‘Don’t worry,’ Lainy reassures me. ‘I just dropped round to pick up some cake tins, that’s all, okay?’
I nod vehemently, grateful that she understands what’s needed. ‘Cake tins. Right. Stay calm. Act naturally.’
‘Faye!’ Jake’s voice booms through the hallway, sending my pulse spinning.
‘In here!’ I call out brightly.
Jake’s head appears around the door, his eyes twinkling. But this is to be expected. He’s always his best possible self the day after one of his violent episodes. He steps into the room, an enormous bouquet of flowers in his arms. His expression falters a little when he sees Lainy, but he soon masks it with a smile. ‘Hey, Laines, didn’t expect to see you today.’
She stands and they kiss awkwardly on the cheek. ‘Just came round to pick up some cake tins, but poor Faye has got a bit of a headache. Nice flowers.’
‘Wow, they’re beautiful.’ I hope my smile looks genuine enough.
‘Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman,’ Jake says, leaning down to kiss me.
I kiss him back, my body rebelling, but my mind forcing my lips into submission.
‘Ah, poor you. Sorry you’re feeling a bit rough. I’ve actually got to go straight back out – I’m meeting with a new client.’
The relief I feel at his words – knowing he’s not staying – is like a tangible thing. I hope Jake doesn’t notice it. I get to my feet, desperate to be away from his scrutiny for a few moments. ‘No worries. I’ll go and put these in water. They’re so lovely.’
‘How’s things with you, Lainy?’ Jake asks as I slip past him, taking the flowers with me.
‘Oh, you know, same old.’ I eavesdrop on their conversation as I walk slowly down the hall, trying to get my breathing under control.
‘And how are Tom and the girls?’
‘They’re good. What’s this meeting you’ve got?’
‘Shit, I’d better love you and leave you. Don’t want to be late. Traffic’s terrible. I just wanted to see how Faye was doing. Her headache started this morning, poor thing. Maybe you should leave her to rest up, Lainy. Socialising will only make her head feel worse.’
‘Sure.’ Lainy’s voice sounds fake and forced. I hope Jake doesn’t notice anything amiss. ‘I’ll just finish my cuppa, and then I’ll be off.’
I rush into the kitchen, grab a vase from the cupboard, fill it with water and dump the flowers in without trimming the ends or pouring in the sachet of plant food. I take another moment to compose myself before returning to the lounge and placing the vase on a side table.
Years of practice has taught me not to jerk back as Jake strokes the side of my face and kisses me on the lips. Necessity has made me a passable actress.
‘I’ll leave you two to it. It’s all right for some,’ Jake says good-naturedly, ‘lazing around on a weekday.’
I notice Lainy gritting her teeth and I pray she doesn’t blow it. Not when we’re so nearly close to him leaving again. If she decides to let on that she knows what he’s done, it won’t end well for either of us. ‘Have a good meeting,’ she says instead.
I let out a breath.
‘Thanks, Laines. You and Tom will have to come over for dinner soon.’
‘Sounds good.’
Finally, he leaves, closing the front door quietly behind him. And it’s as though the whole house lets out a sigh, a loosening of tendons and sinews that were wound up tightly only moments ago.
‘How can you live like this?’ Lainy demands, running a hand through her rain-damp hair. ‘The fear I just felt when his key was turning in the door…’
‘He was coming home to apologise.’ I gesture to the flowers on the table. ‘He feels guilty after last night. But the guilt won’t last. He’ll be angry again soon enough.’
‘Then you mustn’t stay here.’
‘Before he came home, you were going to tell me what he was like, back then.’ I have to get her to change the subject. I sit back down on the sofa, tucking my legs up under me and crossing my arms tightly around my body to try to quell the trembling that has returned with a vengeance. I slowly rock back and forth like there’s a baby in my arms I’m trying to soothe. I find the motion helps me to stay calmer.
Lainy shifts in her seat, doubt etched across her face. Like she’s changed her mind about telling me.
‘Lainy?’ I prompt.
