The Darkest Winter

by Lindsey Pogue

  “Yep, it was a good call coming here, Jackson,” Ross said, but Jackson lingered in the doorway behind us, staring into the darkness. Jackson had stayed on the property somewhere, and I assumed it was that room he couldn’t tear his gaze from.

  I exchanged a look with and Sophie while Ross made his way downstairs again.

  Sophie and I followed with the kids back downstairs. The place was definitely large enough for everyone, but getting used to our new roommates would be interesting.

  “Where are all your things?” Alex asked, poking his head back into the kitchen. “Supplies and clothes and stuff?”

  “Ah, we’ve only unpacked what we’ve needed.” Ross opened an ice chest stocked halfway with beer, the rest looked like empty bottles. “We didn’t want to get too settled before you got here.” He popped the cap off the bottle with the countertop, and slurped down a few glugs before he came up for breath, smiling. “Can I get you all anything? We have beer and there’s canned food in the pantry if you’re hungry.”

  “Why don’t we check out the other building so we can get settled,” Jackson said, coming back down the stairs. He nodded to the back door.

  Alex let the way with Beau, Sophie and Thea following.

  “There weren’t any bodies when you got here? Nothing weird we should know about?”

  Ross took a swig of his beer. “There were two women, they’re in the garage[K161]. I figured we could deal with that tomorrow.” Ross tossed him a ring of keys hanging from a long line of hooks. “They’re locked.”

  Jackson held up the keys in thanks and followed me out the door, pulling it shut it behind us. “I want us all in the same room tonight,” Jackson said.

  I eyed him, willing him to telling me what was going on in his head. “Should I be worried?” I asked him.

  He hesitated to answer. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s a weird vibe but not hair-raising. Ross is in bad shape, drunk, which isn’t like him.” I could hear the concern in Jackson’s voice. “Six months ago he would’ve been pulling the bottle out of my hand and telling me to keep my shit together.”

  I stopped, wanting Jackson to give his friend the benefit of the doubt because I knew how much Ross meant to him. “We’ve all changed since December,” I reminded him. “You don’t know what happened to him in Fairbanks or anywhere else he’s been.”

  Running his hand over his face, Jackson agreed. “I know.” He heaved out a breath, exhausted like the rest of us. “I just imagined this feeling different,” he admitted.

  “Things might look different in the morning.”

  And for Jackson’s sake, I hoped I was right.

  Chapter 57

  Jackson

  Ross and I sat at the breakfast bar in a strangely awkward silence as the past and present settled between us. Or, maybe it was a mixture of relief and fatigue. He took a swig of his beer, and I eyed the large, half-folded map with starred locations of northern Alaska next to him. None of the areas were part of his original plan, so I was curious. But then, my plans had skewed off course too.

  “What were you looking for?” I asked, glancing at the map.

  Ross followed my gaze and cleared his throat. “Answers,” he said and took another swig.

  He offered me one, but I held up my hand. “I’m good.”

  At first, Ross shrugged like it was my loss, then his eyes flashed with comprehension. “You stayed dry.” I wasn’t sure if it was awe or surprise in his voice, but there was a difference—awe meant he commended me, surprise meant he didn’t think I could. He would’ve been right.

  “No,” I said. “I didn’t. But I need to be now.”

  He stared at his beer then glanced at the map, nodding with understanding. “Where d’you get all those kids, anyway? You and Elle . . .”

  I waited for him to finish, but he looked at me, expectant. “Me and Elle what, popped out four kids in the past six months?” I chuckled. “No.”

  He punched me in the shoulder and took another drink. “Smart ass.”

  “I met them in Anchorage a couple days after you left. We were heading in the same direction and—”

  “And now it’s more than that,” he finished for me.

  I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. Yes, it was more than that, and as simple as that too. Resting both elbows on the counter, I pointed at the map again. “So that’s where you’ve been all this time?”

  Ross stared at the map for a minute, his eyes glazed over. “Pretty much. It’s a long depressing story, and you look exhausted, so I’ll save it for another night.” He pushed the map aside. “Are you sure you and your lady don’t want to shack up in the house?”

