Risqué

by Perri Forrest

  How I made it through that meeting without breaking a sweat, I have no clue. All I knew was that I was back in my car, and driving home in a daze.

  -24-

  All the way home, and even when I finally got to my street, I was still trying to process what the hell had just happened. I was angry. I was hurt. I was humiliated. My mind felt like it had multiple voices in it . . . all trying to demand answers, while some scolded me at the same time. Scolded me for being stupid. For being gullible. For being, dare I say it? Desperate! For being horny! For not asking enough damn questions! Hell, had I asked any at all?!

  Even blasting “Summer Rain,” my favorite song, didn’t help. It was usually just what I needed to put my mind at ease. Not this time, though. The mental takeover was too much. But I had something for all those damn voices coming at me, because I would be pouring me something strong-strong as soon as I got out of this maxi dress and these wedges.

  The shiny black Corvette parked in front of my house gave me pause. Enough to slow to a creep to mean-mug the vehicle. Call me petty-Betty, but it annoyed the hell out of me when somebody, who wasn’t a guest of mine, had the audacity to park in front of my house when there were so many other spaces and driveways . . . in front of the houses they were going to!

  I reached for my car’s visor and pressed the button to my genie so that I could drive into my garage. Seconds later, I watched the electric door close in my rearview mirror. I’d finally reached safety. I could make every effort at focusing on the present once again. Just as I lowered the volume on my stereo and removed my seatbelt, I heard, “Mama!” coming at me from not too far away.

  It startled the hell out of me. At first, causing me to think I was hearing things. But then when I looked out the front window of my car, standing before me was my baby girl, rushing toward me from inside the house. I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough and get to her! She was better than the liquor I was making a mad dash for, and the perfect pick-me-up.

  “Mamaaa!” she squealed from the smothering clutches of my embrace. “Stop all that kissing!” But she might as well have been speaking a foreign language because I didn’t care what she wanted. She was getting every one of these love smacks, and bear hugs. “Ma . . . maaa!” she squealed. “Come on!”

  Long after Skai started begging for mercy, I released her, and leaned back to look into her pretty brown eyes. “Look at you!” I cried, touching one of her shoulder-length, auburn wand curls, staring at her like I hadn’t seen her in years. I scanned her pretty face for anything I’d missed since she had been gone. “My baby!” I reached down, grabbed her hand into mine, and finally led us both inside the house. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming so I could get you from the airport?! Did you Uber? Is that your car outside? How long are you here for?”

  “Mama!” she giggled. “Slow all the way down, lady! Catch your breath before you pass out! I didn’t come all this way to spend time in a hospital!”

  “Well, I got questions,” I said, releasing her hand. I offloaded my purse atop the kitchen island before going to sit down in the dining area.

  Skai padded over to where the wine drawer was. “So, you got me for a whole two days, three nights . . . basically, forty-eight hours.”

  “Ugh. “That’s nothing,” I groaned. “But I’ll take it!” I told her through a gigantic smile and while sliding my feet from the heels that held them captive.

  Soon my daughter made her way to the seat across from me, holding two of my favorite glasses. “I poured these as soon as I heard the garage open.”

  “What are those?” I asked, tilting my head trying to get a read on the mixture that looked to be part yellow and part red. “Looks good whatever it is. You knew your Mama needed it. Bless you, child.” I grabbed my drink and brought the welcomed refreshment to my lips. “Yum! What is this?!” I asked excitedly, preparing to gulp down some more. “It’s perfection!”

  “It’s a Barefoot Bazinga.”

  “A barefoot who? What?” I laughed.

  “It’s got, tropical fusion, orange liqueur, pineapple juice, Piña Colada mix, and Barefoot Moscato.”

  “Honey, listen. You said you poured this when you heard me pull up. Is this packaged in a bottle somewhere? Because I already know I’m gonna want more.”

  “No, I made it. But there’s more in the fridge.”

