Her All Along

by Cara Dee

  “Nothin’,” James lied.

  Mary huffed. “Well, I’ll go with whatever answer produces more grandkids.”

  Shocking.

  “I’ll have a word with Ethan,” Darius promised. “I’m not ready to encourage Ave in that department yet.”

  “He doesn’t need it!” Elise hollered from the kitchen. “I’ll be encouraging him plenty as soon as we move back home.”

  This goddamn family. Christ. I had no words.

  There were no complaints from me, though. If anything, I was looking forward to that encouragement from Elise.

  For the first time in my life, I was looking forward to a lot of things.

  Thirty

  “Daddy’s coming for you, Grace!”

  “Nooo!” She laughed like crazy and tried to run faster.

  She was such a sight. I’d taken countless pictures of her running around being a goofball today. Her dark curls bounced with every step, her cheeks were rosy from exertion, and I had to admit her wardrobe had received a nice upgrade since Elise started taking over. The boots, the leggings, the undershirt, and that cardigan had been a parting gift from Elise. She’d said they would be perfect for our ventures into the national parks along the way on our journey.

  I eventually caught up to my little speedster and picked her up, and she squealed happily and became her own airplane. Arms extended, she urged me to go faster, faster, faster. I ran with her over my head toward the next big tree where I had to take a breather.

  “’Gain, Dada! Go’gain!”

  I chuckled, out of breath, and positioned her on my hip. “Let me breathe first.” This was supposed to be a short visit, so I’d only brought my daypack from the car. Diapers, water, animal crackers, wipes, and a banana—always there wherever I went with my girl. “Do you want a snack, Grace?”

  “Nuh-uh.” She was peering up at the tall trees around us, and she pointed. “Big!”

  “Yeah, it’s a big, big tree,” I agreed. “Can you say ‘redwood’?”

  She looked me in the eye, only to drop her gaze to my lips and mouth the word.

  “Red. Wood,” I repeated slowly.

  “We-woo,” she whispered.

  I smiled at her and brushed back her hair with my fingers. “You’re my little genius,” I said. “We should get back to the car if we’re gonna make it to the beach in time.”

  She nodded as if she understood what I was saying.

  This had to be the reward for a rather disastrous week in Oregon. Grace and I had gotten some laughs at our misfortune, but it was too soon to look back on it as a fond memory. Torrential rains, a flat tire, and mud everywhere summed up what should’ve been a fantastic trip to see the famous rock formations in the state.

  Instead of catching the sunrise or sunset at some impressive cliff, I’d taken a picture of the two of us with mud streaks on our faces, soaked boots, and wet hair.

  Northern California was giving us a different welcome. First the Redwood National Park this morning, now this…

  It was the peak of tourist season, yet we’d arrived at one of the glass beaches outside of Fort Bragg when there was no one else around. The sun was about to set, Grace was in a cheerful mood, and we’d brought food from Denny’s for dinner.

  The ocean was calm. The cliffs and tide pools around us were stunning.

  I fanned out my windbreaker for us to sit on while Grace dropped to her knees and dug around in the sand. The streaked clusters of sea glass glistened in the dipping sun and mesmerized my daughter from the first second.

  “Dada, wook!” She held up a blue piece of rounded glass.

  “Very pretty.” I bit into my cheesy, greasy, bacon and egg cheeseburger with an indecent groan that made Grace laugh. I held up her yogurt cup and serving of sausage and hash browns. “You wanna come eat, love? It’ll get cold soon.”

  “Pewie?” She scrambled over to me and grabbed her backpack.

  “I’m not forgetting her. She’ll be with you in your picture,” I assured her. It was time to return the favor to Elise. She’d taken funny pictures in San Francisco with her penguin for Grace. Now Pewie, the convenient name for Grace’s penguin, was going to star in some of the photos I took of her for Elise.

  Grace made her way between my legs and sat down on my knee while I opened the container with her food in it.

  “It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?”

  She nodded and grinned around a sausage.

  I chuckled and gave her cheek a smooch.

