by Lexi Wilson
“Don’t you dare think about lying to me, Evie. Tell me the truth. Are you carrying my baby?”
Finally, in a whisper, I managed to get a single word out.
“Yes.”
Chapter 25
Brett
“Yes.”
It was such a simple word, with the ability to incite a plethora of different emotions in a person, and in this particular instance, it had incited anger in me.
I knew what was coming, but hearing Evie say it out loud, to admit that I was the father of her baby, I was overwhelmed by my emotions. I’d had too much time to think about this moment, what she might say, what I would say, and all of it vanished the minute she spoke the truth.
I had put Hannah in my new vehicle and loaded up a DVD to keep her distracted while Evie and I had this conversation. The problem was, now that she had initiated it, I was angry, and I didn’t know if I could do this without causing further damage to our relationship.
The silence had lapsed between us, and Evie was the first to break it.
“This wasn’t how I pictured this going.”
“Exactly how did you picture it then?” I snapped at her.
She stepped back. “Brett, I—”
I cut her off before she could continue. “Did you only tell me because I asked you? Were you ever going to tell me the truth, Evie?”
“Of course, I was. Brett, I was scared.”
“Scared? You think you have the market cornered on scared? I spent five months as a hostage, Evie. And every day, every day, I thought of you. I thought about you and coming home to you. I thought about Hannah. You two were what kept me going. Even though you wanted a divorce and I caved in and gave it to you, because I thought it some messed up way that I was doing right by you, I still thought about you. And do you know what got me through so many of my darkest times over there?”
“N-no,” I stammered out.
“When I felt like all hope was lost, the place I escaped to was that last night I had with you. It was perfect, exactly like the way we once were. And it was what I wanted to get back home to. I promised myself, I promised God, that if I ever made it home safe, that fixing things in our marriage, to do right by you, that was my priority. I saw things in Egypt and Syria that made me view things differently, see them from your perspective, and I saw my faults in our marriage breaking down. But this, Evie, this lying, this keeping from me the fact that you are having my baby, that is just heartless.”
Tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Brett. I was scared you would leave again. I know I should have told you sooner, but I am telling you now.”
“You used to accuse me of not caring about our family. Do you remember that?” She nodded tearfully. “Now who doesn’t care about our family?”
“Brett—”
I held my hand up and backed away. “I can’t do this right now, Evie. I’m angry and upset, and I don’t want to say anything else that I might regret. Furthermore, Hannah is in the car waiting for me. I am going to enjoy my weekend with my daughter. You are going to think about the reasons why you kept this from me, and on Sunday we will talk, when we have both had time to pull ourselves together. Okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”
Despite all the drama that Evie and I shared Friday, the rest of my weekend with Hannah had been great. We went to the park, swam in the pool, and lounged around the house. It was a quiet, relaxing weekend. It might have even been perfect except one thing: I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing, and that something was Evie.
On Sunday, Hannah and I got up to attend church. When we arrived, Hannah took my hand and pulled me down the aisle to the pew where Evie’s parents sat. They stood when they saw us, smiling and greeting us with smiles. We joined them in the pew and Hannah chattered away. Just before the service was to begin, I heard a small, strangled noise from behind me. When I turned, Evie stood there, wide-eyed and staring.
“Good morning,” I said to her.
My voice must have snapped her out of whatever reverie she was in because she blinked several times before greeting me as well. Matthew came up behind her, and I greeted him as well, shaking his hand. I stood so they both could pass by me and they took a seat on the other side of her parents.
After the sermon, we all stand and begin to file out. At the door, our pastor was greeting the parishioners, and his face lit up when he saw all of us.
“Well look at this family picture right here,” he smiled. “It’s so good to see all of you here together in worship.”
“It’s good to be back for your sermons, Pastor Pat,” I told him as we shook hands.
“It’s good to have you back, Brett. Wonderful to see you all. Wonderful.” We moved along outside, and Hannah grabbed one of my hands and then one of Evie’s. Her parents shared a smile and a look before her dad turned to me.
“Why don’t you and Hannah come over and have lunch with us, Brett? It’ll be nice all of us together. Regardless of anything else, we’re a family, and we’ll always be a family.”
“That would be really nice, Charles, I’d like that.”
I didn’t miss the look of discomfort and surprise that crossed Evie’s features and the panic when Matthew announced that he had somewhere else to be. I loaded Hannah into my car and followed Evie’s parents back to my old home. Hannah took off for the backyard as soon as we arrived, and Evie’s parents followed her outside with a knowing smile in my direction, leaving Evie and me alone in the kitchen.
I leaned against their island in the middle of the kitchen as I had numerous times before while Evie futzed around. I could tell that she was uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to be the reason for her discomfort.
“Evie,” I said, wrapping my hand around her wrist to still her movements.
