“Well, at least you were successful there.”
Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. “Too successful, actually. He was so good, though. In bed. He said it was because we were strangers, but do you buy that?”
Sarah considered this a moment, her fork paused over the salad she’d ordered. “Maybe. Sometimes. Rarely, actually. I mean, stranger sex can be great but it’s always going to be on the surface. Like simply scratching an itch.” Sarah took a bite of salad and nibbled. “Look, I love a good one-night stand, but nothing beats really knowing a person. The best orgasms happen after you drop the L-bomb.”
Emma raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You’ve told someone you’ve loved them? When?”
“College.” Sarah shrugged and pushed the salad around on her plate. “Since then, I haven’t found anybody else worthy.”
Emma laughed. The hamburger that sat before her was largely untouched. She’d thought she wanted comfort food, but now, faced with it, she’d lost her appetite. She worried it had everything to do with Xavier. “Still, the queen of Nost believes in love.”
“Sure I do. It’s what we all want, isn’t it?”
Emma picked up a French fry and chewed on it absently. “All of us except Xavier.”
Sarah shook her head as she took a sip of her water. “I still can’t believe the guy started the app. I mean, he must be a bizillionaire.”
“Who knows? I don’t even know where he lives.” Or much else about him either. Except how he takes his coffee, and the way he sounds when he comes. The dirty thought popped into her head unbidden. Damn that man. Every time she thought of him, she felt a little tingle down the back of her legs.
“Oh, that would be easy to find with property records. I could look that up for you in a second.”
Emma nibbled on another fry, chewing thoughtfully. “I’m almost tempted.”
“It would only be mildly stalkerish,” Sarah said.
Emma shook her head. “No. Not going to do it. He’s a toxic bachelor, he admits it. Why would I want to get involved in that?”
“Because you already are,” Sarah pointed out. “I can tell this is bothering you. Hitting you hard.”
“I know!” Emma sank her head into her hands. “But why? We’ve only had sex a couple of times, and... I mean, I knew what I was getting into... But...”
“He’s got a magic penis. Made of crack?”
Emma barked a laugh. “Kind of.”
“Makes you do things you’d never do, and now you’re addicted.” Sarah wiped her mouth with her napkin, sounding as if she’d run into a crack penis before.
Emma nodded. “But I just can’t do this casual thing. I tried, but the second I saw those other messages on his phone...”
“You felt like shit,” Sarah finished as Emma sighed.
“Exactly. You should have seen him, Sarah. He was all, ‘I told you about this.’ He’s never going to change. I can see it on his face. All those articles I read about commitment-phobes said the only cure is them wanting to change. Nothing else will help. And he doesn’t want to.”
Sarah gave a half shrug. “Leopards and spots. But I’ll tell you one thing. If he doesn’t realize how amazing you are, then let him go.”
Emma felt weighed down and sad. She still didn’t understand how such a quick relationship could affect her so deeply. She even had trouble explaining it to her best friend, but it all had to do with a feeling that their connection meant more, that somehow it was special, even if Xavier refused to see it.
“I don’t know if it’ll be that easy.”
Sarah reached out and patted her friend’s hand. “Well, I’m proud of you. You stuck to your boundaries, you know? You didn’t cave. Casual isn’t what you want, and so you kicked him out of your place. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to do that.”
“Oh, sure you would.”
Sarah shrugged. “Nah. You’re so good at not taking shit from people. Love that you’re not afraid to ask for what you want.”
Emma smiled weakly at her friend. “Except that Xavier’s not going to give it to me.”
“Who knows?” Sarah said, waving her fork in the air. “He might come around yet. You’re an amazing woman, and if he doesn’t see that, he’s the fool. I don’t care how good-looking or rich he is.”
“I hope you’re right.” Emma couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that no matter what, Xavier wouldn’t change. He’d warned her, after all. She remembered the look of resignation as he left her apartment earlier that morning. He was stuck in his ways and not about to change, for her or anyone else.
