The Road to Rose Bend

by Naima Simone

  “Dr. Prioleau will be with you in just a few minutes,” Jackie said, smiling before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

  “Is it weird that I’m nervous?” she whispered, as if the butter-yellow walls were the stained glass of a church instead of a doctor’s office. “I mean, this isn’t my first appointment. Not the first time I’ll hear the baby’s heartbeat. I should be excited, right? Not feeling like I’m about to dive off a cliff with only a questionably stable cord preventing me from plunging to my death.”

  “Wow. That’s specific...and graphic.”

  She met the teasing light in Cole’s amber eyes. “It’s a side effect of this pregnancy. I cry at the drop of a hat, pee when I cough, have an unhealthy relationship with fried dough and have a scarily vivid imagination.”

  He smiled, and his arm rose from his side, his hand hovering between them for a second before he reached for her, cupping the back of her neck. He gently squeezed, and she briefly closed her eyes, accepting and savoring the comfort he offered.

  “So, I’ll need to have tissue, diapers and doughnuts handy whenever I’m around you. Good to know.”

  A snicker slipped out of her. Then, she shook her head and whispered, “Thank you, Cole.”

  He didn’t ask for what. Didn’t ask her to explain. Which was good because she couldn’t have articulated the answer. Instead, he tenderly squeezed her neck again and dropped his hand away from her. “You’re welcome.”

  The door opened, preventing anything else she would say—or not say. Dr. Prioleau entered, smiling wide. Today, she wore a dark berry lipstick along with a deep purple sheath dress and nude pumps. The woman had style, and Sydney really needed to have a side conversation about what conditioner the doctor used to keep her twists so shiny.

  “Hi, Sydney, it’s great to see you again,” Dr. Prioleau greeted. “You, too, Cole.” She shook first Sydney’s hand then Cole’s. “Your vitals are perfect,” she said, then tapped on her tablet and studied the screen. “Weight gain is on target. Everything looks good.” She set her tablet down on the counter and stepped over to the sink and washed her hands. “Today, we’re going to do a sonogram so I can have a look at your uterus and ovaries and check the baby’s growth. And if you haven’t changed your mind, we’ll see if he or she will be cooperative and let us see if you’re having a boy or girl.”

  Sydney inhaled a breath and slowly exhaled it. “I’m ready.”

  “Great.” The doctor grabbed a paper towel and dried her hands. “Let’s get started. Can you lie back and lift your shirt for me? I want to measure the baby’s growth. And then we’ll listen to the heartbeat.”

  A second of indecision and misplaced modesty struck Sydney as the doctor dipped her hand in her coat pocket and withdrew a tape measure. Which was silly. The first thing she’d learned to let go of since finding out she was pregnant was modesty. Someone was always exposing her stomach, touching it or inserting things inside her vagina. Yeah, Daniel hadn’t seen as much of her sex as her doctor and nurse had. But still...

  She slid a sidelong glance at Cole, who’d stood by silently so far. Not like it would be the first time he’d seen a pregnant woman’s stomach, but not hers. And then there was the fact that most likely the last time had been his wife’s. His intentions to accompany her so she wouldn’t be alone were admirable, but faced with the reality of this, could he bear it?

  “Sydney?” Dr. Prioleau asked, her concern etched in her slight frown. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. Just a little slow today. Decaf coffee should be outlawed and then run outta town for being a dirty little tease,” Sydney muttered, unhooking the top of her overalls and hiking up her tank top while the doctor chuckled.

  The cool air brushed over her skin, and she looked down her torso to her bump. With efficient and quick movements, the doctor set the tape at the top of her pubic bone and stretched it over her belly to just under her breasts.

  “Twenty centimeters,” the other woman said, tucking the tape measure back in her pocket then recording the note on her tablet. “Good size.”

  Once more Sydney glanced over at Cole. He wore the same stoic expression, his thick, dark lashes hiding his eyes from her. But she didn’t need to see his gaze to guess how this was affecting him. The tense line of his jaw, the firm press of his lips, the fisting of his fingers—they all telegraphed the emotion roiling inside him.

