The Poisonous Biscuit

by Paul Edwards

  As she was rocking forwards and backwards, Helen was admiring the lovely garden which her dead children had once played inside. She admired the dark green grass, which was now much nicer, she admired the sound of the birds who landed on the bird bath. The bird bath no longer had dirty water inside it but had been cleaned out for the first time in years. As well as that, they now had a stand on which they could put bird food to feed the birds, or the odd bit of mouldy bread rather than binning it. This had the added benefit of not attracting mice unlike food on the ground, as it was to high up for a mouse and no mouse could climb the pole leading to the top of there.

  The shed they had built was a metal shed that was ordered online. With it was a set of unclear instructions, which they had originally got three quarters of the way through and then finally given up on when it got to finishing the doors. In the end, they had to even look at videos online in order to find out how these fittings were supposed to go together. Nevertheless, it was finished now and that's all that mattered. At least they could finally open the back door like they could years ago when they moved in.

  After brushing his teeth as was his custom before going into a restaurant, and putting his aftershave on, Richard was ready to go. He could not stand the thought of smelling horrible in such an elegant place and where waiters would have to suffer as they walked past. Going down, they both got into the lift and clicked the number zero. As they got to the bottom, before John got out he decided to press all the numbers on the lift, showing one of his past childish traits. Consequently, the next person who was stepping in then pulled a massive face at him, after they clicked the button for the highest floor.

  As they entered the restaurant, a waitress came over.

  "Table for two?"

  "Yes thank you" Richard replied. They were taken to their seats and they started looking at the menu.

  "Don't worry about the price" Richard asserted, whilst noticing that John kept looking up and down the list.

  "Are you sure? I mean, would go for the steak, but it's about twenty pounds, so I probably will go for something else."

  "No, don't be silly, if you want the steak then the stake it is. How about a starter?"

  John now had to think. He would never normally eat a starter, so this was something extraordinary for him. He couldn't really have alcohol due to the car, so perhaps a starter was an idea to replace that luxury? No doubt John would have both if he could.

  "Ok, yes sure. What starter are you going for?"

  "The Pate."

  "Ok, I'll have that also. Thankyou.”

  Over the waiter came to take their orders, with a pad in his hand.

  "Any drinks?"

  "Oh, I'll have a bottle of red wine thank you, the one at the top of the list" Richard answered.

  "And you?"

  "I'll have a lemonade because I'm driving" John decided. Then they both gave their food order and waited for it to come. Inside the restaurant, it was very dark although in a homely way. There were a few large paintings on the walls and a grey carpet on the floor. The walls were a light grey and some of the lights were hanging down near their heads as part of the style. It was not like the typical place, it must have had a high rating based on its standards, no doubt. The waiters stood around in black shirts and black trousers and with a tie around the neck for the male waiters. As each table became empty, they cleared it away, fast.

  Along came the pate which was served with little pieces of toast and some kind of leaf on top. As well as that, there was a bread role that had been placed on their side plates. As they started to eat, they discussed their past lives a little more.

  "So, John, did you never end up getting married?"

  "No, not really, that's why I always admired Hannah, she was the kind of woman I've always been after. Sadly though, the situation has always been to inappropriate to do anything about."

  "Ah, I see. Well, that's sometimes how life works out. I'm not married either, and I'm a lot older than you, so don't worry about it. Do you think I'd have any money if I were married?"

  "Probably not ha-ha. Well, not unless you married another rich woman."

  "I'd be careful who you make those jokes to under the circumstances, but yes, your right."

  Of course, saying this to anyone else could result in people thinking he killed his dad so he could marry Hannah, ensuring he got a hundred percent inheritance rather than none or one seventh. John had a habit of opening his mouth at the wrong times. Hopefully though, this also meant he wasn't clever enough to think through the process of killing someone either. Surely, someone else had organised all these deaths, someone much more intelligent.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Sally went outside and comforted her mum, sitting on the bench next to her. She might not have known what it was like to lose a child, but she certainly knew what it was like to lose a sibling.

  "Are you OK Mum?"

  "Yes, don't worry about me."

  "I'm here for you. I feel your pain, I didn't carry them for nine months, but I had them next to me every night for many years, and now that's all changed. Let’s go through this together."

  "You have words of wisdom considering you’re a fourteen-year-old. Thankyou Sally."

  They started swinging together forwards and backwards, whilst they were holding on to each other. Mother and Daughter, there was nothing like it. It was like an old and a new picture being held next to each other. As they were swinging along, Sally thought about the times she used to swing with her siblings, when they would even nearly brake furniture, they did it that fast. All the fun they would have, and now it was gone. They thought nothing could ever get any worse, until... 'Crash!' The seat ended up falling to the ground. They were both lay back across the bench and partly on the ground.

  Out came Kwiatoslaw, fast.

  "What happened?"

