Mr Dog and the Kitten Catastrophe

by Ben Fogle

  ‘Duck!’ yapped Mr Dog.

  ‘Ooh, a duck?’ Angus stopped running and looked around. ‘Where?’

  Mr Dog whopped the wildcat kitten with his tail and knocked him aside – and just in time! THUPP! Another dart came whizzing past and struck a tree, just centimetres from Angus. The kitten jumped up and raced away into the undergrowth. Breathlessly, Mr Dog followed him.

  Angus moved like furry lightning! Mr Dog had to run full pelt to keep up – but he wasn’t as good at climbing trees as the wildcat kitten, or at pushing through thorny brambles. He soon lost sight of him and didn’t dare bark in case more hunters were close by.

  It was a good call because Mr Dog soon heard voices. It was the man and the woman he’d spotted earlier! They were about again!

  ‘I wish we were better trackers,’ said the woman.

  The man sighed in agreement. ‘We’ve found nothing worth shooting all day …’

  ‘Nothing worth shooting?’ muttered Mr Dog. ‘How can they be so horrid? I’ve got to find Angus and the other wild animals before they’re captured, hurt … or worse!’

  Chapter Four

  A STRANGE DISCOVERY

  Mr Dog held still, waiting for the couple to move away. He was longing to find Angus, but didn’t want to take the chance of leading the hunters to him.

  The couple didn’t move for some time, talking about the best light to shoot in, and how they hoped they could get clear shots.

  ‘Beastly humans,’ muttered Mr Dog.

  But then the woman said something strange. ‘The public need to know what Noel’s up to. If we get proper evidence, the police will have to do something.’

  ‘The proper evidence is inside her house,’ said the man. ‘But Noel’s got so much security – it’s like she lives inside an army camp.’

  ‘The animals got out,’ said the woman. ‘It stands to reason we can get in somehow …’

  She stopped talking as a distant roar carried across the woods. Another wild animal, thought Mr Dog.

  ‘Come on,’ the woman told her companion. ‘If we can find whatever that is before Noel’s hunters do, we might get something worth shooting after all …’

  The couple stomped away noisily through the woodland.

  Mr Dog stepped out of hiding, deep in thought. ‘It sounds as if these people are working against Nasty Noel,’ he said to himself. ‘But they’re still talking about shooting things. Perhaps they’re her rivals? Maybe they want to catch and sell the wild animals themselves!’

  Wishing he knew more about what was going on, Mr Dog set off again in search of Angus. Soon his keen nose twitched at a strong smell coming from a tree at kitten height. Angus must have rubbed his cheek glands against the bark as all wildcats did, leaving his scent as a trail to follow! Sniffing away, Mr Dog followed his nose. When the smell grew fainter, he noticed scratches in the tree trunks – more territorial markings left behind by a growing wildcat.

  Mr Dog became completely engrossed in following Angus’s trail. Finally he heard a mournful little cry up ahead. ‘Hello …?’

  ‘Angus!’ Mr Dog woofed happily and bounded over to the wildcat kitten. ‘There you are!’

  ‘And there YOU are!’ Angus licked his ear with his rough, scratchy tongue. ‘But how are we going to help Mama, Mr Dog?’

  ‘That’s a good question,’ said Mr Dog sadly. ‘I suppose she’s been taken back to Noel’s house. She’ll be locked up in her cage again by now.’ He looked at Angus. ‘Do you know your way there?’

  At once, the kitten grew afraid. ‘I don’t want to go back, Mr Dog!’

  ‘You won’t have to,’ Mr Dog assured him. ‘I just want to have a sniff about. I overheard that strange shooting couple talking about how much security Noel has. But what’s designed to keep out humans may not keep out a dashing dog like me!’

  ‘Why would you want to get inside Noel’s house?’ asked Angus.

  Mr Dog gave a sly smile. ‘Because there’s evidence inside the house that would prove to the police that she’s dealing illegally in wild animals. If I can just find it and get it to the police somehow …’ Mr Dog sighed. His plan sounded far-fetched even to his own floppy ears! But he couldn’t think of any other way to help.

  I have to try! he thought.

  Angus was sniffing the air. ‘I think Noel’s house is this way,’ he said, and set off through the undergrowth – slowly and carefully this time.

  Thirty minutes later, they came to a narrow track that wound through the forest. The dried mud was marked with tyre tracks.

  ‘Aha!’ said Mr Dog. ‘This must be the way to Noel’s countryside camp.’

