Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  Huffing, I throw the blankets off me and stand. I adjust my shirt and then brush my knotted hair out of my face. When I look up, I see Jacob softly laughing.

  “What?” I repeat as I raise my arms and then let them fall to my sides.

  His eyes run up and down my body but not in a sexy way. In an amused way that I don’t think is good.

  He gestures at me. “Nice jammies.”

  I glance down at my bright pink Minnie Mouse T-shirt and matching pajama leggings I bought yesterday. Rolling my eyes, I shrug past him and head toward Jagger’s room.

  Jacob follows me, and his snickers grow louder.

  “Oh, shut up.” I peer at him over my shoulder. “And don’t say jammies. You sound like a two-year-old, and I hate that word. It literally makes my skin crawl every time I hear it.” I stop with my hand on Jagger’s door.

  Jacob rubs his fist over his mouth to try to hide his grin and clears his throat. “Whatever you say, Minnie.”

  I smack his stomach with the back of my hand, making his delicious, hard abs contract, and I narrow my eyes at him before I twist the handle and enter Jagger’s room.

  “Joslyn?” Jagger’s precious little voice rasps in the muted darkness.

  “Yeah, sweetie, it’s me.” I sit on the edge of his bed and brush the damp hair away from his face.

  He’s hot and sweaty to the touch.

  “My tummy hurts,” he whimpers.

  “Aw, I’m sorry, sweetheart.” I lean down and press a kiss to his forehead before I look up at Jacob. “He’s warm. Did you give him any Tylenol?”

  “Yeah.” Jacob studies his watch. “About an hour ago.”

  “It should be working by now,” I say to myself as I tuck Jagger’s blankets tighter around him.

  “I miss Mommy.” Jagger sniffles.

  I swear, my heart slices in two.

  My eyes flash up to Jacob’s, and his expression quickly goes somber.

  “I know you do, buddy.” I run my hand up and down his arm, trying to comfort him. “It’s okay to miss her. She loved you very much, more than anything on this earth, and I’m sure she’s sad she can’t be with you.”

  Jagger hiccups, and two big crocodile tears run down his pale cheeks. I brush them away and give him a sad smile.

  “Will you sleep with me? Mommy would sleep with me when I was sick.” He wipes his nose.

  Surprised by his request, I stutter, “Uh, um, I-I’m not sure…” My eyes widen, hesitant of what to do. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries between Jacob and Jagger or Jagger and the ghost of his mom.

  “Please,” Jagger’s sweet voice pleads.

  I hear Jacob move to stand behind me.

  He places a reassuring touch on my shoulder, drawing my attention to him. “I’m sure Joslyn wouldn’t mind sleeping with you, Jagster,” he says to Jagger but focuses on me, letting me know it’s acceptable.

  “No, not at all.” I smile at Jacob and then the precious boy watching me with hopeful eyes. “Do you think I can fit in bed with you? You’ve grown an awful lot lately. Must be all that cereal you eat.”

  I tickle him, and even though he’s sick, it gets a small giggle out of him.

  “Yeah,” he says.

  “Awesome. It’ll be like a slumber party.” I climb under the covers and turn on my side to face him.

  Jagger studies me for a couple of seconds before he shyly says, “You make me feel better, Joslyn.”

  Heart murdered.

  I smile as moisture pools in my eyes and tap his button nose with my finger. “You make me feel better, too.” It comes out on a broken whisper.

  When I raise my attention to Jacob, he’s watching us with a soft expression that’s indecipherable.

  Is he really okay with me sleeping with his sick son?

  I’m not intentionally trying to replace Jagger’s dead mother, but lying next to him like this, it kind of feels like I am.

  After the earlier unresolved incident between me and Jacob in the hallway, I’m uncertain of how to act or what to say around him.

  I think I see Jacob’s eyes glistening, but I can’t be positive in the low light.

  Jacob swallows audibly. “Well, little man, feel better, okay?”

  He leans down and kisses the side of Jagger’s head but keeps his gaze on me. The deep emotion written there makes me feel tingly inside.

  “Daddy will be down the hall if you need anything.”

  Jacob stands and turns to leave, but Jagger stops him.

