On With Torchy

by Sewell Ford

  CHAPTER III

  WHEN IRA SHOWED SOME PEP

  It was good domework of Mr. Robert's to tip me off about this Higginsparty, or there's no knowin' how hard a time he might have had gettin'through the brass gate. As it is, the minute I spots the watch chainand the round cuffs and the neck freckles, I sizes him up as theexpected delegate from the fresh mackerel and blueberry pie district.One of these long, lanky specimens, he is, with a little stoop to hisshoulders, ginger-colored hair and mustache, and a pair of calm,sea-blue eyes that look deep and serious.

  I finds him pacin' deliberate up and down the waitin' room ateight-fifty-three A.M., which is two minutes ahead of my schedule foropenin' the Corrugated for gen'ral business. His overcoat and acrumpled mornin' paper are on the bench; so I figures he's been therequite some time. Course, it might have been a stray Rube of most anyname; but I thinks I'll take a chance.

  "Mornin', Ira," says I.

  "Howdy," says he, as natural as if this was a reg'lar habit of ours.Which puts it up to me to find out if I'm right, after all.

  "Mr. Higgins, ain't it?" says I.

  He nods.

  "When did you get in?" says I.

  "About six," says he.

  "Come down by train or boat?" says I.

  "Train," says he.

  "You've had breakfast, I suppose?" I goes on.

  Another nod. Oh, yes, for an economical converser, he was about themost consistent breath saver I ever tackled. You could easy go hoarsehavin' a little chat with him. You'd need lots of time too; for afterevery one of my bright little sallies Ira looks me over in that quiet,thoughtful way of his, then counts fifty to himself, and fin'llydecides whether it'll be a grunt or just a nod. Gettin' informationout of him was like liftin' a trunk upstairs one step at a time. Imanages to drag out, though, that he'd been hangin' around ever sincethe buildin' was opened by the day watchman at seven o'clock.

  "Well," says I, "Mr. Robert was lookin' for you to blow in today; butnot quite so early. It'll be near ten before he shows up. Better comeinside and have a comf'table chair."

  He takes that proposition up with himself, fin'lly passin' on itfavorable; and from then on he sits there, with never a move or ablink, watchin' solemn all the maneuvers that a battery of lady typistshas to go through before settlin' down for a forenoon's work. I'll bethe could tell you too, a month from now, just how many started withgum, and which ones renewed their facial scenery with dabs from thechamois.

  So you can see why I was some relieved when Mr. Robert arrives andtakes him off my hands. I knew from what he'd said the day before thathe'd planned to have about a half-hour interview with Mr. Higgins; butwhen the noon hour struck: Ira was still there. At one-fifteen theygoes out to lunch together, and at two-thirty they comes back. It'safter four when Mr. Robert fin'lly comes out to the gate with his browwrinkled up.

  "Torchy," says he, "how is your bump of diplomacy today?"

  "It's a dimple, I expect," says I.

  "You're entirely too modest," says he. "Now, I remember severaloccasions when you have----"

  "Oh, I gen'rally have my nerve with me, if that's what you mean," saysI.

  "But I don't mean that," says he. "Perhaps finesse is the better word."

  "It's all the same to me," says I. "If I've got it in stock, it'syours. What do I work it on?"

  "Mr. Higgins," says he.

  "Then score up a goose egg in advance," says I. "It would take astrong-arm hypnotizer to put the spell on Ira."

  Mr. Robert grins. "Then you have already tested Mr. Higgins'conversational powers?" says he.

  "Almost lost my voice gettin' him to say good mornin'," says I. "Say,you'd think he'd done all his talkin' by cable, at a dollar a word.Where'd he drift in from, anyway?"

  "Boothbay Harbor," says Mr. Robert.

  "Is that a foreign country," says I, "or a nickname for some flagstation?"

  "It's quite a lively little seaport, I believe," says Mr. Robert, "upon the coast of Maine."

  "Oh, Maine!" says I. "Up there they're willin' to call a town anythingthat'll get a laugh. But what's the rest of the scandal?"

