Her heart thudded even faster as she threw a quick glance behind her. Still no sign of the man, but she knew he was watching her. She could feel it.
“Are you sure?”
“More than sure. Hang up. Now. Call 911.”
“Okay,” she agreed, suddenly even more afraid than she was before. She’d never heard Xavier sound so rattled. The fact that she wasn’t overreacting to the situation didn’t make her feel any better. Reluctantly, she hung up. Emma quickened her pace so that she was almost jogging as she headed to the stoop of her three-flat, which she could see. It was just about fifteen feet away. Emma fumbled with her phone, dialing 9-1-1. She was about to hit send when she felt someone come up behind her. Then came the rough hand that slapped her arm and her phone went flying. She whirled in time to see the man she’d dreaded. He wasn’t wearing his Cardinals hat now, but she’d recognize the cold glint of his gaze anywhere.
“Where you going so fast, Kitten?” he said, voice low and full of menace.
* * *
Xavier’s heart leapt to his throat as he began his full-on sprint from the Brown Line L stop near Emma’s condo. He’d already dialed his Chicago detective friend, Ian, who happened to be on duty not far away.
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Ian said, and he could hear the whir of the siren of his unmarked police car in the background as he flicked it on.
“I’ll be there in two,” Xavier said, kicking it up a notch as he ran even faster, his arms pumping, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
Please let her be okay, he prayed. If that asshole so much as touches her, I’m going to kill him, he vowed as he skidded to the corner of Emma’s street. All he had to do was turn and her condo was the third on the left. Got to get there. Every cell in his body worked frantically to propel him forward. He rounded the corner and saw what he most feared: Jimmy grabbing Emma. She was struggling against him, her tote bags full of groceries scattered on the deserted sidewalk. She was no match for his massive strength as he dragged her toward a nearby alley, his thick hand wrapped around her throat. She couldn’t scream, could barely breathe. Xavier’s blood ran cold.
“Jimmy!” Xavier shouted. “Stop!”
The man’s massive head snapped up, as he focused on Xavier. He frowned, even as his grip on Emma’s throat loosened and she screamed, frantically clutching at the man’s massive forearm. Jimmy hesitated, obviously not wanting to let go of his victim, but after taking in Xavier’s size and his speed, he must have thought better of holding on. Instead, he shoved Emma hard to the ground. She fell with her arms outstretched, but hit the ground hard on her palms and knees. Jimmy took off back down the street but his heavy frame meant he couldn’t run that fast. Distantly, Xavier heard the siren of his detective friend. Thank God.
“Emma! You okay?” Xavier cried, stopping to help her up.
“Fine... I’m fine,” she croaked, gently rubbing her neck. “Fine.”
Xavier glanced up at Jimmy, who’d only made it about ten feet, but he clicked the remote on his key chain, opening up a car across the street. He was going to get away. That would not happen. Could not happen.
“I’ll be right back,” Xavier promised and sprinted to his feet, running as fast as his legs would carry him, taking the quickest route to Jimmy, who was in the middle of the street, just feet from his car door, when Xavier slammed into him and laid him flat on the ground. They fell in a tumble of limbs, and Xavier heard Jimmy’s face hit the asphalt with a sickening crack. His nose maybe? But then the two men had tumbled to the ground, and Jimmy managed to pop up, arms swinging.
“You’re going to regret that,” he promised, wiping blood from his nose.
“I think you’re going to be the one with regrets,” Xavier promised. The sky opened up then and the rain came down, but Xavier hardly noticed. He was fixated on the large man in front of him. Not in shape, but heavy, and sometimes weight mattered more than muscle in a close fight.
Xavier had taken boxing lessons, so wasn’t entirely out of his element. Plus, the man was going to be slower and tire easily. He jabbed and Xavier danced out of the way. Then Xavier swung, his right hook connecting at the man’s chin, sending him backward. Jimmy lunged forward once more, but Xavier landed a hard blow to the man’s stomach which sank him to his knees. A hard jab to the cheek toppled him then, even as the unmarked police car skidded to a stop in front of the men, lights flashing. Ian popped out of the driver’s side, gun drawn.