‘When I was fourteen,’ Lainy begins, ‘a boy I fancied walked me home from a beach party. And I know he fancied me back. His name was Owen Pearson.’ She catches her breath. ‘And he was the most gorgeous, funny, sweet person.’ Lainy closes her eyes for a second, as though remembering. ‘But my brother… he caught up to us at the top of the cliff path. He accused Owen of assaulting me. It was all a load of rubbish, of course, but Jake had just been humiliated by a girl he fancied and was taking it out on Owen. I tried to tell Jake that he was mistaken. That Owen hadn’t done anything wrong. But my brother wouldn’t listen. For some reason he seemed to hate Owen. He wanted a fight. It was awful. And…’
‘And?’ I get the sense that this is no ordinary story. That what she tells me here, today, will be equal to my own earlier revelation.
‘Jake charged at Owen. They were grappling, but not actually fighting, just kind of locked together. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t call anyone for help – not all of us kids had mobile phones back then, me and Jake included.’
I nod my agreement and encouragement.
‘Anyway, Owen managed to kick Jake in the shins hard enough so that he let him go. They broke apart, and I thought that was it. I thought they’d stomp off in separate directions. Go home and calm down. But…’
‘What?’ I ask, my heart in my throat.
‘Jake… he pushed Owen. We were on the clifftop.’ Lainy stops.
I break the silence, daring to hazard a guess. ‘Did Jake… did he push him off the cliff?’
Lainy bites her lip and nods. ‘Owen went over, but it was okay, because he still had a hand hold on the edge of the cliff. I could see his fingers gripping on, and the desperation in his eyes. I reached down to give him my hand and pull him up, but before I could grab him, Jake…’ Lainy’s voice catches. ‘Jake used the toe of his trainer to loosen Owen’s grip. He stamped on his fingers until he had to let go.’ A tear slides down Lainy’s cheek and she smudges it away. ‘It was terrible.’
‘He killed him?’ I ask in a whisper. Shocked but not shocked. After all, I know the man she’s talking about.
‘I saw Owen fall,’ Lainy says. ‘He bounced down the ravine and then was freefalling part of the way. I thought he’d still be all right. That a tree or bush would break his fall. But he slammed into a rock. Landed on his back at a weird angle. The moon was so bright that I could see his eyes, staring, and the dark pool of blood that was spreading.’
‘Oh no!’ I’m waiting for her to go on, but Lainy’s face is rigid. Her mind obviously fixed on a place that’s as haunting for her now as it ever was. ‘Lainy? Are you okay?’ I get up and sit next to her.
Lainy gives herself a little shake. ‘Sorry. I’m so sorry. I was remembering…’
‘It’s okay. It must have been shocking. You were still only a child really. Fourteen is no age.’
‘When I think about Owen’s face after he fell… it was blank. Like he wasn’t there any more. It was so unbelievable to me that he was gone. That he would never laugh and tease and joke again. That I would never again get to know the feel of my hand in his. It was so… final.’
‘What did you do?’
‘That’s the thing. I didn’t have time to do anything, because just at that moment, Kayla appeared at the top of the cliff path.’
‘Kayla?’
‘Yes, a friend from Jake’s year. She saw Owen fall, but when she saw me reach out to save him, she thought I was pushing him.’
‘What?!’
‘I wanted to tell her that it was Jake who pushed him, but before I could open my mouth, Jake was agreeing with her.
He said it was me!’
‘And she believed him?’
Lainy nods. ‘I should have told Kayla the truth, but I didn’t want Jake to go to prison. He was my brother; he is my brother. But I see now that prison would have been the best place for him. It’s where he belongs. There isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think about poor Owen.’
We sit in silence for a moment. Lainy’s breath is ragged, as though she’s been running. ‘You know, just before my brother came along that night, Owen told me he liked me. I was so happy. So besotted. It was the best moment of my life… until it wasn’t any more.’
‘I’m so sorry, Lainy.’ I lean into my sister-in-law, take her hands and squeeze them.
She sits up and stares at me for a moment. ‘You don’t seem shocked by what I’ve told you.’