  “No, Daddy. I want you to sleep with us, too.”

  Jacob stands with his back to us. His body goes rigid before he slowly turns in our direction. It’s dark, and he’s too far away for me to see his face in the muted glow of the night-light, but I can feel his gaze on me. It makes my skin prickle and my insides come to life.

  “You sure, buddy?” For the first time, Jacob’s voice sounds apprehensive.

  He’s always in command. He knows what he wants and what his next step will be but not when it comes to a situation like this. It makes something in me click into place, and I fall just a little bit deeper for him.

  “Yeah, Daddy. We’re having a slumber party.” The sadness is gone from Jagger’s voice, replaced with excitement.

  “Do you think the three of us can fit in your bed?” Jacob sits on the edge of the mattress and removes his socks.

  “We can squish together and make me a sandwich.” Jagger smiles but then grabs his stomach and groans.

  “Um, Jacob? Can you grab the trash can just in case?” I point at Jagger and widen my eyes.

  “That might be a good idea.” He reaches over the nightstand and pulls the can until it’s next to the bed.

  Lifting the covers, Jacob climbs in on the other side of Jagger, and I make room for him. It’s crowded but not uncomfortable. In fact, this might be the coziest I’ve ever been.

  I lie in bed with Jacob with Jagger squeezed between us. My lids are closed, and I’m feigning sleep. I know it’s wrong, especially since I can feel Jacob’s eyes on me, but right here and now, I’m a coward. He more than likely wants to talk about what happened between us—the kiss that could change everything if we let it. But I can’t allow it to change anything. My heart was broken by a man I’d thought I could trust, everything I wanted was taken away from me by a selfish disease and scalpel, and I’m still recovering in ways I can’t comprehend. And healing takes time—and loneliness.

  But that kiss…

  I want to pretend I don’t remember what Jacob tasted like, what his erection felt like pressed against my stomach. He breathed life back into my numbness, making me all-too aware that I’m still very much a woman. I wish I couldn’t remember what his voice sounded like when it was drenched in arousal for me, begging for things I wanted to give but shouldn’t.

  I need to forget it all, but I know it’ll never happen. I’ll torture myself with the memory for years to come because, even though it was just a kiss, it was the most erotic moment I’d ever experienced.

  “Joslyn,” Jacob whispers, “I know you’re not sleeping.”

  How does he know?

  I haven’t moved an inch in what seems like hours. There’s no way he can sense I’m lying here as wide awake as an owl. To prove him wrong, I remain still. The only aspect of my body showing any indication of life are my lungs, and if I didn’t have to breathe to survive, I’d shut those suckers down ASAP.

  “You’re thinking about the kiss, aren’t you?”

  He shifts his arm against the pillow, and I feel his fingers sink into my hair. I have to stop myself from purring.

  “Your breathing’s increased, and you’re rubbing your thighs together.”

  My legs immediately stop their useless friction, and I feel heat blossom in my cheeks. I didn’t even realize I had been stirring under the covers.

  Dirty scoundrel. Does he have X-ray vision?

  “I can’t stop thinking about it either.” His voice is low but husky. “It makes me hard, which is
disconcerting, considering my son’s in bed with us.”

  Before I can stop myself, I snort out a quiet laugh. “Oh my God.”

  Jacob chuckles once, and then it’s silent again. His fingers gently tug at my hair. “It’s true. I’d give anything to kiss you again.” He shifts, and I feel the backs of his knuckles rub against my cheek. “I want to do a hell of a lot more to you, Joslyn, but I’d take your lips against mine again.”

  “Jacob—”

  Jagger groans. Suddenly sitting up, he starts dry-heaving.

  “Get the trash can!” I yell at Jacob.

  Jacob grabs it and places it under Jagger’s mouth just as he starts to get sick. When his stomach is empty, he slinks back down onto the bed.

  I wipe his damp hair off of his forehead.

  “Feel better, buddy?” Jacob rubs Jagger’s stomach.

  “Ugh,” he groans.

  I carefully climb over the two boys in bed and head to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth. When I return, Jacob has Jagger wrapped in his arms, and he’s rocking him back and forth. I hand him the cloth to wipe Jagger’s mouth, and then Jacob rubs the cool cloth along Jagger’s clammy face.

