by Lexi Wilson
“I’m home, Hannah Banana. And I’ll never leave you again, I promise,” he said to her.
He held her in silence on the porch, and when I saw Matthew pull up, I waved over their heads at him. I saw the surprised look on his face, and he turned to get back in his car, but I continued to wave him forward.
“Why don’t you come inside, Brett,” I suggested. It was not my first choice, but given how tightly Hannah was hanging on to him, I didn’t think I could ask him to leave just yet. When he set Hannah down, she dragged him inside, talking a mile a minute, and led up the stairs.
“So,” Matthew started when he reached the door.
“Don’t,” I warned him. “He wanted to see Hannah.”
“Did you tell him?”
“He’s been here less than five minutes.”
Matthew nodded. “You hungry?”
“Starving actually. What are you making?”
“Roast chicken and vegetables.”
“Let’s get started then.”
“I’ve got it under control. Why don’t you go see how Hannah and Brett are doing?”
“Fine,” I said as he came inside.
“I’ll be in the kitchen,” he replied, kissing my cheek quickly as he passed.
With a sigh, I turned and headed upstairs. Brett was in Hannah’s room, and they were both on the floor playing with toys together as Hannah told him everything she had done in the last five months. She recounted tales of going to the movies, to the park, to see Disney on Ice. They were all things Matthew tagged along with us to do, so his name came up often. I realized at that moment that Matthew had become the de facto man in Hannah’s life, and I was not sure how Brett would feel about that. I didn't want him to feel like he had been replaced, especially now that he had just come home, and I was sure he’d still need time to heal from the traumatic experience.
I watched them for a minute longer before making my presence known. “Hannah, did you show your daddy the pictures?”
“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed. She scrambled to her feet and over to her little desk and opened the drawer, pulling out stacks of paper she had colored. When she sat back down, she handed them to Brett, who flipped through them.
“Since you weren’t here, I drew you in all the places me and mommy and Mattie went, so it would be like you were there with us, because you were, in our hearts.”
Brett smiled and pulled our daughter into his arms. “I thought about you every day, baby girl. Every day. You’re what got me through.”
“I missed you so much, Daddy.”
“I know, baby, and I missed you too. But this time I’m staying home.”
“With Mommy and me?”
“With Grammy and Grandpa, but you can come see me, or I can come see you whenever it is okay with Mommy.”
“But Daddy lives here?” she said, looking between Brett and me.
“Hannah, Daddy and I are divorced. Remember, we talked about it? That means we don’t live in the same house but we still both love you very much.”
Her bottom lip quivered, and she started to cry again. “I’ve got this,” Brett told me. I nodded and left the room, pulling the door closed behind me. I leaned back against the wall and silent tears racked my body. I tried to pull myself together and went downstairs to the kitchen where Matthew was cooking.
“It smells heavenly in here,” I told him.
“Thank you. Where’s Hannah and Brett?”
“Upstairs. Hannah is having a meltdown about Brett not staying here.”
“Poor thing. She must be so confused.”
“A part of me wants to ask him to stay, but the other part of me is still hurt.”
“He’s been through hell, Evie. Maybe give him a chance.”
“To break my heart again?”
“You never know. This whole experience could have changed him. Maybe he wants to be better for you and Hannah both.”
I didn't answer and instead busied myself by setting the table. Maybe Matthew was right, but that didn’t mend my broken heart. On the porch, Brett had said he’d never leave Hannah again, and I wondered what he meant. Could he have meant it? Was he going to give up his career to stay home?
Chapter 11
Brett
Evie was pregnant.
I could barely believe my eyes when they had fallen on her belly. It wasn’t huge but as thin as she’d always been, it was obvious. I couldn't stop thinking about it as I was upstairs with Hannah and she told me about everything I had missed in the last few months. I couldn't believe she had already moved on from us so quickly and I found myself wondering if there had been someone else before she ever even handed me those divorce papers.
I shook my head to clear my mind so I could focus on Hannah instead. Being held captive left me with nothing but time, and it had really put life in perspective for me. I had told Hannah that I would never leave her again, and I meant it. I was done with life as a photojournalist. I wouldn't risk my safety again, not when I had a family at home. I had prayed for my release every day, and I had promised myself and God that if I got out of captivity, I would put family first above all else, and I intended to keep that promise.
When Evie appeared in the door, the light from the hall had hit her just so, and she looked like an angel, and I couldn't believe I’d let her get away. I was kicking myself because she was everything and despite the fact that she was pregnant with someone else’s child, I was determined to win her back.
When I mentioned leaving, Hannah had a meltdown. Evie tried to calm her, and when that didn't work, I took over, and she left us alone again.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Hannah Banana.”
“You were gone so long, Daddy. Where were you? How come you didn’t call?”
I didn't know for sure what Evie had told her, so I knew I needed to tread carefully. “I wanted to call you every day, baby but I couldn’t. If I could have, I would have. But I thought about you every day and I wanted to be here with you. I wish I had been here with you.”
“Where were you, Daddy?”
