your ruff at me.”

  Giselle said, “Would you two like to go piss in a corner somewhere?”

  Alec hid his own grin at that. This was kind of fun to watch.

  His father actually growled. At that, Fifi grabbed Butch by the pony-tail and tossed him back toward the outer circle of pack members. Butch was a big tough guy, but Fifi was bigger and tougher and everyone knew it. Pack dynamics had some benefit. Butch left, still growling low in his throat.

  “So we’re here to follow up a lead from a West Coast investigation,” said Giselle, getting right to the point. “Seems the Irish mafia are in town.”

  Alec couldn’t help himself, “There’s an Irish mafia?”

  Giselle gave him the same kind of look his father gave him. Apparently, she wasn’t used to being interrupted. “Well, yeah. We got a couple of selkie to bark to our song, over in San Francisco. Said there’s some kind of money laundering scheme going on round this coast. You know, off shore accounts.”

  “Selkie! What are they doing mixed up with the Irish mafia?”

  Giselle, patted him on the arm condescendingly. “Darling, selkie are the Irish mafia.”

  Alec looked around at the pack. “Great, what are we? A sleeper cell for the KGB?” There goes my smart mouth again.

  Luckily, unlike Butch, Fifi didn’t seem to mind it when Alec went off. The alpha grinned. “CIA, pup. Canines In Action.”

  The pack laughed obligingly.

  “Right, so, Alec, you stick with these two. I trust you’ll tell me anything I need to know.” Fifi seemed to think that was settled.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good, let’s eat.”

  Fifi wandered off and the pack went back to milling about the barbeques, gulping down booze and meat in equal measure.

  Alec turned to their two guests. “So, sushi and further details?”

  Marvin smiled brightly. “Perfect.”

  Giselle wrinkled her nose. A number of the pack members were ambling in her direction with leers and puffed-up chests. “Definitely.”

  Alec and the two merfolk made their way toward the house.

  Alec’s oldest brother, Biff, grabbed his arm and pulled him aside before he’d gotten very far.

  Alec tensed automatically. He couldn’t be sure but he thought he saw Marvin start back toward him. Giselle put a hand on her brother’s arm.

  “So, Bro.”

  “Yeah, Biff?” Biff wasn’t so bad, as brothers went. Almost as big as their father and just as tough but a lot less mean. Didn’t say all that much as a general rule, but he had spent some time as a kid pulling the other three brothers off of Alec’s scrawny ass. Alec always felt he owed him for it.

  “I recommended you’d do for these two, seeing as your job’s, you know, with the ocean and all. Thought maybe you’d heard something.”

  Alec tried to look flattered. I didn’t know Biff had so much sway with the pack these days. “Supernatural? I’m afraid not. I’m a marine biologist, not a wave psychoanalyst. I look at tiny creatures in a laboratory. Even if I did do mammals, selkies are well outside my expertise.”

  His brother shrugged massive shoulders. “Yeah, well, I thought maybe something fishy would be right up your alley. Hot, huh? And you like that sea stuff.”

  “I study microorganisms.”

  Biff was looking at Giselle’s fine ass climbing the steps into the house. “I wouldn’t say no to getting hold of her microorganisms.”

  “Uh, Biff. Everything okay with you and Pam?”

  “Just saying, Bro. You seem to have a little chemistry going on with them fishes there. I’d tap that, if I were you.”

  Alec swallowed down on some bile. He’d rather have his dad yelling at him than his brother giving him sex advice. “Biff, did Mom put you up to this?”

  Biff gave him a very serious look out of his craggy Neanderthal face. “Pack’s talking, Bro. Why you not doing your duty by us? How long you gonna hold out? You need to settle.”

  “You think a werewolf and a mermaid can breed? What, some kind of sea-wolf?”

  “Hey now, what’s so bad about being half fish off dry land? It’s not like you’re showing interest in any other kind of tail.”

  “Cute Biff, real cute. Didn’t know you could be witty and all.”

  Biff frowned. “Alec, all I’m saying is I recommended you for this job. Don’t fuck it up, unless it’s to fuck. We clear?”

  “As a Dutch hooker. Ah shit Biff, I gotta go, our guests are talking to Jack.”

  “They are? Fuck.”

  Jack was doing his worst. “Alec, this here is Marvin.”

  “Yes, we’ve met. And Jack, we really gotta go.”

 
“Marvin thinks you’re cute.”

  Giselle started to laugh. Marvin didn’t look at all embarrassed. Alec could feel his ears starting to burn.

