by LJ Byrne
Lucas flinches as his shoulders sag. “I fucked up.” Lucas’s voice is barely a whisper. “Elena, I really—” Lucas breaks off, shuddering. “I’m sorry. I can’t leave you, Elena. Please don’t ask me to.” He buries his head in her lap.
Mason turns his head away, but I see the pain and guilt as he glances at Elena. Brock doesn’t bother to hide his silent tears.
My friend’s brown eyes are fathomless as she regards Jasper and then Lucas. And then, curiously, she says, “Well, this changes everything.”
CHAPTER 7
When Jasper and I chose to do our video project on A Walk to Remember, I didn’t think I would recognize so much of myself in the main female character. No, I’m not super religious, but I hid behind a wall last year; I disappeared when possible, and I tried to play it safe. I made friends, but I never let them get too close. Despite that, I kept some of them: Katrina, Bruce, Charles.
My intention at the party had been to tell the Elites about my biological father. I table that for now. With the information I’ve gleaned – and with the Elite boys now shifting their loyalties – my plans change. The question is now how much I reveal and to whom.
When I open my door, still under the weather from my near-death experience, I blink at the Elite boys and Jasper lining my hallways. Katrina is leaning in her open doorway, phone in hand, but she’s watching and listening. And that reminds me, I’m going to need a new phone.
As if Lucas reads my mind, he holds out a box. “Latest iPhone. I don’t think yours survived last night,” he says. “Hopefully, you’re backed up in the cloud.” Some of the usual cockiness in his face is absent as he waits.
I already know my phone didn’t survive the freezing lake, but I stare at the box blankly, refusing to reach for it.
“We’re not trying to buy your forgiveness,” Brock blurts. “We’re not trying to buy you at all.” The guilt hangs on him heavily and he’s unable to meet my eyes.
Lucas waits for the rejection, anticipates it even in the way his gray eyes hold mine. “You can’t buy my forgiveness. That isn’t how it works,” I say quietly, and he nods at me like he knew I would say that. I take the box from his hand and move to my bed. “Thank you.” I hide my smile at their surprise.
The boys cluster while I open the box to make sure it isn’t one of the iPhones encrusted with diamonds. I stop. “This is an iPhone Pro,” I say, staring at it. Okay, it’s not an iPhone from Caviar, which costs about a hundred grand, but I know the Pro is around fifteen hundred dollars.
“I told you she wouldn’t accept it,” Mason grumps, crossing his arms.
Before I can open my mouth, Jasper interjects. “You can take it and you will. You told me you saved an entire summer for your last phone. If I hadn’t left you at that party, you wouldn’t have lost your phone.”
Lucas murmurs my name. “I should’ve told you what was happening. I know I’m – we’re – partly to blame.”
“If we had been honest, you wouldn’t have been so vulnerable,” Brock agrees. He runs his fingers through his coppery hair and the movement triggers a shift in my plans. Like puzzle pieces, I rearrange them. The result is the same.
I contemplate the phone. “Very well. Just don’t make this a habit,” I warn. I stand up. “I was going to check the overall class scores. And after that, before next semester begins, we need to have a serious talk. All of us, including the twins.”
As we head down, Brock tells me that the Elite girls left for winter break early. Jasper and Mason went hunting for Thomas Carver while Lucas and Brock looked for Ben Summers. Both also left for home last night. Ben Summers needs special attention.
Scanning posted grades, I frown. Lucas and I are tied for first place. That’s… unexpected. I catch Lucas watching my expression. Of course, Lucas’s the only student who knows that I’m the one that toppled him last year.
“Elena, can we—” Lucas breaks off when I shake my head.
“I’m not ready to talk to you just yet, Lucas,” I say quietly.
Jasper’s laugh is cruel.
After we clear from the hall, I pull Katrina aside. “We need to talk. Privately. And now.”
During Christmas break, I don’t tell John about the drowning incident. It would freak him out. To be honest, it freaked me out. I’m still regrouping.