  "It just collapsed" Helen replied. Kwiatoslaw helped them up and they went inside. This caused him to have a good look at the swinging bench.

  "Looks like someone is trying to kill us in our own home" Helen feared.

  "Don't be silly Mum, things break all the time" Sally replied. Helen however was worried about everything anyway and so she was genuinely concerned. Helen went around checking all the doors were shut and picked up the phone. She was about to dial a number, until Kwiatoslaw came in and interrupted her.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Calling the police."

  "Don't be absurd." He took the phone of her and put it back. Then he tried to convince her it clearly was an accident.

  "I will fix it, it's nothing, don't worry."

  Naturally though, Helen would worry. Things were constantly happening, after all.

  "Should I tell the Inspector what happened?"

  "If you want to, then do so, but he'll tell you the same as I would."

  Helen was looking forward to seeing Josephine again the next morning, so she could get all this information of her chest. It was not nice for her to bottle up all this she was thinking.

  "It's Saturday tonight, how about we go to the cinema?" Kwiatoslaw suggested, to be responded to by Sally.

  "Yes, that would be nice. Let's do it!"

  Helen looked at them in disapproval and said nothing.

  As they had finished their main course, the waiter came over and took their plates away. Richard and John decided to order a desert, as the portions were not too big in this posh restaurant. This was likely to encourage that exactly, the purchasing of extra courses. As they were waiting for the desert to come, John quizzed Richard.

  "Come on then, how do you do it? What's the secret?"

  "How do I do what?"

  "Work out who the killers are?"

  "After a bit of studying, it usually becomes pretty obvious. You just examine the evidence and write it all down, I must admit though, sometimes I have to go over things over and over again in my head. Not every case is as clear as another, I can assure you of that."

  "So, how are you g
oing to work out who killed my Dad?"

  "All will be clear much later. I'm afraid you’re asking me questions I don't know the answers to yet myself. Just trust me."

  "Sorry, OK."

  Of course, John was quite an inquisitive character. In fact, so was Richard. This was a trait they both had in common. It was almost as if long lost brothers had been united.

  Desert came at last. Richard had ordered a nice vanilla ice cream with chocolate brownie, whereas John had ordered sticky toffee pudding with custard. The custard, seemed to have white streaks inside it, as if cream had been added to it. It was in a jug and John had to pour it on. Richard's brownie had the ice cream on top of it and a leaf was on top of the ice cream, as could be expected. John's desert was in a large bowl, arguably large enough to use as a hat. Richard's was instead on a large plate.

  "That's a big plate for a desert isn't it? That's like a main course plate!" John noticed.

  "Well, that's the style now, apparently so. Don't worry, I know how you feel, I'm old fashioned myself. I even listen to classical music if that makes you feel a little less old."

  "While I'm younger than you no doubt, I do sometimes listen to it myself, but that's partly because my Dad used to play it."

  "No doubt? No doubt? Bad boy" Richard joked. After desert was finished, they thought about having a cheese board. With this would come blue cheese, ordinary cheddar, brie and cranberry cheese, along with crackers. As a bonus, there was a special deal for two on cheeses to share. Noticing that they decided to order it.

  "I can tell you from experience, cheese is never on offer like that" Richard revealed, adding, "definitely worth it."

  The cheese came and they enjoyed it. They had a little side plate each and in the middle there was the large plate with the cheese selection on. Richard took half of each cheese but noticed that his new friend had not done the same.

  "Not taking any blue cheese?"

  "Eww, not, that's like mould" John replied.

  "Have you tried it before?"

  "Yes, at school, and it was horrible."

  "Your just like me. Listen, try it again perhaps? After all, our taste buds can change as we are growing up."

  John was looking at the cheese, trying to work out whether or not to dare do so. He cut a little piece of and started pulling strange faces as he brought the piece of cheese towards his face.

  "Should I, or shouldn't I?"

  He finally put the piece of cheese in his mouth. Then he started chewing.

  "Inspector, are you sure that's blue cheese?"

  "Yes, I am, unless the menu is wrong. That is what blue cheese is like."

  "Well I have changed, I must admit."

  After they finished the cheese board, John got up to go.

  "It's a shame we can't go somewhere and have a drink, but I've brought the flaming car as you know. Looks like I'll have to go. Do you need something towards the meal?"

  "No, don't worry about it. I don't charge little boys for their food" Richard joked.

  "I am thirty years old!" John asserted.

  "Yeah yeah" the inspector said, winding him up, then adding, "do you want me to extend you parking to tomorrow by any chance?"

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  On the following morning, Helen and her family were getting ready for Church. After all, it was a Sunday morning and Helen always did the same each week, even with death hanging over her head. Driving to the church, she had to slow down on the way. This was because the car in front of her on the motorway started to slow down. The driver in front was waving his hand out of the window. Likewise, the passenger on the other side was doing the same. All this was taking place while the car in front was in the middle lane and had its hazard lights on. After a few moments of thought, Helen decided to speed up and whiz past the person in front by going into the inside lane. When they got past, they noticed everyone behind was still going slowly. It was also noticed that someone was on the bridge.