  “Cole.” She waited until his scrutiny flicked toward her. “You okay?”

  Her hand ached to wrap around his, to anchor him just as he insisted on being here today. Instead, she curled her hands into the paper-covered table beneath her.

  “Yes,” he replied, the answer short, but then his tone softened. “Don’t worry about me, Sydney.”

  Right. When pigs flew and Taylor Swift stopped making songs about her exes.

  Dr. Prioleau didn’t give any indication that she listened to their exchange but walked to the sink/counter combo and removed a handheld Doppler from the drawer along with a tube of gel.

  “Ready to hear this baby’s heartbeat?” She smiled, squeezing a generous dollop onto her belly, and pressed the end that looked like a small microphone to Sydney’s belly.

  Static filled the room for several seconds, and the breath in Sydney’s lungs stalled. No, this wasn’t the first time she’d heard her baby’s heartbeat, but every time nerves flurried inside her. What if that beautiful proof of life didn’t echo in her ears? What if the doctor couldn’t locate it? What if—

  A rapid pulse like a horse’s gallop reverberated in the room, a swish-swish sound throbbing beneath it. Sydney exhaled, a grin spreading across her face as relief poured through her. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing this,” she breathed.

  Dr. Prioleau chuckled. “Confession? Neither do I.” She winked, removing the wand from Sydney’s stomach. Quickly, she grabbed a handful of paper towels and wiped down Sydney’s stomach and then cleaned her medical equipment. “Be right back,” she said, storing the Doppler back in the drawer. “I’m going to grab the ultrasound machine.”

  Suddenly feeling vulnerable and exposed, Sydney tugged her shirt back down. And then dared to peek at Cole again. A little scared of what she would glimpse.

  His face could’ve been a wall of stone with two amber jewels set in it. A fine tension ran through his big body, stringing him so tight, one touch looked like it would shatter him.

  “Cole,” she whispered. His gaze shifted from her now-covered belly to her face. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on inside your head.”

  She halfway didn’t expect an answer to her plea; she definitely didn’t expect him to shift forward and slowly set a shaking hand on her belly. His large palm and long fingers spread across her bump, and each one of his tiny trembles ricocheted through her like sonar waves.

  But he didn’t move his hand.

  “I forgot...” He swallowed hard. Shook his head. “I forgot how beautiful that sound was. How...” Again, he trailed off, slid a tongue across his full lips, dampening them. “How amazing and incredible it was. That proof of a new life. Every time I heard it, I imagined what my son’s face would look like. How it would feel to finally hold him in my arms. Every. Time. Was a miracle.”

  “What was his name?” Sydney dared to ask.

  “Mateo,” he whispered. His gaze jerked from his hand to meet her eyes. “He—”

  Dr. Prioleau opened the door, and he snatched his arm back to his side. A hollow pit opened low inside her as he strode over to the window, cradling his hand against his chest and rubbing a thumb into the center of his palm. As if trying to erase the feeling of her belly...or trying to capture it.

  “Here we go,” the doctor said, holding the door while Jackie pushed the ultrasound machine into the room.

  The two of them situated it next to the exam table, and within moments, had everythi
ng set up and working. Sydney lifted her top again. She stared at the black screen while Dr. Prioleau poured more warm gel on her stomach.

  “Are you doing okay? Comfortable?” she questioned, pulling up a wheeled stool and sitting down near Sydney’s shoulder. “I know lying on your back can cause a little discomfort.”

  Sydney shook her head, anxious to see her baby’s image fill that screen.

  Just as the doctor lowered the probe to her belly, a knock reverberated on the door.

  An instant later, her father poked his head through the opening. Shock sucker punched her in the chest, and her breath escaped her on a low gasp. She’d fully expected her father to avoid her just as he’d done the last time she’d visited the clinic. Seeing him for the first time since she’d left her parents’ home the morning after she arrived in Rose Bend catapulted her into a swirling morass of surprise, anger, longing and love.

  Had he believed Dr. Prioleau was with another patient instead of her?

  Was he here to speak to the other doctor?