  After a week and a half of sleeping in motels and inns, it felt nice to be welcomed to San Francisco by Ryan and Angel.

  Elise would join us for a late dinner when she got off work. In the meantime, Grace got a much-needed nap, and I unpacked a little in the guest room. In Elise’s room. Where I saw evidence of how much she loved us all over the place. There was a picture of Grace and me on the wall, two photos of Grace on her nightstand, several of my tees and boxers in the drawers, the penguin on the desk, and…what the hell? I walked closer and snatched up the photo next to the penguin.

  It was a punch in the gut. Exactly seven pictures had survived my childhood, and this was a copy of one of them. A classmate’s mother had taken it at a birthday party. I didn’t remember who. Finn was standing next to me; I had my arm around him, and I was jokingly forcing him to wear a party hat. He had cake on his cheek, and he wore a scowl and a grin at the same time.

  We were eight years old in this photo and had already lived through four years of abuse.

  Why had Elise made a copy of it?

  Not that I minded, but…

  She wanted me to reach out to him again; I knew that much.

  Was there something else?

  It felt significant that she’d chosen this photo, when there were two others from my childhood that had only me in them.

  A quiet knock on the door pushed my questions aside for the moment, and Ryan appeared. He spotted Grace sleeping on the bed first. “Come on. Beer out on the fire escape,” he said quietly.

  I nodded.

  I’d get my answers from Elise eventually. She wasn’t sneaky by nature, and she wouldn’t go behind my back to do anything—not after what my ex-wife had done.

  There was one more thing to do. Before I joined Ryan, I pulled out the bracelet Grace had picked out for Elise at a little jewelry store in Mendocino. It had tiny pieces of seashells and a few pearls dangling from the silver chain. I placed the gift box on the desk, then grabbed the baby monitor and closed the door to the room behind me.

  Yeah, no, as much as I loved being near Elise, staying with Ryan and Angel was out of the question. There was virtually no privacy to be had. The living room was small, the kitchen was miniscule. But I bet the price tag was gigantic. Ryan had scored a place right in the middle of the gay district in San Francisco.

  “Where did Angel go?” I asked, stepping outside onto the fire escape. It faced the private parking lot in the back, so the view wasn’t great, but I couldn’t care less. Ryan was half sprawled out across the steps, so I sat down in the single chair—nothing else would fit here—and I was offered a cold beer and a smoke. It was too much for me to resist.

  “She’s downstairs. She’s opening today.” He took a pull from his cigarette and dug out a bag of chips from under his legs where he sat. “As you can see, I’m a fantastic host and prepare the most elaborate meals when we have guests.”

  I grinned, letting my smoke dangle at the corner of my mouth, and opened the bag of chips. “Man, this was exactly everything I needed.”

  “Good.” He smiled and leaned back, resting his elbows on one of the steps. “Good to see you again, buddy. It’s been a while.”

  It had. Though, that was usually the case for us. “Yeah. I don’t suppose you’re ever moving back home.”

  He tipped his head, weighing his response. “You never know.”

  “Really?” That was a surprise.

  “Not anytime soon.” He was quick to say. “I love living here. Thi
s is where we’re gonna raise our kids. But down the road—who knows? I wouldn’t turn down running a bar for old grunts next to Darius’s restaurant or something.”

  I liked that vision.

  I exhaled some smoke and saw a quick glimpse of the future. Kids grown up, gray hair, bullshitting about our younger years…

  “So, what’s next on your itinerary?” he asked. “You’re heading inland, yeah?”

  I inclined my head. “I thought I’d see if we can make it to Colorado before we start turning back. Maybe drop down into New Mexico—we’ll see. I gotta pick up some material at the school in Oakland before we go.” That way, I could start compiling a curriculum for the next semester while I was still on the road. I didn’t want to rush anything.

  Ryan nodded slowly and picked up his beer. “I’m glad you’re doing this trip. I think it’s good for you.”

  Yes, me too—

  “Ryan? Avery?” That was Elise. She was here already. And it was insane how quickly my heart reacted to hearing her voice.

