Wasted Salt

by Sarah Houssayni

  Kazem knocked twice on the door, then looked at Zahra and shook his head.

  “Do you know this, Hussein? Can you call him?” Zahra asked.

  “He probably doesn’t want people getting in his business,” Kazem said.

  “I don’t care about his business, my friend has been gone since last night, do you want me to call the police?” Zahra responded.

  “Listen, I know him on Facebook, we are not close friends or anything. I can message him on Facebook and call you if he answers. Just leave your number and I will call you. I have to get back to work!”

  Zahra walked back to the car and told Iris that Kazem knocked and nobody answered, and that he was going to check on Facebook. Iris got out of the car and walked towards Kazem who was leaving the parking lot in the direction of Asia Market.

  “Where do you think you are going young man?” Iris demanded.

  “Listen, lady, I got nothing to do with this guy and his tranny, it’s their shit to figure out! I have to get back to work,” Kazem said, his voice loud and his eyes dark with anger.

  "Oh, is that right? If this was your sister, would you want some noble man just like you to leave her in danger?!" Iris was yelling right back at Kazem, whose face got dark and neck veins filled up.

  “You don’t even know what you are getting yourself into! Don’t mention my sister in the same sentence as a freak! My sister is a virgin, one who doesn’t put ads for her body on the Internet!” Kazem yelled. “This Noor you are looking for is a man, did she tell you that!” he said, pointing towards Zahra.

  Iris stood right in front of Kazem as he tried to move past her and leave. He was shorter than Iris, but seemed capable of hurting her. Zahra hated Kazem more than she hated anyone, even Mrs. Jeha. She was too scared to open her mouth, she stood behind Iris shaking.

  “Tell you what, I am not saying this again, you go back to that door and call your friends, or I am calling the police on your ass!” Isis asserted, using an extended finger to accent each of her points.

  Something about Iris not moving and yelling louder than Kazem made him go back to the apartment door and start kicking it like a mad man. He screamed in Arabic to Hussein to open the door before he kicked it open, and that he didn’t want his name associated with a male prostitute. The door opened and a man with a beard in white underwear stood behind it.

  “Here is the dog you are looking for!” Kazem yelled as he walked away gesturing, cussing. He stomped down the stairs to head back to the Asia Market.

  Iris walked right into the apartment and Zahra followed her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Hussein stood in his underwear staring at Zahra and Iris. His eyes were bloodshot, his hands to his sides partly opened like someone asking “what?” A few seconds passed with him in front of them, looking confused and scared at once. He smelled like alcohol and exhaustion, the way people do when they have not eaten for days. He started to say something that turned into a cry, it sounded more like an injured animal than a human.

  The apartment was a tiny living room with a sofa and a television and a dinette set next to what looked like a big window connected to a kitchenette. Zahra could see a mostly empty bottle of liquor of some sort on the table, no glasses.

  Noor would not drink from a bottle, was the first thought that came to Zahra’s mind. In the corner of the living room was an open door, through which Zahra saw Noor’s red dress on the floor. She ran towards the dress as Hussein’s shrieks got louder. In a dim bedroom, on a messed-up bed among the sheets, was Noor, naked and unconscious.

  Zahra jumped on the bed and starting shaking Noor, who made a whimper and kept her eyes closed. Zahra didn’t realize that she was screaming until Iris stood next to her and held her.

  “I called the police, it’s gonna be alright, darling, you making her more scared with your hollering like that, calm down, Zahaa!”

  Iris then walked into the bathroom and took a washcloth that she wet and brought back to Noor’s face. Noor had cuts and bruises all over her, her left eye was swollen with red and blue all over that side of her face. Her lips were cut and blood framed her usually white teeth. Noor’s breasts seemed huge with the rest of her naked body, her skin was pale and felt cold. Noor’s left nipple was crusted with blood and a bruise that looked like a bite next to it. There were bruises in the shape of lines that ended with a rectangular scab all over Noor’s flat stomach and long legs.

  Between Noor’s legs was a small penis and dangling testicles that looked a little larger than a little boy’s. A long dry line of blood went from the unconscious girl’s knee up her right thigh into the space between her legs. Clumps of Noor’s long hair were scattered all over the bed.