  “No more popcorn and ice cream for him,” I joke as I crawl back into bed.

  “He’s cut off for the rest of his life.” Jacob grins at me.

  We snuggle back under the covers, and tonight’s excitement mixed with only a few hours of sleep the night before quickly have me visiting the sandman.

  CHAPTER 16

  * * *

  BUTTERFLY WINGS

  When I wake up, I feel groggy and like I’m wrapped in an electric blanket. I’m sweating, and when I try to move, I can’t. A heavy weight is holding me down, and I squirm against whatever’s jabbing me in the butt. When I move, a deep groan sounds from behind me.

  My eyes pop open, and I freeze. Trying to get my bearings, I twist my head to see where I am. Cute trains and little-boy stuff are scattered around the room. I remember Jagger was sick, and I slept with him in his bed…with Jacob.

  But Jagger isn’t in bed.

  It’s only Jacob and me. He’s wrapped around my body like a vise of heat, and he’s hard as steel against my back and rear.

  Shit.

  I try to wriggle out of his hold, but he tightens his arms.

  Double shit.

  Gently, I try to pry Jacob’s fingers from my stomach, but he’s too strong.

  “Joslyn…” he mumbles.

  Triple shit.

  He said my name in his sleep. I’m in so much trouble.

  So much for the supposed walls I built around myself.

  “Jacob.” I shake my body back and forth, trying to wake him up with the movement. All it gets me is one rock-hard cock rubbing against my ass. The sensation has me closing my eyes and fighting the tremor going up my spine.

  “Good morning.” Jacob’s voice is raspy with sleep. He pulls me closer to him and presses a soft kiss into my hair. “God, you smell good.”

  “Morning. Where’s Jagger?”

  “Eating cereal and watching cartoons.”

  He nips my shoulder, and it sends an electric shock right between my legs.

  “I take it, he’s feeling better?”

  “Mmhmm.” He nuzzles his face into my neck and runs his hand down my side to rest on my hip. “Jenna’s also changed, fed, and sleeping again.”

  “I didn’t hear her wake up.” That’s a complete nanny fail on my part.

  Dragging his mouth up to my ear, he whispers, “So, it’s just you and me, alone in a warm bed, with this”—he strokes his hard-on against my rear—“between us. Whatever will we do about that?”

  “Jacob.” I mean for his name to come out as a warning for him to stop before this goes too far, but it ends up sounding more like a moan that encourages Jacob further.

  Tracing his finger along my stomach and the waistband of my Minnie Mouse leggings, he slowly dips his hand below the material to play with the lace border of my underwear. The feel of his skin against mine sends my heart into overdrive and causes my breath to catch in my throat. He’s barely touching me, but my body’s already filled with such heated lust that I feel like I’ll combust.

  “I can help you with your discomfort, love. All you have to do is ask.” He hisses through his teeth when I accidentally bump his erection.

  Something is tickling the back of my brain, trying to warn me of why we shouldn’t do this. My body and head war against each other until my mind wins.

  “We can’t do this. You’re my boss.” I moan. Damn traitorous hormones.

  “Don’t care.”

  His hand dips lower over the material of my panties, and I bite my lip to hold back a groan.

  “You have a strict rule about not getting involved with your employees, Jacob.” I’m not sure how I’m even thinking straight with his hand so close to there.

  “I do. But you weren’t my employee when we met. That changes things.”

  His fingers inch closer, and I can’t help the noises humming in my throat.

  Despite all the reasons Jacob shouldn’t progress further, I feel like, if he doesn’t touch me, I might combust. It seems like forever since I’ve experienced physical affection, and even though I’m scared I might not work the same since my surgery, I’m eager to discover what intimacy will now be like for me.

  He takes my mewling and squirming as permission and moves his hand down until he cups me over my panties. I gasp and jerk from the overwhelming sensations.

  “Did I hurt you?” The question is laced with concern, but he doesn’t move his hand from between my legs. “Are you still tender from surgery?”

  My doctor cleared me for sexual activity weeks ago, but I haven’t taken any steps forward. I’m too frightened of how much discomfort it will cause me, but I also haven’t had anyone banging down my door to get in my pants.