  Together the two animals trotted along the path. Soon they heard a loud, familiar roar from up ahead, out of sight beyond a bend in the track.

  ‘Mama!’ Angus beamed and rasped a miaow back as loudly as he could. ‘Did you hear that, Mr Dog? Mama’s all right, and she’s close by!’

  RAWRRR! came the growl of the cheetah. Angus quickly rushed off in the direction of the sound.

  ‘Wait,’ woofed Mr Dog. ‘Remember, Angus, you must be careful!’

  Mr Dog sped after the impetuous kitten. As he rounded the corner, he frowned. A pick-up truck was parked in the middle of the mud track. The passenger and driver’s doors were wide open.

  No one seemed to be inside, but the cheetah was locked up in a steel cage in the back. She lay on her side with her eyes closed, breathing softly.

  ‘Look, Mr Dog!’ Angus was dancing with excitement round the back of the pick-up. ‘It’s Mama!’

  ‘But why has she been left here alone on the track?’ Mr Dog wondered as he padded closer. ‘Perhaps the truck broke down, and the driver’s gone to get help …?’

  RAWRRR! The growl sounded again.

  ‘Wow,’ said Angus. ‘Mama can roar in her sleep without moving her mouth!’

  Mr Dog frowned. He realised that the growls had come from inside the pick-up. They were playing through the truck’s speakers.

  ‘Angus, run!’ barked Mr Dog. ‘Something’s wrong!’

  ‘No good woofing now, you mangy mutt!’ Desi the hunter burst out from behind the cheetah cage on the pick-up and hurled a net over Angus. ‘Ha! The trap worked!’

  Angus struggled angrily in the net, but only got more tangled up. ‘Mr Dog!’ he mewed. ‘Help me!’

  Teeth bared and growling, Mr Dog was already running forward.

  But then another net was thrown over him. It stopped him in his tracks. He rolled over and saw the other hunter, Sawyer, smiling down. ‘That’s fixed you, doggy!’

  Mr Dog barked ferociously as he strained to get free, but the net was too strong.

  Just like Angus, he was caught in the hunters’ trap!

  Chapter Five

  THE MIGHTY ZEUS!

  Mr Dog gnawed at the net, but he knew the links were too tough for his teeth to break through. He watched helplessly as Desi put on long leather gloves and picked up Angus. The little wildcat struggled and scratched, but the leather protected Desi’s hands. Sawyer crossed to the pick-up and pulled out a carry-case. Desi bundled Angus inside and then Sawyer slammed the door shut.

  ‘There!’ said Desi. ‘That should hold him. The kitten couldn’t resist the sound of his adopted mum, just as you said, Sawyer.’

  ‘Let’s spread the good news.’ Sawyer pulled out his radio. ‘Noel? Come in, Noel.’

  ‘Go for Noel,’ came the woman’s familiar voice. ‘This had better be good news.’

  ‘The best,’ said Sawyer. ‘Cheetah and wildcat safely acquired. Over.’

  ‘About time,’ said Noel. ‘My buyer for the wildcat wants to collect him this evening …’

  A buyer for Angus? Mr Dog’s ears almost jumped off his head. ‘Oh, no!’

  ‘Bring the cats here straight away,’ Noel ordered. ‘Then get back out and find Zeus.’

  ‘Copy that. Bringing in the cats. Out.’ Sawyer tucked the radio back in his pocket. ‘Never grateful, is she?’

  ‘Who care
s, as long as she keeps paying us,’ said Desi.

  Angus’s little face was pressed up against the side of the cage. ‘Mr Dog! Did you hear Noel? She’s going to sell me. Tonight!’

  ‘Don’t worry, Angus!’ barked Mr Dog. ‘I’ll get you out of there somehow!’

  The hunters looked up at the sound of the mewing and barking. Desi nodded at Mr Dog. ‘What shall we do with the pooch?’

  ‘Leave him where he is,’ said Sawyer, getting into the driver’s seat. ‘We’ll pick him up later. We might need some live bait to bring Zeus out of hiding …’

  Mr Dog gulped hard. ‘I don’t like the sound of that,’ he whimpered. ‘Just who or what is Zeus?’

  Desi laughed and got inside the pick-up. As the door closed, Mr Dog couldn’t hear the rest of the hunters’ conversation. He watched miserably as the truck trundled away up the track and was soon lost from sight.

  Mr Dog clawed at the ground beneath him. If he couldn’t break through the net, perhaps he could burrow under it? He set to work with his paws.

