Losing Charley

by Casey Peeler

  ******

  September 2012

  Arriving at Dixon High School the first day of my Senior Year, I pull into my assigned parking spot. As I turn off the ignition, Tessa pauses. Awe hell.

  “Char, you gonna be okay today? I mean, you actually have to see him today.”

  Rolling my eyes, “Yes. Why does everyone think I’m not over him?”

  “I’m not saying that. Heck, I know who your world revolves around, but now you actually have to see him each day. I know that something happened with Dylan. More than what you’re letting on. You’ve been clinging onto Cash like white on rice and pushing everyone away.”

  “I didn’t push people away.”

  “Whatever. I’m your sister, and I know you. I pay attention to details, and know when you are full of shit.”

  “Tess, I’ll be fine. Just pray we don’t have any classes together.”

  Shaking her head, she exits the car and we make our way into school. Dang, why did Cash have to graduate last year? Dang early birthdays. I smile thinking about my best friend and how he makes me feel. Since that night, Cash has been there no matter what, not that he wasn’t before, but when Dylan and I dated he kept his distance. I guess that is like guy code or something.

  Since my breakup with Dylan, we have been together every free moment. It makes me feel like I’m a little girl again. Wait, I totally don’t feel like a little girl because the feelings I have for him aren’t little girl feelings. He’s helped me see that none of what happened was my fault, that I’m a strong woman, and he loves me regardless.

  As the bell rings for class, I cross my fingers that Dylan isn’t in it. Taking my seat, I watch the doorway for any sign of him. As the tardy bell rings, I know I’m in the clear. This pattern continues until lunch. Walking to the cafeteria I hear his voice but can’t see him. I can feel my heart beginning to thump harder and harder in my chest. When he comes into view, I think about avoiding him, but realize that will only show weakness. I look his way as he gives a sly grin. No words are exchanged, but I know that I will find a new route to the cafeteria for the next one hundred and eighty days.

  After arriving in my final class of the day, I watch the clock, the hands move closer to three o’clock and as soon as the bell rings, I grab my bag thankful that the day went smoothly. I breathe a sigh of relief that Dylan acted as if our breakup was just a typical breakup, and didn’t make a scene. As I make my way to the parking lot to meet my sister I notice Piper is at my side as we cross the parking lot.

  “Girl! It’s day one and I’m already ready for summer!” she says.

  “Me too! Can you believe they made us start on a Friday? Craziness!”

  “I know right? What you got planned tonight?”

  “I think Cash and I are just gonna go fishin’ tonight. Why?”

  She starts to laugh. “That what they call it these days?”

  “Piper, you know better than that! We’re just friends. He’s been there when I’ve needed him.”

  As Piper begins to flex her biceps she says, “Char, I know I don’t have big strong muscles but I could been there more when y’all broke up. I mean that’s what friends are for.”

  I shake my head. I love that girl. She always knows exactly what to say and what not to say. She never pushes me for information, but she also knows exactly how deep she can dig. She’s been my best girl friend as long as I can remember. I don’t know why she wants to go so far off to school. Why can’t she stay close by?

  Once we reach my car, we stand and talk about random stuff while our other friends make their way to the parking lot. They are all planning on going to a party at Trent’s tonight. There’s no way in hell I’m going there again. Just as they start to ask if I’m going, my phone rings and I smile. Cash. I tell him to hold on a second as Tessa approaches the car and let them know I’ll text them later.

  Buckling my seat belt, Tessa rolls her eyes at me. “What?” I mouth. She just shakes her head. Cash wants to see how today went and if I want to grab a bite to eat tonight around six. Why not? Disconnecting, I toss my phone in the console.

  “So he couldn’t wait five more minutes to talk to you?”

  “No. What’s your deal?”

  “I’m just worried about you. I don’t want you jumping into things with Cash too quick since you went straight to him after Dylan.”

  “What the hell Tess? Cash and I aren’t together. He’s my best friend. He’s always been. I’m not saying that things are a little blurred sometimes, but he’d never hurt me.”

  “I knew it!” she laughs. “Cash and Charley sitting in a tree,” she begins to sing.

  “Shut up!” I say as I do a quick brake check causing her to fly forward before her seat belt slings her back. She tries to act pissed, but I know she’s not.

  “So what you got planned tonight?” she questions.

  “Cash asked if I wanted to go eat supper then I guess we’ll go fishin’ like usual.”

  She just shakes her head and smiles as we turn up toward the farm.

  Once we arrive at home, we take care of our chores on the farm, and I take a quick shower to get ready to hang out with Cash. Grabbing a pair of cut offs, a Southern Doe tank, and my boots, I pull my hair in a messy bun and am ready to go.

  Making my way to the front porch, I take a seat on the swing and wait for Cash. I replay today in my mind. Today wasn’t so bad. I only saw Dylan on the way to lunch, got to see my friends, and am going out with my best friend tonight.

  Lost in thought, I’m caught off guard when the sound of boots hit the wooden steps. My daddy.

  “Charley, what you all dolled up for?” he asks.

  “What are you talkin’ ‘bout? Cash and I are gonna grab some supper that’s all.”

  “Well, you look beautiful,” he says as he enters the house.

  Taking a few more minutes to enjoy the stillness of the evening, my eyes are drawn to a F250 coming from the Montgomery farm. As the truck comes to a stop, the driver door opens and I’m at a loss of words. When he steps out of that truck, I see the boy who saved my life. He’s my knight in a pair of Carhartts and a F250. I can’t help but smile as he approaches the front porch.

  Standing I start to make my way toward him, “You okay?” I ask since he has this goofy grin on his face.

  “Perfect actually. Come on.” I make my way toward him and he motions for me to go first. Once we are in the truck, I ask him where we’re going and his lips are sealed as he begins to drive away from Grassy Pond. Where is he taking me?

  “Are you kidnapping me?” I ask playfully.

  “Nah, just stealing you away from everyone in Grassy Pond for a bit,” he says with a smile as he focuses on the road.

  After about twenty minutes I realize we are heading across the state line, and I’m pretty sure one of the best steaks I’ve ever had is in my future. Sure enough, within the hour we are pulling into the parking lot at Lakeside Steakhouse. Reaching for my door handle, Cash tells me to hold on. He comes around to open my door and I take his arm as we make our way toward the quaint restaurant right on the lake. The hostess seats us on the back deck where we can see boats speeding past and docking. The local band is setting up and the warm air feels amazing with the sun setting in the sky. Once we place our orders with the waitress, I sit and stare at Cash.

  “Are we on a date Cash Money?” I say seriously, and he chokes on his tea.

  “I just wanted you to get away from everything. You deserve it. I’m sure school was harder than you’re letting on. I wanted to take you somewhere you could forget. Somewhere that wasn’t the club, fishin’ or our normal. So no, it’s not a date.” Unsure of how I feel about this, I try my best not to let it show. “Charcoal, listen to me. If we ever take our friendship further, believe me when I say you will know we are on a date. Right now, you are dealing with a lot, and I don’t want our relationship to effect how yo
u deal with what happened.”

  Cash Montgomery is the most selfless person I know. He puts everyone before himself and I know that he is what is allowing me to survive this situation. I change the subject, we laugh, talk about our days, and he pulls me on the dance floor. As the song changes to a slower beat, he pulls me closer and rests his forehead on mine. We don’t speak, but volumes are spoken between us. I know there is more between us, but I also know that Cash won’t make the move. He wants me to heal, to find myself in my chaos, but what he doesn’t realize is he’s the reason I’m not broken.