by René, Dani
“Hey.”
“Can’t sleep?” he asks, grabbing a cup to get some water as I sip mine. I shake my head. “Missing your girl back home?” He quirks a brow, his gaze locked on me.
“How did you know?”
“You’ve been good, strong while you’ve been training, but I can see it in your face every day.” He smiles. Shaking his head, he tells me, “Some of them wait for you, others . . .” His words taper off, and I know what he wanted to say. Some girls don’t wait, they move on.
I know for a fact that Autumn won’t move on. “It’s been too long. I mean, I am sure she’s missing me as much as I miss her, but there are times I realize that I can never expect her to wait. I mean, I’ve been gone for so long without a word.”
“Listen to me, man, this girl sounds like something special. Go back home once you’re done in a couple of weeks, and when you do, make sure she fucking knows you’re serious,” Grim tells me. His expression is so serious, confident that this will work.
“I feel like a fucking pussy worried about this shit,” I tell him, running my fingers through my short hair. When I started training, Grim cut my hair into a short crop, which is so close to my head, it still feels strange when I touch it.
Grim chuckles. “Not a pussy at all. If you love someone, it makes you far stronger than us who don’t.”
“You really haven’t ever been in love?”
“Oh, I have been,” he tells me before gulping down his water. “But when I went home on my first break, I found her riding my best friend’s dick.” He shrugs it off as if it’s nothing, but his eyes give him away.
“God, that’s fucking shit, man. I’m sorry.” The thought of seeing Autumn with any other man causes jealousy to take hold of me, and a rage simmers under my skin. I follow Grim outside as he has his morning smoke. Even though I don’t partake, I keep him company, watching the sky turn from a dark purple into a mesh of pinks and blues.
With every sunrise and each sunset, I know I’m getting closer to finishing my training. I haven’t been in contact with anyone since I left, and I hope that after completing these ten months, I’ll be able to easily walk into a job at Cole Security.
“Lover Boy,” Grim calls, catching my attention. Shit, that goddamned name is sticking to me like glue. He chuckles when I roll my eyes. “Don’t worry so much. Those fucking frown lines are going to make you look older than sarge at the end of this.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I laugh, but my smile falls when I see Renard sauntering toward us, and we both stand to attention. He looks like someone killed his cat. Not that he’s a pleasant man on a normal day, but as he nears us, his expression is pure pain.
“Montagu,” he grits out, “come with me.” He turns and heads inside. My chest tightens at the way he’s acting. With a quick glance at Grim who shrugs, I make my way into the building and find Renard in the office.
He settles behind the desk, his hands clasped together on the smooth wooden surface before he looks up at me. “There’s been news,” he tells me, but he doesn’t continue.
“News, sir?”
“Sit.” The order is gruff, and I obey, settling in the chair facing his desk. I’ve never seen this man in such a strange mood. He’s usually serious, never laughs, but this is something else. My stomach twists into a knot at what it might be.
My mind immediately goes to Autumn, but he wouldn’t know about her. I wait, holding my breath as he leans forward with a sigh.
“I’ve just finished a call from one of your dad’s colleagues. He was working a case which . . .” Once again, he sighs, and I want to scream at him to just tell me what the fuck is going on, but I don’t. I wait. “He’s been killed in the line of duty.” The words come out, knocking the wind from my lungs.
“What?” My voice comes out as a croak filled with pain, causing me to fail to properly address him, which he ignores.
“Your father was killed last night,” Renard tells me. “I’m so sorry, James,” he says, shaking his head sadly. But what he’s saying doesn’t make sense. My father is one of the strongest, most pig-headed men I know, and for him to get himself killed isn’t something that makes sense to me.
“What happened, sir?”
“He was working an undercover trafficking ring,” he tells me. “They found out he was a mole, and they . . .” His words filter off into nothing, and I’m left with my eyes burning. I never got along with my dad, it’s no secret, but to hear he’s been killed hits differently.
