Her All Along

by Cara Dee

  “Copy that. I’ll do my best to keep him off Evelina,” Angel responded.

  “You gonna stand there all day?” Ethan called.

  Let the game begin…

  We broke our little huddle and approached the others, and since I’d be our team’s initial swimmer, I threw the ball to Ethan.

  Pipsqueak smirked at me.

  I just made sure I wasn’t looking anywhere below her chin.

  Because the water wasn’t hot, and…fucking nipples.

  It was official. I was sick.

  “Swimmers ready?” Ethan asked.

  I blew out a breath and positioned myself next to Pipsqueak, our eyes set on the horizon. It was a toss that couldn’t be turned in anyone’s favor. At Ryan’s sharp whistle, Ethan threw the ball some twenty yards out into the water, and Pipsqueak and I were off. I dove under the water before resurfacing and easing into a quick crawl.

  The water was clear, calm, and without any strong currents.

  Pipsqueak had technique and grace on her side; I had plain strength, which wouldn’t last forever. But it got me far enough, and I grabbed the ball first.

  Then I had a buzzing fly in my face, a fly named Elise fuckin’ Quinn. I grinned, out of breath, and batted her away as I tried to see where the others were positioned.

  “Give me the ball!” Pipsqueak demanded.

  “Uh, no?” I chuckled and tried to swim around her, but she was mirroring my every goddamn move. “Outta my way, little girl.”

  She squawked and narrowed her eyes before literally throwing herself at me and sliding back to lock her arms around my neck. “I’ll be on you like a fucking Band-Aid, Gramps,” she snarled.

  “Jesus, such language.” I shook my head, and I resigned myself to simply swim back to shore with her clinging to my back. It would drain me of some energy, I’d give her that, but she was still just a slip of a girl. “Pipsqueak, you do realize—what the fuck!” She bit me! The girl fucking bit me! Oh, that was it. Clenching my jaw and breathing through the sting along my neck, I heaved myself forward and took aim for Evelina. Darius and Ryan stood closely together, as did Angel and Ethan. Lias was trying to move around both couples in an attempt to reach Evelina.

  As soon as my feet could reach the seafloor, I’d had it with Pipsqueak’s dirty tricks. When she tried to sink her teeth into my neck again, I did everything to throw her off me. She tightened her hold on my neck. I growled a curse and thought, fuck it, and sank below the surface. Yeah, wasn’t so easy to latch on now, was it? She was a slippery little shit—a surprisingly strong one. Or maybe it was the signature stubbornness that came with this goddamn family.

  I slid my hand up a toned, soft, smooth leg—fuuuck—and found purchase under her knee. Then I pulled her forward, to my front, where it was easier to get her off me. And at the same time, I had two voices at the back of my mind shouting very different things. Thankfully, I listened to reason—while reason told me I was a sick son of a bitch. A bizarre one, at that. Because it fucking was bizarre. I didn’t know where it was coming from.

  I wasn’t the type of man who lost his shit over physical appearance.

  Once I got free, I didn’t waste a second. I kicked off the sandy bottom and dove forward, knowing she’d be on my tail in seconds.

  The space we’d all created between us slowly disappeared, eliminating the option of even trying to get the ball in the air myself. I’d last five seconds at best. Evelina was far from free, so I threw the ball to Ryan. He wasn’t alone, but he could handle Darius while I tried to get rid of Evelina’s shadow, aka Lias.

  “Angel, you’re with me!” I yelled.

  She dodged Ethan’s grasp and dove sideways under the water.

  “Ave!” Ryan shouted as he resurfaced.

  I jerked my chin and held up my hand, to which he threw the ball back to me. Darius stopped trying to drown his brother, which was nice.

  “Get on him, Elise!” Darius commanded.

  But why? Why her?

  I ran as well as I could in the waist-deep water and dodged both Ethan and Lias, and Ryan hadn’t been kidding about Angel. She rammed her elbow into Ethan’s gut when he grabbed at her.

  “Motherfucker,” he coughed.