“Hold it right there, asshole,” he called to Jimmy. “Hands where I can see them.”
Jimmy held his hands up, away from his bleeding face. Xavier backed away, hands up as well.
“Well, geez, X, looks like you didn’t need me after all.” Ian grinned. “Looks like you coulda handled this perp just fine.”
“You better take him, Ian. ’Cause if you left him with me, I’d kill him.”
Ian grabbed handcuffs from his back pocket. “Don’t blame you,” he agreed as he went about working Jimmy into a sitting position and handcuffing his wrists behind his back. “Jimmy, looks like you violated parole about eight ways to Sunday. You’re going back for a long time.”
“Fuck you,” the man growled as he spat blood on the asphalt.
“Gotta love my job,” Ian said. He glanced over Xavier’s shoulder. “She okay?”
Xavier turned, to see Emma standing on the sidewalk, tears streaming down her face.
“I’ll make sure she is,” Xavier promised as he crossed the street and swooped her up in his arms. Tears flowed down her cheeks.
“I thought you... I just worried. Thank God you’re okay,” she cried, squeezing him hard.
“Me? I’m fine. I could handle ten of that jerk. No problem.” Xavier squeezed her to his chest. “It’s okay. He’s going away for awhile, too. You don’t have to be scared.”
They watched together as Ian put him in his unmarked squad car. “Bring her down to the station for her statement, okay, X?” he called as he ducked into the driver’s seat.
“Will do.” Xavier kissed the top of Emma’s head. “You going to be okay with that?”
She nodded into his chest.
* * *
Xavier drank the stale coffee at the police station as he sat beside Emma and listened to her recount the horror of the afternoon. With every new detail, he felt like he ought to have hit Jimmy one more time. The guy got off easy. Xavier held Emma’s hand the entire time, squeezing it to let her know she wasn’t alone and that he was there.
All he kept thinking was: What if I’d stayed with the sexy woman from the train? If he’d done that, if he’d indulged, then what would have happened to Emma? Just the knowledge of how quickly things could’ve turned, how him not being there for her could’ve been such a disaster, made him feel sick with guilt. Yes, he’d made it on time. But he almost hadn’t. And that was because of his stupid pursuit of...what? A pretty woman? Empty sex? Hadn’t he been trying to fill the void inside him for more than a year with just sex with strangers?
He hadn’t realized just how meaningless that life had been until he met Emma, until he felt the promise of something more. Now he realized that contentment couldn’t be found in avoiding feelings. He’d just have to risk getting hurt, or not measuring up, or whatever love would ask of him, because he didn’t want to live with the alternative: with Emma out of his life. When he thought about how Emma could’ve been hurt, all because he been too stubborn or too scared to admit that Emma was right, he wanted to hit himself. They did have a connection, a strong one, and he wasn’t going to walk away from that.
The female officer across the desk finished taking her notes.
“Thanks for helping us,” she told Emma. “I’ll let you know if we need any more from you, but I think we’re done for today. You have a ride home?” She glanced at Xavier.
“Yes,” Xavier said. “I’ll make sure she gets h
ome.”
She glanced at him, looking grateful, and as he sat there, holding her hand, he realized for the first time about what his dad meant when he’d said, Love isn’t something you choose. It chooses you. He realized then that he didn’t want to live a life without Emma. He didn’t want her on her own, walking down sidewalks by herself with people like Jimmy out there. He wanted to be there for her, in every way possible. For the first time, he started to think that love wasn’t a prison, it was a gift. His father hadn’t been a slave to his mother, he’d signed up to protect her, no matter how hard that task would be.
Xavier held Emma’s hand as they walked out of the police station.
It wasn’t far from her condo, so they opted to walk. The sun had set and the air had turned colder. The street lamps were bright, but even so, Xavier worried about her. He studied her profile, wondering if she was still scared, if she felt at all uneasy.