“Very far away,” I told her. “But I’m home now. I’m home forever.”
“You don’t have to leave anymore?”
“Nope. Everything I need is right here.”
“You’ll be here every day?”
“Every day.” I hugged her, and I knew I would remember every detail of that moment for years to come. I had a lifetime to make up to my girls and this was my starting point.
Hannah and I eventually made our way downstairs and to the kitchen. If I had been surprised to find Evie pregnant before, I was absolutely stunned now to find her cooking side by side at the stove with her new man. I was carrying Hannah, and as we entered, I set her down and put a smile on my face. It killed me, but I knew I couldn’t act like a jerk. I had to be polite and act like it didn’t bother even though it killed me inside.
I walked further into the room as the other man wiped his hands on a dish towel. I stuck my hand out towards him “Hey, I’m Brett.”
“Hi, I’m Matthew,” he replied, glancing at Evie.
“I should be going; it looks like I am intruding on your plans.”
“No, please, there is plenty for you to join us,” Matthew spoke up quickly.
The glare Evie shot in Matthew’s direction did not go unnoticed by me, but she looked heavenward before she let out a breath on a huff. “Yes, you should stay,” she said tightly with a forced smile.
“No, I’ll call you or text or something, so I can come over at a better time for you, Evie.”
“It's fine, Brett. Please join us for dinner. You look like you could use a homecooked meal and Matthew is the best cook I know.”
“Daddy, sit beside me!” Hannah exclaimed, dragging me to the table. Evie set another place for me, and after I sat, Hannah climbed into my lap and didn’t leave until after we all ate and had dessert. It was a struggle to eat around a six-year-old but worth every bit of it to spend the time with her.
&
nbsp; An awkward silence filled the kitchen once Hannah left. I realized that my little girl had carried most of the conversation at dinner. Matthew got up to get coffee and brought it back to the table for us, and I cleared my throat to speak.
“I am sorry for just showing up tonight. It wasn’t my intention, but once I was back, I couldn’t stop myself from finding my way here. I just couldn't wait to see Hannah.”
“It’s fine, Brett,” she replied. “Really. I’m sure it must have been pure hell over there.”
“That is one way to describe it. I was with the unit I was being embedded with on a patrol when it happened. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even process it at all first. I didn’t know if they had killed anyone or if they were keeping all of us as prisoners. They tortured me the first couple of days and sometimes I wouldn't see anyone for days on end. I tried to keep a tally of the days on the wall, but I only had a tiny window at the top of my cell, and there wasn’t much light coming from it. I prayed a lot, and just tried to think about seeing Hannah again to keep me going.”
I wanted to say that I thought of Evie and Hannah both to keep me going but with her new boyfriend sitting there, listening to me intently, I couldn’t find it in me to say the words aloud. If it has been just the two of us, I would have declared myself right, then and there but seeing her pregnant and with someone else broke down my resolve.
“They contacted me in the beginning, when you were captured,” Evie admitted. “Steven didn’t know we were divorced and he had given them my contact information. I didn’t tell them either right away, but after I did they kept your parents informed, and I kept in touch with them during the whole thing.”
“What did you tell Hannah?”
“We never told you that you were captured. We just said you were going to be gone longer than we first realized and that you wouldn’t be able to contact us but as soon as you could, you would.”
“When she’s a little older maybe I can explain it all to her.”
“I think that would be good.”
“Everyone in town was so happy when it was on the news that they had found you and the others,” Matthew spoke up. “Everyone at church was praying for you.”
It dawned on me then why I’d thought Matthew looked vaguely familiar. I had seen him at church before talking to Evie. She was far more active in the church than I was, and I wasn’t home often enough to attend services with her, but she never missed a Sunday.
“I should be going,” I said as I pushed back from the table and stood. “I’m just going to say goodnight to Hannah.”
Evie started to stand, but stopped and Matthew reached over and squeezed her hand with his. “She has a play on Monday at school, if you want to come,” she said instead. I nodded and then hurried from the room to find my daughter.
“Hey, baby, I gotta get going but your mom says you have a school play Monday, so I’ll see you then, okay?”
“Please don’t go again, Daddy,” she begged, wrapping her little body around my legs.
I lifted her up and hugged her tightly. “I’m not far, Hannah Banana. I’ll never be far again,” I promised.
When I finally put her down, I give her a kiss, and she kissed my cheek back. I let myself out without saying goodbye to Evie and headed for home.
As I walked the three blocks over to where my parents lived, I couldn't help the feeling of sadness that washed over me. Despite my absence, Hannah seemed like she was getting on fine and Evie didn't mention any sort of problems, which I knew she would have if there were any to tell. Evie had done everything within her power to keep our daughter living a normal life and feeling loved. I wished I could erase the last five months and go back in time to that last night Evie I had shared. I wouldn't have taken the phone call from Steven. I never would have gone to Egypt. I never would have found myself in Syria and at risk. I would have told Evie how much I loved her and showed her one more time before Hannah came home from her parents. I would have torn up those papers and made us an appointment with Pastor Pat to fix our marriage.