  “Don’t say it like that,” I told him.

  “Okay, fine. Would you and Elle like to have a room in the house?” he said like a fucking robot. “The kids will be fine out there, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “It’s not like that,” I told him, and it was true, whatever Elle and I were it wasn’t whatever he imagined.

  “No shit?” he asked, eyes like frisbees. “What’s wrong with you, are you broken or something?”

  “No,” I said, trying not to laugh. “We’re just . . . friends, for lack of a better word.”

  “Jackson, it’s okay. My sister is dead. You’re alive and—”

  I shot up, infuriated even if his words were true. “Don’t say it like that,” I warned him.

  Ross rose to his feet just as quickly. “Why, because it hurts? Fuck yeah, man. All of this fucking sucks, but it is what it is. Hannah ain’t coming back—Kelsey is not coming back.” He heaved out a breath. “The sooner you come to terms with that the better.”

  “Oh, like you have?” I bit out, glaring at the bottle in his shaking hand. “When was the last time you were sober because you look like shit, brother? I’ve tried coping that way, it doesn’t work, trust me.” I shook my head. “Don’t be a dick.”

  Every hard line on Ross’ face softened, and he sat back down, glugging what was left in his bottle. Ross wasn’t ever much of a drinker. A few beers at a BBQ maybe, but he never went for the hard stuff and it was a social thing. He was also a compulsive neat freak, a soldier through and through, though by the looks of him you’d never know it. “I thought you said there are showers here?” I leveled my eyes on him. “Take one.” We weren’t getting anywhere tonight, not like this. I slid the stool in with my boot. “I’m going to bed.” I stared at the old guy passed out on the couch in the game room. “He good for anything or did you bring dead weight?”

  Ross ran his hand over his face. “He’s not dead weight,” he groused. “Despite what he looks like, he’s a brilliant old fart; he was an engineer in another life.”

  “Good. Now, go to bed, would you? We have a lot to talk about tomorrow.”

  I turned for the door. “Sweet dreams, princess,” he grumbled.

  “You too, buttercup.” I flipped him off for the hell of it. “See you in the AM.”

  The instant I shut the door behind me, I felt better. I couldn’t say if it was that niggling feeling that dissipated or just my concern for Ross.

  The cold air shook me awake as I walked to the suites. Peering into the darkness, I tried to remember the last time I looked at a watch. Daylight was all that mattered anymore; time felt obsolete.

  Quietly, I opened the door into our narrow suite. Candlelight flickered over the walls, casting familiar shadows. They’d pushed a queen bed against the wall to leave more room on the floor for two twin mattresses and a folding cot where Alex laid, passed out. Beau was lying in his, eyes heavy as he blinked at me, and Thea and Sophie were on the other. And, like music to my ears, the water was running in the bathroom.

  Sophie looked up at me from combing Thea’s hair. “The boys brought in the beds from the next room so no one would have to sleep on the floor.”

  “I noticed.” I stepped inside. It was like Christmas had come early. Comfy beds and plumbing. “You and Elle get the bed,” she said with a quirked
brow.

  “I’m fine on the mattress. You kids can have the bed—”

  “Elle said the bed was fine,” she said.

  “Yeah, well, Elle’s having an orgasmic[MOU162] shower, she wouldn’t care about much of anything right now.”

  Sophie laughed. “True.”

  “No lights?” I asked, taking in the darkened room.

  Sophie shrugged. “It feels weird sitting in the bright lights,” she mused. It made sense and I wasn’t complaining.

  Stepping over Alex’s cot, I crouched down beside Beau. “Hey, kid,” I said as softly as I could.

  Beau’s eyelids flitted open.

  “Do you think your friends outside would mind keeping an eye[MOU163] on things tonight?”

  “They will,” he breathed, his lips barely moving.