  “Made it? Look at you! All worldly and stuff!” I gave her a side eye. “Who you been making drinks for? Is that why you’re home? To tell me that you got a man or something?”

  Skai twitched her head to the side, then put her drink on the table. “No, Mama. I make drinks for me . . . for muah, she said, animatedly bringing a manicured hand to her chest. “To unwind after a long day of work with all these executives and stuff like that.”

  My smile widened. “My baby’s a corporate woman. I can’t believe it. So proud of you, though. Those executives better behave, that’s all I know. Tell ‘em your Mama is a fierce feline for real. Particularly, when it comes to her cub.”

  “So, what’s up with you, Mama?” Skai asked, eyeing me suspiciously, as she switched gears on me. “What you been up to?”

  If you only knew what your Mama has been up to…

  “Nothing,” I lied. “I just came from a mandatory meeting at the school.”

  “About what?”

  I shook my head, lapsing momentarily back into that shock of a moment I’d just escaped.

  “Nothing real big. Just something about getting a team to work with us to prevent a strike. It’s been an ongoing conversation. There’s a lot of educators at their wit’s end. Tired of giving their all to feed the minds of the future, when the focus on their own futures, go so ignored. You know I only signed on for this to be a better part of the village for you.”

  “And then just never left,” Skai laughed.

  “No regrets,” I said, smiling at my daughter, not yet wanting to have the conversation about me thinking of changing professions. And even more so, now.

  “Been dating any?” she asked, catching me off guard. I almost choked on the drink in my mouth. I relaxed my throat and let the flow complete its journey, then released a small cough.

  “You good over there?” Skai asked, smiling. “Strike a nerve?”

  “No,” I stressed, frowning the ugliest frown I could muster, as though she’d just asked the dumbest question I’d ever heard.

  “Hmm, if you say so.”

  “And, I do.”

  “Okay, then I’ll accept that.” Skai got up from her seat, pushed the chair in and came over to me. She wrapped her arms around me tight, then planted a series of soft, loving kisses on the top of my head. “I love you, Mama. Glad we’re gonna get some girl time in for a few days. Now, let’s go get some Thai. My treat.”

  “I love you too, baby girl. Thai, it is. Let me get a pair of flats and I’m ready.”

  -25-

  After what took place earlier, spending time with my baby, was all that I needed in the world. I was on cloud nine out spending much-needed time with her. Just me and her. She couldn’t have come at a better time. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that Zane hadn’t even attempted to ring my phone. I knew that men could be dogs, but I also thought I would be able to sniff it out if it ever came my way again. I guess not. Because I sure as hell didn’t see any of that coming.

  I just kept going back to the sex. The talks. The sex.

  He played me. I thought back to that package showing up on my doorstep. How I went all willy-nilly because it was something I had never done. I let the mystery of it all seduce me, convince me that it was okay. And then got there and did something I had never done—then did it again!

  Was this a set up the whole time?

  Did he already know me?

  If so how? How?!

  Shit! Employee files! But why me?

  Fucking predator!

  Was he the one that sent me that shit?

  Oh my God!

  It was all
some kind of . . . but what? I have to find out what the . . .

  “Mama!” Skai said, from really close to my face, managing to shake me from where it was my mind had ventured to. “What is wrong?” she asked.

  “Nothing,” I managed to fib. “I was trying to remember whether I gave Kimberly my phone number before I left the meeting.”

  It was the best lie I could come up with for zoning out. But thinking back, I did leave without exchanging contact information with her. Shit.

  “Who is Kimberly? Another lady with a “K” in her name. You already tired of that Kameelah lady, huh?”

  “Skai stop that. Kameelah is cool.

  “Kameelah’s a thot,” she mumbled.

  “What’d you say, girl?” I laughed. “First you said she’s boring. And now she’s a thot. What gives?”

  “Nothing,” she said, batting her eyes innocently and smiling. “What about Kimberly, though?”