  It wasn't any thrillin' tale, though. Seems Mr. Robert had gone intothe yachtin' regattas as usual this last summer; but, instead ofliftin' the mugs, as he'd been in the habit of doin', he'd been beatout by a new entry,--beat bad too. But he wouldn't be an Ellins if helet it go at that. Not much! His first move is to find out who builtthe Stingaree, and his next is to wire in an order to the same firm toturn out a sixty-footer that'll go her just one better. Not gettin'any straight answer to that, he sends word for the head of the yachtworks to come on at his expense. Mr. Higgins is the result.

  "But the deuce of it is," says Mr. Robert, "that, while I'm convincedhe is the cleverest designer of racing yawls that we have in the wholecountry, and while he admits quite cheerfully that he can improve onthis year's model, I can't get him to say positively that he will buildsuch a boat for me."

  "Yes, I should expect that would be more'n he'd let go of all in oneday," says I.

  "But, confound it all!" says Mr. Robert, "I want to know now. All Ican get out of him, though, is that he can't decide for a while. Seemsto have something or other on his mind. Now, if I knew what wasbothering him, you see, I might--well, you get the point, Torchy. I'mgoing to leave it to you to find out."

  "Me!" says I. "Gee! I ain't any thought extractor, Mr. Robert."

  "But you have rather a knack of getting to the bottom of things," heinsists, "and if I should explain to Mr. Higgins my regret at beingunable to take him out to dinner, and should present you as mysubstitute for the evening--why, you might get some hint, you see. Atleast, I wish you'd try it."

  "Bring him on, then," says I; "but it's like playin' a 30 to 1 shot.Oh, sure, a couple of tens'll be more'n enough for all the expenseaccount we can cook up."

  And you should have seen me towin' this Down East sphinx around town,showin' him the sights, and tryin' to locate his chummy streak. It wasmost like makin' a long distance call over a fuzzy wire; me strainin'my vocal chords bein' chatty, and gettin' back only now and then adistant murmur. It was Ira's first trip to a real Guntown, where wehave salaried crooks and light up our Main-st. with whisky signs; buthe ain't got any questions to ask or any comments to pass. He justallows them calm eyes of his to wander placid here and there over thepassersby, almost like he was expectin' to see someone he knew, andtakin' mighty little notice of anything in partic'lar.

  "That's the Metropolitan tower over there, Mr. Higgins," says I. "Seethe big clock?"

  Ira takes one glance and nods his head.

  "And here comes one of them new double-decker Broadway cars they'retryin' out," I goes on. "How's that?"

  But no enthus'm from Ira. Must be a hot town, that Boothbay joint!Along about six-thirty I suggests that it's time for the big eats, andtries to sound him on his partic'lar fancy in the food line.

  "Plate of fish chowder would suit me," says Ira after due contemplation.

  "Fish what?" says I. "'Fraid we don't grow anything like that onBroadway. Nix on the shore dinner! You trust it to me, Mr. Higgins,and I'll steer you up against some appetite teasers that'll make youforget all the home cookin' you ever met."

  With that I leads him to the flossiest French cafe I knew of, got himplanted comf'table under an illuminated grape arbor, signalsFrancois-with-the-gold-chain-around-his-neck to stand by, and remarkscasual, "Wine list for this gentleman. Cut loose, Mr. Higgins. Thisis on the boss, you know."

  "What say?" says he, runnin' his eye over the book that the waiterholds out. "Rum? No, Sir!"

  "Flit then, Francois," says I. "We're two dry ones."

  And my hope of gettin' a tongue loosener into Ira goes glimmerin'.When it comes to tacklin' strange dishes, though, he was no quitter,followin' me from bouillabaisse to cafe parfait without battin' aneyelash, and me orderin' reckless from the card just to see what thethings looked like.

  I don't know
whether it was the fancy rations, or the sporty crowdaround us, or the jiggly music, or a combination of all three; but bythe time I've induced Mr. Higgins to tackle a demitasse and light up aseven-inch Havana he mellows enough so that he's almost on the point ofmakin' a remark all by himself.

