Wild Heart

by C. R. Jane

  Holy freaking hell.

  Daxon stood up, his eyes dilated like he was high. He staggered a little bit, a moony grin on his face.

  All right, I was officially in the presence of a crazy person. I kicked the dead guy into the jagged crevice, not listening for the body to hit the bottom. It was so deep, I never did.

  I warily watched Daxon, making sure he didn’t suddenly jump me. But he was busy wiping down his knife and whistling again.

  After he was finished, he tucked the knife back in his pocket and began to walk back the way we’d come, somehow not having a drop of blood on him.

  “Let me know if you find any more wanderers,” Daxon said. “And I’ll do the same for you.”

  “I appreciate the help,” I answered after a long pause. It was kind of weird to be actually getting along with him.

  “Anything for Rune,” Daxon said softly, his words an echo of his earlier statement. “And when the asshole finally comes, we’ll be ready for him.”

  A thrill of anticipation, and foreboding, flooded over me.

  “We’ll be ready,” I agreed as we made our way out of the woods.

  Daxon was most definitely deranged, but I guessed as long as he used his evilness for Rune, I could work with that.

  A small part of me was a little bit happy to have a moment of peace with him as well after so many years of fighting.

  I’d never admit that though.

  Rune

  The moon goddess called to me. I could feel her as I sat up in the bed and looked out the window to where the full moon streamed in. I got up, as if in a trance, and pulled on some shorts before stumbling out of my room, down the stairs, and out the back door. I walked barefoot until I found myself standing by the river.

  I craned my neck backwards, desperation to feel as much of her light as possible soaring through my veins. I soaked the moonlight in, welcoming it with every piece of my soul.

  I blamed her for Alistair and the state of my life, but I couldn’t resist her call.

  I scrunched my toes in the mud of the riverbank, soaking in the coolness of the soil against my skin. I took a step closer to the water, allowing it to lick at my feet. It felt like I was being energized from above and from below, the moon goddess sending her power through her light and the earth grounding me from below.

  Something leaped in my chest, and I grabbed at it. It happened again and again, until I was sure that I was having some type of heart attack. I sank to my knees as some force rushed over my body until I was bending forward, bowing down to the goddess and her reflection in the river.

  Pulse after pulse of power—that was the only way to describe it—flowed over me. My breath came out in short gasps as my fingers dug into the dirt, trying to withstand whatever was happening.

  I ripped my head up towards the heavens and let out an inhuman scream at the sky. The sound was threaded with its own pulse of power. I screamed at the heavens. My scream carried all the things I never said out loud.

  Like how much I hated her for linking my soul to someone who wouldn’t treasure it like she’d promised it would be treasured.

  Like how much I hated her for taking away my mother.

  Like how much I hated her for allowing my wolf to be taken from me.

  It was that thought that did it. As if I was being burned alive from the inside, fire roared through me, singeing every single bit of my insides until I was sure there was nothing left but ash.

  My shoulder screamed in agony, right in the place where I’d been branded on that fateful night so long ago. The fire licked through me, centering on that one spot, until black spots began to dance across my vision. I was about to pass out when the pain abruptly disappeared, leaving me breathless and sweating. The pressure that had been beating against me was gone as well, and I rolled my shoulders back, trying to get ahold of myself.

  I felt so…strange. Light almost. Like a burden I hadn’t even known I was carrying had suddenly disappeared. How had I existed like that this whole time? How had I not known what I was dragging along with me?

  I stood up on shaky legs, feeling like I could fly. Like I’d become so light that at any moment, my body was just going to soar up into the heavens because there wasn’t anything to keep it down anymore.

  A giggle exploded from my throat, the sound so light and carefree that I didn’t recognize it. I laughed again, and a tear slid down my face at how freaking good it felt.

  The sound was abruptly cut off as a crack sliced through my back, hunching me forward as something in my chest expanded outwards. Excruciating pain sliced through me, and I screamed as every bone in my body seemed to break at once. The pain lasted for what seemed like an eternity until suddenly, it was gone, and I found myself looking at a world that had been remade and out of eyes that I didn’t recognize.