  “She’s cool. She’s one of the 5th grade teachers, and I ran into her earlier at the meeting. She wants to have drinks or go out sometimes.”

  “Oh, okay. Do it, Mama. Get out and kick it a bit. Speaking of kickin’ it, how was the Bellagio?”

  “Really nice.” And giving that answer took my mind back to Zane again. This has to stop. “I enjoyed myself.” A little too much. “And the Falls were amazing. Glad you made me go down there. Nothing like seeing them up close.”

  “Told you,” she sang.

  Skai let out a loud sigh and then folded into the leather of her booth seat across from me. “I can’t wait for my food to get here,” she said. “This is probably the best Thai in Vegas. Shoot, who am I kidding? Probably the best food in Vegas.”

  “Look at you being all brand-new.”

  “What?” she squealed.

  “What?” I mimicked her in the same squeal. “Stop bashing your hometown just because you got all that culture in the Big Apple now. Not fair.”

  “I can’t help it, Mama. The food is so much better. And way more culturally rich than here in this red state. You either got ratchet or not, in this place. No middle ground. It’s either Black, white, or Mexican. Addicts everywhere; from pills to gambling. Not much else. We got a melting pot in New York. That’s not here,” she said twirling her forefinger in the air. “You need to get out there and see me soon.”

  “I’d love to do that. You’re always working. Will you be able to entertain me while I’m there?”

  “Of course! We’ll have a lot of fun.”

  “Okay, I’m holding you to that. I’ll see what kind of schedule they come up with for this initiative, and if it’s when school starts back, then I’ll come out the weekend before session begins. I’ll probably come back ten pounds heavier, but it’ll be worth it.”

  “And you’ll still look like my sister and not my Mama!” she laughed. “A few pounds won’t do nothin’ but add to those curves. So, we got a date?”

  “Baby girl, we definitely got a date.”

  “So . . . speaking of dates, can we circle back to that question that almost had you choking at the house.”

  “Oh Lord. Give it up, Skai. I told you—”

  “I know what you told me. But I also saw your reaction. In case you haven’t noticed, you a little bit light-skinned, Mama.” She pointed a stiletto nail in my direction. “That level of melanin don’t hide too much when it comes to blushing. Dead-ass giveaway.”

  I hunched my shoulders, searching for a pacifier response to feed this persistent child of mine. I knew I wasn’t going to give her the whole truth, but then even giving her something as small as admitting to meeting somebody, wasn’t going to be enough. I didn’t know what to do, but then our food arrived, and I was saved . . . for now.

  “So, about work,” Skai started. “I love it, Ma. There’s so much to learn. Get to meet all kinds of people and go to all types of events. I can’t wait for you to meet Dionne. She’s amazing. So smart and driven. Our firm is ranked #2 in the world. That’s huge. Out of all the executive recruiting firms.”

  “I read that article on her in Black Enterprise. I was impressed. They didn’t mention her personal life in the article. Is she married? Kids?”

  “Oh no. Neither of those. She said she doesn’t want the whole family thing. Plans to just grow her empire.”

  “Oh God. Well, don’t let that rub off on you, because I need at least . . . at least two grandbabies.”

  “Mama, you’re forty-two years old. You can have another ba—”

  “Uhhh, wash your whole mouth out right now talking that nonsense!” I told her, sternly.

  She fell into such hard laughter, that it was contagious. I couldn’t help but fall in line behind her. Before long, we had others in our immediate area looking over to see what all the funny was about.

  “You are gonna get us put out of here,” Skai said, when our laughter began to ebb. “Seriously though, Mom, I’ll have you at least one grandchild. Promise. But I need something from you in return.”

  “Say what now?” I responded. “Do I hear a bribe?”

  “Not a bribe. I just need something from you.”

  I brought my glass of Thai tea to my lips and took a sip, before putting it back down. “And what’s that, my dear daughter?”

  “I need you to get out of your own way…”

  A gasp caught in my throat. “What do you mean out of my own way?”