“Are you okay? Walking in the dark, I mean?” He squeezed her hand.
“With you? Of course. I saw your right hook,” she teased, and he laughed a little. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”
“Boxing classes.” He shrugged.
“Is your hand okay?” she asked him. He glanced down at his bruised knuckles. The split on his second knuckle had already begun to scab over. “I’m fine,” he said, hardly feeling the pain anymore.
“Thank you, by the way,” she said. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you before. But you saved me. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.” He glanced down at the sidewalk, looking at the dark, wet leaves. The rain had come and gone, but the sidewalks still glistened beneath the streetlights. “I should’ve been here with you. If I had stayed, none of this would’ve happened.”
“I asked you to give up too much. I realize that now,” she said. “But, it was worth a try. I thought...maybe.” They neared her condo now and Xavier felt her tense as they walked past the very alley where Jimmy had hidden in wait. He felt furious and helpless all at the same time as he ushered her past that spot. Thank goodness he’d gotten there in time.
“I don’t think I want to go home,” Emma said and slowed. “I just... I’m not sure I can sleep there.”
Xavier pulled her into his arms. “Come to my place, then. Stay the night. Hell, stay as long as you want.”
“You’d let me?”
“I wouldn’t have it otherwise,” he said, and then flagged down a cab that happened to be headed down her street.
They slipped inside the cab and Xavier held Emma’s hand tightly, realizing this was the first time he’d ever let a woman into his condo since Sasha. He’d had his share of one-night stands, but they all happened in hotel rooms or their places...or...he thought, thinking of the white-hot sex with Emma behind a condo building, right outside. But he didn’t feel anxious at all. He wanted Emma to see his place, wanted to invite her into his space and help her feel safe. It was the least he could do.
As they pulled up to his townhome in the west Loop, he paid the cab and then ushered her inside his brownstone. She stood in his foyer, eyes taking in his big staircase, his oversized living room and the granite island in his new kitchen.
“Wow,” she said. “This is...beautiful.” She noticed the pictures on his mantel above his wood-burning fireplace. The one old picture of his parents sat there, in the brown hues of the early 1980s.
“They look so happy,” she said, studying the picture.
“Most of the time they weren’t,” he said, truthfully. “But sometimes, they were.” He stood behind his couch, watching her. “That picture was taken before I was born. In fact, she was already pregnant with me at the time that was taken.”
“Really?” Emma picked up the picture and studied it. Seeing her looking at the picture made him feel...understood somehow, though he couldn’t figure out why.
“Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?” He asked her. “Maybe a drink? Some wine?”
“Is that what you tell all the girls you bring back here?” Emma joked, but the joke fell a little flat. There was too much jealousy in her voice.
“I don’t invite anyone here.”
Emma glanced up sharply.
“Not since Sasha,” he said. “Wine?”
She nodded. He went to the kitchen and pulled out an expensive Pinot from his wine rack. She stood, uncertainly, as he popped the cork and poured two glasses. She rubbed her arms and stood awkwardly in the center of his living room. “Maybe coming here...it was a mistake.”
He froze, midpour. “What do you mean?”
Emma frowned. “Maybe I should go.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
EMMA SUDDENLY FELT CLAUSTROPHOBIC. Being with Xavier at his home, she felt closer to him than she ever had before. Plus, she still felt rattled about what nearly happened. Her fingers tingled still, the echoes of adrenaline. All she wanted was to be warm and safe, and yet nothing about Xavier felt like either. Not when he seemed so dead set against a relationship with her.
“I don’t want you to go,” he said, putting a glass of wine in front of her on the light granite countertop. She studied the wine.
“I’m so thankful that you saved me, but being here, near you, it’s hard.” It felt even harder to admit. I care about you, she wanted to shout. Hell, I’m falling in love with you. Being close to him but knowing that he wouldn’t be faithful felt like a knife slicing through her heart. She was almost tempted to readjust her standards, try to work around his lack of commitment, but she knew, in the end, she couldn’t. She wanted a man who’d love only her. She’d tried no commitment, but it just wasn’t for her. She wanted more.