“I . . . I don’t know what to say, sir.” My voice cracks, the pain in my heart, in my chest, only intensifies. It feels strange to feel sadness for a man who’s never offered me affection, who’s never really been a father to me. But I do.
“You’ll be relieved of all duties today. If you choose to return, you’re welcome, but I know that this wasn’t something you had wanted to do in the first place.”
“How did you know, sir?”
For the first time since I’ve been here, Renard smiles. “I’ve seen many young men walk in here, some more excited than others, but you didn’t come here because you wanted to. Your heart was never in this life,” he tells me, and for a moment, I wish my father had seen what Renard sees. It’s as if this man is reading me like a book.
“I don’t think I’ll come back, sir.”
“I don’t think so either,” he says with a nod. “You need to find yourself in life. Where your heart lies, that’s where your passion will be. This is my life.” He gestures with his hand, waving around the office. He’s right. He just fits here.
“Thank you for everything, sir. Even though this wasn’t my first choice, I’ve still found some form of camaraderie here.” It’s the truth. I found a friendship with Grim that I never thought I would. I came here with a closed mind, but over the months, I’ve allowed myself to enjoy his company.
“Let me know when the funeral is. I’d like to pay my respects.”
I nod. “I will, sir.” Rising from the chair, I offer my hand to Renard, who shakes it with a steel grip. “Thank you, sir.” When I turn to leave, I realize that two emotions are currently racing through me—my excitement to see Autumn and my sadness at having to bury my father.
Chapter Twelve
JD
Stepping foot off the plane at JFK feels surreal. New York looks and feels different. Even as I slip into the backseat of the town car, I’m bombarded with memories that I know Autumn has had to live with. In the blur of emotions since hearing my father is dead, I’ve focused on preparations for the funeral, with my mother on the phone nonstop over the past twenty-four hours.
Now that I’m back, the only place I want to go is to Mrs. Starling’s apartment to see Autumn, but instead of heading there, the driver takes me home. It no longer feels like home, but I have to see my mother.
I pull out my new cell phone as we weave through the shitty traffic and hit dial on Autumn’s cell number. It rings a few times, then goes to voicemail. I try it again, wondering if she’s in class or perhaps with friends. Maybe she’s seen my name flash across her screen, and she doesn’t want to talk to me. Once more, I’m met with the messaging service, so I leave a short note that I’m here and I’d love to see her.
I hang up and scroll down my contacts to the landline number, which I stored under her mom’s name. I hit dial. If I can’t get hold of Autumn, I should be able to speak to her mom. Perhaps she’ll give me some insight as to where Autumn could be. Maybe she can also tell me if my girl is angry with me. I wouldn’t blame her if she is.
“Hello?” A croaky, broken voice comes from the other side, and my heart lurches in my chest. Ice fills my veins when I hear a sniffle.
“Mrs. Starling? It’s JD, is Autumn there?”
Silence greets me, and I’m sure I lost the connection. Being so far out in the middle of nowhere doesn’t help. A crackling comes over the line, and then I hear Mrs. Starling. “Oh god, JD, where are you?” Her voice is drenched in pain.
“Is everythi
ng all right?” I ask as my body stills and chest tightens with anxiety. I don’t know why, but I know something’s amiss. It’s the same feeling I had when I saw Renard walk up to me yesterday morning. The knowing that settles inside you. Instinct rattles through me.
“She’s gone.” The line cracks on the words, and I shake my head in disbelief and irritation. Fear ices my veins; my chest tightens when she speaks the two words.
“What?”
“She’s gone. It’s been more than forty-eight hours, and the police have only started their search. JD, she’s a good girl; she wouldn’t have run away. All her things are here, she has her classes which she was enjoying, and I know even through her heartbreak, she was here, waiting for you to come back.” Mrs. Starling cries then, her sobs coming across clear over the line, and I feel my stomach drop.