  Ryan chuckled and shook his head. “Why am I not surprised that she came home early?”

  I peered into the living room just as she appeared from the hallway, and our stupid grins followed. She darted through the living room and joined us, and before I could stand up to hug her, she planted her sweet ass on my lap.

  “Welcome to San Francisco!” She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me hard.

  “Thank you, baby,” I laughed under my breath and squeezed her to me. “It’s good to see you.”

  “So good.” She pecked me once more, then inched back and wrinkled her nose. “I prefer to kiss you when you haven’t smoked, though.”

  Yeah, shit. “I’m sorry. I thought I had time—”

  “That’s not what I meant!” She batted away Ryan’s hand when he extended the ashtray to me. “Goodness. It was just a statement. You enjoy your beer and your stinky cigarette. I will only hound you if it becomes a habit.” With that said, she stood up again. “We can kiss more later. I want to see my girl. She asleep in my room?”

  I nodded dumbly and watched her disappear again.

  Christ, I loved that woman.

  “I’m so glad her crush on you wasn’t reciprocated,” Ryan drawled.

  I let out a laugh and scrubbed a hand over my mouth. “Don’t get me started. Fuck. She owns me.”

  He merely smiled and tipped his beer to me in a silent toast.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes! Please, go and enjoy your walk,” Angel insisted. “Grace will be fine with us, and I’ll get her ready for bed before you come back.” She turned to my girl, who was in her arms, and bumped their noses together. Grace grinned and did it again in return.

  “Ryan mentioned you barely get any time off work.” That was the only reason I hesitated.

  Dinner had been great, as had the walk back to their building, but I hadn’t missed the dozen times Angel had yawned.

  “Let her practice, man,” Ryan chuckled. “Can’t hurt to log some babysitting hours before I knock her up.”

  “And when is that exactly?” Elise prodded. “How long are you going to make us wait?”

  “There’s no fucking fire,” Ryan retorted. “It’d be nice if Angel could legally order a beer before she became a mother.”

  Elise furrowed her brow. “But you’re so old.”

  Whoa. “Tread carefully, Pipsqueak. He’s only four years older than me,” I said.

  “I’m not old,” Ryan bitched. “You’re just mean.”

  I barked out a laugh at that. So did Angel.

  Elise rolled her eyes and tugged at my hand. “Whatever you say, big brother. We’ll go for a walk. You can reminisce about when the wheel was invented while Angel takes care of Grace. We’ll be back in like an hour.”

  Ryan widened his eyes at me. “Do you remember when she was sweet?”

  I smirked and opened my mouth to respond, but Elise beat me to it.

  “See? Dementia’s setting in already,” she quipped.

  “All right, that’s enough.” It was impossible to shake the amusement, especially after seeing that Ryan was at a loss for words, but it was time to de-escalate the situation. Quinns didn’t know how to stop. That was why people like Evelina, Angel, and I played a vital role in keeping the family peace.

  After assuring Angel that we’d be back in an hour or so, I dragged a giggling Pipsqueak with me off the curb and across the street.

  “My hell-raiser.” I kissed the top of her head and threaded our fingers together.

  “Someone has to keep them humble,” she chuckled.

  She wasn’t entirely wrong.

  “Anyway. Where do you wanna go?” She released my hand to hug my arm instead. “I have you to myself for a whole hour. Let’s make it count.”

  I grinned and patted her hand around my bicep. “We don’t need a direction, do we? Just show me around your neighborhood.”

  “I can do that.”

  I’d get more sight-seeing done after my trip. I wanted us to take Grace around the city, mainly for the nature and wildlife. She loved watching sea lions, and she loved the woods. San Francisco had plenty of both.

  We’d already walked a bit on bustling Market Street, so Elise steered us toward a slightly quieter residential area where we could get at least a semblance of privacy.

  It was a beautiful, historic district with Victorian rowhouses in bright colors.

  “Do you like living here?” I wondered.