  “No.” It comes out so breathless, I’m not certain he can understand me.

  He moves his leg, so it’s between mine and presses his palm against me—tenderly at first and then with more pressure and motion. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like a woman that I experience everything all at once. My senses are overloaded, and I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin in the most delicious way. Every nerve ending stands to attention and focuses on that one key part of my body. I’m greedy, so damn greedy, and I want more. I need everything, but I’m not sure how to ask for it.

  Lifting my arm up and behind me, I grab hold of Jacob’s hair and pull hard. He grunts as he crushes his cock against me, and I arch my back, kneading myself into him. He adjusts his fingers and plays along the edge of my panties, like delicate butterfly wings asking for permission to enter.

  “Fuck.” His voice is low and gruff, causing goose bumps to erupt down my arms.

  His chest is rising and falling heavily, like he’s trying to control himself, to force himself to be gentle and take his time with me. It’s maddening, how much I want to see him lose control, to let his dominate nature and passion completely take over so that my mind can shut down and only do what he tells me.

  His mouth sinks to the tender skin where my neck meets my shoulder, and he bites down with yearning and lust. It almost drives me to the point of insanity.

  “Jacob, please,” I beg.

  “Daddy, Jenna’s crying.” Jagger’s voice interrupts us, and it’s close, way too close.

  Jacob and I break apart, panting. He turns toward Jagger and gives him a strained smile.

  Oh my God. We were doing inappropriate things in Jagger’s bed! And he caught us in the act! I’m so going to hell for this.

  “Hey, Jagster. What’s up, buddy?” Jacob’s voice is strained.

  “What were you guys doing?”

  Jagger’s inquisitive blue eyes seem to judge me from his position by his bedroom door, and it makes me shrink into the corner of the bed.

  “Joslyn was, uh, cold, so we were hugging.” Jacob almost chokes on his lie.

 
Jagger’s brows furrow, but he nods innocently, accepting whatever his dad tells him to be true.

  Not only were we conducting naughty time in this little boy’s bed, but now, we’re also lying to him. I’m sure they’re building a special room full of lava for me in hell.

  “Jenna’s crying, Daddy. She needs you.” Jagger twists his toe into the carpet.

  “Right, right.” Jacob shifts to stand, winces, and then pleadingly looks at me. “Do you mind getting her? I have a situation here.” He jerks his head down to the massive erection he’s still sporting.

  I have to contain the chuckle that bubbles up my throat. He narrows his eyes at me, and the laugh escapes my lips.

  Patting his knee, I slip out of bed and ruffle Jagger’s hair. “Want to help me with Jenna? You can show off your awesome big-brother skills.”

  “Yeah!” Jagger bounces in place and then goes barreling down the hallway toward Jenna’s room.

  “This isn’t done,” Jacob calls to me before I exit the room.

  We might have been interrupted, but his forceful and deep tone informs me that he won’t let me off the hook so easily.

  I briefly close my eyes and then give him a wary expression before I follow behind Jagger.

  Now that I’m away from Jacob’s intoxicating scent and hard body, I realize the mistake we almost made and how it can’t happen again.

  After the instance with Jacob in Jagger’s bed—which I still can’t believe happened—I play with Jenna and Jagger while Jacob spends a couple of hours in his office. The man never takes a day off. I guess that’s the price you pay when you’re a single father who owns and operates a demanding company.

  My phone rings on the coffee table, and I set my Hulk figurine down to grab it. I don’t recognize the number, but I answer anyway, “Joslyn speaking.”

  “Miss Stone? This is Detective Brady.”

  “Yes, hello.” I cover the mouthpiece and whisper to Jagger, “I’ll be right back, buddy.”

  He sticks his bottom lip out but goes back to his Spider-Man versus Batman battle.

  “I spoke with the fire investigator on your case. As of now, they still don’t have conducive evidence as to the cause of the fire, but they still speculate that it started in the breaker panel.” There is rustling on his end, mumbling, and then he says, “They want me to inform you that you can have access to your house for a couple of hours this afternoon to retrieve any items you deem salvageable.”