  It was no good. The ground was too hard and rocky. Nevertheless, Mr Dog kept trying. ‘I can’t give up,’ he panted. ‘Angus is depending on me … and all the other animals need my help too!’

  But suddenly he heard a long, deep growl. It set the hairs on his back standing on end.

  Thump! Thump! Crash! Heavy, lumbering footsteps were coming towards him. Foliage was being forced out of the way.

  Mr Dog gulped. ‘All the other animals need my help … but I could certainly use some myself with whatever it is that’s coming!’ He flattened his ears and dug harder.

  Seconds later, with the loudest growl yet, an enormous, terrifying animal burst out of the bracken.

  It was a brown and shaggy grizzly bear!

  The bear stood fully eight feet tall. A powerful hump rounded out his shoulders. His paws were edged with long, curved claws. He fixed his dark eyes on Mr Dog, still caught in the net. The bear’s jaws opened wide as he lumbered closer.

  This brute will munch me up in a moment! thought Mr Dog as the giant loomed over him. ‘Forgive me, Angus,’ he said, closing his eyes. ‘It looks like my adventures are over …’

  ‘Hello, dog,’ said the bear politely. ‘What are you doing in that funny bag?’

  Mr Dog felt a surge of hope. This giant bear actually sounded quite friendly! ‘Er … it’s not a bag. It’s a net. A hunter threw it over me, and now I’m stuck.’

  The bear seemed to think about this. ‘Would you like me to take the net off you?’

  Mr Dog gave his biggest, doggiest grin. ‘Oh, yes, please.’

  With a grunt, the grizzly pulled off the metal net and tossed it into a bush at the side of the track.

  ‘Thank you!’ Mr Dog jumped up. ‘My name’s Mr Dog. The D-O-G part is currently short for Dramatically, Overwhelmingly Grateful!’ He sat on his haunches and bowed his head. ‘Who are you?’

  ‘Zeus,’ said the bear. ‘The Mighty Zeus, to be precise. That’s what Noel calls me.’ He paused. ‘Do you have a tuna sandwich?’

  ‘Er, not on me,’ Mr Dog confessed.

  ‘That’s a shame,’ said Zeus. ‘I like sandwiches.’

  ‘I’m surprised,’ said Mr Dog. ‘I thought a big wild bear like you would be a fierce hunter.’

  ‘Eating something raw? Ugh! No, thank you.’ Zeus shook his huge head. ‘You see, I’m a dancing bear.’ He did a little jig as if to prove it, then dropped down on to all fours beside Mr Dog. ‘I dance for my supper. I don’t hunt for it.’

  ‘When were you taken from the wild?’ asked Mr Dog.

  ‘As a cub,’ Zeus replied. ‘I used to belong to a little zoo, but they couldn’t afford to keep me. They sold me to Noel a couple of years ago. She’s been training me. Now she plans to sell me to a wealthy customer whose daughters want a dancing bear.’ He sighed. ‘That’s why I ran away the first chance I got. But I haven’t found a single tuna sandwich out here in the wild, and I’m getting very hungry …’

  Mr Dog felt sad and angry that such a magnificent animal had never been allowed to roam wild in his native habitat – to hunt and feed as other bears did. His dancing was very good, of course – but bears weren’t put on the planet to make humans laugh and point.

  ‘Nasty Noel has a lot to answer for,’ Mr Dog said sadly. ‘I’m afraid her hunters have just recaptured my friend Angus.’

  ‘That sparky kitten?’ Zeus sighed. ‘Oh, dear.’

  ‘Look!’ came a woman’s whisper from behind them. ‘We’ve found the bear!’

  With a jump, Mr Dog turned to find the mysterious couple he’d run into twice before, watching from the cover of the forest.

  ‘Finally,’ said the man, pulling something dark and heavy from his bag. ‘Something worth shooting!’

  Mr Dog yelped. ‘Run for it, Zeus! Or those two will get us for sure!’

  Chapter Six

  THE SANDWICH STRUGGLE

  Mr Dog dived for the trees at the side of the track. But Zeus didn’t follow. He reared up on his back legs as the man and the woman came out from the forest.

  ‘What are you doing, Zeus?’ Mr Dog barked urgently. ‘Run!’

  ‘It’s all right,’ said Zeus calmly. ‘They’re not shooting bullets. They’re only shooting video!’

  ‘What?’ Mr Dog looked at the couple. Sure enough, he saw that they weren’t pointing guns at all. They were carrying fancy TV cameras!