  We walked under a tree along the sidewalk, and a bunch of lights and Pride flags adorned the branches. I supposed it wasn’t only a residential area. Stuck to the tree was a sign for a Realtor’s office.

  “Somewhat. It can get so loud.”

  I had been wondering about that. Elise handled noise and fast movement better than many, but she became overwhelmed after a while.

  “I guess I’m glad I’ve gotten to try this out,” she said, “but in the end, I’m a small-town girl through and through.”

  That made me happy. And trying things out was so important.

  “Good thing we have a small town waiting for us.” I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles.

  “Very.” She gestured at one rowhouse’s stoop. “Can we sit for a minute? I think I hurt my ankle a little at work.”

  “Of course.” A twisted ankle was nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet I felt worry rushing in just because it was her. “Let me have a look at it.” I sat down first and patted my knee.

  “It’s nothing bad. We just run around so much, and I must’ve sidestepped wrong or something.” She found her spot next to me, and she folded her right leg over my own right leg. She could’ve just sat down on the other side of me, but I guess with her dress being somewhat short, this was better. Now she could tuck herself into my arms too.

  Perfect fit as always. I breathed easier when she was in my arms, a feeling that still took me by surprise sometimes. She wasn’t merely important to me; she was essential. She was vital for my own well-being.

  “I love you.” I kissed her hair and slipped my hand down her ankle, rubbing it gently.

  She sighed contentedly and placed my arm around her. “I love you more, Mister.”

  Unlikely.

  I squeezed her to me, letting the serenity of the moment flow through my system, and took in the little changes about her. Since she’d moved down here, there was something new every time we saw each other. Recently, it was fashion. More accurately, dresses from the fifties. Knee-length, full skirts. Significantly tighter up top. Today’s dress was black with white polka dots.

  Kind of impossible not to notice how her breasts pushed together…

  Fuck.

  “You’re too enticing for your own good, Elise,” I muttered.

  She peered up at me, first confused, but it dawned on her quickly, and it earned me a cheeky grin.

  I dipped down and kissed that grin off her face. A surge of possessiveness took hold of me,
as it seemingly did every fucking time she was in my arms. And her goddamn legs… Always so soft and smooth. I drew my hand up higher as I deepened the kiss and tasted her on my tongue.

  I loved her needy little sounds when she kissed me. I loved the way she always had to get closer. I loved how she slid a hand up my chest and how she played with my tie.

  Christ, she was just everything. I’d racked my brain every night I went to sleep during the trip down to San Francisco. I’d looked within myself to see if there were any red flags—if I was clinging like I’d done in the past. But I didn’t have to worry about making any decisions based on the wrong thing with Elise. It was all her. I wanted everything with her because of who she was and how she made me feel, not because I was scared to be abandoned.

  I wasn’t going to rush forward either way, but I could say with certainty that I’d found the one woman who changed everything. I wanted children with her. I wanted to live with her. I wanted to marry her. I wanted a life with her.

  I cupped her cheek and slowed down the kiss before I took her right here on the steps.

  “You’re going to drive me crazy for the rest of our lives, aren’t you?” I murmured, a bit out of breath.

  She bit her lip in a failed attempt to contain her triumphant smile. “Drive you crazy in a good way?”

  “The best way.” I released her bottom lip with my thumb.

  “I hope so.” She brushed her fingers over my day-old stubble. “No one can make me as happy as you, Avery.”

  “Good. Then you’re stuck with me.” I kissed her again, because I had to. “My beautiful Pipsqueak.”

  Jesus, when she blushed, the blood in my body automatically dropped down to my cock.

  She was lethal.

  “We should change the subject before I maul you,” I chuckled.

  “Oh, but—”

  “No.” I gave her a look of warning. My self-control was hanging on by a thread.

  “Fine. We’ll be good until we get back to Ryan’s.”

  Deal.

  I forced myself to stop touching her; my hand returned to a more innocent spot, her ankle, and I took a deep, cleansing breath. I’d have her soon. The minute we were behind closed doors and Grace was asleep.