by Amy Daws
I step back and gesture inside. “Vaughn, you remember my mother, Jane?”
Vaughn’s eyes turn to saucers as his gaze snaps back and forth from me to my mom at the table. You can see the whites of my mother’s eyes as she sits there, frozen with a french fry in her hand. Or a chip, as Daphney would call it.
“Hungry?” I ask, closing the door and laughing to myself because this has been a day of all days.
“Um…no. I can come back later if you prefer,” Vaughn responds, looking awkward.
“Well, my mom already knows that I dropped the bomb on you today, plus I have a DNA test on the table if you’d like to look at it. And considering I don’t know if I still play for your club anymore, I’d rather just get this all out in the open now, so I know where I stand with you.”
The level of chill I am right now is unbelievable. I don’t know if it’s still the adrenaline from today’s match or if I’ve just completely run out of emotions to have at this point. But it is what it is.
Vaughn’s brows furrow as he pins me with a sincere look. “Of course you still play for Bethnal Green. Why would you say that?”
I shrug. “My behavior today was pretty shitty,” I reply honestly. My dad always said it’s better to admit bad behavior than try to cover it up.
“Well, I gather that you’ve been dealing with a lot since you arrived in London,” Vaughn says, gripping the back of his neck. I wince at the motion because it’s something I do a lot too. “I spoke with Santino, and he gave me a bit more of the story than you did.”
I huff out a laugh. “It’s been a weird couple of months.”
“How do you have DNA results?” Vaughn asks, blinking back at me curiously. “Santino didn’t say anything about that.”
“I stole some hair off your brush when Daphney brought me to your house a few weeks ago.” I say it like I’m ordering a burger and fries. God, life is fucking weird today.
“I see.” Vaughn frowns as he processes that information.
“Daphney had no idea what I was doing that day,” I state, by way of defending her. “She was as blindsided by all of this as you were.”
“It’s not really something anyone can be prepared for, is it?” Daphney offers me a soft smile that hits me right in the chest. I’ve only known her for two months, but it’s like she’s always been there. How is that possible?
“No, it’s not.” Vaughn laughs, scrubbing his nails over the whiskers on his chin. He turns his focus to my mother. “Jane…how could you never tell me?”
My mom’s chin wobbles, and she shrugs, looking small and sad. “You had your hands full, Vaughn. And I was leaving for America. The timing was awful.”
“I know, but…” He looks back at me again, his eyes raking over every one of my features like he’s seeing me for the first time. His voice is hoarse when he says, “You play so much like Gareth. How could I have missed it?”
His words are candid, and for some odd reason, they bring me a sense of relief. A part of me wondered if Vaughn might deny the connection out of fear of scandal. The Harris family makes headlines very easily, and if something like this gets leaked, it’s certain to cause a stir. But just because he’s here in my apartment, openly talking about this, doesn’t mean he’s ready to acknowledge it to everyone. I know from my past conversations with Booker that it took a long time for the Harris family to become what they are today. A commotion like me might rock the boat too much.
“I feel like I’ve missed so much,” Vaughn states, looking at me with red-rimmed eyes. “But it sounds like you had a great father?”
“He did,” my mom says, standing up with a fierce look in her eyes.
“I did,” I confirm, my chin rising with pride. “My dad was one of a kind.”
Vaughn nods slowly. “I’d love to hear more about him and you if you’re willing to share. I think he and your mum raised a tremendous son.”
Hearing those words on Vaughn’s lips causes my eyes to burn. It’s almost like getting my dad’s approval through Vaughn’s mouth. It’s tripping me out. Maybe this won’t be as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe this can be okay.
I shake away the emotions clogging up my mind and ask, “Can I get you a beer, Vaughn?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I better take two.”
A couple of hours later, I’m standing at the door, hugging Vaughn Harris. It’s fucking weird. It doesn’t feel like my dad, but it doesn’t feel like a stranger either. It feels…like something new. He and my mom are leaving together. He’s offered to give her a ride to her hotel, and I have a feeling the two of them have a lot more to talk about.