  Was he...could he be here...for her?

  Her heart thudded against her chest, beating almost as fast as her baby’s. Because she wanted the answer. And she didn’t.

  “Hi, Dr. Collins,” the other woman greeted with a warm smile. “What can I do for you?”

  Her father glanced from his partner to Sydney, and on any other person, she would label the glint in his eyes as uncertainty. But no, this was her father, and he didn’t do uncertainty.

  “I heard Sydney was here for her twenty-week checkup.” He looked like he would continue, his lips parted, but no words emerged.

  “Yes,” Dr. Prioleau said. “We’re just about to start her sonogram. Sydney, is it okay if he stays for it?”

  Yes, Dad I need you, that little girl cried out inside her. But the hurt, scared-of-rejection grown woman couldn’t voice that yearning for her father. Instead, she nodded and murmured, “If you want to.”

  After a brief hesitation, he stepped fully into the room. He nodded at Cole and approached her. With her doctor on her right and Cole standing to her left, her father took position near the foot of the table, sliding his hands into his front pants pockets.

  Staring at him and remembering who they used to be to each other before Carlin died had a snarled ball of emotion lodging in her throat, so she looked away from him and focused on the black screen.

  Her baby. Today was all about her baby. Not her messy relationship—or lack of one—with her parents. Or the despair, regret and pain it caused her.

  “Here we go.” Dr. Prioleau moved the wand over her abdomen. “Dr. Collins, could you hit the lights for me?”

  A second later, the room dimmed, and quiet descended on the room as they all waited for the grainy image to appear.

  And when it did...

  She gasped. Couldn’t help it. Her hand shot out of its own accord and clutched Cole’s. His fingers immediately wrapped around hers, and for a moment, their eyes clashed, connected, before she tore her gaze away and returned it to the monitor. It wasn’t the first time she’d received a sonogram, but it felt like it was as her baby appeared, tiny. She laughed, the sound breathy and full of the joy that welled and spilled over, infiltrating every part of her.

  In this instant, with her eyes glued to her baby, she became joy.

  “She’s beautiful,” she said, her voice like sandpaper against her throat. She heard the scuff of feet over the floor, then felt a warm, familiar hand on her knee.

  Dragging her attention away from the screen, she glanced down, and her father, his focus fixed on the screen, had moved closer, touching her affectionately for the first time in... God, longer than she could remember. Tears pricked her eyes, and she briefly closed them before returning them to the screen.

  “So sure you’re having a little Arwen?” Cole teased, and she shrugged a shoulder, smiling.

  “One, she will never be named that. And two, I just have a feeling.”

  “We haven’t had a boy in our family since your uncle,” her father murmured. “I’m betting on a girl, too.”

  She and her father agreed on something. Wow. And they said miracles didn’t happen anymore.

  “Here’s your uterus.” Dr. Prioleau circled the arrow over a dense-looking place at the bottom of the image. “The baby is in a good place. So that’s awesome. Your placenta is healthy. Wonderful,” she murmured. She located all the baby’s organs, checking them and steadily capturing images. “An active baby,” she added.

  Sydney grinned, tears pressing against her eyes, stinging them as the baby flipped just then, presenting them her spine and the back of her head.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear your kid just told us to kiss its ass,” Cole drawled.

  She laughed, the sound watery, and squeezed his hand tighter. “Aww. She takes after me already.”

  Her father snorted, and she smiled at him. That moment of connection bloomed inside her chest, mingling with the happiness that swamped her to capacity.

  “And what we’ve all been waiting for,” Dr. Prioleau said, still capturing more images. “Your baby is moving a lot, which is awesome. Now if he or she will turn just so...” They all waited, and the baby did turn, but with its legs curled, hiding the sex.

  “You did the same thing,” her father said. “Wouldn’t cooperate for anything.” No censure or sharpened words. Just the opposite. They were packed with warmth and fondness and even a hint of laughter.

  “Oh wait... Here we go,” Dr. Prioleau announced. The baby had turned again, and her bottom faced the screen from underneath. “A girl,” she said, laughing. “Seems you were right, Sydney.”