  “Thanks, bud. I appreciate it.” I pulled his sleeping bag up over his shoulder. A week ago I might’ve slept with my gun, knowing eight wolves were outside the house. Tonight, I didn’t feel like I needed it at all. I stopped at the vertical windows, peering out in the crystal-clear night. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Ross, but I wasn’t sure I knew him anymore. He’d gone AWOL for months and I still didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. Hell, I’d changed too.

  The bathroom door opened and Elle stepped out. Her silhouette flickered in the window’s reflection. “You’re back,” she said quietly so not to wake the kids.

  I made the mistake of peering over my shoulder to answer and my tongue lodged in my throat.

  Of course I’d noticed Elle was attractive, you had to be a corpse not to, but until now she’s just been Elle, the maternal and responsible one. She’d been the person who kept our lives running like a well-oiled machine most of the time. But standing there with her hair long and dark over her shoulders, the wet tips soaking into her strappy gray tank top that clung to every curve of her chest she was more than that. I swallowed thickly.

  “Is everything okay?” She wrapped her hair in a towel and glanced at me. “Did Ross say something?” She straightened and looked at Sophie [LP164]with alarm.

  I shook my head. “No, he’s—uh—he’s fine. I told him to get some sleep.” I plopped into a cushioned chair beside a corner desk and pulled off my boots.

  “Oh, okay. Good.” She smiled with relief and I forced myself to look away.

  “Your bag’s there,” Sophie said with a grin. I didn’t have to look at her, I could hear it in her voice.

  “Thanks,” I muttered and peeled my jacket off, draping it over the chair.

  “I can’t believe they have running water. Did you ask how?”

  I stood up. “No, I’ll ask him about it tomorrow.” God, I needed sleep. I pulled my shirt over my head. “I was hoping there might be warm water left for me,” I said.

  “Yes, of course. Let me get my things out of the shower.” Elle disappeared into the candlelit bathroom and I grabbed my bag.

  “You’re acting like a goober,” Sophie said I could feel the burn in my cheeks.

  “I thought you were going to bed,” I deadpanned, which only earned me a pleased smile, but Sophie and Thea crawled under their sleeping bags on the mattresses, both of them yawning.

  “It’s all yours,” she whispered and stood at the edge of the queen bed, rummaging through her things.

  I walked passed her, into the steamy bathroom, it was warm and muggy, like a sauna.

  “Here’s a clean towel,” she said. The bathroom was probably eight-by-five but felt more like four-by-four as she leaned in and set it on the counter.

  I pulled out my razor and Elle stopped, appraising me in the mirror. “Time to groom?”

  “I figured I could at least make my goatee look less like a beard.”

  Elle shrugged, smiled, and turned to leave. “Enjoy your shower.”

  “I plan to,” I said as the door clicked shut behind her. What was with the shrug? I stared at my reflection, somewhat horrified. My hair was dark and shaggy nearly to my shoulder, and my mustache was long enough to tickle my lip. Yes, grooming and a hot shower before my head hit the pillow. I would’ve been salivating if I wasn’t so exhausted.

  I took my time in the bathroom, soaking under the hot water as I scrubbed the dirt from every muscle. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be really, truly clean and not the bird bath kind. I let the water roll over me until it cooled, then climbed out to dress.

  The air was brisk, but the tile was warm beneath my feet as I towel dried my hair then brushed my teeth. Dressed and cleaned, I blew out the three-wick candle, halfway burned, and opened the door.

  A candle on the headboard lit the room. Elle was curled up under the covers, facing the wall and arm folded on her side with only a sheet covering her. She didn’t have to worry about pretending to be cold anymore, like the rest of us.

  Flicking off the bathroom light, I padded around the bed.

  As I crawled in under the covers, all I could feel was Elle’s warmth. It emanated off of her like she was made of the sun, and as much as I tried to ignore it, my instinct was to pull her close. It had been a while since I laid on a mattress or slept in an actual bed with a woman. My wife. The months felt more like eons, and yet like it was only yesterday too.

  “Goodnight,” Elle whispered.

  I stared at her back, at the damp hair that splayed against her pillow. “Night, Elle.” I blew out the candle and rolled to my other side and tried and failed to fall asleep.

