by Amy Daws
I shrug. “She knows.”
He takes a long drink and licks his lips slowly as he puts the cap back on his bottle. If he’s shocked or pissed, he’s hiding it well. With a resolute nod, he pats my shoulder before walking back to join the rest of the family. I watch him sit down next to Vi like I didn’t just confess that I used his sister for my own personal gain.
“Should I be afraid?” I whisper to Booker, a pit forming in my stomach.
“Yes,” Booker responds quickly.
Daphney
Phoebe: I don’t understand how you don’t want to drink with me. It’s Saturday night!
Me: I don’t want to leave my flat.
Phoebe: Alcohol is magically portable. I can even stuff a bottle of wine in my bra.
Me: I just want to be alone, Pheebs. I’m sorry.
Phoebe: You’re wallowing.
Me: I’m working.
Phoebe: That’s just grown-up talk for wallowing. You can’t stay cooped up in the flat forever. Eventually, you will run into him.
Me: I know. I just don’t want to go out tonight because I have another jingle to work on, and since Zander is in Watford for a football game, this is a good time for me to work before he gets back later tonight.
Phoebe: Has he still not replied to any of your “matey banter” texts?
Me: No, nothing. He hates me.
Phoebe: You broke his heart.
Me: He broke mine first. It’s better this way.
Phoebe: For who exactly?
Me: It was never going to work out.
Phoebe: And why is that again?
There’s a knock on my door, and instantly, I want to thump and hug my best friend because she never was one to respect boundaries. I march over to my door and swing it open. “Phoebe, I was being…” My voice trails off when I see it’s not my persistent best friend on my doorstep. It’s my brother.
“Hiya, Daph,” Hayden says, walking in like he owns the place, which I guess he kind of does.
“Hayden, what are you doing here?” I ask, glancing at the clock to see it’s after seven already.
“Just coming by to check on the building.” He walks around my flat, inspecting the walls, the ceiling, my music equipment. He even annoyingly strums my guitar before sitting down on my sofa and spreading his arms out wide.
I cross my arms and hit him with a flat look. “Why are you really here?”
An awkward look flits across his face. “I have to take photos of the flat next door because I’m going to be looking for a new tenant soon. Zander said I could drop in sometime today while he was away at a football match.”
Chills erupt over my entire body. “Zander is moving?”
Hayden nods slowly. “It would appear so.”
I shakily lower myself onto the sofa beside my brother, struggling to get over the shock of this news. This past week has been worse than the first week we didn’t speak. The first week, I was too angry to feel the loss of him. Now that I know we’re over and can hear him coming and going through these stupidly thin walls, it’s like emotional cutting every single day. This is exactly why you don’t get involved with a neighbor. Him leaving shouldn’t feel this devastating to me. I should be rejoicing. I should call up Phoebe and tell her it’s time to drink after all.
But I’m not rejoicing. I’m crushed. “Do you know why he’s moving?” I inquire, my voice sounding weak.
His brows lift. “I suspect it has something to do with you.”
“What did I do?” I ask, feeling defensive because it wasn’t me who lied in our relationship.
Hayden shrugs, adjusting the leather cuff around his wrist that he always wears. “I was hoping you could tell me. Zander was a little light on the details.”
“So, you talked to him?”
He nods. “A bit. You know he came to Sunday dinner last week, right?”
I nod slowly. “How did it go? How did everyone take the news about his connection?” Nerves take flight in my belly as I wonder if it went badly and this is why he’s moving.
“It went about as one would expect it to go. The Harris family is populating so much. What’s another half brother to throw in the mix?” Hayden laughs and shakes his head. “The Harrises are good with dysfunctional, and nothing says dysfunctional like a secret love child no one knew about for twenty-five years.”
I huff out a laugh at that very astute description my brother has given this whole situation. “But they were accepting of him?” I ask, holding my breath.
Hayden tilts his head at me. “Why do you care so much?”
“I don’t.” I turn my gaze forward and cross my arms over my chest.
“Yes, you do,” Hayden says, poking his finger into my cheek. “Your face flushes bright red when you’re lying just like Marisa’s used to.”
My wide eyes snap to Hayden’s. “I haven’t heard you say her name in a long time.”
He shrugs, but I see the emotion in his eyes. “I saw 11:11 on the clock today, and it made me think of her.”
A smile lifts my lips. When Hayden was struggling with depression and blaming himself for Marisa’s death many years ago, the time 11:11 was a bit of a trigger for him. It took him to a very dark place, and it was me who told him that 11:11 was lucky and he should make a wish on it every time he sees it. It’s kind of Hayden’s thing now. He’s such a different person today than he was back when he was struggling with addiction after Marisa’s death. I don’t give him enough credit for the work he puts in.
“I miss her,” I state, feeling my chin tremble. “Sisters are good to talk boy stuff out with.”
“Brothers aren’t so bad either,” Hayden says, frowning at me. “Seriously, Daphney, talk to me. Help me understand how what Zander did was so unforgivable.”
“So you’re on his side?” I retort.