  “A girl,” she breathed. This time, she didn’t even attempt to bat back the tears. They fell from her eyes and tracked down her cheeks. Glancing at her father, she repeated just as softly, “A girl.”

  “A granddaughter,” he whispered, voice thick. He cleared his throat, but when he spoke again, it remained just as scratchy. “How about that?”

  “I think it’s fair to say she’s going to be a handful. And probably spoiled.” A half smile curved Cole’s lips. “Isn’t that right, Luke?”

  “My wife is going to be awful,” he said. “I’ll try and keep her in check, but I can’t make any promises.”

  Cole laughed. “Right.” He arched an eyebrow. “Says the grandfather who already looks like he’s wrapped around that tiny, alien-looking finger.”

  “Hey.” Sydney chuckled, lightly slapping him in the abdomen with the back of her hand. “That’s my alien-looking little girl you’re talking about.”

  “If the UFO fits...” He shrugged, but she caught the quirk at the corner of his mouth.

  “That’s just wrong,” she protested on a burst of laughter. And then, because she couldn’t look away too long, she returned her gaze to the monitor. The sonogram would end soon, and she had to soak up every moment she had left. “She’s so real. I knew she was, of course, but looking at her here, seeing her move. She’s real, and God, I love her,” she whispered, not aware she’d uttered the vehement words aloud until a thumb gently wiped away her tears.

  “She’s definitely real, Sydney,” Cole whispered. “And you’re going to be a wonderful mom.”

  “I hope so,” she murmured, and tipping her head to the side, she found his face hovering inches above hers.

  She could pinpoint the striations of brown and gold in his eyes, feel the puff of his breath on her mouth. Inhale his earth and fresh rain scent. Desire coasted through her, setting every part of her on simmering fire. Not here, she scolded herself. She shouldn’t have to place a stranglehold on the need to lift her head those few inches, press her lips to his beautiful mouth and taste him. Tangle with him. No, she shouldn’t have to wrestle this need, because she shouldn’t have it in the first place.

  “Do you really think so?” she
asked, doubts and uncertainty crowding inside her, crouching like a troll beneath a bridge, waiting to attack.

  “I know so,” Cole replied softly.

  His words reverberated through her, the warmth they generated competing with the desire mingling with it. He straightened, but the hand that wasn’t still clutched in hers brushed over her hair. And though it was impossible and fanciful on her part, she would swear under threat of perjury that she felt it. On her cheek. Her shoulder. Her breasts...between her thighs.

  “We’re all finished here,” Dr. Prioleau said, snatching Sydney’s attention from her body’s wayward response to this man and back to the ultrasound machine.

  She studied the image of her daughter one last time before the doctor removed the scope from Sydney’s belly. Efficiently but gently, Dr. Prioleau wiped away the gel, and Sydney tugged her shirt down and refastened the straps of her overalls.

  “I need to get back to work,” her father said, and when Sydney looked at him, she didn’t miss the slight frown that marred his brow as he glanced from Cole to Sydney. When their eyes met, the frown cleared, and he almost awkwardly patted her knee again. “See you soon, Sydney.”

  She hadn’t expected her normally reserved father to say, I love you. But damn the part of her that held its breath waiting for it, longing for it. Damn the part that ached because she didn’t hear the words.

  “Bye, Dad,” she said, and watched his back as he disappeared through the door.

  Let it go, she ordered herself. At least he came in to be with her, to see his first grandchild. Given the state of their strained relationship, beggars couldn’t be choosers. And if it struck her that a child shouldn’t have to beg for her parent’s affection, well... She’d accepted that a long time ago and yearning for something wouldn’t change it.

  She should know.

  But one of her doubts could be laid to rest. Her father would love and accept his granddaughter. That glimmer of tears had been real.

  “Here you go, Sydney.” Dr. Prioleau handed Sydney a long printout of the sonogram images she’d captured. Releasing Cole’s hand, Sydney cupped the paper, cradling it as if it might poof into thin air any second. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you. You can set up your next appointment date at the front desk. Do you have any questions for me?”