Love's Suicide

by Jennifer Foor

  I knew B was in good hands, so I went back into my room and locked the door.

  Brooks was still sitting there with his hands on his knees. He was looking down at the floor, most likely wondering how he was going to be able to look at his mother the same way again.

  I got down on the floor and wedged myself in between his legs. He looked into my eyes and I wiped away his tears. His cheeks were warm and a darker shade of pink from being emotional, yet he was still so handsome. When he got upset, his eyes were an even brighter shade of blue.

  “I’m so sorry about my mom, Kat. If I would have known-”

  I cut him off by putting my finger up to his lips. “Shh, don’t talk about it. Just listen to what I have to say.”

  I knew my eyes were glossy, and I was about to pour my heart out and pray that I could fix what I’d broken. “Do you know that there’s not one single day in my life that I can remember where I didn’t love you?”

  He folded his hands together and I watched his saddened face change. He wasn’t smiling, but I definitely had his attention. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he teased.

  “I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m sick of all of it.” I waited to see if I was confusing him. When his eyes began to squint, I knew he was thinking. “What your Mom told us may be unbelievable, but I get why she did it. For the first time I understand what she’s been trying to get through my hard head. It’s like I’m seeing clearly, finally.” He held up his arms, like I made no sense at all. “Brooks, if you don’t move all of your shit into this house soon, I’m going to go crazy. There’s no reason you’re still going to the base to change. B and I need you here. We can’t be a family unless you’re here with us, all of the time. Your mom was right. I can’t change my past, and I shouldn’t ruin my future; our future. If it’s still okay, I’m ready to fall completely into this with you. I’ve been ready my whole life, but I was just too scared of losing you. I’m not scared anymore, Brooks. I’m not afraid of what tomorrow might bring, because I know you’re going to be there. I know you’ll protect me and love me like you’ve done our whole lives. God, I’ve wasted so much time. Are you even listening to me? Do you still want this?” He was silent. “Say something?”

  He stared at me, never responding.

  Then he fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, while I sat there, crouched down on the floor. All of the sudden I heard him laughing.

  No, he wasn’t just laughing, he was losing his mind, carrying on with himself so loudly that I knew his mother could hear him. I climbed on the bed, wondering if he was literally going insane. When I went to shake him, he grabbed my arm before I could make contact. Then he was quiet.

  I looked at him, concerned and wondering if I’d been right to assume he was going crazy. That’s when I saw the tears running down the sides of his face. “Are you okay? Is it the affair? Do you want to talk about it?” I hadn’t considered that he needed time. I’d been selfish again and not put him first.

  He sat up and peered into my eyes, so serious with intent. “I can’t be mad about something that we had no control over. I’ve never been one to live in the past, not when I knew you were always my future.”

  The room started to spin as my heart rate picked up and I felt as if I were starting to float. “Come again?” I wanted to hear it one more time.

  “I said that you are my future and I’ve always known it, well felt is a better word.”

  I felt it too, every single time a flash of him came into my mind. I felt it when he walked into the room, or when he touched me. It was always there. I kissed him with more emotion that we’d ever shared between us. It was as if years of pain, and loss were being wiped clean from our memories. Love radiated between us and it wasn’t like our first kiss, or the first time I remembered being with him. This was something so much more powerful. It was forever finally opening its door for us to enter into.

  Our slow and paced kisses turned into hunger. I needed to feel him against my skin and I wasn’t going to wait another second for it to happen. I’d stopped thinking about what other people thought of me, or how I’d played a part in Bobby losing his life. I wasn’t thinking about Danica and my father, or the pain that my mother felt. All I could feel was Brooks and the moment that we were having together. Our movements were in sync and, without even undressing, it felt as if we were already making love.

  Brooks turned me around and unzipped the back of my dress. I could feel his knuckles getting close to my panty line before his hand went back up to assist with pulling it down, so that it could come all the way off of me. I turned around and stood there, in only a pair of underwear and admired the way he looked at me.

  He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, but instead desired. I could see him playing out his next move in his mind as he pulled me close. We kissed again and I pulled back teasing him with my wet lips. One button at a time, I started taking off his dress coat. He shimmied out of it and I lifted the white t-shirt up over his head. Both of his hands were on my breasts, cupping them, while he kissed the skin between them.

  I used my hands to unbutton his pants and sank down off the bed to remove them. Brooks shoved his boxer briefs down to his knees and I pulled them off the rest of the way.

  I looked right at him as I let my own underwear fall down to my feet. He leaned up on his elbows and motioned with his head for me to get on the bed.

  I climbed on top of him, straddling his legs. He reached up and pulled my hair to fall over my breasts. “Tell me you’re mine.”

  I leaned down to touch our lips together. “I belong to you, I always have and I always will.” I reached lower and traced the K tattoo under his left ribs. “And you belong to me.”

  Brooks ran his hands on both sides of my arms and started pulling my body into a moving pace. My hands moved over the skin on his chest and I watched as his nipples responded to my palms crossing over them. My body leaned forward and I licked over one of them. He responded by gasping and digging his hand into my hair, pulling me into another kiss. His eagerness was apparent, both in his erection and the way he was affecting me.