“I didn’t say that.” He holds his hands up. “I’m always on your side, but if you’re on the wrong side, as your big brother, it’s my job to drag your arse over to the right side.”
My teeth clench with anger that I’m having to rehash this whole nightmare again. I’ve been torturing myself with it for two weeks now, and I hate it. Now Zander gets to move out and be the martyr of this story. It’s complete shit.
“Zander used me to get closer to the Harris family.” I lay it all out there, no longer caring if Hayden will hate Zander for knowing the truth. If he can’t even text me to tell me he’s moving, he doesn’t deserve my loyalty.
“I know.” Hayden blinks blankly back at me.
My brows furrow because it appears he needs more to go on. “He didn’t tell me about all the important stuff going on in his life.”
“He didn’t tell you about one thing,” Hayden corrects.
“Wondering if Vaughn Harris is his birth father is a pretty significant life detail!” I exclaim, my head jutting forward defensively.
“What’s really going on here, Daphney?” Hayden asks, his eyes piercing me with a knowing look. “Because my bullshit meter is pretty bloody good, and from what I can tell, the only bullshit I’m picking up on is coming from you.”
“What?” I screech.
“Trust me, I tried to find the bullshit in Zander. A footballer living next door to my sister was going to be watched like a hawk. But from all of my run-ins with him, the only flaw I picked up on was his struggle to keep his eyes off you.”
I roll my eyes to the ceiling. “So because he looked at me a lot, you have dubbed him worthy? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.”
“It’s not that he looked at you, Daphney. It’s how he looked at you. That bloke is in love with you.”
“No, he’s not,” I spit back, anger flashing sharp and hot in my veins. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hayden volleys back. “Daphney, if you’re pushing him away because you don’t love him back…great…I’m on your side. I will help him move out of this building myself to
get him away from you. But if you’re pushing him away because you’re scared of giving him a second chance? My darling, I am living proof that second chances exist for a reason. I would literally not be alive if it wasn’t for second chances.”
My eyes fill with tears as a devastating pain breaks into Hayden’s voice as he brings up a part of his past that we never ever talk about.
Hayden’s past is dark and tortured, and there were years when he didn’t exist in my world because he was too busy living in a hell of his own making. But now he’s here, on my sofa, in my flat, as a father and a husband, and checking up on me like a proper big brother. I’m so lucky he’s still here.
Hayden shakes away the haunted look in his eyes as he reaches forward and wipes a tear off my cheek. “You, Theo, Mum, Dad…even Leslie, you’ve all forgiven me for a lot of mistakes in my life. You can’t tell me that what Zander did even comes close to what I did.”
“No,” I garble, my voice thick with emotion. “But Hayden, you don’t understand. I’m in love with him, and it happened so fast and so easily. And it’s bigger than I can handle. I’m terrified of it.”
“But why?”
“Because I don’t know if I can trust myself to choose the right person!” I cry, the emotions of the past two weeks spilling out of my eyes. “What if Zander is just like Rex?”
“He’s not,” Hayden scoffs, waving his hand dismissively. “Rex and all the blokes you’ve been with in the past were all a bunch of tossers.”
“Thanks for that,” I croak, wiping aggressively at my tears. God, big brothers can be such bullies.
Hayden levels me with an unamused look. “It’s true. None of them had that thing…that spark. Tell me the minute you met Vi, you didn’t know she was the one for me.”
I huff knowingly at that idea. “You guys were perfect for each other.”
“Because she had that spark,” he says confidently. “And you and Zander have that.”
I swallow the painful knot in my throat. “What if we don’t work out? What if something else like this happens? What if he lies to me again? What if he doesn’t love me, and I lose him?”
Hayden rests his hand on my shoulder and pins me with a sincere look. “Daphney, you can’t let fear of losing love stop you from falling in love. Falling is the best part, especially when you’ve found a partner to pick you up. Vi still picks me up every bloody day. That’s what great love is. You have to try for great love, no matter the risk.”
Hayden’s words are firm and unrelenting as they puncture holes in the protective shield I’ve been holding up ever since I heard Zander talking about me through the walls. The truth is, I wasn’t crushed because he hid this part of him from me. I was crushed because I loved him and feared he didn’t love me back. That fear caused me to push him away, and now that he’s moving, I’m scared he’s done pushing back. Do I even deserve a second chance after refusing to give him one?
Zander
I’m spent by the time our bus arrives back at Tower Park after our match against Watford. It’s dark, I’m hungry, and all I want is the comfort of my own bed.
Pain slices through me when I remember how empty my bed has felt all week. It’s ridiculous how you can become addicted to the feel of someone beside you after one night. Seriously, how did Daphney swing that? How did she make me miss the feel of holding her body in my arms after one fucking night? My neighbor has bewitched me, and it’s why I had to call Hayden to ask about breaking my lease agreement.
I can’t sit in my apartment and listen to her work on her music through the walls every day and not feel my heart break with every note she plays. This week, I’ve been busy and distracted with my mom’s departure and having a dinner with her and Vi before she left.