  It took me far too long to realize what had happened to me, because it was something that I hadn’t even dared to dream about.

  I had shifted. My wolf and I were finally meeting.

  Hello, my heart murmured to her, and I felt her love wash over me, her happiness that she was finally free.

  Hello my friend, her voice whispered back to me. If I were human, I would have cried from the happiness I was feeling… Maybe euphoria was a better term for this actually.

  I dashed to the river’s edge, desperate to see myself, even if I stumbled over my own paws. How did one coordinate walking on all fours anyway? I whimpered when I saw an arctic white wolf staring back at me from the water’s reflection, silver threads seemingly woven throughout my coat like the moonlight was peeking out and my same blue eyes peering at me. I looked down at my paws, admiring the fact that they were a majestic silvery color. I’d never seen a wolf with silver feet before. I picked up my right front paw and cocked my head as I examined it closely. My fur was practically glittering. That was freaking cool.

  We’re beautiful, I thought to myself.

  Damn right, my wolf agreed.

  My head shot back, and my wolf let out a howl that surely reached the moon goddess herself. It was laced with freedom and thankfulness…and joy. I didn’t know how this had happened, but I rejoiced in the fact that my wolf was finally with me. That I could finally be who I was always meant to be.

  And then I was off, my wolf desperate to run, to feel the wind through her fur, to experience what we’d both been missing. The breeze danced through our fur, and I wondered how shifters didn’t do everything they could to stay in their wolf form and experience this.

  Everything around us was magnified, our sight clearer and crisper, our nose almost overwhelmed with all the new scents around me, our hearing discovering a cacophony of sounds that blanketed the air around me.

  How could I go back after this to a reality where I knew this all existed, but where I couldn’t experience any of it? Maybe I’d just stay a wolf forever.

  My wolf snorted at my dramatics.

  A branch broke behind me, and I whirled around, my teeth bared as I searched my surroundings for any threat. I got distracted though when I saw my footprints in the ground behind me, illuminated clearly under the moonlight because they looked like they’d been sprinkled with silver glitter. I watched as the wind blew through and the footprints disappeared as the silver imprint was carried away like ash in the wind.

  Well, I hadn’t ever heard of that before.

  A branch creaked again, and my attention was temporarily diverted from the strange sight. My wolf sat back on her haunches when a rabbit timidly made its way out of the underbrush.

  Dinner.

  I launched myself at the unsuspecting creature, grabbing its neck in my mouth as I yanked my head back and forth to break its neck.

  Not sure how I knew how to do that, but I guessed it was instinct. I gulped the rabbit down in what seemed like one bite, and then my wolf was off.

  And this time, she kept running. So fast that the world literally melted around us, looking nothing but a blur. At times, she would slow down and I would se
e unfamiliar canyons and ravines and untraveled roads. I was in the background while she moved, a passenger just along for the ride. I wanted to run forever, to feel this peace where I allowed instinct to take over without care for anything else that existed in the world.

  We dashed up the side of a mountain, every step landing smoothly and gracefully in a complicated dance I knew I’d never have been able to accomplish in my human form. We reached the peak where the entire world seemed to be laid out in front of us, and then my wolf crouched down…and we jumped.

  I woke up with a gasp, my hands clawing at the sheets desperately as that roller coaster like feeling faded away. I wasn’t falling. I was in my room, in the inn.

  My heart was threatening to break out of my chest, and I stared at the ceiling and counted the tiny cracks I saw as I tried to calm down.

  Just a dream.

  It was just a dream.

  If it was just a dream, it would explain why I felt like I was dying. Like something had been taken away from me. Disappointment was an understatement for how I was feeling as I collected the pieces of the dream that I could remember.

  I’d dreamed I’d shifted. I didn’t know whether I was grateful that I’d gotten to experience my wolf for a second in my sleep, or if I was devastated because it just pushed the knife in more now that I was back in reality and without her.