  Iris lifted Noor gently and rested her head on her lap while she gently wiped down Noor’s face. Noor whimpered every time Iris moved the cloth.

  “I know darling, I know,” Iris kept saying, she shushed Noor and told her she was right here and everything was going to be okay.

  Zahra cried and squeezed Noor’s hand until the paramedics arrived and put Noor on a stretcher with an oxygen mask covering her face. The police officers arrived next, and that’s when Zahra and Iris realized that Hussein had left the apartment. The police car was still parked outside after the ambulance left with Noor.

  The detective told Iris that they needed to ask Zahra some questions, after which she could go to the hospital to be with her friend.

  “She can’t answer no questions right now, can’t you see how shaken that child is!” Iris told the officer who looked at Zahra and asked her to please follow him.

  Zahra told the officer that she didn’t know Hussein’s last name or phone number, and that she had never met him. He asked her if her friend had been drinking before she left the house, and she told him that Noor never drank the entire time Zahra knew her, and besides, it was Ramadan when Noor didn’t go out at all.

  “But she was clearly out the night she didn’t come back,” the officer stated.

  “Yes, she went out to talk to Hussein, he asked her to meet him,” Zahra said. She felt like her face was on fire, she fought her tears back.

  The officer acted as if Noor had done something wrong. He asked Zahra about the work she did with Noor and how much they got paid. Zahra finally got quiet and answered either “yes” or “no.” She was exhausted and couldn’t understand English very well. She was mixing Arabic with her English and her colostomy was feeling very full.

  “I have to go,” she said to the officer.

  “Keep your eyes open for the man who attacked your friend. If you hear from him, or if he stops by the hospital give me a call, here is my card,” the officer said as he handed her a business card.

  “He hurt her really bad, I thought he killed her!” Zahra said.

  “Yes, that’s what you keep saying. We will talk to your friend when he wakes up.” The officer put a comforting hand on Zahra’s shoulder.

  Zahra looked at Iris to see if she heard the officer call Noor a “he.” Zahra knew that Noor had not changed her name and gender because she was still unsure how to do it, but anyone could see that Noor was not a “he.” Zahra knew that she would be betraying her friend if she let the officer continue to refer to her as a man.

  “My friend is a woman, she is a she. Soon her identity card will change,” Zahra said.

  “When that happens, ma’am, I will call your friend a she. For right now I have a male-bodied person with”male" as the gender on the driver’s license. I hope you can understand." The policeman gestured to Zahra that she could leave and started to walk towards his car.

  “What this young woman is telling you, officer, is what you need to hear. We got here and found her almost dead!” Iris said. Her tone was sad.

  The officer didn’t answer Iris.

  “Let’s go to the hospital, sweetheart, your friend is going to need us there, especially if everybody caring for her is a close-hearted asshole like this man.”

  Iris was still shaking
her head when she got into her car and they headed towards Wesley hospital where Noor would be, according to the paramedics.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Daylight had turned into night by the time Zahra was able to see Noor.

  Iris refused to leave Zahra alone in the emergency room. She took Zahra across the street to a sandwich place, and bought her a turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes, and a pickle on the side. Zahra stared at the sandwich and cried for a long time before eating a couple of bites. Every time Zahra saw the sandwich, the image of Noor with blood filling her mouth came to her mind and made her weep.

  Zahra had not even emptied her colostomy since the middle of the day, but she had not had anything to eat or drink and had even entirely forgotten about having the bag.

  Iris held Zahra’s hand and prayed for Noor. People could see Iris praying, but she didn’t seem to care, Iris didn’t seem to care about most things she did in front of people. Zahra knew her for one day and she was already feeling brave by being around her. Iris’ presence felt like a shield that kept the world at bay.