All I knew now that my marriage was done and over. It was a thing of the past, especially for Evie, who had moved on from me. I was not ready to move on from her yet, and I would give my all to give us one more fighting chance before I would admit defeat.
Chapter 12
Evie
After I had put Hannah to bed that night, I unpacked everything that had transpired with Matthew, rehashing all of the words that were said even though he had been there for ninety-five percent of them. I could not get over hearing Brett tell Hannah he wouldn’t leave her again. I found it so hard to believe that once he has recovered and gained clearance from the doctor that he wouldn’t be right back at his job.
I had lunch with my parents after church on Sunday at their home, and after we had eaten, Hannah left the room to play so that my parents and I can speak freely.
“I saw Brett,” I said to them.
“What? When?” my mother asked.
“How was he?” my father asked.
“He seemed fine,” I told them. “And it was three nights ago. I was expecting Matthew for dinner, and I went to answer the door and found Brett instead. He wanted to see Hannah, and he ended up staying for dinner with us.”
“Well, did you tell him?” my mother asked.
They both leaned forward for my answer. “No, I didn’t.”
My mother shook her head and licked her lips disapprovingly, and my father sat back with his arms folded across his chest. “Why didn’t you tell him about the baby, Evie?” my dad asked.
“I can’t,” I told them.
“He’s your husband,” my mother spoke up.
“Ex-husband,” I corrected. “We aren’t married. He made his choice, so I made mine. I am sorry that you disagree with my decision, but it was my decision to make, and I needed to do what was best for Hannah and me.”
“But he’s back now,” my mom tried. “Don’t you think you should tell him and give him another chance?”
“Why? So, he can leave again? Once Brett has recovered he’ll leave for another assignment. He’ll be in and out of our lives just as he was before, except I’ll be left wondering every time if he'll be caught again, or if this time they will kill him. I can’t do that, and I can’t do that to Hannah or this baby. Maybe after the baby is born, I will tell him, and we can come up with some sort of custody plan then. But for now, this is what I need to do.”
My parents shared a look, the kind where words are exchanged only in glances, and finally my father cleared his throat and spoke. “You know we’re friends with Brett’s parents,” he started.
“Did you tell them about the baby?” I demanded to know.
“No. You asked us not to, and we haven’t,” my mother quickly added. “We’re friends with them, and we talk to them. We had dinner with them last night. Brett wasn’t there in case you were wondering.”
“They told us that Brett told them how scared he was that he might never see you or Hannah again while he was captured,” my father continued. “It was the thought of both of his girls that kept him going over there. He’s not going back, Evie.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Brett told his parents that he’s done. He is never planning to go overseas again, and he intends to retire.”
I was shocked by the news. I can’t imagine Brett not working; it had been his life for so long. But if it is true...
“You need to talk to him, sweetie,” my father pushed gently. “At least find out for yourself what his plan is. And then you can decide about this baby.”
After Hannah and I left my parents, we headed home. While she was playing with her toys, I called Matthew.
“Everything okay?” he asked when he answered I started crying in response. “Ev, do you want me to come over?”
“No, I don’t know why I’m crying,” I answered him.
“Did you see Brett again?”
“No, I saw my parents.”
“Okay?”
“They saw Brett’s parents, and they said that Brett said he is going to retire, that he’s not going back out. Oh, and that Hannah and I were the thing that kept him going.”
“I told you that he still loved you.”
“What if it’s all lies?”
“Is that why you won't tell him? Because you think he is going to leave again?”
“Yes. I just can’t deal with him disappearing again and not being here for us. Once was one time too many.”
“I get that, but still, it makes sense. You said you heard him tell Hannah he wasn’t leaving ever again; he told his parents he is going to retire. I’m sure whatever happened to him changed him. Maybe he took stock of his life and realized that letting you go was a big mistake.”
“I think he thought we were together the other night,” I said to change the subject.
Matthew chuckled. “I am positive he thought we were dating.”
“I bet he thinks you’re are the baby daddy too.”
He laughed. “He probably will, right up until he meets my Mr. Right, whenever I find him.”
I giggled. “Your Prince Charming is out there somewhere.”
“So is yours, except we already know he’s at your former in-laws house. I’ll say it again, Ev. I will support you no matter what you decide, but you should think long and hard about this not telling Brett about the baby. You could be missing out on your second chance at love. You’ve told me so many stories, and I know you feel something for him still. You need to have a real conversation with him and if you are satisfied by what he says, tell him about the baby. If you decided not to tell him though, I’ll still be here. I won’t claim to understand it, but I’ll be here.”
“Thanks, Matthew.”
We talked for a few more minutes before we got off the phone. I tried to keep myself busy so I couldn’t dwell on the Brett situation by doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. While Brett was held captive, I watched the news every night and worried. I had never admitted to anyone, not even Matthew, how much I worried about him. I did not want to have to attend a funeral for him or have to see the expression on my daughter’s face if I had to tell her that her daddy was never coming home.