  “Shit,” I whispered as I finally sat back and went to wipe the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. Except right before I did, I noticed that my hand was streaked with dirt. I stared at it, uncomprehending how that had gotten there. I slid from my bed when I realized that all of my sheets were covered in dirt, along with my arms and my clothes and my feet.

  A fluttering feeling gnawed at me when I saw something furry and bloody at the end of my bed.

  It was a dead rabbit, obviously half eaten.

  Well fuck.

  What the hell had happened to me last night?

  12

  Rune

  After having a slight mental breakdown and trying unsuccessfully and desperately for an hour to shift, I finally showered the mud off my body and gave the sheets on my bed to housekeeping. The bunny was tossed out the window. It didn’t look in the least bit delicious now that I wasn’t a wolf.

  Please come back, I cried silently, staring at my hands and willing them to change somehow. I’d grown up believing that I was Lycan, and it was no longer a full moon, but a girl could dream, right? Especially after the extraordinary circumstances of my maybe shift. I still wasn’t all the way convinced that it had actually happened. Pawprints made of silver dust that drifted away in the breeze? That was…unique.

  I paced back and forth across my room before deciding that I needed to talk to Daxon or Wilder or both about what I thought had happened the night before. They might think I’d gone insane, but I’d run that risk. I was about to go insane if I didn’t share this with someone soon.

  I marched out of the inn and down the street, not exactly sure where I could find either of them at this time of day. They kind of always found me, seemingly having some kind of Rune tracker they used to locate me no matter where I was. I should probably get a cell phone one of these days. I got nervous every time I thought of getting one though, like Alistair could somehow track me down, even with a new one.

  “Rune,” Miyu suddenly yelled. She was coming out of Mr. Jones’ coffee shop, and I smiled and waved at her, glad she already had her coffee. I was going to have to return there sometime, the pastries and drinks were way too good, but for now, I was content wallowing in my embarrassment without Mr. Jones’ all-knowing eyes watching me. Plus, I would have to remember to always go with some kind of taste tester or at least someone who could yell at me if I lost my head and agreed to drink one of his concoctions once again.

  “I was about to track you down at the inn,” she gushed with a huge smile. I cocked my head and studied her. Miyu looked different, like she was glowing almost.

  “I have something huge to tell you, and it’s all thanks to you,” she continued, taking my arm and dragging me towards her salon.

  “Ok, what is it?” I asked the second the salon door had shut behind us. Her enthusiasm was contagious, pushing aside all of my confused thoughts about last night. Well, almost pushing away all my thoughts.

  “Rae and I are going to have a mating ceremony,” she squealed, jumping up and down and squeezing both of my hands.

  “You are?” I breathed, my initial shock fading away into excitement for my friend. Mating ceremonies weren’t necessarily required, the whole biting the other person was the only thing you ever needed, but it was a beautiful way to celebrate a couple’s decision. Kind of like the humans’ wedding, it gave everyone the chance to congratulate the newly mated couple.

  “When are you having the ceremony?” I asked, a pang settling through me as I really thought about it. I was beyond happy for Miyu that she was taking the leap, I really was. But it made me think of what should have been. As the alpha’s true mate, Alistair and I should have had a huge celebration. I shook the thought away and concentrated on Miyu.

  “Next week,” she squealed.

  I gaped at her. That was quick.

  “I made him wait long enough, I decided that I wouldn’t wait to make him do the ceremony. And my mom has basically been planning my mating ceremony since the day I was born, so there’s actually not too much to plan,” she said with a snicker. “I was going to ask though… I don’t have very many friends here, no real reason why, I’ve just never really connected with anyone. Until you. Will you be one of the girls to stand beside me on the big day?”

  My heart hitched, and there was a scratchy feeling behind my eyes as I tried not to cry. “Really?” I cried, throwing my arms around her.