“I’m back in New York, I’ll get my driver to turn around and head to you. Don’t worry; it will all be okay,” I tell her in an urgent, hushed whisper. “Please, believe me. I’ll find her.”
“Please, JD. Find my girl.”
“I will.” I hang up. Looking at the driver, I give him the address before I tap out a message to my mother informing her that I’m running late and I’ll be home soon.
Even though I should’ve gone home, Autumn is important to me. My mother is safe at the penthouse, so my priorities change instantly. I find Jackson Cole’s number and hit dial.
I wanted to call him a few days ago before I even found out about Dad, but this is becoming urgent. If there’s anyone who can help me find Autumn, it’s him.
On the fourth ring, I hear his voice. “Hello.”
“Jackson Cole, this is JD Montagu. We spoke a while ago about me joining your team.” I close my eyes and pray. I fucking pray like I have never done before.
“Yeah, I remember that. I have your resume on file. What happened to you?” he asks, and I can hear the smile on his face.
“My dad ended up sending me off to train with the navy, and just as I was nearing the last few weeks, I got news my father was killed.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?”
I breathe in deeply. “Actually, there is. I’d like to meet with you. Possibly to join the team, and I have a job that I need some help with. The only men who would be able to handle this are Cole Security.”
“I’m intrigued,” he tells me, and I can hear it in his voice.
“Can we set up a meeting? I don’t want to get into the specifics on the phone, but I’d like to catch you up, and you can decide if it’s something you’d be able to help me with.”
“Sounds good. I’m in Virginia. Can you make it here?”
I think quickly. I’ll go see Autumn’s mom, then I’ll head home, pack, and tell my mother I’ll be back. The funeral is not for a few days, so it will give me time to fly down and make it back in time.
“Yes, I can be there this evening,” I tell him. “I’ll get my dad’s plane ready, and I’ll let you know once I land.”
“I’ll be here. If I’m in a meeting when you arrive, just ask for Mark. I’ll see you soon.”
“Thanks, Jackson.” I hang up, exhaling my breath in a whoosh of relief.
With the car pulling up outside Autumn’s mom’s apartment, the nervous energy that’s been racing through me is at tipping point.
When I reach the door, I knock, waiting for someone to open. Brenda Starling, Autumn’s mom, opens the door, and I’m met with a shell of the woman I grew up around. She looks like she hasn’t stopped crying for months.
My heart sinks to my stomach. The thought of my girl missing, stolen, makes me rage inside. We stare at each other for so long because I don’t know what to say, and I’m almost certain she’s shocked to see me.
“JD?” My hair is shorter than when I left. I have a slight dusting of scruff, and I’m sure I’ve aged years while I’ve been away. I’m no longer the young boy who fell in love with her daughter. I’m a man who is adamant about making sure Autumn returns home safely, and then I’ll ensure she spends her life with me.
“Where is she? Is there any news?” are the first questions that leave me.
Mrs. Starling steps aside, allowing me into the apartment. The moment the door shuts, the woman I’ve come to know as strong and resilient breaks down. The need to console her overtakes me. She’s been more of a mother to me than my own has. Her grip on my shirt is fierce, as if I’m the only link to Autumn and she doesn’t want to let me go.
She sobs into my chest, her body shaking, and I feel her pain in my soul. The heartbreak is not foreign to me because it feels as if I’ve lost a part of who I am.
“S-s-she’s gone. I c-c-can’t even tell you what happened.” Her watery gaze locks on mine. “I was at work,” she tells me, guiding me through the house into the living room. “When I got home, she was nowhere to be seen."
“I’ve just spoken to Jackson Cole; he runs a security company based in Virginia, and he’s said he’ll help. I still need to give him the specifics, but I don’t doubt him and his team will find her.” I have no qualms about going out there on my own to search for her, but I know they’ll have contacts and connections I have no access to. If anyone can locate her, it will be him.
“I’m worried, JD. I’m so worried. She’s not someone who would run off,” Brenda tells me what I already know. Deep down, I wonder if Dad had anything to do with this. I know I contacted Autumn, sending her the video when I know I shouldn’t have. But I needed her to know I loved her.