‘I am,’ I reply. ‘It is shocking. But we’re talking about Jake, so I’m also not surprised. But –’ my voice catches – ‘most of all, I’m just tired and overwhelmed and I want it all to end.’
Lainy nods.
‘Sometimes –’ I lower my voice – ‘when it’s really bad, I wish Jake would just get it over with and kill me. But then I wouldn’t be here for Dylan. And I couldn’t bear the thought of that. I couldn’t leave my baby.’
‘Oh, Faye! I understand. I’ve had a lifetime of Jake and I think I’ve always been scared of him. At first it was a small fear. Like being afraid that he would shout at me if I did something to annoy him. But after that terrible night I realised that he was capable of so much more. And even if he didn’t always show me his dark side, I still knew it was there.’
‘Did you tell the police what happened?’ I ask.
‘I wanted to report it, but events happened so quickly. Things got confused. I was only fourteen. Like you said – still a child really. Afterwards, Jake told me that if I ever told anyone the truth, he would turn me over to the police and now he had a witness who would back him up.’
‘He said that?’
Lainy nods. ‘He was quite clear about it.’
‘What about the girl, Kayla? Couldn’t you have told her what really happened? Surely you could have gone to her afterwards and explained.’
‘Jake twisted the whole thing into a clever lie. He told Kayla that Owen had tried to rape me and that the reason I pushed him was to defend myself. He made it sound so rational and believable. He played on her sympathy. Told her that if she went to the police she would be ruining my life. So Kayla agreed to keep our secret. I was worried that if I told her the truth, she would go to the police and then we’d all be arrested. But anyway, I didn’t have the courage to contradict him. I didn’t know what to do for the best. All I could think about was that Owen was dead.
‘After that night, Jake was nice as pie to me. I rarely saw that dark side of him after that. I sometimes think I imagined it all. That it only happened in my head. But now – seeing you like this, seeing what he’s done to you – I know it was all true. I know he really is that awful person. And I’m so, so sorry I didn’t realise.’ Lainy’s chin wobbles, but she doesn’t cry. I can tell she’s trying to be strong – for me.
‘What happened to Owen?’ I ask. ‘Did they find him?’
Lainy bites her lip and nods. ‘The inquest ruled that it was death by misadventure. They found alcohol in his bloodstream. They concluded that he must have accidentally lost his footing and gone over the edge. It was all seen as some terrible, tragic accident. No one was suspected of anything untoward.’
‘So you all just got on with your lives,’ I murmur.
‘Jake seemed to have no trouble getting on with his life. It took me years to feel anything approaching normal. But Faye, that was then. This is now. And right now we have to get you away from him.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Look, what if I went to the police now,’ Lainy persists. ‘I could tell them about Owen. Tell them about what Jake did back then. Maybe they’d arrest him?’
‘But you already said that Kayla thinks you pushed him over. With Kayla’s and Jake’s word against yours, it would end up with you being arrested and Jake getting away with it. And then he’d be angry with you too. He’d be furious.’
‘Why can’t we just show the police your bruises?’
‘If I could guarantee that the police would keep me and Dylan safe from him, then I would go to them in a heartbeat. But Jake has already said that if I contact them, he’ll never let me get away with it. He says he’ll kill me and take Dylan. And if he can’t do it personally, he knows people who will do it for him. And I believe him. I can’t take any chances. Not with Dylan’s life.’ My voice is quavering now and I feel physically sick at the thought of what he would do if he knew I was even discussing him like this.
‘You could move away with Dylan. Hide. I’d help you.’
‘For the rest of our lives? Where would we go? How would we live?’
‘There has to be a way.’ Lainy taps her fingers together. ‘We need to think outside the box. We need to come up with a plan.’
‘Believe me, I’ve considered every option.’ I hug my knees to my chest.
But Lainy’s gaze hardens. ‘Not every option,’ she says.
Forty-Two
Now
Chambourcy, France
Carrying the tray of fresh lemonade and biscuits, Louis walks up the creaky wooden stairs, the stiff soles of his boots squeaking with every step. He crosses the landing and knocks on the door at the end, three sharp raps.