  “Heavenly Father full of Grace, we thank you for the gift of this day and the gift of Zahaa and Noor. We ask you to heal Noor’s injuries and mend her broken heart. Keep her in your heavenly watch and help her Lord, help her! Help the world see her for who she is and help her find your way. We trust You know what is best for all of us! In Jesus’ name, amen!” Iris’ eyes were squeezed shut while she prayed, she squeezed Zahra’s hands in rhythm with her conversation with God and nodded every time she added something to God’s “to-do list” for Noor.

  When she opened her eyes, Zahra said, “Thank you very much.”

  Iris’ version of God didn’t bother Zahra. Happy endings seemed possible despite a whole lot of suffering in Iris’ world. Zahra believed Iris’ promises of better days. She held on to that belief even though her own faith in everything else was close to nonexistent.

  Zahra knew the nurse was calling for her when she heard Noor’s birth name; “Abbas Hadi’s family,” called out the woman in scrubs.

  Iris missed the whole thing but followed Zahra into the emergency room cubicle. Noor’s eyes were swollen near shut but she seemed awake. Zahra got close to her bed and took her hand. Noor sniffled and looked away from the two women.

  “I am gonna be waiting outside for you, child, come get me if you need me,” Iris said. She left Zahra alone with Noor.

  “Habibti Noor, salamtik.” Wishing Noor well seemed wishful.

  “He was drunk when I got there. He blamed me for everything! He said I made him sick like me! He called me all the names that ever existed. He hit me, Zahra!” Noor’s words sounded like hiccups between loud sobs.

  “I told the police officer, they will put him in jail,” Zahra said.

  “No, Zahra, they will believe him and blame this on me! I told him I didn’t go there to have sex. He said that sex was the only thing I was good for!” Noor wept as she looked away from her friend.

  Noor’s nurse entered the room, she informed Noor that she was cleared to go home as long as she followed up with her doctor the next morning. Noor nodded and asked the nurse if she could keep the hospital gown.

  “I don’t have anything else to put on,” Noor said, her voice forlorn.

  Iris went to First Baptist and came back with clothes for Noor. She refused to let Noor leave the hospital with a gown that showed most of her body. While Iris was gone, Zahra told Noor about her day, about Iris helping her.

  “She is a good woman,” explained Zahra.

  “She saved my life,” Noor said.

  Noor left the hospital wearing a pink tank top over a nice bra and matching underwear, with brand new jeans and leather pumps. Iris made the nurse get her a brush and Noor looked much better by the time they all got in the car. They went to a drive-through and got Noor a strawberry milk shake

  “To match your pretty pink hair and your outfit!” said Iris. Her resonant laughter returned.

  She dropped Noor and Zahra off at Diane’s and promised to return first thing in the morning.

  “Tomorrow is Eid; the feast we celebrate at the end of Ramadan. I promised Noor we would go out, maybe you can join us!” Zahra said.

  Noor smiled, her eyes tired and surrounded by bruises.

  “For sure, darling! Let’s get our show on the road!” Iris said. She gave Zahra one of her big hugs and Noor a more gentle one.

  “This girl right here gonna take good care of you, everything’s gonna be just fine, sweetie, I’ll see your pretty face in the morning, get you some rest!” Iris patted Noor on the shoulder and gave Zahra an affectionate look.

  Noor and Zahra went down to their room. It was still lit by the small lamp with the cutout stars, Zahra’s bed was still not made in contrast with Noor’s bed with the pink velvet comforter neatly covering it.

  Noor asked Zahra to sit next to her in the bed. She told Zahra every time she closed her eyes, she saw Hussein whipping her with his belt and pulling her hair. She was crying again when she said that.

  Zahra got in bed with Noor and gently stroked her hair. Every once in a while, Noor would wince and involuntarily push Zahra’s hand away. They laid there for about an hour, neither one able to sleep,

  “We don’t know for sure if tomorrow is Eid,” Noor said.

  “If the new moon shows up, it is,” Zahra said.

  “Let’s find the new moon.” Noor got out of bed, put on her house slippers, and slowly walked up the stairs.

  Zahra and Noor sat on the concrete step that led to Diane’s front door. They both looked up to a sky with a handful of faint stars. An occasional faint breeze snuck between houses. It was mostly still, yet the night felt refreshing after the long day it followed.