  She let out a sob, and then I was sobbing. We would probably look like crazy people if anyone were to peer in through the salon’s windows. But I didn’t care. This was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Before I’d come here, I never would have even dreamed of having a friend, let alone a close enough friend to ask me to participate in the mating ceremony.

  “And don’t worry,” she purred, “I’m not going to have you wear something ugly. All of my girls are going to look like babes standing next to me.”

  I chuckled and finally let go of the death grip I had going around her waist. We both wiped our eyes and stared at each other before Miyu started jumping around the room. “I’m so excited,” she crowed.

  I couldn’t help but laugh, the happiness bubbling out of me.

  Once we’d jumped around and rocked out to a new song she was loving from a band called Sounds of Us, we settled into the chairs she had set up for guests.

  “Oh, I’m a terrible friend,” she suddenly said.

  I looked at her, confused.

  “When I saw you walking down the sidewalk, you looked really upset. I was going to ask you about it, and then of course I got distracted by telling you the news.”

  I bit my lip, wondering if I should even say something right now. I really just wanted to be normal for a minute, but I also was desperate to talk about the fact I may have actually shifted last night. Miyu knew that I couldn’t shift, and that it had something to do with my ex, but we’d never talked about it extensively. It was kind of a tough subject obviously.

  “Tell me,” she coaxed, her soft eyes telling me I was in a safe place.

  “Something happened last night. I…think I might have shifted,” I told her.

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  I suddenly felt really insecure. What if everyone thought I’d been lying all this time once they found out, and I became even more a suspect in Eve’s death, because they thought I was a murderer?

  Worthless little bitch. Alistair’s voice sang through my head, and I pushed him out. This was the new version of myself. I could trust. I could take chances. I could do it.

  I proceeded to tell her everything I remembered. Her eyes widened even further as I tal
ked, until she kind of resembled one of those cartoon people with humongous eyes.

  I went on and on until I finally collapsed back against my seat, feeling overwhelmed and tired.

  “Rune Celeste Esmeray, I knew you were going to bring adventure into my life the second I saw you,” she said thoughtfully. “I know what we need to do. We need to go to the pack library.”

  She stood up and began to march towards the door like it had already been decided.

  “Wait…what?” I asked. “You want to go to the library?”

  “This isn’t your average library, babe,” she explained, ushering me out of the salon, and I reluctantly headed outside. “From the time the town was first created, the alphas have been collecting whatever shifter books they could find. We probably have one of the best libraries in the world honestly. Daxon and Wilder have only made it better during their tenures.”

  I couldn’t help but look up and down the street for them when she said their names, kind of surprised they hadn’t popped up yet. Maybe they thought I needed some girl time. And I did, I didn’t want to become one of those girls who couldn’t exist without their guys for more than a minute…but it was getting hard.

  “You’ve got it bad,” teased Miyu. I growled at her in response, and we both looked at each other shocked. I’d been doing that more and more lately, a decidedly un-Rune-like trait prior to coming to this town.

  You did a lot of growling and howling last night, a voice in my head reminded me.

  Miyu led me to a side of town I hadn’t really explored yet. There was an enormous red brick building with white Corinthian columns tucked away on the far east side of town. It had three sets of double doors in front and definitely looked every inch the impressive library I’d been picturing in my mind. I wasn’t sure how I’d missed this. I was obsessed with books.

  “So what do you think we’ll find here?” I asked as she led me through the center doors. I gasped when we got inside. The doors opened to an enormous room that was open in the middle. Shelves of books lined the walls and more shelves were lined up in rows in the middle of the room. The open ceiling showcased another three stories, where the walls were lined with shelves of books, wrought iron railing separating them from the levels below. Above all of that, looking down at the open floor like a benevolent god, was the most beautiful stained-glass window stretching almost the entire width of the ceiling. Glass panels stained with seemingly every color in the rainbow made up a multitude of different murals and scenes. I’d never seen anything like it. I gaped at it for a second, trying to absorb everything depicted on it, but Miyu was already dragging me forward.