“Is it?” Xavier put down his own wineglass and moved closer to her. “Is it hard to be close to me?”
Emma felt her resolve melting now that Xavier was close enough to touch. She wanted to put her hands on his strong, flat chest, wanted to touch him. Even after everything she’d been through that evening, even with the aftershocks of adrenaline still thrumming in her veins, she felt the pull to him, the irresistible tug.
“I think we should talk,” Xavier said. Emma glanced up into his hazel eyes, studying her in the low light of the dimmed kitchen. She swallowed, almost fearful of what he’d say.
“You don’t have to explain.” I’ve heard enough, is what Emma wanted to say. I know all about you, about your limits.
“I want to, though. After I left your place this morning, I...” He paused and took a sip of his wine. “I met a girl. On a train. I went back to her place.”
Stricken, Emma froze, her hands clutching the edge of the granite countertop, suddenly feeling like it was the only thing holding her up. She imagined a beautiful woman leading Xavier into her bedroom, a scene probably repeated dozens of times, if not hundreds. She felt so unwanted then, so lacking. They’d had sex just the night before and then the very next day...he needed someone new? Of course women would fawn over him. Look at him, and yet, the fact that he accepted her invitation just made her feel a cold, base rejection.
“What then?” Emma’s voice was low, barely a whisper. She’d asked the question, but she was almost positive she didn’t want to hear the answer. She didn’t want to hear about how he’d pleasured this woman, given her the best comes of her life, how he’d then come himself. Maybe in her mouth. Maybe inside her.
“All I could do was think of you,” he admitted, eyes solemn as they met hers. “She wanted me, wanted to do things to me, but all I could do was think of you.”
While you were fucking another woman, Emma thought bitterly.
“Did you make her come?”
He shook his head. “No,” he said. “We only kissed. When I kissed her, I knew that she couldn’t give me what I wanted. No one could give me what I wanted. No one except...” Xavier put down his wineglass and walked around the kitchen counter, now standing right next to her, so close,
she could almost hear him breathing. “You. I want you, Emma Allaire.”
She breathed in deeply, the spicy sweet smell of him, and felt a burst of hope light in her chest. “What are you telling me?”
He turned her to face him, and gently stroked her cheek.
“I’m falling in love with you. Actually, I’m in love with you already, Emma.”
The words came as a shock, a surprise, like a bucket of cold water. What was he saying? Could it be true?
“You were right about me,” he said, as he tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear, his touch gentle, loving. “I was afraid I could never measure up to my father. To his dedication. I always thought it was because I didn’t want to be weak, but I know he wasn’t weak. Being faithful to my mother, that took real courage. Standing by her when she was sick, that wasn’t weakness. It was strength.”
“You don’t have to be him. What he did for your mother, few could do.” Emma couldn’t break eye contact. She felt the warmth of Xavier’s golden hazel eyes, the power in them, the magnetic pull.
“I probably can’t be as strong as my father was, but I was afraid to even try,” he said. “And when I think about how my fear hurt you...it makes me sick. Emma, if I’d stayed with that woman from the train, what could have happened to you? I could have really lost you.”
Emma shuddered at the memory of Jimmy’s rough hands on her, his big paw around her throat as he dragged her to a shadowy alley. The worst part had been the flat coldness of his eyes, the complete lack of humanity in them as he’d grabbed her. She swallowed, hard, and Xavier pulled Emma into his arms, squeezing her tightly.
“I want to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you, ever again,” he promised, a murmur into her hair. She clung to him, hoping that was true, as a million emotions flooded her at once. “If you’ll let me, I want to be your man. Your only man.”
Emma pulled away and craned her neck to see Xavier’s face, her heart tinged with doubt. This man who’d been so committed to casual sex, she just couldn’t imagine him giving it all up. “Are you sure? But what about the boredom of relationships and how it makes people cheat.”
No Strings Page 15