  Angel and Pipsqueak reached me at the same time, and as my new nightmare climbed up on my back once more, I discreetly passed the ball to Angel under the water. Then I went for mayhem and threw myself toward Ethan. The distance had all but vanished, and everyone was within six feet of one another. If we wanted to get the ball to Evelina, we’d have to space out a bit more again.

  Ryan, who’d caught up to my strategy, helped me distract Ethan and Pipsqueak. It dragged Darius into the huddle too, and everything became the workout of a lifetime. I couldn’t fucking shake the girl on my back.

  Evelina and Angel would have to handle Lias themselves.

  “Who has it?” Darius snapped, frustrated.

  Just then, Evelina shouted, “One Mississippi! Two Mississippi!” Fuck yeah, she was holding the ball in the air. It changed everyone’s plans, and it became our mission to keep Darius and Ethan away. While I locked an arm around Ethan’s neck and wrestled him into the water, I sucked in a labored breath and grabbed on to Pipsqueak’s arm too. Now she was suddenly very interested in getting away from me to catch Evelina.

  “Get her, Lias!” Darius yelled, busy wrestling against Ryan.

  “Let go of me,” Pipsqueak panted. “Fuck!”

  “Six Mississippi, seven Mississippi!” Evelina continued.

  Before I went under, I spotted Angel in full attack against Lias.

  Holy fuck, I needed this to end. I was spent. My lungs burned for air, my heart hammered, and I had enough scratches on my body to make people believe I had fourteen cats.

  “Nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi—we win!” Evelina shouted.

  Thank God.

  I was fucking done for. With my chest heaving rapidly, I moved to shallower water where I could catch my breath. Even though everyone had let go of one another, I could still feel their grips, and I didn’t like how Pipsqueak’s hands on me had burned differently.

  “Fuck me, I think I’ve outgrown this game,” Ry groaned breathlessly.

  I bent over at the waist and gripped my thighs. “I second that.”

  “That was so much fun!” Angel exclaimed. “When can we go again?”

  Oh God, never.

  Ryan chuckled and draped an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe later. We need to get some food in you first. You can head up and get started.”

  She was off with a cheeky, “Yes, sir.”

  Darius, Ethan, and Pipsqueak were on their way out of the water too, and I kept my gaze fixed on the damn seafloor.

  Then I gave Ryan my attention instead. I straightened and pushed back my hair. “Can you be my daddy too? I wouldn’t mind someone telling me when to eat.”

  He barked out a laugh and gave me an amused once-over. “Angel and I wouldn’t kick you outta bed, but you’d probably be traumatized for life.”

  Jesus. “I have no doubts on that matter,” I chuckled. “On a more serious note, I’m happy for you. She seems good for you.”

  He smiled and glanced up at the beach. “I’m gonna marry that girl one day.”

  Damn. Must be a nice feeling. I remembered when marriage became a topic between my ex-wife and me. Her happy, “We should get married!” had completely blindsided me, and I’d mustered a, “Should we?” My response had hurt her, so I’d tacked on, “I mean, yeah, we probably should.”

  “By the way,” Ryan went on, “if Elise fesses up before she joins us in California, let her down gently, all right?”

  I furrowed my brow, missing the joke. “What?”

  “The crush,” he stated.

  I still didn’t get it. If she was infatuated with someone, why would it involve me? She knew she could come to me if she needed comfort; I didn’t have to tell her that. She’d come to me before. But who the fuck was this motherfucker? I’d been reliev
ed when she’d stopped by after prom night and announced that her date had been one sandwich short of a picnic.

  “Goddammit. I thought you knew, buddy.” Ryan winced and rubbed the back of his neck.

  Okay, this was just going to frustrate me. “Knew what?”

  He sighed and threw another glance up the beach, maybe to make sure we were alone. “In my defense, she only confirmed what I already suspected when she visited us in San Francisco. She’s carried a torch for you since before Grace was born.”

  No.

  He was joking. There was no way.

  I was her Mister, for chrissakes. We had our own special relationship. I loved her with every fiber of my being, but it was different. We were close, admittedly very close, though nothing like Ryan was implying. Or rather, what Pipsqueak might feel. And she fucking couldn’t. Had she hit her head?