  "Well," says I encouragin', "why not let it come?"

  And it does. "By gorry!!" says he. "It's most eight o'clock. Whattime do the shows begin?"

  "I was just go in' to mention that," says I. "Plenty of time, though.Anything special you'd like to see?"

  "Why, yes," says he. And then, glancin' around cautious, he leansacross the table and asks mysterious, "Say, where's Maizie Latouractin'?"

  Honest, it comes out so unexpected he had me gaspin'. "Oh, youBoothbay ringer!" says I. "Maizie, eh? Now, who would have thoughtit? And you only landed this mornin'! Maizie--er--what was thatagain?"

  "Latour," says he, flushin' up some and tryin' not to notice my josh.

  "It's by me," says I. "Sounds like musical comedy, though. Is she ashowgirl, or one of the chicken ballet?"

  Ira shakes his head puzzled. "All I know," says he, "is that she'sactin' somewhere in New York, and--and I'd like to find out where.I--I got to!" he adds emphatic.

  "Then you ought to have said that before," says I, "and Mr. Robertwould have put one of his chappy friends on the job. Sorry, but whenit comes to chorus girls, I ain't----"

  "Hold on!" he breaks in. "You're sort of jumpin' at things, Son. Thefact is I--well, I guess I might's well tell you as anyone. I--I gotto tell someone."

  "Help!" thinks I. "The dam's goin' to give way."

  "You see," he goes on, "it's like this: Nellie's an old friend of mine,and----"

  "Nellie!" says I. "You just said Maizie."

  "That's what I hear she goes by on the stage," says he. "She wasNellie Mason up to the Harbor."

  "You don't mean it?" says I. "What was she doin' there?"

  "She was table girl at the Mansion House," says he.

  "Which?" says I. "Oh, dish juggler, eh? And now she's on the stage?Some jump for Nellie! But, honest now, Higgins, you don't mean tospring one of them mossy 'Way Down East drammers on me as the truedope? Come now, don't tell me you and she used to go to schooltogether, and all that!"

  No, it wa'n't quite on that line. She was only one of Boothbay'sfairest daughters by adoption, havin' drifted in from some milltown--Biddeford, I think it was--where a weaver's strike had thrown herout of a job. She was half Irish and half French-Canadian, and,accordin' to Ira's description, she was some ornamental.

  Anyway, she had the boys all goin' in no time at all. Ira was mealin'at the Mansion House just then, though; so he was in on the groundfloor from the start. Even at that, how he managed to keep the railwith so much competition is more'n I can say; but there's somethingsort of clean and wholesome lookin' about him, and I expect them calm,sea-blue eyes helped along. Anyway, him and Nellie kept comp'ny there,I take it, for three or four months quite steady, and Ira admits thathe was plumb gone on her.

  "Well, what was the hitch?" says I. "Wouldn't she be Mrs. Higgins?"

  "Guess she would if I had asked her," says he; "but I didn't get aroundto it quick enough. Fact is, I'd just bought out the boat shop, and Ihad fifteen or twenty men to work for me, with four new keels laid downat once, and--well, I was mighty rushed with work just then and----"

  "I get you," says I. "While you was makin' up your mind what to say,some wholesale drug drummer with a black mustache won her away."

  It's more complicated than that, though. One of the chambermaids had acousin who was assistant property man with a Klaw & Erlanger comp'ny,and he'd sent on the tip how some enterprisin' manager was lookin' forfifty new faces for a Broadway production; and so, if Cousin Maggiewanted to shake the hotel business, here was her chance. Maggie wantedto, all right; but she lacked the nerve to try it alone. Now, ifNellie would only go along too--why----

  And it happens this was one night when Ira had overlooked a date he hadwith Nellie, and that while he was doin' overtime at the boatworksNellie was waitin' lonesome on the corner all dressed to go over toSouth Bristol to a dance. So this bulletin from the great city findsher in a state of mind.

  "Course," says Maggie, "you got a feller, and all that."

  "Humph!" says Nellie.