  “Jack,” Alec hissed, “not here!”

  The ghost swiveled toward the merman. “Alec thinks you’re cute, too.”

  “Jesus Jack, what are you, twelve?”

  Marvin laughed and then added, “He’s right, you know, I do.”

  Aw shit. Alec lost track of things for a moment. “You do?”

  “And Biff did kind of set this whole thing up,” cheeped Jack, helpfully. “Could be he approves.”

  Alec glared at the ghost. “I don’t think Marvin was the one my brother intended me to get to know.”

  Giselle nodded her agreement. “I’m thinking the fuzzy one is right, brother dear.”

  Marvin sidled in close to Alec. “Ah, you’re not out, are you?”

  When did briny get to be such a sexy smell? Alec looked between brother and sister. “And you are?”

  In this Giselle seemed content to let her brother do the talking, merely watching their interaction with amusement.

  Marvin shrugged. “Hey, I live in a world run by women. I was outted by household gossip before I’d even acknowledged I was gay to myself.”

  “Nice life, but we really should be having this conversation somewhere other than my father’s kitchen.” Alec glanced nervously around the empty room.

  “Werewolves, not so down with it, huh?”

  “Well, just look at them.”

  A tussle had started in the back yard, Biff and one of the other youngsters. Punches were being thrown. Any second now the combatants would be ripping off their clothing and fighting, teeth and claw. Alec turned to watch, interested despite himself.

  Jack said, “When you gonna just fight Butch?”

  Alec shrugged.

  “What, afraid you might win?”

  “Shut up, Jack.”

  Marvin came up and pressed partly against Alec’s back. Alec felt suddenly very warm.

  “It seems like a pretty cool situation, if you like ‘em big and hairy. You get like that, pretty boy? With the whole growling and tearing off of your clothes? Not that that’s really my thing. I’m kind of liking this lab coat look. I mean, how hot is it that you’re actually a marine biologist?”

  Well that is a new one. Usually, guys get off on my being a werewolf, not a scientist. Marvin petted Alec’s arm as though Alec were some skittish animal.

  “So here I am, a marine mammal, and I got biology. I was thinking I might work my way onto your sample chart.”

  Alec laughed and turned to look down at the man next to him. This is really a bad idea, with the pack right out there. Nevertheless he couldn’t help but lean into the petting. “Didn’t you just hear me telling Biff? I specialize in microorganisms.”

  Marvin shrugged. “Probably got a few of those too.”

  “Ew, not sexy.”

  “So, date sometime?”

  Who knew sea mammals could be so aggressive? “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out to sushi?”

  “I’m thinking a date without my sister along.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Pack.”

  “So?”

  “Don’t you have, oh I don’t know, a school or something you have to keep happy?”

  Giselle interrupted them at that. “My pearl, we’d be happy to see him dating anyone. It ain’t healthy for our kind to go on for such a long dry spell.”

  Now it was Marvin’s turn to look embarrassed.

  Alec was intrigued. A man as hot as Marvin? “Really?”>

  “Oh yeah, been carrying a torch for some young stud since high school.”

  Wow, blonds sure can blush.

  “Awe, Giselle! Must you?” Suddenly the two merfolk were acting like true siblings.

  Alec arched his eyebrows at the merman. “High school, huh?”

  Marvin’s blush got, if possible, deeper. “Hay, you were this hot jock.”

  “Wait, me?” Alec practically squeaked.

  “I had to grow out of being that weird skinny Goth kid.”

  Alec was incredibly flattered. “Well, allow me to say, you did it beautifully.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” My god he has gorgeous eyes.

  Jack’s voice interrupted what was looking to be a very interesting progression to the conversation. “Boys! Not that I ain’t enjoying the show, but we got company.”

  Alec practically leaped all the way across the kitchen. His teeth sprang out, and he felt his eyes start to shift.

  Marvin watched this action with interest. “I don’t know whether to be insulted or turned on.”

  Alec growled at him. Instinctive response.

  “Ooo, definitely turned on.”

  “Oh, shut up, Marvin,” said his sister. “You got no idea what kind of pack dynamics you’re messing with.”

  “Yeah? Well I know which ones I’d like to be messing with.”

  The kitchen door swung open and Fifi marched in.

  “Still here? Thought you guys were off to catch a meal.”

  “We got a little distracted by the architecture,” Giselle jumped into the breach. “House designs always intrigue me. As a sea person, you know?”