Next week, I’ll be alone with my thoughts again and living next door to the first girl who ever broke my heart. It’s too much for one person to handle. Moving somewhere else and getting a fresh start is what’s best for everyone.
I say my goodbyes to Link and Knight, telling them good game as I make my trek back to my apartment. Sighing heavily, I trudge up the three flights, hating that I can still picture Daphney’s ass on that first day when she showed me my place. Will I even be able to live in London if I’m not with her?
Fuck, I have it bad.
I roll my eyes when I’m standing in my hallway and see that bright pink mouse house set back up. Since I was gone today, I suppose she felt brave enough to reset the trap without getting seen by me. She’s been doing a wicked job of avoiding me this week, which I guess is good. I don’t want to see her any more than she wants to see me.
I change into my lounge clothes and flop onto my bed, gazing up at the lights pouring in from the street. They cast strange shadows on the walls that perfectly match my mood.
Suddenly, the strumming of Daphney’s guitar fills my room. I sit up and frown, glancing at the clock to see it’s after eleven. Daphney never plays this late. In fact, I assumed she was working at Old George tonight, but even if she wasn’t, she still wouldn’t be playing this late. She’d be too worried about upsetting all the other neighbors in the building. Maybe I’m the only neighbor who can ever hear her, and she’s done being polite to me. Maybe this is her reigniting neighbor wars. If so, she’s picked the wrong neighbor because I’m done playing games.
I jump out of my bed and stalk over to the thin sheetrock in my living room. I raise my fist to pound on the wall when her voice reverberates into my space, causing me to pause.
It’s the tune of “Hey There Delilah,” but she’s changed the lyrics into something I’ve never heard before.
Hey, hiya there neighbor
When you moved in next door to me
You seemed a pretty mystery
But instead, you brought some history
In your bags.
I should have assumed a big snag
There always is.
Hey, hiya there neighbor
You’re painfully awfully noisy
Don’t you ever hear your alarm clock ring
Surely you know that it annoys me
Just wake up.
Or I might just blow up.
Like I do.
But then, you read Bridget Jones.
And I was cursed.
By your smile.
But then, you read Bridget Jones.
And I was cursed.
By your eyes.
Hey, hiya there neighbor
Turns out your noises don’t bother me
Because your kiss has freed me
From an awful past history
That was a drag.
How did you know just how to act?
To bring me back?
Hey, hiya there neighbor
When you told me you were a dancer
I had no idea I was looking for
Someone to take a chancer
On me.
You seemed to know instinctually
You were what I need
But then, you read Bridget Jones.
And I was cursed.
By your smile.
But then, you read Bridget Jones.
And I was cursed.
By your eyes.
The biggest thing I’ve come to find
Is that my heart just isn’t mine.
It was yours the moment that you read that book.
Soccer Boy, I want you to know
That I’m so sorry for all I’ve done.
I want you to forgive me.
Cuz I forgive you.
Hey, hiya there neighbor
Turns out I’m kinda in love with you
Is it possible that you could love me too
Or have I tarnished everything today?
Because I let my fears get in my way.
I’m so sorry.
Zander, I love you.
Could you try to love me too?
Zander, I want you to stay.
Could you stay a little while?
Could you stay a l
ittle while?
Like a dream, I hear Daphney singing a song about me. About her. About us. Her voice is pure and honest, and I follow it out of my apartment, hearing it in the hallway, and outside her door that’s propped open, like she’s expecting me. I walk into her place and find her sitting in the tub with her guitar in front of her. She’s in her silk pajamas, and her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head.
She’s never looked more beautiful.
The final note echoes off the tile walls, and her wobbly smile finds mine. My entire body trembles from the multiple proclamations in her lyrics. She’s not just saying all the things I’ve been wanting to hear for the past week. She’s singing them.
“You’re going to wake the neighbors,” I say with a weak laugh because I’m an idiot and can’t come up with anything more meaningful at this moment.
“Was only trying to wake one neighbor.” She moves to get out of the tub, and I quickly offer her my hand. She takes it, and the sensation of our skin touching is equal parts heavenly and painful as she steps down onto the tile floor.
She looks so small as she stands barefoot and vulnerable in her bathroom. Her guitar is clutched tightly in front of her like she needs to hold it for protection.
“Did you hear the whole thing?” she asks, her blue eyes glowing magically in the vanity light.
I nod slowly, my eyes searching hers. “It was beautiful.”
“I started it weeks ago when I went back to my parents’ to work on that jingle.” She laughs dryly. “I changed a few lines tonight because…well, a lot has changed from then to now.”
I swallow the knot in my throat. “Has it?”
“Yes, which is why I pushed you away.” Her chin trembles as she looks to the side, avoiding my eyes as she struggles to say the next part. “You were just supposed to be fun, Zander. I was just coming off a horrible relationship, and you were going to be a fun distraction from my stressful and somewhat disappointing life. I wasn’t supposed to connect with you and care about you and your mum and your cookie addiction. You weren’t supposed to read Bridget bloody Jones!”