Keziah Coffin

by Joseph Crosby Lincoln

refusal had never entered his mind. "I cal'lated you'd be glad.You wouldn't have to go away then, nor--My soul and body! some one'sknockin' at the door! AND THIS DUMMED PIPE'S FETCHED LOOSE!"

  The last sentence was a smothered shriek. Keziah heeded not. Neitherdid she heed the knock at the door. Her hands were opening and closingconvulsively.

  "Be glad!" she repeated. "Glad to marry a good-for-nothin' sand-peeplike you! You sassy--GET down off that chair and out of this house! Getdown this minute!"

  "I can't! This stovepipe's loose, I tell you! Be reason'ble, Keziah.Do--don't you touch me! I'll fall if you do. Pl-e-ase, Keziah!--O Lordy!I knew it. LAVINY!"

  The door opened. On the threshold, arms akimbo and lips set tight, stoodLavinia Pepper. Her brother's knees gave way; in their collapse theystruck the chair back; the rickety leg wabbled. Kyan grasped at the pipeto save himself and, the next moment, chair, sections of stovepipe, andMr. Pepper disappeared with a mighty crash behind the high-boy. A cloudof soot arose and obscured the view.

  Keziah, too indignant even to laugh, glared at the wreck. In the doorwayof the kitchen Grace Van Horne, hammer in hand, leaned against the jamb,her handkerchief at her mouth and tears in her eyes. Lavinia, majesticand rigid, dominated the scene. From behind the high-boy came coughs,sneezes, and emphatic ejaculations.

  Miss Pepper was the first to speak.

  "Abishai Pepper," she commanded, "come out of that this minute."

  Her answer was a tremendous sneeze. Then from the dusky cloud by thewall sounded a voice feebly protesting.

  "Now, Laviny," began poor Kyan, "I never in my life--"

  "Do you hear me? Come out of that!"

  There was a sound of scrambling. More soot floated in the air. Thenaround the corner of the high-boy appeared Mr. Pepper, crawling on hishands and knees. His hair was streaked with black; his shirt front andcollar and shirt sleeves were spotted and smeared with black; and fromhis blackened cheeks his red whiskers flamed like the last glowingembers in a fire-scarred ruin.

  "Laviny," he panted, "I never was so surprised and upsot in all my lifeafore."

  This was too much for Grace. She collapsed in a chair and laughedhysterically. Even the wrathful Keziah smiled. But Lavinia did notsmile. For that matter, neither did her brother.

  "Hum!" sneered Miss Pepper. "Upsot! Yes, I see you're upsot. Get up, andtry to look as much like a Christian as you can!"

  Kyan rose from his knees to his feet and rubbed his back. He glancedreproachfully at Grace, then fearfully at his sister.

  "I was just tryin' to help Keziah take down her stovepipe," heexplained. "You see, she didn't have no man to--"

  "Yes, I see. Well, I judge you got it down. Now you go out to the sinkand wash your face. Heavens and earth! Look at them clothes!"

  "I do hope you didn't hurt yourself, Abishai," said the sympatheticKeziah. Then, as remembrance of what had led to the upset came to her,she added: "Though I will say 'twas your own fault and nobody else's."

  Lavinia whirled on her.

  "His own fault, was it?" she repeated, her voice shrill and trembling."Thank you very much, marm. I cal'late 'twas his own fault comin'here, too, wa'n't it? Nobody led him on, I s'pose. Nobody put him up toriggin' out in his best bib and tucker and sneakin' here the minute Iwas out of the house. No, nobody did! Of COURSE not!"

  "No, nobody did," said Keziah briskly. "And you may know what you'rehintin' at, but I don't."

  "Dear me! Ain't we innocent! We've got plenty of money, WE have.Widowers with property ain't no attraction to US. Everybody knowsthat--oh, yes! And they never talk of such a thing--oh, no! Folks don'tsay that--that--Well," with a snarl in the direction of the kitchen,"are you anywheres nigh clean yet? Get your coat and hat on and comehome with me."

  She jerked her brother into the blue coat, jammed the tall hat down uponhis head, and, seizing him by the arm, stalked to the door.

