Making Home with You

by Claire Raye

  “Fucking hell,” I murmur, through gritted teeth.

  I trying calling, but her phone rings out, the call eventually going to voicemail. I don’t bother leaving a message because at this point, I have no idea what I can possibly say.

  I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to stay focused on work and not text or call Sarah repeatedly. She never responds to my original message and by four o’clock, I know I can’t stay here any longer.

  Packing up my things, I grab may jacket and head outside to my car, not stopping as I call out a quick goodbye to everyone in the office. No one has come to ask me about the plain clothes detective who spent a couple of hours in my office this morning and I haven’t bothered to share any information with them either. Not because I’ve been told not to, but because I really don’t need anyone knowing or talking about this anymore than they already are.

  Unlocking the car, I throw my things in the back seat and quickly Google the address in Boston. Typing it into the GPS, I pull out of the parking lot and head toward the I95.

  Traffic is a bitch and it takes me the better part of two hours to get there, another thirty minutes to find a park. Eventually, I’m walking into Sarah’s building, heading over to the reception.

  “I’m here to see Sarah Summers,” I say to the guard at the front.

  I watch as he eyes my uniform, the questions that I know he wants to ask, but isn’t sure he’s allowed to. It’s obvious I’m not a Boston cop, but that probably doesn’t mean much to this guy. At best, he’s an overweight rent-a-guard who probably wishes he was wearing the uniform.

  “Fourteenth floor,” he says, gesturing to the elevators.

  I nod and head toward them, but before I have a chance to even press the call button, the doors open and a dozen people push out, Sarah included, head down as though all she wants to do is get away from something. She doesn’t even see me and it’s only me, reaching out to her, that stops her.

  “Sarah?” I ask?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sarah

  I nearly slam into Finn with my heart racing so fast in my chest that I’m afraid he might feel it when he hugs me.

  As I pull back, I ask, “What are you doing here?” But I’m breathless and I feel like he might misinterpret my need to get the hell out of here for something else. “I mean…” I say, smiling up at him, but everything about this moment is wrong.

  I know Andrew is hot on my heels and will be hitting the lobby any second now, and having Finn see him, possibly meet him, is not at all how I wanted a surprise like this to play out.

  I’m thrilled Finn is here right now, but it’s not coming across that way and I feel like a jerk.

  “I’m sorry,” I mutter, linking my arm in Finn’s and leading him toward the door, but Finn stops me.

  “Why are you sorry?” he asks, turning to me, his smile bold, as if seeing me is the best part of his day. “I’m the one who missed our lunch date, so I thought I’d surprise you for dinner.”

  I love his surprise, but what I don’t love is the fact that my creeper boss is going to haul ass out of that elevator and attempt to diminish my career and my ability by saying something disgusting.

  I have to get Finn out of here before it happens, and that’s when the elevator chimes out, and for some reason it’s the only thing I hear. Loud and clear, and it stops me in my path, but luckily the lobby is busy and the crowd that exits is moving in a herd.

  “Thank you, dinner would be amazing,” I say, but it comes out in rush and again my heart is racing. I know Andrew is in that crowd and I can’t let him reach me.

  What he said to me as I was leaving tells me that this is leading to exactly where I thought it would, and fuck me, if I’ll ever be a part of something like that.

  I move Finn along, quickly, hoping to not only avoid the crowd that is now moving to the doors, but to avoid the parting of the crowd and the revealing of Andrew.

  Finn’s hand is on my lower back as he guides me through the open doors and out onto the sidewalk.

  But before we turn and walk away from the building, I look back over my shoulder. And there, right behind Finn, is Andrew. He glares at me, his jaw set in a firm line as he slowly shakes his head at me, and I’m trying to figure out if he’s angry at me for leaving with Finn or if the shake of his head is an admonition to keep my mouth shut.

  I whip around quickly and speed up my pace. I can’t believe I am letting this sleazebag affect me like this, my heart pulsing loud and fast in my ears. It feels like it’s strangling me, and for a second I wonder if I should tell Finn. He could end all of this for me, but Andrew could also end my idea of ever getting another job in the industry.

  How the hell did I end up here?

  This is what money, power and privilege looks like, and this is what it feels like when you have it dangled over your head, used against you and backed into a corner. This is the reason Andrew has gotten away with this for so long. He has all the power in the world and I have nothing.

  I ask Finn if we can just head back to Rockport rather than having dinner in Boston, and he agrees despite the disappointment I hear in his voice.

  While Boston is a large city, the irrational part of me worries that by staying I could run into Andrew, or even worse, what if he followed us. I know how ridiculous it sounds as it plays out in my head, but it still somehow scares the shit out of me.

  Would he stalk me? Is he capable of something like that? Am I overthinking this? I’m just a fucking glorified errand girl at this company. Why do I even matter?

  I’m quiet too long, my eyes trained on the slow passing cars of the highway, and Finn rests his hand on my thigh.

  “You okay?” he asks, but his brow is wrinkled and I swallow back the heartburn I feel race its way up into my throat.