I will never be the girl that wants the money or the fame. When my posts went viral before the summer, it didn’t occur to me that my pain would resonate with so many. I’m done with hiding, but the truth needs to be done exactly right. I authorize Lance to do a press release on Christmas announcing a summer tour for BSGirl. Then I tell him that I want ideas on the best way to discuss bullying and how to reveal the BSGirl persona. When he asks me what I want, I say, “A small, private interview. The right interviewer and audience. Give me options and let’s decide what works best.” By the end of the school year, I plan to be untouchable by the Elites. But I won’t stop there – it’s not over until I destroy the Club.
This year, no one needs to convince me to attend the Mavericks’ Christmas Eve party. Since Bruce and Katrina are officially a couple, the twins will be there, and it doesn’t take much to ensure Jasper will be present, too. The Mavericks send a car for me, and I spend the drive texting Lance Bell and Katrina.
Katrina meets me at the door when I arrive, and we spend an hour getting ready. The dress I’m wearing is one Lance saved for me. The gown is made of red and gold tissue that’s cinched to one side at the waist. The skirt falls in a soft drape, but there’s a knee-high slit on the right side that gives it a bit of sass without being too lewd. Katrina helps me with my hair, doing a deep part on one side. We use pins so my hair sweeps over one shoulder.
Katrina leaves her hair in loose ringlets. I told her to go for a dramatic look, so she’s wearing a gorgeous black gown threaded with silver. The bodice is black lace that’s sheer over her shoulders but lined in the bust. She does her lips in blood red.
Unlike last year, when Edgar Maverick invited several parents early for a business meeting, this year the Elite boys arrive early without their parents. When Katrina and I walk down the stairs, the Elite boys are waiting with Jasper and the twins.
Mason whistles appreciatively, ignoring Lucas’s snarl and Jasper’s dark glare/
“Ugh, stop drooling, Mason,” Katrina snarks. She also smacks the back of Brock’s head. “You, too.”
Jasper grabs my hand and kisses my fingertips. “I think you should just agree to marry me, Elena. We’ll escape to my home country and live a decadent lifestyle.”
Lucas’s face tenses, but I push Jasper away. “I’m only seventeen! Don’t be a pig.” I look around. “At least everyone’s on time.”
Elizabeth Maverick enters the room, heading straight for her son. Without hesitation, she grabs her son by the ear and drags him over to me. “You are going to apologize for your actions last year!” she orders, her face severe.
Mason, wincing and sweating, says, “Elena, please forgive me for being the worst human being ever. I bought into peer pressure – it was Lucas’s and Brock’s fault.”
Brock’s eyes widen. “Whoa, don’t bring me into this! I’ve already been punished.”
Elizabeth frowns at her son. “Take responsibility for your actions. And you are not groveling! Your disdain for her working-class roots is an insult to me, remember that!”
Mason winces again and goes to his knees. “Please forgive me before I lose an ear! Ow! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”
“Apology accepted,” I blurt because his mom is pinching hard.
Elizabeth lets go, disappointment heavy on her face. “Now, dear son of mine, if I even hear that you’re less than wonderful to Elena, you can kiss your car and many other things goodbye! I haven’t ruled out military school. And don’t you even dare think about any more bets with the Club or I will cut you off. Your father and I have never been so disappointed with you.” When Elizabeth speaks to me again, her voice is delightfully gra
cious. “I do hope I get to hear you play again, Elena. You look lovely.”
Mason’s still rubbing his ear when his mother leaves us. Jasper takes that moment to sweep me up in a hug, spinning me before I can get my bearing. “You’re delectable,” he whispers in my ear.
He grunts when I kick him in the shins. “You’re rumpling me,” I complain. When Jasper finally let’s go, Brock’s eyes burn and Lucas’s nostrils flare faintly.
Jasper keeps his eyes on the Elite boys as he whispers, “I want to see them crawl, my love. Don’t forgive them. Not until they’ve crawled. Not until they’ve bled. I still want their heads.” He lets me go, laughing softly.
Katrina leads us to a private room where we won’t be overheard. “I’m glad I’m no longer vying for your affections—romantically, that is,” Charles whispers, an arm around my shoulders. “My question to you: who are you making your king?” Startled, I don’t get a chance to ask him what he means because he winks at me before cocking his head at Lucas and Jasper. Then he steps back.