  "And there's no tellin'," Maggie goes on, glancin' at her critical, "ifyour figure would suit."

  "If they can stand for yours," says Nellie, "I guess I'll take a chancetoo. Come on. We'll take the early morning boat."

  And they did. Ira didn't get the details until about a month later,when who should drift back to the Mansion House but Maggie. Along withtwo or three hundred other brunettes and imitation blondes, she'd beenshuffled into the discard. But Nellie had been signed up first rattleout of the box, and accordin' to the one postcard that had come backfrom her since she was now flaggin' as Maizie Latour. But no word atall had come to Ira.

  "If I'd only bought that ring sooner!" he sighs. "I've got it now,though. Bought it in Portland on my way down. See?" and he snaps opena white satin box, disclosin' a cute little pearl set in a circle ofchip diamonds.

  "That's real dainty and classy," says I.

  "Ought to be," says Ira. "It cost me seventeen-fifty. But there's soblamed much to this place that I don't see just how I'm goin' to findher, after all."

  "Ah, cheer up, Ira!" says I. "You've got me int'rested, you have, and,while I ain't any theatrical directory, I expect I could think up someway to---- Why, sure! There's a Tyson stand up here a few blocks,where they have all the casts and programmes. Let's go have a look."

  It wa'n't a long hunt, either. The third one we looked at was "Whoops,Angelina!" and halfway down the list of characters we finds this item:"Sunflower Girls--Tessie Trelawney, Mae Collins, Maizie Latour----"

  "Here we are!" says I. "And there's just time to get in for the firstcurtain."

  Say, I expect you've seen this "Whoops, Angelina!" thing. Just punkenough to run a year on Broadway, ain't if? And do you remember therealong towards the end of the first spasm where they ring in that "FieldFlowers Fair" song, with a deep stage and a diff'rent chorus for eachverse? Well, as the Sunflowers come on, did you notice special thesecond one from the right end? That's Maizie.

  And, believe me, she's some queen! Course, it's a bunch of swelllookers all around, or they wouldn't be havin' the S.R.O. sign out sooften; but got up the way she was, with all them yellow petals makin' asort of frame for her, and them big dark eyes rollin' bold and sassy,this ex-table girl from the Mansion House stands out some prominent.

  "By gorry!" explodes Ira, as he gets his first glimpse. And from thenon he sits with his eyes glued on her as long as she's on the stage.

  "By gorry!" explodes Ira, as he gets his first glimpse.]

  He had a good view too; for comin' late all I could get was upper boxseats at three a throw, and I shoves Ira close up to the rail. Thatone remark is all he has to unload durin' the whole performance, andsomehow I didn't have the heart to break in with any comments. Yousee, I wa'n't sure how he might be takin' it; so I waits until thefinal curtain, and then nudges him out of his dream.

  "Well, how about it?" says I. "Ready to scratch your entry now, areyou?"

  "Eh?" says he, rousin' up. "Pull out? No, Sir! I--I'm going to giveher a chance to take that ring."

  "You are?" says I. "Well, well! Right there with the pep, ain't you?But how you goin' to manage it?"

  "Why, I--I don't know," says he, lookin' blank. "Say, Son, can't youfix it for me some way? I--I want Nellie to go back with me. If Icould only see her for a minute, and explain how it was I couldn't----"

  "You win, Ira!" says I. "Hanged if there ain't Tucky Moller down therein an usher's uniform. He's an old friend of mine. We'll see what hecan do."

  Tucky was willin' enough too; but the best he can promise is to smugglea note into the dressin' rooms. We waits in the lobby for the answer,and in
side of five minutes we has it.

  "Ain't they the limit, these spotlight chasers?" says Tucky. "Shetells me to chuck it in the basket with the others, and says she'llread it to-morrow. Huh! And only a quarter tip after the second actwhen I lugs her in a bid to a cabaret supper!"

  "Tonight?" says I. "Where at, Tucky?"

  "Looey's," says he, "with a broker guy that's been buyin' B-10 everynight for a week."