“So, you’re sure it’s okay if I tell the rest of the family tomorrow then?” Vaughn asks, his eyes looking hopeful. “I know this is all happening really fast, but secrets in our family never last very long.”
I laugh and nod slowly. “Yeah, I’m good with it.”
“Good, good.” Vaughn nods thoughtfully. “And then you’ll join us for our Sunday dinner around six. I’ll be sure to tell everyone early enough to give them time to adjust to the news, but I’m sure they’re going to have questions for you.”
I inhale a cleansing breath. This is what I knew would be coming. Telling Vaughn was easy. It was the heat of the moment, and I didn’t have time to overthink my words or the setting. The rest of the family will be another experience altogether. A part of me wishes I could be there to see their reactions, so I know what Vi and the brothers really think of all this. But deep down, they deserve to have their own family moment, the same way I did with my mom.
“I’ll be there at six,” I say and note the relief in Vaughn’s face.
He turns his focus to my mom. “Jane, you would be very welcome to join us as well if you like.”
“I don’t believe Zander needs me for this.” My mom offers a polite smile to Vaughn as she reaches out to rub my arm. “Plus, I’ve got to get back to Boston for work soon. But I plan to stick around long enough to hear all about it. I’m just happy Zander knows what he wants because it’s a lot to take in.”
I nod firmly, letting her words fall over me. This is what I want. Which is another fucking weird thing. I finally know what I want. There’s no guidebook to how to deal with this, only what feels right. I’m just grateful that what feels right to Vaughn aligns with what feels right to me. I’m done with the secrets. I want to go to Sunday dinner tomorrow with the truth all out in the open. I’m ready for it.
I hug my mom goodbye and hold her tight for a moment. She’s been through a lot this week. I think if she had her way, I’d still be in the dark about all of this. She’s protective of my dad and of me. I’m sure her history with Vaughn makes it difficult for her to accept all of this easily, but it’s not up to her. She’ll come around to all of this in her own time. And the fact that she’s staying in town for a bit means she cares. And that’s worth more to me than she’ll ever know.
I close the door and press my forehead to it for a moment, feeling my body sag with relief, grateful to be done with all of that for now.
When I turn around, I find Daphney in my kitchen. She tosses a rag into the sink and offers me a soft smile that has my heart nearly bursting out of my chest.
Exhaling heavily, I move toward her to do the one thing I’ve been dying to do since the moment she stepped into my apartment with my mom. I cup her face and lean in to kiss her.
“Zander, no,” she states, pulling back and covering her lips.
“No?” My eyes search her face for answers.
She chews her lip nervously as tension grows between us. “You can’t kiss me.”
I huff out an incredulous laugh as my hands drop from her face. “Why not?”
“Because…we’re not together,” she says it quickly like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
I grip the back of my neck and point at the door behind me. “You went to a soccer game with my mom. You showed up here with her after. You were beside me all evening. What do y
ou mean we’re not together? You’re standing right in front of me, Daphney.”
She shoots me a guilty look that I fucking hate. “I can understand how my involvement in all this confused you.” She tucks her hair behind her ears and avoids eye contact. “But I only wanted you to find peace with your mum. And I guess I got caught up in all that today. Emotions were high, and I was just so happy to see you guys talking.” Her eyes lift to mine when she adds, “But I haven’t forgotten that you used me to figure all of this out.”
“I made a mistake,” I state firmly, my hands turning to fists at my sides. “But that’s all it was. A mistake. We’re bigger than that, surely. You wouldn’t have cared about my mom if you didn’t care about me still.”
“Zander, I do care about you.” Her face is resigned, her body language closed off. She’s at complete odds with the girl who hugged me and gave me life only a few hours ago. “Against my better judgment, I care. But I cannot ignore the fact that you used me.”
