“Come in.” I gave him my shy smile. It worked—his expression gave away his desire. I stepped aside to let him pass. When he was inside the room he turned to close the door like he had done with the front door.
I waited, holding my breath without knowing what to do now, until he suddenly reached for my hand. He cradled it between his own for a moment, then lifted it to his mouth and kissed it, first the back of it, then he turned it and kissed my palm. My skin burned where his lips had touched it. He pulled me closer, his arms slung around my waist. It was easy, his body against mine felt so perfect, like I was made to fit into his embrace. He kissed my lips, hesitantly first, but the kiss grew more and more intense with every movement. My hands trailed his neck up to the hair line. He shuddered. My heart beat faster and I could feel his heartbeat when he pressed tighter against my body. My knees were about to sag, I knew the signs my body gave me. But I could not possibly fall—he was holding me tight in his embrace. Before I could falter he lifted me up and carried me to the bed.
Blood rushed to my head as I lay down, making me dizzy. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. The few seconds I had were not enough to get coherent again.
Adam’s hand glided over my shoulder and up my throat until it reached my face. He smoothed my hair tentatively and lay down beside me. It was more than just desire that I felt, I felt a hunger to drown in the moment, I wanted to memorize it so I could keep it forever. His lips found mine again, and this time there was no hint of hesitation. I knotted my arms behind his neck, pulling him closer. My heart was racing. His breath came unsteady. He reached up and loosened my arms from his neck, I let myself fall back onto the pillow.
He lay on his side, a distant look on his face. “I have been wondering for a long time what you would be like.”
I gave him a questioning look. Did he mean my kissing qualities, or was he talking about something else?
“I knew you were near and I knew it wouldn’t be long until I met you.”
I didn’t get the meaning of what he was saying. Maybe this was because his kisses had driven any structured thought from my head.
“I knew it was you the first time I saw you…”
“What are you talking about?” Couldn’t he ever talk sense?
“It’s not a very common thing—I don’t know how to explain it to you—”
I didn’t like the words he used; Not a very common thing. “You could at least try.” I gave a forced laugh.
“Just don’t get scared, please.” His expression was serious.
I raised my eyebrows. “Why would I be scared?”
Adam looked at me for one more second before his gaze roaming the room. It looked like he was searching for the right words to make it sound bearable.
“Claire, I knew you before we first met. I knew you before I saw you for the first time. As I said, it’s not easy to understand.” He stopped talking, a worried look on his face. I wondered what my expression was like. “—Sometimes there are things I just know—about people, how they feel—even if they don’t know themselves.”
I really couldn’t follow him anymore. What was he talking about? “What do you mean?”
“Well, a guy today at the supermarket—he was radiating so much violence—I can only guess why. Or Ms. Weaver, your history teacher, she’s alone too much for her own good, she needs company. Every time I see her she feels lonely, and I know that she doesn’t want that company to be male.” He winked at me.
He knew my history teacher? Very nice.
He measured the look in my eyes for a brief second. “I know her from my time at Aurora High,” he quickly gave me the information I wanted.
“And the woman I saw in the park this morning when I went for a walk with Antonio,” he continued, “she’s pregnant. You can’t see it yet, but she felt motherly the way only pregnant women do…But, I don’t know why I know that. It’s not like I know what they think. It’s just—I just know when I look at them, I feel it.”
He checked my expression.
I didn’t know what to answer, or even what to think, so I remained silent.
He continued, more guarded now. His voice sounded almost pleading.
“It was different with you, Claire. While I have to see the other people to know anything about them, I knew things about you before I first laid eyes on you. I knew that you would be wonderful and charming and that you would need time because you wouldn’t trust anyone too easily. Your trust is something to be earned. I knew that the facade you’ve been keeping up would be the hardest part to get by.” His voice turned softer and he sounded more at ease. “I knew that you would like Antonio, that your relationship with Ben would be difficult—Ben wouldn’t like you …you haven’t met Ben yet, he’s my brother. And—and I knew you would be beautiful—like an angel.” He smiled lightly, like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
I couldn’t share his enthusiasm, I was about to lose my patience. When I didn’t answer at once, he spoke again.
“Claire—say something?”
“What, Adam? Are you some kind of maniac? I’ve had enough complications in my life, I’m still busy mending what has gone wrong in the past few years.”
I was confused. I definitely had enough problems. Why couldn’t it be, that the boy I fancied was the nice guy. Why did they always turn out to be some kind of freak show. I was on my feet now.
“I don’t understand it myself. I don’t know why I know all this stuff.—It’s just that I know, and I can’t do anything about it.” He looked at me apologetically.
How could he be so calm, like that was nothing to worry about? If I started knowing things I shouldn’t without knowing how they got into my head, I would ask myself if I had lost my sanity.
“So you’re telling me you know me. If you think so, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with me, because I always fall for the freaks.” I bit my tongue. I hadn’t intended to be that precise.