The waiter came with the bill and Sarah snatched it out of his hand. “I’m getting this,” she said. “Least I can do since I caused all this drama.”
Emma laughed. “I agree with that. You are totally paying for this,” she joked.
* * *
Back at her condo, Emma started working on a new story for her editor, but no matter how she tried to write a follow-up to her first Mr. X story, she just couldn’t seem to finish this one. With a jolt, she realized that part of the reason she had trouble writing was that writing about it made it all final, somehow, and she wasn’t ready for that. Emma abandoned her Word document, with only two paragraphs written and a blinking cursor silently admonishing her that she’d need at least 800 more words to sell her editor. Instead, she pulled up a browser and typed Xavier Pena into Google.
Dozens of articles popped up about him being a tech prodigy, a cutting-edge app developer whose future was bright. Tinder had offered to buy him out, and reportedly at a hefty multimillion-dollar payout, though he’d yet to accept their offer or anyone else’s. Sarah was right about his bank account at least. Xavier’s social media accounts came up then and she clicked on them, finding them strangely bare of personal information. She expected to see an account full of selfies with beautiful, willing fans, but instead, she found hardly anything posted by the Nost creator. His accounts, Instagram and Facebook were thin, with hardly any posts, and those that were there largely centered around Nost milestones and his dad, though a quick look through Instagram found a picture of a funeral, a snapshot of his father’s picture in front of a ring of memorial flowers. His father died a year ago.
He hadn’t mentioned that.
She dug deeper to find an obituary to find out why he’d died. She read the small notice:
Henri Pena died of a heart attack. His wife, Gena, died eighteen years before. She struggled with bipolar disorder. Pena never remarried, citing Gena as the love of his life. He is survived by a son, Xavier...
Emma stared at the article online. Xavier lost his father a year ago. Then he lost his fiancé. The emotional trauma went much deeper than she realized.
Not exactly going to convince him that trying love again is a good idea.
Emma sighed. No wonder he didn’t want to risk a relationship. She stared at Xavier’s picture, wondering how she could convince him to try, and yet she knew it was out of her hands. He had to decide to risk his heart and his future. There was nothing she could do.
Emma pulled up her Word document once more and began typing.
* * *
The mystery woman from the subway train led Xavier by the hand to the steps of her apartment building and with a quick punch of numbers on a keypad, buzzed them both inside. On the stairwell, she turned and pressed her body against his, so that he felt the fullness of her breasts, even through her leather jacket, and even without kissing him, she reached up and gently massaged his groin, a bold, aggressive move that would normally have him standing at attention inside of a minute. But for some reason her touch felt clumsy and awkward, and he was keenly aware of her too-red lipstick. Everything about her was just...wrong. Not that she wasn’t gorgeous—the woman could have any man she wanted, especially with that body—but there was something about her that was just lacking.
; Xavier realized it was because she wasn’t Emma.
Every time he looked at this mystery woman all he could think was: her nose isn’t as cute as Emma’s. Her hands are bigger than Emma’s. Her butt’s almost too skinny. Not like Emma’s. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shut his brain off. She went on working him with her hand, but she was quickly finding him unresponsive. Would he not even be able to get hard?
That had never happened to Xavier before. Not once. This woman before you is gorgeous. What’s your problem? A voice shouted in his head. But he knew exactly what his problem was: Emma.
“Kiss me,” she murmured, flicking her hair back, too-red lips parted. Xavier didn’t want to. That was the worst part. This woman was willing and sexy and he...didn’t want to kiss her. Yet, he dipped his head and kissed her anyway. She slipped her tongue in his mouth, and ground against him. Every move she made just made him less turned on. Because she wasn’t Emma.
When you fall in love, other women, they just aren’t as beautiful, his father had told him. Xavier never believed him. Now, he wasn’t so sure. He thought he’d loved Sasha, but he’d always been able to look at other women, appreciate them. Now, here with this woman from the train, objectively gorgeous, he couldn’t even appreciate how sexy she was.