  I should tell him I’m not okay, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud.

  Because again, it’s nothing.

  It’s just words. Andrew hasn’t done anything more and I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested. Maybe I just need to be more assertive?

  But even more than my situation weighing heavy on me, so is Finn’s. I worry about his job, his anxiety over what is happening to him. I worry that bearing my soul will only add more to his already full plate.

  So I keep quiet.

  “I’m okay,” I respond, nodding my head and his wrinkled forehead relaxes, but the tension in the car remains thick. We both know there’s something up, but neither of us says a word.

  It’s late by the time we make it back to Rockport, because while the commute by train is brutal and long, the commute by car is longer. It’s arduous, and mentally taxing, slow moving and boring. And when it hit the two-hour mark we both knew there would be no relaxing quiet dinner.

  The exhaustion we both try to filter from our faces is still there, heavy and visible in every dark circle and wrinkle, and in every word neither of us says.

  We slide into a booth at O’Loughlin’s and I know this isn’t what Finn had in mind when he showed up at my work asking to take me to dinner.

  Beck is behind the bar and there’s a cute little waitress hustling around to the few tables that are filled and she greets us with a smile and two menus.

  “Hi, Finn,” she says, and her voice is a little high, but she’s not flirting with him. “I hope you’re doing okay.”

  He nods in response to her and it takes me a second to realize she’s taken his side in all of this. This is fucking small town bullshit, and people are choosing sides.

  She damn well better be on his side, if there’s even a side to take since I don’t really know what’s going on. But she works at the bar he owns, and then I begin to wonder if anyone has quit since this whole thing started up.

  I glance around the room and it’s slow, but there are still customers. I know this shit that is going down could not only ruin Finn’s career, but now I realize that it could also take the bar down with it.r />
  People are petty, and when they get something in their head, they’ll stop at nothing to get what they want.

  Do people want Finn fired? Do they want to see their local watering hole go under? For fuck’s sake my brother would lose his job. Beck would lose everything.

  Oh my god, I’m fucking out of control.

  I need a Xanax.

  I grab for the water glass the waitress set down, and chug it, but Finn is watching me.

  “You going to order?” he asks, and he’s smiling, but it’s forced and I know he can sense my anxiety. He looks at me like he’s trying to read my thoughts and I curse myself for having the worst poker face in the world.

  I notice the waitress is waiting on me and luckily I know this menu like the back of my hand, but for all I know she has been waiting on me for a while. So I order quickly and Finn and I get back to sitting in silence.

  I know he doesn’t need to talk to me. He’s the type who could sit silently for hours and not feel uncomfortable, but I’m not and the stillness of everything is killing me.

  But it’s Finn who’s the first to break through, telling me, “There’s someplace I’d like to take you when we’re done here if you’re up for it.” And this time when he smiles at me it’s genuine.

  I love a good surprise, and I’m intrigued by his comment. It quiets the chaos in my head and he reaches across the table, taking my hand in his.

  “Okay,” I say, smiling back at him, returning his enthusiasm that seems to have grown at my response.

  The conversation comes easy now and we chat about how Finn used to have a cat named Lisa, named after Kelly LeBrock’s character from Weird Science because besides his mother, she’s the only girl he’s ever loved. His story makes me laugh, even down to the moment when he admits to me that Lisa is stored in his garage in a silver urn.

  He watches me wipe the tears from my cheeks, his face still lit up from our conversation, and he pauses for a second, and then opens his mouth but says nothing.

  He shakes his head, his smile growing, and he says, “God, Sarah, you make things so fucking simple, so easy.” But I get this feeling that wasn’t what he wanted to say.

  “So do you,”

  We leave the bar hand in hand, and the air is cold so I lean into Finn’s side. Even with the nagging feeling that I have to return to work tomorrow, I feel happy. I’m happy just being around Finn.

  We climb into Finn’s SUV and without telling me where we’re going, we leave and heads toward the water. Pulling off to the side of the road, he shifts the car into park and flips off the headlights.

  Everything around us is dark, and when I look out the windshield, the ocean looks like a black abyss, endless and cold. But even with the cold chill of the wind and shore of the frozen sea, there’s a warmth and comfort in what we are doing.

  “Put your hat on,” Finn commands and I smirk at him.

  “Why?”

  “Because I told you to.”

  “I don’t do everything I’m told,” I flirt back and Finn grabs my hat and slips it onto my head.

  “Now, put your seat back,” Finn simply states, but it’s more of a demand than a request and again I smirk at him.

  “You’re being a little bossy, aren’t you?”

  He narrows his eyes at me, but the cheeky smile on his face gives away that he loves this banter between us.

  “Just do it, Sarah.”

  And when I don’t move, Finn reaches across me and presses the button, my seat moving back now, but Finn’s body is still resting against mine.

  As he pulls away his lips brush mine, teasingly and this time when my heart starts racing I don’t want it to stop. But he doesn’t kiss me, letting his thumb drag along where his lips once were and everything in me is screaming for him.