“This is just too much, Brett,” she whispered, wiping at the tears in her eyes.
“What’s too much?” I asked.
“All of this,” she replied, gesturing wildly.
I pulled her into a hug. “It’s time for us to talk. Is that okay with you?” She nodded. “Good. Why don’t we talk in private without your parents watching us?”
“Okay.”
“Give me one second.” I let go of her and stuck my head outside, motioning for Charles. “Do you think you could take Hannah out to lunch while Evie and I have a talk?”
“Sure thing, son. We’ll call before we head back.”
“Thanks, Charles.”
“No problem.”
Evie had already disappeared from the kitchen, and once her parents had pulled out of the driveway, I closed the door and followed her into the living room where she sat on the couch with a photo album across her lap.
“What are you looking at?” I asked her.
She looked up when she heard my voice. “Our wedding pictures.”
I smiled and crossed the room to sit beside her. “That was a pretty good day.”
“Yeah, it was alright,” she replied, cracking a small smile.
I laughed. “Only alright? That’s definitely not what you said the night of our wedding.”
Her cheeks pinked, and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“There are probably a lot of things I shouldn’t say but when has that ever stopped me from saying them?”
“Never,” she giggled.
“Well, at least we agree on one thing.”
“We used to agree on a lot of things.”
“I won’t argue with you there.” She set the photo album aside with a sigh and laid her head on my shoulder. “Where did we go wrong, Evie?”
“The other night, you didn't call me Evie. It hurt my heart to hear you call me by my full name when I’ve always been Evie.”
“My heart is hurt too.”
“I know.”
“Are you ready to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Then we can sit here until you are. I
have time.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. Ask away.”
“What did you see over there?”
“Where? In Egypt?”
She nodded. “And Syria.”
“Before I was captured, I saw a lot of chaos and destruction and death. I saw whole villages and their people wiped out. There was a little girl in Egypt; she couldn't have been more than Hannah’s age. She was sitting outside the rubble of this destroyed house. She was dirty and crying, and she just wanted her mom, but her mom was dead in the rubble of that house. I didn’t know what to do or how to help her, and I thought about taking her back to the city with me but luckily some aid workers found us first, and they took her. I don't know what happened to her after that, but I do know that I couldn't stop thinking about Hannah in that little girl’s place. When I got back to my hotel, I got the phone call from Stephen that they wanted me in Syria. I called Hannah on skype before I left. Do you remember?”
“I remember,” Evie answered. “I avoided the screen; I didn’t want to see you. I was still mad at you for leaving.”
“After I got captured, I was pretty mad at me too for leaving.”
“What happened that day in Syria?”
“I went out with the team almost as soon as I got to base, and we went to a refugee camp that had been attacked. The team was on a rescue and recovery mission, and I was there to document it. While we were there, I actually stopped to take in my surroundings, and the scope of the destruction really hit me. I came across a mother, her body covering her child, trying to shield her, but it did no good; they were both dead. That was the gut punch moment for me, thinking that that could have just as easily been you and Hannah. It all became so real, and I stopped to pray. That’s when I met Watts.”
“The soldier that came back to rescue you?”
“Yep. He has kids too, and we were talking, and he said something about his wife carrying on at home without him, and how she was the truly brave one, raising their kids while he was gone to parts unknown where they might only get to speak every few days on spotty connections. What he said, his words, they hit me. It helped put it all in perspective for me. I started to think about cutting my time short and coming home. And then we were captured. From then on, all I could think about was getting home to you and Hannah and making things right.”
“This is such a mess, Brett.”
“I know, but we can work it out, Evie.”
“Can we? What if this is all too much to come back from?”
“Do you really believe that?” I waited for her reply, and when it didn't come, I pressed on. “I think anything is possible, Evie. It won’t be easy, and it will take work, but we have that in us. But we have to talk about this.”
She shifted away from me, and I knew that she wanted to avoid this, but we couldn’t do that anymore. To move forward, we had to have this out. I hoped that we would come out on the other side of it together, but even if we didn’t, it was a necessary evil. Otherwise, we would be stuck in this place for the rest of our lives if we didn't.
Chapter 26
Evie
I had been stunned to find Brett sitting with my parents when I rushed into church that morning. I knew that we were going to have a conversation when he brought Hannah home and I had been preparing myself to see him then. I did not expect to see him at church. I hadn’t planned for that, and seeing him earlier than the scenario that I had gone over and over in my head had me frozen in place. Thankfully Matthew had been there to offer silent support and guided me to the opposite end of the pew to sit.
I don’t know how I made it through the service because all I was aware of was Brett’s presence. It was as if every word he uttered was meant for only me to hear. Every word in the hymns that were sung, and every word of the doxology he spoke, were amplified for my ears only, drowning out every other voice in the chapel. The scent of his cologne was like a cloud that surrounded me even though I sat on the aisle of one end of the pew and he was one the other end with four people between us. I could barely focus on the sermon because my every thought strayed to him.