  I shook my head in disbelief.

  Ryan smiled faintly. “I figured it wasn’t reciprocated—”

  “Dude.” I frowned. “What if it had been? Don’t tell me that would’ve been okay. She just turned eighteen, and I’m fifteen years older than she is.”

  He knitted his brows together. “You’re kinda talking to the wrong person about this. I have almost twenty years on Angel.”

  “Which is weird too,” I pointed out.

  He shrugged at that. “It could be, but I’d like to think our ages don’t necessarily have to define us. As long as all parties are legal, I don’t give a shit. Angel’s lived more than most women her age.”

  Darius had told me Angel used to live on the street. She’d run away from her foster family at fourteen or something, and Ryan had met her when she’d tried to shoplift food from a friend’s convenience store. “Met” was a relative term. She’d punched him and tried to run away.

  “Elise hasn’t lived more than most women her age,” I said. “Speaking of, that’s your sister. How would it make you feel if a buddy your age made a move on her?”

  Ryan chuckled. “You mean, what would I do if my sister shacked up with one of the best men I know? One who happens to be a terrific friend and father? Gee, tough one.”

  I opened my mouth to respond but quickly snapped it shut as his words settled. What the fuck? He couldn’t be all nice and shit when I was trying to make an argument. Because he was in the wrong here.

  “But you don’t feel that way about her, right?” Ryan turned pensive, studying me.

  I widened my eyes. “Of course not!” I…I… No! His question jammed a rock the size of Mount Rainier down toward my stomach, and I swallowed uneasily. Looking over at the others where they were preparing for our lunch, I did my best to explain, but I got stuck. I couldn’t put into words how I felt about Pipsqueak, because everything could be misconstrued.

  My chest felt tight when I looked at her. It was highly uncomfortable, and I wished Ryan had never asked. It was wrong. Elise was sacred. She was to be cherished and protected.

  “Then there’s nothing to discuss.” Ryan gave my shoulder a squeeze and smirked to himself as he took a couple steps out of the water. “Like I said, let her down gently if she does come clean this summer. She may have mentioned to Angel that she’s working up the courage.”

  Well, shit.

  The notion of hurting Pipsqueak legitimately made me nauseated.

  Ryan left me alone, and I didn’t know what to do. What to say, what to think.

  I scrubbed my hands over my face and winced. The skin on my shoulders felt tight, letting me know I’d been a fucking idiot not to put on sunscreen this morning.

  “How do I seduce a man?”

  “Oh God,” I muttered to myself.

  Could she have been talking about me?

  Covering my face with my hands, I let out a laugh and a groan at the same time, because this was just so her. She’d come to me for advice…about me. She was the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine… I heard her laughing up the beach, the sound soft and carefree, and I couldn’t not seek her out. My hands fell to my sides, and I watched her goof around with Lias and Ethan.

  It was her influence on me that had played the biggest part in changing my attitude toward women.

  That dorky little darling. Something had to be wrong with her if she was infatuated with me.

  It was flattering, albeit absurd. There was something else too, a ridiculous heat that spread in my chest, not to mention an ego boost that made me want to kick myself. But I guessed it proved how much I needed it. The lonely fucker in me was so desperate for affirmation that I took it from a young woman who was off-limits.

  It would just be so much easier to keep her away from me if she went back to wearing a unicorn bathing suit rather than that flimsy little bikini.

  Fucking hell, she was gorgeous.

  I blew out a breath and shook my head, and I started making my way out of the water.

  Losing her affection would hurt incredibly, but I supposed I should set some boundaries. She gave the best hugs, often at the most random times. She could be busy in the kitchen; I could be busy grading tests, but if she felt like a hug, she came and got it. A few times, she’d come into the living room while I watched the news or something. With the couch at the center of the room, she’d stood behind me and scratched my scalp while she said whatever she’d come to say.

  I’d have to be careful about the innocent touches too. I should just point out that she had chocolate on her face; I shouldn’t remove it myself.