  “Just what I said. Mama, I haven’t been totally honest about why I came home to visit.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. A whisper was the only thing I could contribute as I fought through anxiety, confusion, thoughts of parental failure.

  “I’ve watched you growing up, just like most kids watch their parents. Except . . .” Skai paused, and when she did, my heart skipped a beat or two. “Except I watched you, and vowed to myself . . . that I wouldn’t be you.”

  My heart shattered when she said the words. Tears threatened to flood my eyes. They were right there behind the instant forming of the gloss; it was just a matter of time before they debuted. What had I done to make her feel this way? Oh God, what had I done? Dare I even ask and feel the dagger go in even further? But I couldn’t even form words to speak. I suddenly felt inches tall. Like nothing. Like a failure.

  “I’m sorry, Skai . . .” were the only words I could contribute.

  My daughter reached across the table and placed a soft hand over mine. “You don’t have to apologize, Ma. I admire you for so many things. All except the relationship stuff. That’s the part I watched, and don’t want. Just that.”

  That kind of softened the blow, but knowing that my only child had been judging me, studying me and that her findings served as disappointment, was of no consolation. Big or small, I had failed as a role model. Was that why she had moved so far away from home? She wanted away from me? All I could think of was that I had fucked up—majorly.

  “I get it,” I managed to say. But did I really?

  “I don’t know if you do, Ma. Here’s what I mean. You allowed a man to be your everything. Your only. And not that it’s a bad thing while in the relationship, but it seems like you’re letting that be the case, even after. I resent it. Daddy has gone on with his life without a thought of looking back. You gave him your youth, and then your womanhood. Then, when he felt that he was done, he was done. Yet, here you are.”

  In that moment, I wanted to shout to her what I’d been bold enough to do with Zane. That I had given myself to a risqué moment. A moment, that turned into more than a few moments. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t the person she thought I was. But how much of bragging rights could it really be that I went out on an excursion and had sex with a stranger? And then had sex with that same stranger again? But, in the end, I had been duped, so it would only serve as something to make her even less proud.

  “I’m so sorry, Skai,” I repeated, my eyes watering just a bit. Crying would serve no purpose though. Not right now. I had to be stronger than that, no matter how much the words stung. For t
he second time today, I pushed my plate of food aside. “Baby, I’ll be right back.”

  “But Mama, I—”

  “No baby, it’s okay.” I reached across the table to cup my daughter’s hands in my own. “I received everything you said. Mama’s okay. Just going to the bathroom to tinkle.” I watched my beautiful girl’s face open into a smile.

  “Okay,” she said.

  It was when I got up from the table and headed in the opposite direction, that I let the tears fall. The trip to the bathroom was so that I could get the rest out, and then put my face back on and act like all was well inside this broken heart of mine.

  It would be hard. Extremely hard, for twice in one day, it had been dragged from my chest . . .

  -26-

  “Mama, you good?” Skai asked, her small hand palming my thigh, and squeezing just enough to drag me from my musings. “You’re awfully quiet over there. You mad at me?”

  “Of course not. I can’t be mad at you for speaking your truth. It’s what I always told you to do, right? So, no. I needed to hear what you had to say, how you were feeling. And I know it had to be on your heart strong, for you to come all the way home.”

  “Yeah,” she stated solemnly. “I never wanna hurt you, Mama. You’ve been through enough of that. All I want is for you to be happy. You deserve that. And Galen Childs deserves to see you happy and not the left-behind, sulking, ex-wife. You’re so beautiful, Ma. You’re smart, you’re compassionate, you have a bomb body! You look ten years younger than you really are. You’re a catch for any man. And if I had to come all the way from New York to tell you that, then I had to come all the way from New York to tell you that. When you told me that you were going to be at the Bellagio for a whole week by yourself, I knew that we needed to talk. If anything, you should’ve been at the Bellagio with a fine man making me a little brother or—”