“So, that’s it?” I snap, my tone acidic as frustration courses through my veins. “You’re done with me?”
“You knew I was messed up about my ex, and you still didn’t come clean about everything.” She shrugs like that’s all there is to it, but that’s not all there is to it. There’s so much more to it that my mind and my heart are currently battling over who gets to speak first.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I step closer to Daphney, so she’s forced to look into my eyes. “I am not your ex. I actually feel remorse for lying to you. I’m not a sociopath who fucking stole from you and doubled down in court. I struggled to let you in, but that’s in the past now. I want you all in. Don’t let your past trauma ruin that.”
“It’s not just about Rex.” Her brows knit together in the middle as she looks up at me.
“Then what is it?” I exclaim, jamming my hands through my hair. “Tell me so I can fix it and kiss you.”
Her face bends with emotion as her eyes search mine. “You can’t fix it, Zander. It just is what it is. You and I aren’t on the same page, and that’s how I know this has to be over.”
“That’s really what you see?” I huff, backing up and tossing my hands out to put myself on display. “I’ve texted you and called you and looked for you for a week. I had the biggest game of my life to prepare for, and there wasn’t a goddamn minute when I wasn’t thinking of you. I scaled a fence at Old George just so I could beg for your forgiveness. That doesn’t put me on your fucking page?”
“Look, I’m not saying you don’t have regrets. I know you do.” She lowers her gaze to nervously fiddle with the strings on her hoodie. “And I know you’re grateful that I helped bring you and your mum together. But I don’t want you to use that gesture I made to turn this into more than it is. That’s not what I want.”
“What do you want?” I croak, my voice guttural as my eyes begin to burn. Holy shit, I can’t figure her out.
Daphney opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out, and that fucking dimple in her chin that I used to love appears, taunting me with a million unanswered questions. Her eyes cast downward, and her voice is resigned when she finally says, “I think it was a mistake for us to turn our neighbors-with-benefits situation into something more. It’s better to end this now before we get to the point of no return. This way, we can stay friends.”
“Friends?” A disgruntled laugh rips up my throat as an ache blooms through my chest at that horrible fucking label. “So that’s where you want me?”
She nods woodenly. “I think it’s what’s best for both of us.”
“It’s best for you,” I hiss and then step back because my body is starting to break down. The events of the past twenty-four hours are finally taking their toll. I spent the past year forcing myself not to feel the loss of my father, and now I feel everything all at once, and it’s too damn much. I’m tired of feeling. And I’m tired of fighting for someone who has no desire to fight for me.
I turn on my heel and open the door for Daphney to leave, avoiding eye contact as she walks past me because if she looks at me, I’ll crumple. I’ll tell her that she’s a disappointment because she doesn’t see me for who I really am. But if she can’t see me now, in my weakest moment, maybe she never will.
When she steps out into the hallway and makes her way over to her place, I close my door and can’t help but think the final score in the Zander/Daphney relationship match is Zander: two, Daphney: two. And no one ever wins with a tie.
Zander
It’s Sunday evening when I slide out of the black cab in front of the gated entrance of Vaughn Harris’s house in Chigwell. I gaze down the driveway at the bright yellow double door entrance. This is the Harris childhood home. I’ve been here before, but I’m seeing it through different eyes now that everything is out in the open. I hope I know what I’ve gotten myself into.
“Just call when you want us to come back and get you,” Link says, resting his hand on my shoulder as he stands solemnly beside me. “I mean it, we’re just going to be at a pub a mile away. It won’t take us long to get back. I’ll fucking run it if we can’t get a cab quick enough.”
“Or if you want us to come in with you, we will,” Knight offers, leaning against the open car door. He hits me with another one of his iconic serious looks. “The Harrises have each other to lean on, and you’re going in alone. I don’t like that.”
I laugh and shake my head. “It’s not like they’re strangers.”