  Chapter 58

  Sophie

  Adele. Journey. I was even guilty of listening to a little Bieber and One Direction from time to time, especially when Jess[CM165] and I were fighting. I missed my stereo and social media, watching other people’s ridiculous problem so I didn’t have to think about my own. Now the world was small even if it was bigger than before, vaster and more unpredictable. Or maybe it had always been that way, only now I lived in it and could actually feel it.

  There was a peace in the woods here, different from Jade’s house. The lodge felt like a fresh canvas of white views and jagged peaks—a promise of something new and sort of exciting.

  I stopped at the top of the hill outside the suite we’d stayed in and stared out at the pines and willow that jetted up toward the sky like fingertips trying to reach the sun. If I held my breath, I could almost hear the Yukon River flowing beyond. If it wasn’t for my dream, I would’ve been able to enjoy it.

  I heard the crunch of Alex’s steady footsteps. “What’s up?” he asked. “You always cross your arms and look constipated when you’re worried.”

  I jabbed him in the rib with my elbow.

  “Ouch,” he laughed, dramatically doubling over.

  “Tempt me again. I dare you.”

  “I think I liked you better when you couldn’t control your power so much and shunned me. I’m racking up a lot of bruises lately.”

  I grinned. “Good.”

  He nudged me. “Seriously, though. What’s up?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Lies,” he said under his breath.

  Smiling, I shrugged, not really certain what was bothering me. “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess.”

  “Bad mattress?”

  I shook my head. “Bad dream.”

  “Intriguing.”

  I glared at him. “Jackson left,” I told him. “Elle said she couldn’t deal with us and everything. She said she never wanted this anyway, she wasn’t cut out for it and she disappeared too.” I didn’t tell him it was hard to distinguish dreams from memories sometimes. But I told myself it hadn’t happened yet, so it was all in my head, not someone else’s.

  “Jackson wouldn’t leave,” Alex said with false certainty.

  “You and I both know he’s thought about it, a lot.”

  “Yeah, but thing are different now.”

  I raised an eyebrow and looked into his eyes, testing his certainty. “Are they?”

  “Wow, cynical much?”

  I rolled my eyes and turned bac
k to my view he’d sabotaged it. “You asked.”

  “I’m just giving you a hard time, Soph. Don’t worry about Elle and Jackson. They won’t leave.”

  “But they could,” I reminded him. “They didn’t ask to take care of us, we all fell into their laps like lost puppies but we live longer and eat more.” I could feel the panic creep back in like a shadow seeped through the cracks. Ever since those men had shown up in Slana, even the Coast Guard and his lackies in Anchorage, the possibility of what could’ve happened without Elle’s help, or Jacksons, looped through my head. I wasn’t exactly defenseless but I didn’t have an arsenal in my fingertips either.

  “Hey.” Alex’s voice was soft. Gently, he grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him. “Elle won’t leave. She cares about us too much, neither will Jackson.”

  I nodded because that’s what he wanted me to do, agree with him, but he knew as much as I did that nothing was ever certain.

  “I can’t read minds like you but I know you get that. So, what’s really bothering you?”

  I thought about how far the city was from this hideaway in the middle of nowhere, and that even if the city was close, there would be no one to hear me scream, if I needed help. “My ability isn’t like yours, Alex. It’s not like Elle’s or Thea’s, and I don’t have wolves to sick on the next crazy asshole who wants to—” I scratched the side of my face.

  “To what?”

  “To put his hand on me or you know, try to kill me. It’s not like there’s an annual quota we’ve already met for the year.” I shook my head.

  “Sophie, listen to me.” Alex’s voice was a low command that made my cheeks warm. “Even if Elle left and Jackson disappeared, I would never leave you, or let anything happen to you.”

  His eyes searched mine and his hands squeezed my shoulders. “We’re going to keep practicing what we can do and we will be so strong and in control that no one will ever be able to hurt you again. I promise. We’ll practice more, get better at protecting ourselves—we’re still figuring all of this out. Cut yourself some slack.”

  “The next guy won’t,” I pointed out.