“Come on,” the woman said, taking his hand and leading him down to the basement apartment—her apartment. Part of him wanted to flee. What was he doing here? He should go find Emma. Apologize, try to convince her that he’d been wrong.
Had he? Was he really going to turn Nost off? What would his co-workers say, what would the investors say? The headline: Founder finds true love on No Strings website didn’t seem like it would exactly reel in users.
He followed the woman down the stairs and into her apartment as the door shut behind them. Yet, was he really going to do this? He glanced around at the woman’s mismatched furniture, the clutter of junk mail choking the coffee table, an empty pizza box sitting on the kitchen counter. The apartment was nothing like Emma’s carefully designed place, where every piece of furniture seemed made for the space, where she had her pots and pans neatly hanging from a rack above her sink. He could relax there all day. But here? No. Here would be a quick and dirty fuck and then he’d never see this apartment again. Or this woman. And he’d never know her name, either.
Normally, the idea of that turned him on, made him so hard he could feel the blood pulsating to his very tip, but that was before Emma. The thought of Emma made him want to go be with her. Made him want to see if she could rouse him where this woman couldn’t.
Now would be the time that Xavier would normally pounce, where he’d work his magic on a stranger, but instead, he just stood in her living room feeling uncertain.
“What you say we get our freak on, Mr. X?” she said, and her words jarred him back to reality. She grabbed his crotch once more, but it didn’t respond to her touch. The strange woman didn’t seem to care. She knelt before him and began to unzip his pants.
“How about I suck on you awhile?”
The idea of this woman doing that...well, he just knew it wouldn’t work. Knew he wouldn’t get hard.
“Wait,” he said, stopping her. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He’d never turned down an offer like this before. Had he gone mad?
No, he could almost hear his father say. No, you’re just falling in love. Love is its own kind of madness.
“Mr. X? Something wrong, sugar?” she asked him, as he pulled away from her. She pulled herself to her feet.
“I just... I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He ran a hand through his hair while the woman just stared at him.
“Newbie, huh?” She crossed her arms across her chest, every move now skeptical. Apparently, she’d run into reluctant men on Nost before. That surprised Xavier. He hadn’t realized men would be reticent. Not with a woman as gorgeous as this one in front of him. “Or married?” She quirked an eyebrow.
“Newbie,” he lied. New to love, though, so it wasn’t all a lie. He zipped his pants and backed out of her apartment, glancing back once at the disapproving look on the train girl’s face. “It’s not you,” he said.
“Oh, hell, honey, I know it’s not me.” She sat on her sofa and crossed her fit legs, showing a flash of inner thigh. She shook her head as if to say, you’re missing out, and part of him knew he was. Even as Xavier left, gently shutting the apartment door behind him, he still couldn’t believe he was doing this. He never thought he’d ever feel about a woman the way he felt about Emma. Sure, he’d loved Sasha, but if a gorgeous woman had been on her knees offering him a little piece of heaven, he seriously doubted he’d be able to resist. Emma was different. Emma consumed his thoughts, made him want to be a better man. That was it, really. He’d need to try to be the man Emma deserved.
He flagged down the nearest cab.
All he wanted to do now was find Emma.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ON HER WAY home from lunch, Emma made a few stops including the corner grocery store where she grabbed a few essentials for the week. Her hands laden with a couple of bags, she still felt a heavy weight on her shoulders as she thought about Xavier. She didn’t know why he’d gotten to her so much, but then she knew why: she’d fallen for him. It was that simple. Sarah was right. He did have a magic penis, but he had more than that. She just felt she got him on a deeper level. She understood what it was like to grow up with two very dysfunctional parents as they tried to navigate the ups and downs of serious issues. As much as she wanted to make it just about the sex, it wasn’t. If her own mother had stayed with her chronically depressed father she might have turned out just like Xavier: feeling that no matter what, love was a life sentence.