  I had no idea that just being this close to him, his teasing and the light touch of his skin to mine would elicit these feelings. And when he runs his hand up the inside of my thigh, my body squirms in response.

  “Just wait till we get home,” Finn murmurs, his mouth next to my ear, and his voice deep, “But for now just look up.”

  The panoramic sunroof moves open, exposing the cloudless sky and this time I do as I’m told. My eyes gravitate toward the darkness that is dotted with points of light.

  “See that,” he says pointing out over the water and up into the sky at what looks like a star. It almost appears to be illuminated from behind, like it’s glowing.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “That’s Mercury and if you look just a little bit to the left that’s Venus. It’s not nearly as bright, but you can tell it’s not a star. Stars twinkle, but planets glow.”

  I laugh a little, thinking this doesn’t seem like the kind of thing a macho, hard ass policeman would know. But I find it endearing, a side of Finn I imagine very few people know.

  “How do you know this?” I ask.

  “When I was a kid, my mom used to take me down here and show me where the planets were. She could find all the constellations and she had stories to go along with all of them. I loved sitting here with her. It made me feel like we were the only people in the world.”

  Finn leans down and nuzzles my neck, pressing a few soft kisses as he lets out a deep sigh.

  I don’t know what to say to Finn. I know his mom passed away when he was young and I don’t deal well in these types of situations. I’ve never been one to know just what to say unless it requires a snarky comeback.

  “I’ve never brought anyone here before,” he says and I smile, but still feel my heart break just a little. This was something he shared with his mom and something he obviously still holds close to his heart.

  “I’m honored that you want to share this with me,” I say, choking back the tears I feel forming.

  Finn wraps his arms around me, pulling me even closer as he whispers in my ear, “I want to share everything with you, Sarah.”

  “I do too, Finn,” I say, turning so I’m facing him, eyes now off the stars and on the small glow of the night sky that illuminates his face.

  There’s a sadness there and I know it’s not just from talking about his mom, and I lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips.

  All the sexual tension from before has faded and that’s okay, because I think we both just need each other.

  “I hate my job right now,” Finn whispers, his eyes closed as he rests his head on my shoulder.

  His admission is huge, and I know that.

  “It’s going to be okay.”

  “I know it will be, but even if it’s not…” He trails off and I finish his sentence.

  “You’ll always have me no matter what.”

  The next day, I walk into the office bound and determined to stand up to Andrew should the need arise. I’m not going to let this asshole make every day of my life a miserable mess. I nearly let him ruin it yesterday, but today is a new day and I’m done with his shit.

  I flop down at my desk and start up my computer. I know he’s already here, but I will not greet him. He can fire my ass if he wants to.

  I open up my email, and the first message I have is from Andrew and it’s a link to a news story and I roll my eyes.

  I’m sure it’s some fucking puff piece about what an amazing leader he is, something he probably paid someone to write about him, because every word that comes out of his mouth is either harassment or bullshit.

  I mock his voice muttering to myself as I open the email. “Sarah, CC everyone under the fucking sun about how awesome I am. Make sure to include the article link. Send it to all my clients.”

  Dickwad.

  But when I open the article I’m met with the headline “Small Town Police Chief Under Fire”.

  “What the fuck!” I practically yell and I clamp my hand down over my mouth when I realize how loudly the words flew from my mouth.

  And like he knows he’s lit the fire, he comes to watch it burn everything in its path
, because that fucking asshole has just appeared in the doorway to my office.

  “I take it you got my email?” he asks casually, but the slimy tone of his voice grates on me, and I press my teeth together so hard I swear I’ll chip a tooth.

  “I did. Why the hell would you think I have any interest in this?”

  “Well, Sarah, isn’t that your boyfriend?”

  “It is, but how would you even know that.”

  “I know a lot more than you think,” he replies, condescendingly and he pushes his chin out and crosses his arms over his chest. “And I worry about you spending time with a man like that,” he adds, his hand flipping toward my computer.

  I haven’t had a chance to read the article, but what I gathered on my initial scan was that Carla went to a reporter, a small Boston publication, some online bullshit and laid her story out.

  She’s on a campaign to smear Finn and I’ll be damned if she’s going to win with this shit. The article made no reference to what she’s exactly claiming; everything vague and glossed over, but it does precisely what she wants it to do.

  It puts Finn’s name in people’s ears, it makes them question his integrity, it makes them wonder who’s telling the truth.

  I laugh so loudly at his comment; my laugh harsh and comically fake.

  “What I worry about is your sick infatuation with me, and your roaming hands and your disgusting comments…”

  I want to continue, but he cuts me off, “Listen Sarah,” he snaps, his eyes wide and for a second I think he fears me. “I’m going to let your remarks slide because I know you’re upset about your boyfriend, but remember who’s in charge here.”

  I glare at him, a sick feeling rising in my throat and I wonder if I might vomit. Just the sight of his face, the sound of his voice evokes a feeling in me like nothing before.

  I hate him.

  “And don’t go running to HR,” he says rolling his eyes. “Been there, done that and no one gives a fuck.”

  He leaves without looking back at me, the door slamming in his wake.