Lucas and Jasper glower at Charles and don’t stop until we are safely ensconced in the room. I wait for everyone to settle: the twins take the couch with Katrina between them, Brock and Mason grab chairs by the window, Lucas stands in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, Jasper leans against the wall closest to me.
“Last year, you tried to get me to leave. I came back because I have no intention of being forced to do anything,” I begin, looking at the Elite boys specifically. “The cycle of bullying begins with the Elites, but the concept of Elites is antiquated. It will end when the Elites end.”
Brock laughs awkwardly. “You sound like you’re going to take us out, Elena.”
I don’t smile. “I already have.” I wait for that to sink in. “If you plan on helping me, you’re not an Elite. Not anymore. If you’re truly contrite, you owe me a debt. I’m calling in those debts. I’m going to change Highbury Academy.” I take a deep breath. “I thought I could do it alone and that was a mistake. I don’t make the same mistake twice.”
“This is when she gets a little bit scary,” Katrina confides to her brother.
“What do you want, Elena?” Jasper asks because he knows that I’m saying all of this for a reason. It might be the reason why I’m drawn to him. We all have a bit of darkness in us, and what I say next to him is not something I say lightly.
“Renounce the girls. Renounce the concept of Elites. And keep the girls from killing me.” I walk over to the piano that Katrina placed in this room specifically for me.
“What else?” This question from Lucas. He moves within arm’s reach, his face uncharacteristically solemn. We haven’t talked since I nearly died. “The girls won’t touch you.”
“I don’t intend on getting rid of the Elites by violence or through direct revenge. I have—something else planned. But there are two members of the Inner Circle that I don’t know how to deal with. Ben Summers and Thomas Carver. I want them gone.” I look pointedly at Jasper. “Gone, not dead.”
Jasper’s lips curl cruelly, but Lucas nods matter-of-factly. “We can handle that,” Lucas says, using his hand to include Jasper. Interesting.
I sit down at the piano. “For this to work, we need to have honesty. I’ll begin. There are things I can’t tell you yet. I am, however, ready to tell you why I wasn’t available this summer.”
At first, I play some random pieces of music, flowing from one piece to another. When I start singing “Stupid Boy”, I look up to see Brock’s jaw drop. He recognizes my voice right away. Charles and Bruce, after their initial surprise, smile at me as if they’ve solved the puzzle that’s me. Jasper’s face turns viciously gleeful.
I then flow into my latest piece, not yet launched publicly, which I’ve titled “I’ll Forgive You”:
When I first saw you standing, you didn’t see me there.
And when we started talking, I knew you didn’t care.
But I held on to hope. You see that’s all I have.
I’ve been kicked, taunted, yes, I’ve been hurt before,
I’ve cried and given up on my bedroom floor.
They wrote me messages saying I didn’t belong here.
All I wanted was a fresh start, away from the words
From people who didn’t care how much they can hurt
When you took my hand, I thought you meant it
I wanted to believe that you could be different
Sorry’s not sorry if you don’t believe in you
Sorry’s not sorry even if what you say is true
Sorry’s not sorry if you think that’s all it takes
To make me say that I’ll forgive you.
Even if I want to.
Didn’t you know, it didn’t have to be this way
I didn’t forget about the words that you chose to say
Did it make you feel better, did it make you feel strong?
Did it make you happy when you said I’d never belonged?
There were so many things that I wanted to tell you
There were so many things that I wanted to share with you
But..
Sorry’s not sorry if you don’t believe in you
Sorry’s not sorry even if what you say is true
Sorry’s not sorry if you think that’s all it takes
To make me say that I’ll forgive you.
Even if you asked me to.
Even if I want to.
Lucas’s eyes widen with a flash of pain, but it’s Brock who speaks first. “You’re BSGirl.” He shakes his head as if he should’ve known. “I’ve seen the videos. The piano playing. And you can sing, too. God, I can see it now.” He pieces together my connection with Lance. “That’s how Lance landed you.”