No wonder he was so riddled with relationship anxiety, unable to commit on the most basic level. But maybe she ought to let him go. After all, he didn’t seem all that willing to change his ways. She remembered the expression on his face when she asked him about ever quitting Nost. His answer was plain to see: never. He was probably, right at that moment, texting another woman, figuring out a time to meet. Then she’d only know him as Mr. X. The thought sent a spike of jealousy into her brain, like an icicle, cold and unyielding. She hated that feeling.
The cold fall wind sliced through her thin utility jacket as she walked down the leaf-laden street near her condo. The sidewalk was surprisingly empty for a Sunday afternoon, and Emma figured the gloom and dark clouds above that threatened rain kept everyone inside. She felt a cold drop on her cheek and hurried her pace, hoping to make it to her condo before the rain hit.
Her phone dinged with the telltale sound announcing an incoming message from Nost, and she paused on the street. She’d forgotten she’d even had the app running at all, and made a mental note to delete it. After all, what was the point in being on it? She’d proven to herself that casual wasn’t what she wanted, and the idea of floating around in the universe that Xavier created felt too painful suddenly.
She shifted the bags in her arms so that her right held them both, and then fished her phone out of her pocket.
Her heart lifted a bit. Maybe Xavier had texted her? Maybe he’d changed his mind? But why would he use Nost? He had her number.
Then she pulled up the message, from a handle she didn’t recognize: Cuming4U.
Ugh, how cheesy, she thought, as she flipped open the message. She nearly stopped in her tracks. Cuming4U had the photo of the man in the Cardinals hat. He wasn’t even trying to hide behind a fake photo anymore. Here he was. She clicked the link to read the full message.
Those bags look heavy. Want some help?
Goose bumps stood up on the back of her neck. Frantically, she glanced around her. Where was he? All she saw was a younger woman walking her dog across the street, and only one other couple walking away from her ahead on the sidewalk, hand in hand. No cars pulled by on the small side street, either. Where was he? Sh
e glanced at nearby condo windows, but saw no one. Still, she could almost feel his eyes on her, watching every move she made. Her own condo was more than a block away. Was he following her? How had he even found her? Was it just luck...or something more sinister?
She fumbled with her phone, trying to turn off her location setting, but even as she did so, she knew it was too late. In her haste, she dropped one of her grocery bags and an apple rolled out.
“Dammit,” she cursed, stooping to pick up her groceries.
Another message from Nost dinged.
Love it when you bend over.
Now she just wanted to quit the app. She wanted him out of her phone, out of her life. She picked up the apple, shoved it into her bag and whipped the reusable tote over her shoulder. Another message followed.
Better watch it, or the apple isn’t the only thing that’s going to get bruised.
In a panic, Emma deleted the entire app off her phone. Her heart thudded in her chest as she frantically scanned her surroundings. Now it was just the woman walking the dog, who’d gone halfway down the block. The couple had turned at the corner, and the street was empty save for a few parked cars. Where was he? How was he watching her? She quickened her pace to her apartment, wondering what she should do: Call the police? They might laugh at her. What would she say? A mean guy is texting me? Claiming to be watching me?
Yet, the hairs on her forearms stood straight up. She knew with certainty that the man was nearby somewhere, and she knew he planned to hurt her. She remembered Xavier saying the man had a record, a history of assaulting women. She didn’t know what to do, so she called Xavier. The phone rang once before he picked it up.
“Emma. I’m so glad you called, I...”
“Xavier. He’s here. The guy who wore the Cardinals hat. Somehow he found me, but I don’t know how. He’s been messaging me and I think he’s watching me. Can you talk to me while I get to my apartment? I’m just a half block away now.”
“Emma, you need to call 911. Now.” Xavier sounded panicked. “Get inside your apartment as fast as you can. I’m coming to you now. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
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