Adam’s eyes changed; not in color or in shape—it was the expression in his eyes. It was unfocused and so intense all of a sudden, I wasn’t sure if his thoughts were miles away, in another dimension. He jumped up from the bed. His body was shaking slightly. I wasn’t sure whether he was angry, or if I had offended him. It was very quiet in the room. The only noise came from my racing heart.
Adam turned to face me for a second, then turned away, “I have to go, I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure if it was the reflection of the dim light that I saw flashing in his light green eyes, but I was sure I had seen something—a light that had lightened the irises of his eyes from inside, a glow that was not from the intensity of his expression, but a physical gleam.
He hurried past me without looking at me again. His steps were quiet, I couldn’t hear him until he opened the front door and closed it behind him. I hurried to the window in time to see him disappear into the darkness. The night was cloudy and nearly starless, and the street lights didn’t penetrate the dark with enough light to see very far. I pulled the curtains shut and turned away.
It took some time to drag myself to the bathroom where I forced myself out of my clothes and into the shower. The water was a little too cool to enjoy, but it cleared my head. After a few minutes I started to shudder—the cold water was only part of the reason.
I climbed out of the shower and wrapped the fluffy towel around my body. It was nice and warm. The toothbrush lay where I had left it. I picked it up and started brushing my teeth absentmindedly.
A face watched me from out of the mirror. It looked a lot like mine, a toothbrush sticking out of its mouth, the foam of toothpaste on its lips. The black around its eyes made it look like the ghost of a sad clown. I reached up to touch my cheek and so did the person in the mirror. My fingers left a black trace as they slid down from my eye. Makeup was trickling down my wet face. I smiled. It looked unnatural. I bent down to wash my face clean. As I looked up again, both the black and the smile were gone.
I found my nightie in the pile of clothes I had
stuffed into the closet earlier. I let the towel fall to the ground where I stood and slipped into the piece of purple silk. Then I huddled under the quilt and turned off the light. The pillow still smelled of his scent. I inhaled deeply. It made me dizzy. Just smelling him made me feel him, like he was still lying next to me. I held very still so the memory wouldn’t fade, and let my thoughts wander back. He had brought something to life inside me. I couldn’t nail down what it was precisely, but I felt different, like I had never really seen the world before.
And then I reminded myself of the words he had spoken—weird words—and the new part of me wanted to hide because it was ashamed. How could it happen, that what had started so wonderful earlier that night had turned into a complete disaster? It scared me.
Why did it have to be that way? It was the last question I asked myself before I fell into an uneasy sleep.
Supernatural
My breath turned into white fog in the icy cold darkness that was streaming into my room through the open window. The long day had distressed and tired me, but I wanted to be awake. I wanted to be right there in my room, I wanted it to be dark and cold and I wanted my senses to be aware of everything. Nothing was to be missed because of my exhaustion. The cold air was hurting the bare skin of my shoulders and arms. The light shirt I wore was too thin to keep me comfortably warm.
Warm air brushed my neck in a delicate combination with tender lips.
“I wonder what you are looking at,” he breathed into my ear, “there is no moon, no stars, no street lights—nothing.” He kissed my neck once. “It’s completely dark…” His lips stopped moving along my neck and his voice became a bit more distant, “You’re the only light tonight.”
My hands reached out to the sides and waited for his touch. The cold air was streaming around my body, making me shudder, but my arms stayed where they were. The freezing feeling melted away with the touch of two hands that glided from my fingertips up to my shoulders. They rested there for a second, then pulled me against a warm chest. I placed my hands on his forearms, resting them there. His breath heated my neck and cheeks. I turned in his embrace. Gleaming green eyes were staring at me hungrily, and a flash ran through them.
I opened my eyes in shock. My forehead was wet with sweat, my hair was sticking to it. It took a little while until I found my orientation again. Then I got out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. Several splashes of icy water later I felt focused enough to start thinking. While heading back to my bedroom I let my thoughts wander through the dream again. The first part had felt so nice, like the conversation the evening before had never taken place. But the alien green flash in his eyes, the gleaming, it had looked like what I had seen in his eyes the night before. It was freaking me out.
I was still trying to convince myself that it had only been some reflection, but a part of me was sure it had been something else. Trying to ignore that part, I curled up under the quilt and tried to clear my mind for the moment. No matter what he had said last night, no matter what it had meant and what it hadn’t, I had to rest before I started replaying his words in my head over and over again. Too tired to even think about thinking, I closed my eyes and soon returned to sleep.
* * *
Daylight filled the room when I opened my eyes again, fog was building small white towers on the lawn in front of the house and the wind was blowing the red and brown leaves from the trees. They fell silently to the ground where they vanished between the towers of fog. It was past lunch time. I had finally fallen into a deep and restful sleep. My head was nearly as foggy as the air outside. I remembered Adam’s lips on mine, his soft embrace and his eyes. I shook my head and tried to ban the image from my mind, but his eyes were still staring at me. I hadn’t imagined the alien flash, it had looked so unnatural. I knew that there had been something strange going on last night—and I didn’t like it.
My stomach growled loudly. I needed food—urgently. I hadn’t eaten dinner except for the piece of cake Gregory had offered me.