“I know,” Knight says and glowers back at me. “I still don’t like it.”
I glance between my two friends. Brothers from another mother, teammates, and so much more. These guys didn’t hesitate when I called and asked them to meet me for breakfast this morning. And after how shitty I’d been treating them the past week, hell, the past several weeks as I’ve dealt poorly with all this family shit, I’m not sure I deserve their friendship. But I’ll be damn sure I’m going to do everything in my power to be worthy of it now.
My phone pings with a notification, and I glance down to see it’s from Daphney. Shaking my head, I slide it back into my jeans.
“Was that her?” Link inquires, pinning me with a curious look.
I nod and roll my eyes. “Yes, but I’m not going to open it.”
“Now you’re ghosting her?” Link asks, his brow furrowed.
“She made her decision last night,” I state, feeling my jaw muscle shift with agitation. “Hell, she made her decision last week. I was just too stupid to realize it. She’s not in love with me, and that’s that.”
Knight hits me with a flat look.
“Look, you weren’t there, you don’t know.” I wince when I think about how she looked at me like I was nothing more than a buddy she was helping out. It was soul-crushing.
“Okay,” he says, shifting off the cab to walk over to me. “Let’s just deal with one drama at a time today, okay?”
“Something new and different for me,” I reply with a laugh.
Knight shocks me by yanking me in for a hug. He slaps my back, then pulls back to stab a finger in my chest. “You got this.”
“Fuck yes, he does.” Link throws an arm around each of us and smiles. “We’d make a really sexy thruple, you guys.”
Knight and I both laugh and shove Link away.
“What?” he exclaims, looking offended.
“Get out of here.” I give him a playful kick in the ass as he slides back into the cab. “I’ll call you guys later.”
I wave them off and turn to make my way up the long gravel lane to the front entrance feeling like a kid walking in on my first day of school, hoping the kids all like me.
“Zander,” Vaughn says as he opens the door and walks out onto the front step with a smile. He pulls me into a hug and sighs. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
“Thanks for having me,” I respond, offering him a polite smile as we pull apart. I had no idea when I was just a footballer for his club that this guy was such a hugger. It will take some g
etting used to.
“Everyone’s waiting in the kitchen.” He gestures behind him. “Please come in.”
I follow him down the long marble hallway, my stomach a swirling vortex of fireworks. It’s really fucking weird to be nervous to see people you’ve already met before. But now that the truth is out, all our perspectives have changed. Like it or not, this will be weird.
Vaughn pushes open the door to the kitchen, and I swear it’s like a cheesy movie moment when the record scratches and everyone in the room freezes to gawk at me. Vaughn remains silent as he steps to the side, leaving me standing in the doorway, all on my own.
I open my mouth to break the silence when Tanner blurts out, “Well this is awkward as fuck.”
“Tanner,” Vi exclaims, coming out from behind the kitchen counter. She points at the jar on the table.
“The kids are all out in the woods. Surely the swear jar rule doesn’t apply when no kids are around.” Tanner turns his attention back to me. “What I meant to say was…welcome, Zander.”
I huff out a nervous laugh. “Thanks…but you’re right…this is awkward.”
“Well, come in,” Vi says, shuffling over to me. “I have tea on the table, and I think we should all sit down and have a proper chat.”
I nod gratefully and take the seat Vi points at in the middle of the long table. She sits down beside me, and I glance outside, wondering where everyone else is.
“Where is everyone?” I ask, glancing up at Vaughn, who takes the chair directly across from me.
“Hayden and the girls are all outside with the children,” he replies, splaying his hands on the table in front of him. “A few years back, Booker and the boys built a playhouse deeper into the woods out back, and since it’s not horribly cold today, we thought it’d be good for them to be out there to give us all a bit of privacy to talk.”
“I see,” I say, discreetly wiping my sweaty palms off on my jeans before taking the cup of tea Vi has just poured me.