The muffled sobs from within suddenly stop.
‘Hello!’ Louis calls out, trying to tone down his gruff Dorset accent. ‘Can I come in? I’ve got some nice cool lemonade for you, and a snack.’
Silence.
Louis pushes the handle down with his elbow and opens the door.
On the floor beside a metal-framed single bed sits seven-year-old Dylan. His eyes are red, his face white and puffy from a night of crying his eyes out.
‘Hey, still feeling sad?’ Louis says with a tilt of his head. ‘I brought you something to eat.’
Dylan sniffs. ‘I want to g-g-go home. I want my mummy. And where’s my daddy?’
‘I’m sorry, Dylan. We spoke about that already, didn’t we?’
‘B-b-but—’
‘And do you remember what I told you before?’
Dylan bows his head and clenches his fists.
‘Sorry, lad, but your daddy’s not coming.’
Forty-Three
The road is sweeping and unfamiliar. A road that’s taking me away from my past and all its horrors. The scenery to my left and right is flat and green and wide, bordered by neatly clipped hedgerows. Ahead lies nothing but grey road and thick forest, all bathed in a warm, late-summer glow.
I haven’t been able to call ahead, so I’m not sure what to expect. And, if I’m honest, I’m ever so slightly terrified. Lainy said that I’m over the worst. That things will only be good from now on. I’m not sure I believe that. But I’ve decided to take each day as it comes. To try not to look too hard into the future.
Much like the road, my car – a left-hand-drive navy Renault Clio – feels unfamiliar. But I already love it. It already feels like mine. The forest that lay ahead for so many miles is fast approaching, and now the fields are being swallowed up by trees, tall and green but with a crisp curl of yellow here and there. A nod towards the arrival of autumn. The season of change.
The road narrows, and every now and then, I flash past intriguing walls with high wooden gates and private roads leading off to hidden dwellings. According to the directions I found in the glove box, it won’t be long until I arrive at my destination. Just a couple more kilometres.
I reach a charming hamlet situated at a crossroads – stone buildings with grey or green shutters, a couple of pretty restaurants, a farm shop. I consult the directions and take a right where the road leads me back into the forest. I’m getting close now, so I slow down and keep my eyes peeled for the turning. My stomach flutters as I pass the fir
st landmark – a cream farmhouse with blue shutters on my left… then a field of ponies… and a stand of three oak trees on my right. Luckily there are no cars behind me as I slow almost to a crawl. And here it is! On my left, an innocuous dirt track. This has to be the one. Despite there being no one around, I indicate left and nose the Clio onto the track.
My inclination is to zoom to the end as fast as I can, but I have to take it easy because this little car is not made for a pitted road like this. I’m jolting around all over the place, my teeth and bones rattling. As I follow the track, it feels like it’s taking forever, my hands aching from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.
And now, suddenly, the forest thins out and I’m driving through a lush, green orchard with fairy-tale red and green apples hanging from the trees like something out of a child’s colouring book. A stream meanders off into the distance, a rippling blue ribbon. Up ahead, nestled in a shallow dip, sits a handsome stone farmhouse with the obligatory wooden shutters, a slate roof and tall chimneys.
Despite my quivering insides, my heart lifts ever so slightly. I never expected anything as beautiful as this.
As I approach the house, the road evens out and brings me to a gravel drive. The tyres hiss and crunch across its surface. A dog barks and a child cries out in the distance.
I unclench my hands from the wheel, turn off the engine and get out of the car just as the front door to the house swings open.
‘Faye, you made it!’
‘Hi.’ I push my sunglasses up onto my head and walk across the drive to meet him. We kiss on the cheek. He gives me a hug and, despite his reassuring familiarity, I feel my anxiety levels creep up again. So much has happened since we last saw one another. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ I say. ‘Hope you weren’t worried I wouldn’t come. It didn’t happen exactly as I thought. I had trouble getting my passport… Anyway, is he here? Is he okay? I’ve been going out of my mind with worry, imagining all sorts.’
The Marriage Betrayal Page 20