  ‘I can smell sandwiches in their backpacks,’ said Zeus. He started to dance, lumbering first one way, and then the other. ‘Perhaps I can earn one with my act!’

  ‘We got lucky at last!’ said the woman. ‘I’ve heard that the bear is the biggest of Noel’s illegal animal collection. Shoot all the footage you can, Mike.’

  ‘I will!’ Mike grinned. ‘This bear certainly isn’t shy, is he? This will look great in our TV documentary, Iona!’

  Mr Dog could hardly believe his eyes, seeing the bear perform that way for the camera. But his ears pricked when he heard the mention of a TV documentary. Suddenly, things made more sense. Mike and Iona must be making a film about Nasty Noel’s naughty animal activities. They were looking for evidence of what she’d been getting up to.

  But that evidence could only be inside Noel’s house. Without it, all they really had was film of a bear dancing in Welsh woodland. That wouldn’t help Angus, his mama and all the other exotic animals Noel had under lock and key!

  Zeus,’ said Mr Dog, ‘I have to get into Noel’s house and try to help the other animals. Perhaps I can sneak in if you create a distraction?’

  The big, burly bear stopped dancing for a moment and thought. ‘I need a sandwich first,’ he said.

  ‘Then I shall help you get it!’ said Mr Dog. He trotted up to Iona and Mike with his most appealing, big-eyed doggy face. He began to join Zeus in a little dance on his back legs. Then he padded closer and held up a paw.

  ‘I thought I saw this dog earlier,’ said Mike, lowering his camera as he chuckled. ‘He’s quite a performer too.’

  ‘No collar, just a hanky round his neck,’ noted Iona. She crouched beside Mr Dog. ‘Perhaps he’s a stray. Or … perhaps he belongs to Noel?’

  Mr Dog yipped crossly. How dare you! he said, but of course it only came out as an indignant whine.

  ‘If he is Noel’s dog, perhaps he ran away in the storm like the other animals,’ said Mike. ‘If we catch him and return him, Noel might actually let us into her home.’

  ‘More likely she’d take one look at our cameras and chuck us off her land,’ said Iona. Then she smiled and started rummaging about in her backpack. ‘Although maybe bringing the dog to her is still a good idea …’

  No, it’s a very bad idea, Mr Dog longed to tell her. Because I am NOT Noel’s dog! And I hate to think what she’ll do to me if you hand me over! Deciding it was time to go, he quickly pushed his nose into the rucksack and sniffed out a brown bag with sandwiches inside.

  ‘Forgive me,’ said Mr Dog, ‘but I believe this bear’s need
is greater than yours!’ He grabbed the bag in his jaws and pulled it out.

  ‘Hey, cheeky!’ Iona had taken something from the backpack herself, but Mr Dog couldn’t see what it was. She grabbed hold of Mr Dog’s makeshift collar and fiddled with it. ‘I have something to give you, but it’s not something you can eat …’

  ‘Unhand me, madam!’ Mr Dog pulled quickly away from her and ran off back to the bear with his purloined prize. ‘Come on, Zeus. I have the sandwiches. Let’s go!’

  ‘Wait!’ called Iona. ‘Don’t just run off!’ She made to go after him, but Zeus suddenly roared at Iona which stopped her in her tracks. Then he turned, dropped to all fours, and crashed through the undergrowth with Mr Dog.

  Iona groaned. ‘They’re getting away, Mike!’

  ‘Thanks for the sandwich,’ Mr Dog yapped back, but of course to human ears it came out only as, ‘Wuff-wuff WUFF!’

  The massive bear cleared a path through the overgrown parts of the wood that made it easy for Mr Dog to follow. When they were a good distance away from Mike and Iona, the two animals stopped. Mr Dog offered Zeus the sandwiches and the bear accepted them eagerly.

  ‘Hmmm,’ said Zeus as he chewed and gulped down his food. ‘Needs more mayo.’

  ‘What we need is time,’ said Mr Dog. It was starting to get dark. ‘Angus’s buyer might already have arrived.’

  ‘Well, we’re not far from Noel’s house now,’ said Zeus. ‘The outer wall is just the other side of those trees. There’s a door leading to the exercise yard.’

  ‘Hurrah!’ Mr Dog grinned. ‘Now you’ve finished your dinner – let’s take a look.’

  He poked his nose out from the treeline. Ahead of him, in the late evening gloom, he could make out a large, imposing wall. He edged out further.

  Suddenly, a dazzling light snapped on – like a giant’s spotlight – and was trained right at him.

  ‘Intruder detected!’ came a deep, gruff shout.