“I didn’t tell him to drop you. He did that on his own,” I say, crossing my legs at my ankles. “I started by singing behind a mask because it was easier to process my feelings.” I stand up from the piano, facing Lucas directly. “It was the only way I knew how to feel anything, to be honest.”
“And what’s your plan for us?” Brock asks, green eyes lowered. “You’re right. We hurt ourselves.”
“It shouldn’t have, but it took nearly losing you to realize how badly we messed up.” This from Lucas.
“We were trying to protect her,” Mason says wearily. Katrina pats his back affectionately. “We didn’t think things through.”
Jasper simply smiles. “Now she’s a queen. Our queen. As I predicted.”
“You’re going public, then, with your identity?” Lucas asks, his eyes veiled. I don’t know what he thinks about Jasper’s proclamation.
I dip my chin. “Spring. By then, I need to have the non-Elites backing me. That’s where you all come in.”
“So busy,” Brock murmurs. “You’ve been so busy.” He shakes his head in astonishment.
“Redemption,” I say suddenly, watching Brock’s head jerk up. “There will be redemption. But first, we need to deal with the Inner Circle – in particular, the Inner Circle that follows Vanessa.”
Charles glances at his twin. “That’s why you need Ben gone. And Thomas, too. They’re devoted to Vanessa.”
“Ben assaulted her and they’re both complicit in trying to kill her,” Lucas snarls. “You won’t have to worry about Ben and Thomas. It’s something I should’ve done last year when he laid his hands on you,” Lucas says with barely contained rage. “We’ll make you the queen if that’s what you want. A queen who bows to no one.” His gray eyes are full of shadows. His hand comes within inches of mine.
“I don’t want to be a queen, Lucas,” I say with a wince, “but there’ll be a power vacuum and we don’t need another Vanessa rising to take her place. It’s a temporary thing.”
“And who will be your king?” Mason drawls.
“She won’t have one,” Katrina retorts. “You don’t get it, do you? It’s not Elena who will be queen. It’s BSGirl. It’s the image of BSGirl.” She smiles wryly. “That’s why she’s going
public.” I give Katrina a grateful look. She’s always understood me from the start.
“I guess that makes you the queen’s fool,” Lucas tosses at Jasper, ignoring the way Jasper's eyes briefly narrow. He takes my hand while he runs his fingers through my hair. “Whatever it takes, Elena.”
CHAPTER 8
I head to New York for the ball drop. Once I lose my anonymity, I wonder what my new normal will look like. This isn’t the first time I’ve had doubts about the path I’ve taken. As a largely private person, I will be exposed. I’m not sure how that’s going to change me.
“I’m sitting here at home feeling rather sorry for myself,” Jasper tells me over the phone. “My grandfather is dull, and I’ve realized that New Year’s Eve isn’t fun if there isn’t anyone to share it with.”
I laugh lightly. “Family first during this time of year.”
“Next year, I’m bringing you with me,” he declares as if it’s already been decided. “I’ll present you to the king so that when I ask you to marry me, you’ll say yes.”
I pull the phone away and make a face. “Are you drunk?”
“No, yes, I don’t know.” He sighs dramatically. “Elena, I was looking forward to annihilating Lucas Rhodes. My goal was to make him cry and he ends up falling apart because you get hurt. And don’t tell me you weren’t affected by his declaration. That bothers me, too.” I hear him move around. “By the way, I am waiting for BSGirl’s live stream performance.”
“You should have a sobering drink of coffee. I need to go.” But Jasper refuses to hang up until I blow him a kiss. When I do so, my first thought is that the old Elena would never have done that.
I shake my head at my phone. I don’t even get a chance to check in to a hotel. Once I land, Lance sends me out to sign autographs after I change and don on my signature harlequin mask. I do a photoshoot that ends up taking four hours – Lance had to shoo everyone out of my dressing room so I could eat in peace and take my mask off. There are some things I won’t miss about the mask. I get text messages constantly from not just Jasper and Lucas, but also Brock, Mason, and Katrina. Charles and Bruce send me a few texts, but they plan on skiing nonstop so after the first two, they go silent.