  But when I leads Ira outside and tries to explain how the case stands,and breaks it to him gentle that his stock has taken a sudden slump, itdevelops that he's one of these gents who don't know when they'recrossed off.

  "I've got to see her tonight, that's all," says he. "What's the matterwith our going to the same place?"

  "For one thing," says I, "they wouldn't let us in without ouropen-faced clothes on. Got yours with you?"

  "Full evenin' dress?" says Ira, with his eyes bugged. "Why, I neverhad any."

  "Then it's by-by, Maizie," says I.

  "Dog-goned if it is!" says he. "Guess I can wait around outside, can'tI?"

  "Well, you have got sportin' blood, Ira," says I. "Sure, there'snothin' to stop your waitin' if you don't block the traffic. But maybeit'll be an hour or more."

  "I don't care," says he. "And--and let's go and have a glass of sodafirst."

  Course, I couldn't go away and leave things all up in the air likethat; so after Ira'd blown himself we wanders up to the cabaret jointand I helps him stick around.

  It's some lively scene in front of Looey's at that time of night too;with all the taxis comin' and goin' and the kalsomined complexionsdriftin' in and out, and the head waiters coppin' out the five-spotsdexterous. And every little while there's something extra doin'; likea couple of college hicks bein' led out by the strong-arm squad fordisputin' a bill, or a perfect gent all ablaze havin' a debate with hislady-love, or a bunch of out-of-town buyers discoverin' the evenin'dress rule for the first time and gettin' peeved over it.

  But nothin' can drag Ira's gaze from that revolvin' exit door formore'n half a minute. There he stands, watchin' eager every couplethat comes out; not excited or fidgety, you understand, but calm and indead earnest. It got to be midnight, then half past, then quarter toone; and then all of a sudden there comes a ripplin', high-pitchedlaugh, and out trips a giddy-dressed fairy in a gilt and rhinestoneturban effect with a tall plume stickin' straight up from the front ofit. She's one of these big, full-curved, golden brunettes, with longjet danglers in her ears and all the haughty airs of a grand operastar. I didn't dream it was the one we was lookin' for until I seesIra straighten up and step out to meet her.

  "Nellie," says he, sort of choky and pleadin'.

  It's a misfire, though; for just then she's turned to finish someremark to a fat old sport with flat ears and bags under his eyes that'sfollowin' close behind. So it ain't until she's within a few feet ofHiggins that she sees him at all. Then she stares at him sort ofdoubtful, like she could hardly believe her eyes.

  "Nellie," he begins again, "I've been wanting to tell you how it wasthat----"

  "You!" she breaks in. And with that she throws her head back andlaughs. It wa'n't what you might call a pleasant laugh, either. Itsounds cold and hard and bitter.

  That's the extent of the reunion too. She's still laughin' as shebrushes by him and lets the old sport help her into the taxi; and asecond later we're left standin' there at the edge of the curb withanother taxi rollin' up in front of us. I notices that Ira's holdin'something in his hand that he's starin' at foolish. It's the satin boxwith the seventeen-fifty ring in it.

  "Well," says I, as we steps back, "returns all in, ain't they?"

  "Not by a long shot!" says Ira. "Dinged if I don't know someonethat'll be glad to take a ring from me, and that's Maggie!"

  "Whew!" says I. "Well, that's some quick shift. Then you ain't goin'to linger round with a busted heart?"

  "Not much!" says Ira. "Guess I've played fool about long enough. I'mgoin' home."

  "That's gen'rally a safe bet too," says I. "But how about buildin'that boat for Mr. Robert?"

  "I'll build it," says he; "that is, soon as I can fix it up withMaggie."

  "Then it's a cinch," says I; "for you look to me, Ira, like one of thekind that can come back strong."

  So, you see, I had somethin' definite to report next mornin'.

  "He will, eh? Bully!" says Mr. Robert. "But why couldn't he have saidas much to me yesterday? What was the trouble?"

  "Case of moth chasin'," says I, "from the kerosene circuit to the whitelights. But, say, I didn't know before that Broadway had so manyrecruitin' stations. They ought to put Boothbay Harbor on the map forthis."