After the service, we all walked out together, and our pastor commented how nice it was to see us all together. I had seen him privately to discuss the current state of my relationship with Brett, so I was sure he thought this was a step towards us finding our way back. I wasn’t so sure; keeping the truth about the baby from Brett might be our final unraveling, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that. My emotions were warring with each other, and my inner thoughts did nothing to help.
When we reached the parking lot, my father invited Brett over for lunch, and he agreed to come which started to make me panic. That wasn’t a part of the plan either. And then Matthew said he couldn’t join us and my panic turned up to eleven, and I reached full-blown terror. My heart hammered in my chest, my hands got clammy, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. Instead, I drove myself home with my parents and Brett and Hannah in tow. My parents went right out into the backyard with Hannah when we arrived, leaving Brett and me alone.
He leaned against the kitchen island, looking like he belonged there, as if he had never left. I couldn’t bring myself to speak; I wasn’t ready even though I had played out a hundred different ways that this would go down in my mind. Instead, I busied myself in the kitchen, avoiding his stare, putting things away, re-arranging items on the counter, anything that kept me from having to say anything to Brett. Finally, he wrapped his hands around my wrists and said my name. His touch made me stop moving as a jolt of electricity ran up my arm.
I tried to keep my tears at bay but felt them wet my cheeks as I brushed them away. I felt completely overwhelmed and looked up at him. There was concern etched in his eyes. “This is just too much, Brett,” I whispered.
“What’s too much?” he asked.
“All of this,” I replied, gesturing wildly around me. He had been in my house for all of five minutes, and already I felt him everywhere again.
Without asking, Brett pulled me into a hug, and the minute his arms wrapped around me, I felt safe and comforted. “It’s time for us to talk. Is that okay with you?” He asked me. I could only nod against his chest, and he continued. “Good. Why don’t we talk in private without your parents watching us?”
“Okay,” I answered him
He let go of me and immediately I missed the contact between us and my heart ached to be held by him again. As he stuck his head outside to speak to my parents, I disappeared from the room to gather myself.
I walked into the living room and sank onto the couch, breathing in and out to try and steady my racing heart. On the coffee table was a photo album and I picked it up and began to flip through the photos absentmindedly as I waited on Brett, and the pictures brought a smile to my face as I got lost in the memories.
“What are you looking at?” Brett’s voice brought me back to reality, and I looked up at him.
“Our wedding pictures.”
He smiled and crossed the room to sit beside me. His leg touched mine, and his nearness combined with the smell of his cologne very nearly gave me heart palpitations. “That was a pretty good day,” he said.
“Yeah, it was alright,” I deadpanned before cracking a small smile.
He laughed, and I realized that I had missed that sound. “Only alright? That’s definitely not what you said the night of our wedding.”
I felt my cheeks heat up at his words. The rational part of my brain said that this was a road that I should not go down, but my heart craved this banter with him, so I teased him back. “I don’t remember saying a lot that night.”
“You’re right,” he said, nodding in contemplation. “Just a bunch of unintelligible noises and my name a few hundred times. There were a lot of good nights like that. Do you remember those nights too?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Me too. I remember them at night when I’m alone, and they keep me up for hours, wanting you.”
“There are probably a lot of things I shouldn’t say, but when has that ever stopped me from saying them?”
“Never,” I giggled.
“Well, at least we agree on one thing.”
“We used to agree on a lot of things.”
“I won’t argue with you there.”
I set the photo album aside with a sigh and laid my head on Brett’s shoulder. We sat in silence for several moments before Brett spoke again. “Where did we go wrong, Evie?”
My heart fluttered. He called me Evie again. I sat up and turned towards him. “The other night, you didn't call me Evie. It hurt my heart to hear you call me by my full name when I’ve always been Evie.”
“My heart is hurt too.”
“I know.”
“Are you ready to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Then we can sit here until you are. I have time.”
I wasn’t ready to hash out my misdeed just yet with him, but I did have questions about his time being captured that I hoped would give me some perspective and lead me to a place where I could let go of a lot of the bad feelings I had of the time leading up to the dissolution of our marriage. I decided to press forward with that before diving into the elephant in the room. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. Ask away,” he replied.
“What did you see over there?”
“Where? In Egypt?”
I nodded. I need to know what happened, the whole story, from his eyes. “And Syria.”
“Before I was captured, I saw a lot of chaos and destruction and death. I saw entire villages and their people wiped out. There was a little girl in Egypt; she couldn't have been more than Hannah’s age. She was sitting outside the rubble of this destroyed house. She was dirty and crying, and she just wanted her mom, but her mom was dead in the rubble of that house. It tore me apart to see that. I had seen devastation before, but this time it struck me differently.”