  "Do you think it's another one of those suicides?" Sally asked.

  "I hope not" Helen said, adding "and if that was the case then I shouldn't have speeded past. Maybe they were waving for a reason. I'm sure that's the stop signal they were giving now, come to think of it. Oh well, it's happened now. Let's just hope they don't jump."

  "We can light a candle for them later if you're worried Mum" Sally said in response.

  As they arrived, they turned into the car park, to see loads of children running around. As a result, they had to be careful as they were parking, wondering whether or not the children were behind the car as they were reversing. As soon as they parked up, another car came into the car park. It was a large car, it stopped, and out jumped a swarm of children. It was nice to see that an almost mature girl was holding one of her much younger siblings in her arms. Helen loved the fact that at this church known as the 'latin mass church,' families really took care of each other and were loving. This gave Helen something to aspire to, whilst she thought about her currently broken family. As she went in, before going through the main door, someone in the porch handed her a newsletter and a hymn book, and then chatted to her.

  "Hello Hannah, how are you doing?"

  "Hello Jason, not bad thanks, how are you?"

  "Not bad at all thank you."

  They went in and genuflected towards the tabernacle and then sat in their pews. A few minutes later, Helen stood up and went over to a statue. She lit two candles, one for Hannah and another for this potential suicide victim whom she speeded past. Then she went to sit back down after genuflecting again, after donating 40p, 20p for each candle. Sally then left her pew and headed to the confessional at the back. There was a massive queue, as at the latin mass people were known to confess everything and in detail, resulting in holding everyone else up as a knock-on effect. Thankfully for her though, the latin mass also resulted in multiple priests being in one parish due to attracting a lot of vocations, which meant confessions could be heard during the mass by one priest, whilst another priest started celebrating the mass.

  After Mass, Helen went into the hall and had a coffee, once again. In there she saw the one and only, Josephine.

  "Hello Hannah, nice to see you again."

  "Hello, how are you?"

  "Not bad thanks. We need to all seriously consider a day out together."

  "That would be great. By the way, I went to another party, in that same house and another person died."

  "Really? That's awful."

  Even though this seemed to merit judgement, Josephine refrained from saying anything bad about the owner of the house which happened to be Hannah. After all, it might not be here fault, these things can happen to anyone.

  At Orangely Hall, the door slammed shut and Hannah jumped from the couch into the air. John was walking through the hallway.

  "Where have you been?"

  "You actually care?"

  "Of course I care, I was worried sick."

  "Well, if you must know I had a night out, and I couldn't drive back until now because I was drunk."

  "You seem half drunk now! Did the Inspector get drunk?"

  "Not as much as me, no."

  John looked half asleep and tired. He was hoping to sneak to his room without being noticed by anyone, a bit like a naughty schoolboy who did not want to be noticed by his mum.

  Hannah's grandparents came downstairs, passing John.

  "Nice night out?" Grandad said.

  "Yes, it went all right thanks, from what I can remember anyway. I think we went to a few different places."

  Grandma was smiling while they talked on the stairs.

  "Have a shower and come down for a nice hot breakfast, that'll fill you up."

  No doubt that's what he would do. Before that, John headed to the bathroom and jumped into the shower, after having got a towel and some clothes from his room. As usual, he used some of Hannah's shower gel as he was washing. If he went to someone's house, he would use their stuff, and this was in order to try it out. T
hat was the theory anyway, but it was likely also because he didn't have his own stuff with him. Next, he used some of her shampoo and then her conditioner to wash his hair. No doubt he would now smell much better, maybe of roses and violets, considering the mixture of things he had used. Maybe that would impress Hannah? Probably not, it would just make it obvious he'd used her things, but he had hope, nevertheless.

  After getting ready John came downstairs to have his breakfast, while Hannah was looking angry at him.

  "Why did you stay out so late?"

  "What was the alternative Hannah?"

  Hannah went shocked. What exactly was he trying to say? Was he saying that she didn't take him out enough? John would find attention wherever he could, both under the carpet and over the roof. John was fed up with the silence coming from Hannah and what he considered her lack of fun. Hannah was equally irritated with him, as she didn't want him, due to knowing he was her dead husbands son, and also because of how irritating he could be, but at the same time she felt betrayed when the man who liked her would then spend time out with others and make friends above her as it seemed. Hannah was going through a real dilemma and didn't know what to do. After much thought, she went over to the phone and picked it up, about to dial.

  "I'm ringing Jake, now that I have his number."

  "Jake?" John asked.

  "Yes, Jake, the one who organised for the Inspector to come. And by the way John, don't be killing my Inspector by pouring alcohol down his throat, I need him, or I might end up behind bars, remember! And by the way, you being friends with him is not professional."