I skipped most of my usual morning ritual and rushed down the stairs, pulled by the smell of Italian food. Sophie was curling spaghetti onto her fork when I entered the kitchen.
“Good morning!” She looked up from the newspaper she was browsing through.
“If you say so,” I snapped at her.
“Had a bad dream, hm?” Sophie tried to make a joke out of it.
I nodded and turned to fetch some spaghetti from the saucepan on the stove. She wasn’t supposed to suspect anything. My dear sister still had no clue about what had been going on in my room last night, and I had no intention of letting her know. I had to get my thoughts together and figure out what I wanted. More than that I had to think about what Adam had said last night. There was no way, I would let another freak ruin my well structured existence.
“Been out late?”
I looked up, hesitant about what to answer. No, but I stayed up late and tried to seduce Adam. Or. Yes, absolutely, very late. I decided on something in the middle that stuck to the truth somehow. “Late, but it was still dark when I got home.”
Sophie laughed and returned to the newspaper.
The spaghetti was almost cold. I picked up the plate and carried it to my room. There I sat down at my desk and started eating. A few minutes passed before my thoughts returned to the pressing issue I had locked away successfully for nearly ten minutes. What exactly had Adam said?
“It’s not like I know what they think. It’s just—I just know when I look at them…” How could he know? Was he some kind of mentalist, reading people by just looking at them? Could he do it with everybody? And why did he think he knew me—I didn’t even know myself.
“It was different with you, Claire. While I have to see the other people to know anything about them, I knew things about you before I first laid eyes on you.” What did that mean: Before he first laid eyes on me? Did he have visions? Could he see the future? And if he could, what else could he do?
“ I knew that you would be wonderful and charming and that you would need time because you wouldn’t trust anyone too easily. Your trust is something to be earned.” He was right about that one. I didn’t trust easily. And he had ruined his chance at earning my trust before I had gotten a chance to get to know him better.
“I knew that you would like Antonio, that your relationship with Ben would be difficult—Ben wouldn’t like you …you haven’t met Ben yet, he’s my brother. And—and I knew you would be beautiful—like an angel.” The words echoed in my head again and again. Like an angel.
I decided that I liked his opinion on my appearance, but I was not yet sure what to make of the rest of the evening. He had been so shy and reserved whenever we had been alone before. I could imagine now, that if all he had said was true—I couldn’t exclude the possibility—it must have been hard for him to be alone with me and not being able to be himself, not being able to act naturally, always careful not to give away what he was.
I shoved the plate aside and looked around the room. It looked the same as it had last night. The pile of clothes was still stuffed into the closet.
My desire to do something about the whole situation brought me to my feet and let me walk over and open it. The pile fell out as I opened the doors. I picked it up, folded the clean things and put them back into the closet, then I grabbed a pair of jeans, a shirt and a sweater in one hand, the dirty clothes in the other and made my way to the bathroom.
The dirty pile went in the washing machine. I showered, got dressed, and left the house, heading for the graveyard, the only place that calmed me down when I was confused.
The air outside was still foggy and chilly. It was the end of September and the first cool day of the year. The street was full of people that were out for a walk. I barely noticed them. All I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts.
When I reached the graveyard my hand hesitated on the handle of the wrought iron gate. What if Adam had decided to come here, too? I shook my head and ignored the possi
bility. We had missed each other coming here more than once.
The gate swung open, squealing, as my hand pushed down the handle. I walked down the gravel path until I reached the grave of the stranger. The stone angel stood there like it had been waiting for me. The peace it spread calmed me down instantly. Adam was nowhere to be seen.
The wind gently shook the willow’s branches. I pulled the jacket tighter around my body and walked over to lean against the trunk. My thoughts were spinning around Adam again. It was unnerving. I couldn’t run away from him. His strange behavior and his words still alarmed me a little, and his flashing eyes were a memory that scared me. But for some strange reason I wanted him near me. Like he was all I ever wanted. I didn’t understand how I could feel so split—I was running away from him and desperately wanting to be near him at the same time. It was slowly tearing me apart.
I suddenly shuddered in disgust at my own indecisiveness. Maybe at the cold wet air, too. No way, I would find a solution by just standing around in the graveyard. I needed to clear my thoughts and I needed to be able to trust my heart.
I was frozen when I came home, but my forehead was too hot. I had to blow my nose and cough again and again. Walking barefoot hadn’t been as brilliant an idea as it had seemed last night; and the cold moisture of the evening air didn’t make it better.
“Bless you,” I heard Sophie calling from the living room as I sneezed heavily.
The water I poured into the enormous cup was steaming hot. The thread of a tea bag was dangling down one side. My hands curled around the hot cup to warm up a little.
It took two full weeks until I was totally healthy again. Time went too fast. The days flew by, fall coloring the leaves, the wind blowing them from the trees, and fog creeping through the town around the corners of the houses, making the people on the street hurry to their destinations. Adam hadn’t turned up, either at the graveyard, or at my door. He hadn’t sought my company in any way. His words were still very present in my head.
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