  The entire block was dark. People slept in their small houses with peeling paint, humming window units, and messy yards. An occasional dog bark made its way into an otherwise quiet dark. Zahra closed her eyes and imagined Diane’s house gone, and the neighboring houses gone too. She pretended that they were in a world where poor neighborhoods did not exist, where she did not have a colostomy, and Noor was born with all the right parts.

  “I tried being a boy, but it never worked, not even for an hour, not even when I got whipped. I hated myself more than anyone could possible ever hate me,” Noor shared.

  “The only way someone can hate you, Noor, is not knowing you. You are impossible to hate.” Zahra stated this with conviction.

  “Most of the time I feel impossible to love,” Noor said, her tears replaced by a desolate exhaustion.

  “I know, me too,” agreed Zahra.

  Zahra couldn’t see much of her friend in the dark but she could hear her quiet breath. She closed her eyes and imagined Beirut that dawn; the end of Ramadan celebrated with Koran prayers resonating from neighborhood mosque towers. Zahra didn’t care for the muezzin’s multiple daily calls for prayer. Nadim told her how he missed the sound of azan when he was in America; she told him then that she wouldn’t.

  On that porch however, covered in dark, Zahra wished the muezzin’s sad resolved call for prayer covered her and drowned the sound of her heart breaking.

  “I see it!” Noor said, pointing, her voice a whisper.

  Above them, a slice of moon was undeniable. It came out of nowhere and claimed a spot in the black sky. Zahra smiled to it and so did Noor.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The sun’s rays entering the small daylight window in the room indicated it was close to noon. Zahra had learned the dance of daylight and time on Noor’s alarm clock the first week she got to Wichita. The hours dragged until Beth showed up to take Zahra to her appointments.

  She had forgotten about what happened the previous day until she saw Noor’s hair peeking from under her covers in the bed across the room. Noor was still asleep. Iris said she was coming to celebrate Eid with them. Zahra hoped that she would show up soon. There had been too much pain and loss to face. Iris made it a little better.

  Z
ahra got out of her bed quietly and got cleaned up and dressed in the bathroom. She still had not changed in front of Noor, and until yesterday Noor had never been naked in front of Zahra either. When Zahra returned to the bedroom, Noor was sitting in the bed and smiling at her.

  “Eid Mubarak, Zahra!” Noor said. Her face was black and blue, her lips were swollen, and she still had some blood between her teeth. Zahra tried not to show her shock. Her tears surged like a river in the spring.

  She squeezed her eyes as tight as she could while smiling back to her friend. “Eid Mubarak, Noor!”

  The doorbell rang and they heard Diane’s footsteps above. Zahra sprung upstairs trying in vain to beat Diane to the door. A smiling Iris wearing a hot pink skirt and a matching blouse with ruffles stood at the door, smiling at Diane. Zahra started to explain that Iris was just there for a few minutes and then they would all go celebrate Eid at the mall, when Iris walked right into the living room and gave Zahra one of her warm hugs.

  “Well, happy holiday, darling! I am sorry I don’t know how to pronounce the words in y’all’s language! You gonna have to work with me a little bit on that!”

  Diane didn’t oppose Iris’ presence in her living room. Zahra was not sure how she escaped the “no visitor” rule, but the next thing she knew, Iris was sitting on Diane’s sofa, visiting with Diane. Diane never talked to anyone, but seemed to be willing to answer Iris’ questions about how she watered her lawn, how close she was to paying off the house, and the outrageous price of gas. Diane even offered Iris a cup of coffee, which Iris declined on account of saving her appetite for the food court.

  “Look at you girl! Don’t you look A-MAZIN’?” Iris was practically screaming, her face beamed.

  Zahra and Diane turned around and there was Noor standing at the top of the stairs, in a satin dress with spaghetti straps and a white belt at the waist, which matched her high-heeled sandals. Her bruises were covered by makeup, her eyelids were perfectly painted, and her lashes looked thick and long with wingtips at the edges that reminded Zahra of Cleopatra’s pictures in books. Noor’s lips, eyelids, and dress, in different shades of peach made her look like a model from a magazine.