  Fuck. Had I done this to her? Had I made the lines too blurry? I could admit I enjoyed having her close to me. I loved having her at my house. I even enjoyed taking her to the stores where she picked up all the various supplies she experimented with, and we’d go out for pizza afterward. Not to mention, how amazing she was with my daughter and how that made me want to keep Pipsqueak even closer. Because she was so fucking fantastic. The girl simply made my heart happy, and now I feared my reactions to her had possibly confused her. Perhaps it was why she’d developed this crush.

  I was giving myself a headache running all these ifs and hows and whys in my head.

  “Okay, lunch is ready, everyone!” Angel hollered.

  Twenty

  When Pipsqueak came over to my house a couple days later and said she had to talk to me, I almost freaked the fuck out. Palms sweaty, pulse spiking, mild nausea, and that rock the size of Mount Rainier digging its way deeper into the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t ready to lose her. She was already leaving Washington next month; if I had to hurt her now, she wouldn’t speak to me again before she left.

  Then she started rambling about wanting to spend some quality time with her family before moving to California. One day with her mom, one day with her dad, one day with Willow, and so on.

  I exhaled in relief and resumed my nightly routine of picking up after Grace, starting the dishwasher, and sorting laundry.

  Pipsqueak followed me around the house and listed what she had so far.

  For her day with James, she wanted them to take their bowrider out to watch whales. With her mother, Pipsqueak wanted to spend the day watching old movies and eat at their favorite restaurant. Evelina was getting her day with Pipsqueak too, and they’d already decided to go all out for a girls’ day. Spa, manicure, shopping, and whatnot.

  “I have no idea what I wanna do with Darius,” she said. “I mean, there’s a dozen things I could choose, but he’s getting ready for another assignment, so he’s in a different mind space.”

  I nodded with a dip of my chin and stowed away the last of the laundry in my bedroom.

  “Is the mission simply to spend extra time with them?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “You could ease his worries of having you alone in a big city so far from home and let him train you a bit,” I suggested, heading down the stairs. “He’s been in charge of you and Willow learning self-defense and all that. Ask him to take you to the shooting range or the gym.”

  “That’s perfect!” She jotted it down in her little notepad. “N
ow, Willow…”

  Willow was easy. She struggled with insecurities over her limitations that kept her from living a stereotypically normal life, and it made her feel bad sometimes. That maybe she wasn’t the big sister Pipsqueak needed. Which was horseshit, of course, but I suggested to Elise she ask Willow for guidance and support. Willow was an expert at setting up structure and routines, so perhaps they could spend their day going over things Pipsqueak could do to make the transition to San Francisco easier.

  We covered her day with Lias too, while I poured us some coffee and grabbed a box of chocolate truffles from the fridge. I was down to my last four pieces, so I kind of hoped Pipsqueak wouldn’t steal more than one. Tops. If possible, they were even more fantastic than her signature The Mister. These were a bitter, dark chocolate with a semisweet caramel filling, and she’d infused them with dark rum.

  “Okay, so Ethan is next,” she said.

  We took our seats on the couch in the living room, and I began dreading what my day with her would look like. Would that be the day she confessed her crush? Again, I wasn’t fucking ready. I wanted more of these moments with her. More late nights, more talks on the patio, more laughter in the kitchen, more…just more.

  “Any ideas?” Pipsqueak prodded.

  Right. Her day with Ethan.

  I took a sip of my coffee before I set it down and tossed a truffle into my mouth.

  “He’s trickier.” I chewed slowly, letting the chocolate and rum mix with the caramel. Growing up, Pipsqueak had received her education in movies and music from Ethan, though it’d been years since I’d heard of them having a movie night. “Is there any concert you can go to? If you don’t want to go to Seattle, there’s always Vancouver.” It was only forty-five minutes away.

  “Ooh. I’ll look it up.” She made a couple notes on her pad. “That leaves Grace. I need a day with her too.”

  And me, right? And me.

  Pipsqueak looked up from her notepad and smiled curiously. “Do you think she’s too young for the aquarium in Seattle? Can we take her there?”

  I felt my forehead crease. Wait, so in this scenario, was I just tagging along as Grace’s father? I’d like to think I was more than that.