  Our bodies were converging, moving together in a harmonic rhythm. Heated sensations radiated from each kiss to the wet sex between my legs. Brooks reached down and touched me, there where he knew he’d have me very soon.

  His tender stroking over my bud caused my body to react. I bucked and did my best not to call out and wake up Danica and B.

  Our crusade for mutual stimulation was just beginning and I was fully prepared to go for as long he wanted it. I reached for his shaft, taking it into my hand and began to stroke it. His soft skin felt prodigious against my palm as I continued to massage him and carry him to the brink of release.

  His body arched and I watched him closing his eyes and fighting the urge to let go.

  Brooks was never selfish. He flipped us over, teasing me with his tongue, and focusing on my mouth instead of the package between his legs. “Don’t make me stop, Brooks. We have all night.”

  He corrected me, “No, Kat, we have forever.”

  He was right, not that it was going to stop me from savoring him at that very moment.

  I sank down between his legs and took him into my hand. Brooks leaned up on his arm and played with my hair. Seeing him lick his own lips made me crazy. I got butterflies knowing I was turning him on. When my lips took over and my mouth found a good stride, I watched as the man I loved completely let go. He held me tight, forcing me to pause until he regained composure.

  Then with one swift adjustment, he was on top of me, kissing my lips, my neck and the skin between my breasts. He sucked on my nipple, pulling it with his teeth and then repeating the same process to the other. I bit down on my lip and savored each stroke of his tongue over my sensitive skin. I felt his lips dragging over my belly button and then finally circling over my clit.

  My sex was throbbing, begging for him to keep going until he brought me to a euphoric orgasm. I wanted to be cons
umed by ecstasy and celebrate our future with a night full of magnificent love making.

  After satiating my cravings for my own release, Brooks finally positioned himself on top of me. I didn’t care that I wasn’t in control, especially when he grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. I had no problem clinging to him and never letting go.

  His pace was driven by our desire and the new hope of what was ahead for us.

  I’d finally made peace with my past and it was clear that we could have it all if I gave myself to him in every way. Loving Brooks didn’t just come with incredible sex, or intense feelings, it came with the anticipation of discovering the most powerful love that many people never get to experience.

  We came together, while kissing and holding hands. My legs stayed wrapped around him and he collapsed on top of me, trying to catch his breath. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips. “I’ll move my clothes in tomorrow.”

  An enormous smile filled my face. I’d found my happy place and I never wanted to leave it.

  Right before falling asleep, I heard Brooks laughing again.

  I opened my eyes and looked at him. “What’s so funny?”

  He kissed me before answering. “I was just thinking how you said I wouldn’t get any action on this bed.”

  I smiled and reached down between his legs. “We’re just getting started.”

  Chapter 60

  September 11th 2013

  “I can’t believe it’s been twelve years,” I said to Brooks as we stood there looking down at my parent’s headstones. B was running around Branch and Melissa with a small bouquet of yellow roses. Since it was also her birthday, I’d bought her a fancy yellow dress that accented her skin and eyes.

  Brooks took my hand and squeezed it. “They’d be proud of you.”

  “I know they’re watching over us. In my heart, I know they gave us B. Her being born on the same date they left me can’t just be a coincidence.”

  “It’s fate,” I heard Danica say as her and Walt approached us. “It has to be.”

  It took both Brooks and myself a while before we could look Danica in the eye. Branch was more forgiving, claiming he just wanted the family to get along for his upcoming wedding.

  Walt was the one who convinced us to bury it in the past. Nothing we could do would ever bring my parents back, and Danica would have to live with what she and my dad did for the rest of her life. For me, I thought of Walt. If he was able to forgive her and still love her anyway, I should have been able to as well. After all, my parents loved her, even if that love was misconstrued to becoming something sexual between friends. It wasn’t my business.

  We all had skeletons in our closets and it wasn’t right to judge.

  Brooks had other issues with his mother, mostly because she hid the truth from me for so long. Just like when we were kids, he was still protecting me.

  Branch came up behind us and put his arms on mine and Brooks’ shoulders. “I think it’s time we go back to the house and have sour beef and dumplings. The past two years Mom refused to make them, because you weren’t there, Katy. We had some craptastic chicken instead.”

  “In my defense, it was an award winning recipe,” Danica added.

  Brooks changed the subject before his mom could get offended. He looked at me and grabbed both of my hands pulling me toward him. "I need to go get B's cake and pick up a surprise. Are you good with riding Mel back to house in our car? Branch is going to drive me." He was up to something and I knew that he knew I was on to him. Since it was B's birthday, and the first official birthday for the family to celebrate it, they were going all out.

  Danica had ordered a cake from a fancy treats shops in the heart of the city and they’d decorated the entire back yard in balloons, including some floating in the pool. B hadn’t seen it yet, but I knew she’d be so thrilled.

  Brooks and I had made progress with our relationship in the two months that followed Bobby’s death. Since the day that Danica had made her confession, my eyes were finally open and I was able to look forward instead of behind.