  "Good day, marm," she said. "I do hope the next widower you get to takedown your stovepipe--yes, indeed! ha! ha!--I hope you'll have betterluck with him. Though I don't know who 'twould be; there ain't no moreidiots in town that I know of. Good day, and thank you kindly for yourattentions to our family."

  She pulled the door open and was on the step; but Mrs. Coffin did notintend to let her go in just that way.

  "Laviny Pepper," she declared, her eyes snapping, "I don't know whatyou're talkin' about, but if you dare to mean that I want any of yourmoney, or your brother's money, you're mistaken--'cause I don't. And Idon't want your brother either--Lord help him, poor thing! And I tellyou right now that there's nobody that does; though some kind-heartedfolks have said 'twould be a Christian act to poison him, so's to puthim out of his misery. There! Good mornin' to you."

  She slammed the door. Lavinia was speechless. As for her brother, butone remark of his reached Grace, who was watching from the window.

  "Laviny," pleaded Kyan, "just let me explain."

  At nine o'clock that night he was still "explaining."

  Keziah turned from the door she had closed behind her visitor.

  "Well!" she ejaculated. "WELL!"

  Her friend did not look at her. She was still gazing out of the window.Occasionally she seemed to choke.

  Keziah eyed her suspiciously.

  "Humph!" she mused. "'Twas funny, wasn't it?"

  "Oh, dreadfully!" was the hurried answer.

  "Yes. Seems to me you took an awful long time findin' that hammer."

  "It was away back in the drawer. I didn't see it at first."

  "Hum! Grace Van Horne, if I thought you heard what that--that THING saidto me, I'd--I'd--Good land of mercy! somebody ELSE is comin'."

  Steps, measured, dignified steps, sounded on the walk. From without camea "Hum--ha!" a portentous combination of cough and grunt. Grace dodgedback from the window and hastily began donning her hat and jacket.

  "It's Cap'n Elkanah," she whispered. "I must go. This seems to be yourbusy morning, Aunt Keziah. I"--here she choked again--"really, I didn'tknow you were so popular."

  Keziah opened the door. Captain Elkanah Daniels, prosperous, pompous,and unbending, crossed the threshold. Richest man in the village,retired shipowner, pillar of the Regular church and leading member ofits parish committee, Captain Elkanah looked the part. He removedhis hat, cleared his throat behind his black stock, and spoke withimpressive deliberation.

  "Good morning, Keziah. Ah--er--morning, Grace." Even in the tone givento a perfunctory salutation like this, the captain differentiatedbetween Regular and Come-Outer. "Keziah, I--hum, ha!--rather expected tofind you alone."

  "I was just going, Cap'n Daniels," explained the girl. The captain bowedand continued.

  "Keziah," he said, "Keziah, I came to see you on a somewhat importantmatter. I have a proposal I wish to make you."

  He must have been surprised at the effect of his words. Keziah's facewas a picture, a crimson picture of paralyzed amazement. As for Miss VanHorne, that young lady gave vent to what her friend described afterwardsas a "squeal," and bolted out of the door and into the gratefulseclusion of the fog.

  CHAPTER II

  IN WHICH KEZIAH UNEARTHS A PROWLER

  The fog was cruel to the gossips of Trumet that day. Mrs. Didama Rogers,who lived all alone, except for the society of three cats, a canary,and a white poodle named "Bunch," in the little house next to CaptainElkanah's establishment, never entirely recovered from the chagrinand disappointment caused by that provoking mist. When one habituallyhurries through the morning's household duties in order to sit by thefront window and note each passer-by, with various fascinating surmisesas to his or her errand and the reasons for it, it is discouraging to beable to see only one's own front fence and a scant ten feet of sidewalk.And then to learn afterwards of a dozen most exciting events, eachdistinctly out of the ordinary, which might have been used as excusesfor two dozen calls and as many sensations! As Captain Zeb Mayo, theirreverent ex-whaler, put it, "That fog shook Didama's faith in thejudgment of Providence. 'Tain't the 'all wise,' but th
e 'all seein''kind she talks about in meetin' now."

  The fog prevented Mrs. Rogers's noting the entrance of Mr. Pepper at theCoffin front gate. Also his exit, under sisterly arrest. It shut fromher view the majestic approach of Captain Elkanah Daniels and Grace'sflight, her face dimpled with smiles and breaking into laughterat frequent intervals. For a young lady, supposed to be