  Nothing could be calculated to turn Fifi off the scent quicker. The alpha’s eyes glazed over. “Yeah, well, whatever floats your boat.” He gave Alec’s ruffled appearance a curious look. “You’re always so tense youngling. Think perhaps your brother’s right. You need to get laid.”

  Alec sputtered.

  Marvin muffled a snort of laughter.

  “Uh, yes sir.” Alec started inching toward the hallway. “’K, we’ll be off now, sir.”

  “Carry on.”

  Alec shepherded the two merfolk out of the house.

  Jack’s voice whispered in his ear just before the door slammed shut behind them, “Now you’re under orders from your alpha.”

  “Fuck off, Jack.”

  “Not before you.”

  Alec’s favorite sushi place was crowded for so early in the evening. But Giselle’s looks and charisma got them a table pretty darn fast, and Alec was a regular – popular with the staff.

  “Where’s your girlfriend?” asked the waitress, twinkling down at them all. She was a pretty dark-haired girl with big brown eyes who’d always had more than just a nice smile for Alec. Alec, had, of course, never noticed.

  “Oh, Janet? Uh, not with me this evening.”

  Marvin gave him an accusing look as soon as the woman had taken their orders.

  “Girlfriend?”

  “Naw. Janet’s my boss down at the lab. It’s easier to just –”

  Giselle interrupted, “Of course, avoidance is the hallmark of all gamma werewolves.”

  “Who said I was a gamma?” But Alec muttered it so softly the other two didn’t seem to hear. Merpeople,Alec figured, probably aren’t all over the supernatural hearing. Not something particularly called for underwater.

  Marvin cocked his golden head to one side, thoughtfully. “So, how deep in the closet are you?”

  Alec gave him an expressive look. “Honey, I shit mothballs.”

  They paused while the waitress put down their tea.

  “Your pack is really that bad?” Giselle asked politely.

  “It’s big and restless. Not the type of environment for a sudden revelation as to my sexual orientation.”

  “You sure? They don’t seem all that bad. Well, except your father. He’s a piece of work.”

  Alec didn’t take that bait. “Humm. Pack should have splintered before we got to such numbers. But no one from my generation has claimed alpha. Biff’s got promise, and I know he’s courting a few of the youngsters, but I’m not sure he’s got it.”

  “Got what?” Marvin leaned forward, interested.

  “You know, it. That thing that alphas have.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
>
  Alec shrugged. “That’s because I’m trying to teach a fish to ride a motorcycle.”

  “Hey, I’m pretty good on two wheels.” Marvin smiled at him.

  “And still – not fish,” added Giselle.

  Alec decided to try a new line of conversation. “So the West Coast, huh? Is that where you went after high school?”

  Marvin nodded. “Oh, yeah, you know, pod migration. Being a merman is almost as bad as being an army brat, we move around.”

  “And this investigation of yours?”

  Giselle jumped in. “We’ve been tracking this racket a while now. Ocean’s our jurisdiction, as I’m sure you know. But there seems to be some kind of land connection with this one. Selkies can be a problem. Slough off their skins and suddenly the trail dries right up.”

  “What’s this one done? Murder? Kidnapping?”

  “Nothing violent like that. Pure white collar action. Some funding collected by one of our nonprofits disappeared. We have this ocean reclamation and coral rescue operation, suddenly half the bank account vanished along with this fellow and his family.”

  “Mumm,” Alec nodded. “How much are we talking here?”

  “Three point two million dollars.”

  Alec coughed into his green tea. “All that for coral?”

  Giselle shrugged. “The non-profit fronts a dummy account for our pod to run day-to-day integration operations. You know how it gets for us supernatural types. Trying to keep everything hidden from the monkeys. We contracted out a few delicate bits of business to a reputable selkie agent and the next thing we know . . .”

  “Tough break. What makes you think it ended up here?”

  The waitress reappeared with their sushi and a very wide-eyed look. Alec wondered if she had overheard any of their conversation.

  “Those informants we told you about.”

  “Oh, yeah, I remember.” Alec bit into a piece of tuna happily. It wasn’t quite as good as fresh red meat, but there was something appealing about fish. He was a little sorry the rest of the pack were so down on it all the time. They were really missing out. “So, where should we start?”

  “How about when? Tomorrow morning, your place?”

  Alec agreed and gave them his address. They enjoyed the rest of the meal accompanied by pleasant inanities and mild flirting. Alec returned home feeling, for the first time in a long while, as though it was okay to be unexpectedly alive.