  It took us a month to speak to Danica directly. We needed time to sort out our feelings, and with my entire church congregation shunning me, it was difficult for me to have even more to worry about.

  Brooks received bad news after failing his medical testing. Due to the injury that he obtained overseas, he couldn’t pass the simple tests that required him to use his injured hand.

  Although he was saddened, he never took it out on us. Instead he started looking for other job opportunities, knowing that he’d be released from the military.

  I think it was hard for him, albeit since we were together, and he had B, he was too preoccupied to let it show.

  His commanding officer had us over for dinner the last night he had to report for duty, and that was the end of it.

  Since we weren’t hard up for money, I’d suggested that he take some time off to make up for what we’d lost. Every day was a blessing being with them together. We went to parks, took day trips and finally started visiting the family again.

  It was expected that our visit back would be on the anniversary of my parent’s death. With all of the new knowledge so fresh in our minds, we were all trying to let it go, even Branch. I don’t know why, but he’d taken the news the hardest.

  Brooks told him one night, and that following weekend he and Melissa had come to visit us. As reluctant as I was about it, them being with us for that weekend changed everything.

  We renewed our friendships and even Brooks enjoyed being around his brother. For the first time I truly felt like I could be friends with Branch.

  Melissa asked me to be her maid of honor.

  I’m not going to lie and say that it wasn’t a shocker, but given the fact that we were all going to be a family, it just made sense to accept.

  Me committing to their union also helped to rebuild our broken relationships. She’d made it a point to make sure I knew that her and Branch never even talked about being together until after I was gone. He was her crying shoulder and she was his. When I thought about all the pain I’d caused him, it made me happy knowing he wasn’t alone.

  Our weekend together was another reminder of how precious life and family were to us. I’d spent so much time running away to realize what I’d always had.

  I’m not really sure how the twins made peace with their mother, and it wasn’t my place to judge or have an opinion. I was happy if they were.

  Since their visit, Mel and I had been talking about wedding plans at least a few days a week. They’d picked out a beautiful location to exchange their vows. It was located near Towson in Maryland, which was a short drive from their parent’s house. The historic building was classified as a castle on a quaint piece of property. Even I was surprised with how excited I was for them. It said a lot about how happy I was with Brooks and our family.

  “Earth to Kat.” I looked up to see Brooks standing in front of me. “Do I get a kiss goodbye, or are you going to stand there in your weird trance?

  I felt embarrassed. “Sorry.”

  He kissed me goodbye, but it wasn’t exactly appropriate. Brooks grabbed the back of my head and stuck his tongue in my mouth.

  Branch started making gagging sounds. “Can we go before I puke?”

  I pulled away from Brooks and wiped off my wet lips, while he laughed and walked toward his brother.

  I watched as he crouched down and called B over. She went running into his chest. “Daddy, I go.”

  “Daddy’s got get you a surprise. Go home with Mama and I’ll see you there. Okay?”

  B stuck out her bottom lip. “No. I go with Daddy.”

  He kissed her on the head and stood up, looking toward me for help. I walked over and coaxed her away by promising to stop for a treat, which meant chicken nuggets.

  After we’d finally made it home, and gotten my child her treat that she barely ate, I stood around the kitchen with Walt, Mel and Danica.

  “So, wha
t’s this surprise? I know you all must know it?” In the back of my mind I swore he was going to propose, but unlike Branch, Brooks knew I wanted to wear my mother’s rings. Plus, I wasn’t ready to drive to the courthouse, just yet, while the ink was still wet on Bobby’s death certificate. My heart still ached for him, because aside from all the bad, was someone that offered me hope when I felt like I had nothing.

  It wasn’t like Brooks and I were in a hurry. We both knew it was going to happen eventually. Being married to him was going to be wonderful, albeit I knew that even without the certificate we were already committed to being together for the long haul.

  Mel giggled. “Just wait and see.”

  “It is something shiny?” I had to keep guessing until they broke down and told me.

  Mel put her finger up to her chin like she was thinking. “I suppose some parts are very shiny.”

  “Is it big?”

  Danica laughed and answered. “It’s huge.”

  So I was getting something huge and shiny. How could it not be a ring? “Will I like it?”

  “You may pass out,” Walt replied.

  Had Brooks really gone out and got me a huge diamond ring? I’d love it because it was from him, but it made no sense. Sure, he’d saved almost all of his money for his entire time he was in the military. His credit was perfect and he’d have the means to purchase something extravagant without breaking the bank.

  “I know what it is.”

  They all laughed.

  “Katy, just let him show it you before you say something about it. Even if you do know what it is, or think you do, just be surprised for Brooks. This means a lot to him.” Mel was so serious when she said it. I wasn’t sure how to take it.

  “I’d never act ungrateful if that’s what you’re implying.”

  She shook her head. “Just wait. They’ll be back soon. Branch just sent me a message.”

  I sat down at the counter waiting for my surprise to arrive. B was taking a nap and Danica didn’t need help with the food prep, so I was left to sit there with my roaming imagination of how everything was going to play out.