If this is my father’s last resort at getting back at me, it’s backfired. He’s dead, and I have no other way of finding out if he put in the call to have Autumn taken.
I should tell Brenda, but that would only make her angrier. So, for the moment, I let it lie because I know as soon as I find out the truth, I’ll end up digging up his cold body and killing him again and again.
“I’m going to Cole Security’s offices today. I’ll have a talk with them, and we’ll start the search. I’m not sure where she would be, but I promise you, Mrs. Starling, I will find Autumn.”
“I didn’t think you would be back?” She looks so broken, and I want to assure her that I would have Autumn back here in a day or two, but I can’t. And that’s what breaks me. I know how much Autumn's mother loves her, how close they are since Autumn is the only child.
“I’m back early. I got a call yesterday that my father was killed. I was training under his order with the navy, and as much as I wanted to call, to talk to Autumn, I couldn’t. My father left me with an order not to contact her in any way.”
“She missed you terribly. She tried to continue with school, but I would hear her cry at night. There wasn’t much I could do because I know how difficult it is to lose someone you love so dearly.”
“I never meant to hurt her,” I say because it’s the truth.
“I know that, and she did too. In her own way, I think she accepted you needed to go.” There is so much sadness in her eyes; it makes my chest tighten with the agony that’s been with me since I said goodbye.
“My dad doesn’t do things by half measure, and I know if I contacted her, I would’ve just put us both in his line of fire.” My words are cold, angry, and she notices because Brenda squares her shoulders.
“He had something to do with this. Didn’t he?” The hope for answers shines in her eyes; the promise that I can’t give her is there. She wants me to tell her that my father wouldn’t hurt Autumn. I can see the question in her gaze, that spark of expectation.
“I honestly don’t know what’s happened,” I tell Brenda, deciding the truth is the only way forward. When Autumn and I started our friendship, it was the base of what we shared. Our promise to always tell the truth, tell each other the ugly and the beautiful. And I never broke it. Even when I knew Autumn wouldn’t like what I had to say, I offered the truth.
“JD—”
“I’ll find her. And I promise I’ll make sure she’s okay. But I need to g
o meet with Jackson, and once I know the plan, I’ll come back.”
“Do you have a place to stay in the meantime? Are you going home?”
Nodding my head, I say, “I’m going home. Once I know my mother is okay, I’ll most probably try to find a place of my own.”
“Stay here,” she says suddenly, shocking me speechless. “Autumn’s bed is empty, and it will be nice to have someone here. I’m afraid that if they really want to hurt me, they’ll be back. They’ve already taken the only thing of value in my life—my daughter.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t expecting you to say that. It means so much to me,” I tell her. “I’ll be back in a couple of days.” I push off the sofa, and Brenda follows.
“I’ll get you a key,” she tells me before disappearing down the hall. Moments later, she returns, holding a set of keys. “These are our spare set. Use them. If I’m at work, please don’t hesitate to make yourself at home, JD. I love you like a son, and I wouldn’t want you to go through anything alone. You’re always welcome here. I know Autumn loves you, and I know you love her.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me over the years. My father may have thought money can buy everything, but he was wrong. It can’t buy true family.”
She pulls me into her arms and holds me tight. Affection wasn’t something I had been accustomed to at home, yet Autumn always gave me a hug when she saw me. It was one of the few things I would look forward to in my school day. That, and of course, seeing Autumn’s smile.
“Thank you, JD.”
Chapter Thirteen
Autumn
It’s cold.
It’s dark.
I don’t know where I am. The last thing I remember is being in the park with the guy from school, Keenan, walking away from me. I ran out onto the sidewalk, then made my way down toward the subway when someone grabbed me. Blue eyes looked down at me with a grin.
Fear had taken hold of me, and even though I tried to scream, I couldn’t. The acute pain in my arm intensifies as I try to move.