Spark of Intent

by Harper Wylde

  “I finally got that chance to look at your bracelet with my equipment, Nix. There’s a reason it hurt you when you shifted.” I stilled, my cookie halfway to my mouth.

  “Something’s wrong with my bracelet?”

  “Not wrong, exactly. Are you sure it was your mom’s?” I wracked my brain. I did have memories of her hand stroking my hair and the feeling of cool metal.

  “I’m pretty sure it’s hers. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “The gold’s just a plating, Nix. A thick plating, mind you. It wouldn’t burn your skin or actively poison you if you wore it, but the inside is solid iron.” His eyes were serious as they met mine.

  I dropped my desert, my stomach twisting. “It was iron? I’ve been wearing iron for most of my life? She was wearing iron?” I rubbed at my now churning stomach, my hunger forgotten.

  “Since your Phoenix didn’t appear until you took off the bracelet, I assume it kept her suppressed. It may be why you never shifted. It also kept you weak and pliant. It’s possible Michael knew what the core was, Nix. That’s why he had you wear it. Just like he had you take the iron supplements. It would keep you malleable.”

  Now I was really nauseated. “But… but why would my mother wear it?”

  Theo sighed and leaned back into his chair. “I’m not quite sure. She would have been incredibly weakened by the iron. It wouldn’t poison her or kill her, but it would almost entirely mute her powers. She’d be able to revive—that’s always a Phoenix’s greatest strength. It’s probable that you won’t be able to die unless the killing blow is made by iron and the blow is intense.”

  “She wanted to weaken herself?” None of this made any sense.

  “It would have muted her. She would have been nearly human.” I swallowed hard, fighting the tears that wanted to fall.

  “So the bracelet is why she couldn’t shift to fight that night? It’s why she died?” I was really regretting having this conversation in public, especially after such a happy event.

  Bile rose in my throat, the acid of it burning. I had been wearing the reason for my mother’s death on my wrist for years. My breathing picked up as the world began to spin.

  Theo’s voice was gentle. “Nix, I don’t know why she had it on. She wouldn’t have been able to shift to protect herself, no. However, she should have still been able to revive. I don’t know what happened but the bracelet didn’t kill her.” The knot in my stomach loosened slightly at that revelation but most of it remained. My Phoenix cooed in my head, trying to soothe my discomfort.

  “Well, I guess I won’t be wearing that to the Gala like I had planned.” I tried a shaky smile on. “Your mom will enjoy picking out jewelry to match my dress.” I focused on breathing to calm the spinning sensation. Slowly but surely the world righted itself.

  His smile was sweet as he reached out a hand, pulling me to my feet as he tossed our neglected cookies into the bin. I looked longingly after the confection, but there was no way I was up for eating right now.

  “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news.” Theo reached out and cupped the side of my face, running his thumb gently over the curve of my cheek. “Let’s get back to them before Ryder convinces Mom to buy the whole store.” I chuckled, letting him take my hand as I followed; the success of my dress shopping dimmed behind fear and exhaustion. At least I knew now why my Phoenix reacted so strongly to it—she didn’t want to be pushed below the surface again. Her fearful coo was confirmation that I was on the right track.

  The rest of the shopping trip was a blur of bags and laughter as the world seemed to move around me. Li Min had kicked the guys out of the shoe store with Ryder’s stack of packages, claiming that they could infer what my dress looked like through the shoes and accessories we purchased. I left the mall with several heavy bags and was too exhausted to do anything but lean my head back and let the women’s chatter wash over me as we pulled up in front of the house.

  “Wasn’t that fun?” Rini was still bouncing and I just rolled my eyes at my best friend.

  “I think I’m missing the shopping gene.” I admitted with a smirk, stretching out my sore back and hoping my feet weren’t going to fall off as their throbbing threatened. She giggled in response, helping me haul my bags into the living room. I flopped down on the couch, content to be a potato for the moment as the others whirled around the room in a flurry of activity showing off purchases. Angela smacked Ryder’s hand when he tried to sneak a look into my dress bag, and I couldn’t help but giggle.

  “Honestly, Ryder. You’re as bad now as you are at Christmas. I may take this whole outfit home with me just to make sure you don’t peek,” she scolded, but grinned at him and brushed a kiss over his cheek belying her irritation.

  “What in the world?” Li Min’s shocked voice had me glancing towards the staircase and I froze. A small black bunny was hopping down the staircase, a letter nearly his size in his mouth and something around his neck. The room came to a standstill as he ran right to my feet, sitting back on his hind legs and reaching up to be picked up. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Killian shifted,” she murmured and my heart squeezed tightly as I scooped him off the ground.

  “What’s he wearing?” Rini questioned as she angled her head to get a better look as I slid the letter from his mouth, now imprinted with a set of tiny teeth marks. “It’s a collar!” Her shock mimicked mine as Kill tilted his head down to give me a better look. Around his neck was a thick, bright purple leather collar. Burned into the leather were elaborate phoenix and the word “Nix’s” in elegant, cursive script. I could feel my eyes well with tears as I stroked a hesitant finger down his silky ears and he nudged the letter in my hand.

  I opened it with shaky fingers, still stroking his velvety fur as he curled into my lap, his head pressed against my stomach allowing his collar to remain in full view.

  Nix:

  I’m not very good with words, and I’ve proven that by shoving my big foot into my even bigger mouth. There doesn’t seem to be an apology adequate enough to cover this situation. I lost my temper in the worst possible way, and my jealousy lashed out at the last person I ever wanted it to. My brothers have rarely seen me shifted without orders, and outside of small peeks no one outside of my family has seen me in this form. I’m sorry it took me so long to get this put together. I wanted the collar to be perfect and it took longer for me to make than I expected. I’m so sorry, Nix. You have brought nothing but light and wonder into my life; a rebirth of my own. I will spend the next sixty years apologizing to you if you’ll let me. This collar isn’t figurative—you own me, heart and soul, just as you own my Puca. I’ve never been at odds with my alter before, but he has been making my life hell since I fucked up. He adores you as much as I do. I thought my heart was going to stop entirely when I heard you were missing and knowing that I was the reason you ran off, why you couldn’t trust us. I’ve told you before I don’t lie. I hope you will let me prove how incredibly sorry I am. You can carry me around in your hoodie all you want, and I won’t object. I like being held by you, and I want the chance to hold you again. Please accept my apology and say you’ll let me take you out and show you just how amazing we can be together.

  I’ll always be your Abra.

  Killian.

  Tears were falling fast and heavy onto the paper, smudging the words, and I didn’t try to stop them. “I’ve missed you, Abra.” I dropped the letter, lifting him up so I could press my face into his fur.

  For the rest of the night, I snuggled with my bunny.

  Thirty-One

  Nix

  Cries of children rang through my head as I sat in class, my eyes closed as I tried to dig deeper into my memories. Each time I really tried to focus on bringing the memories forth, I found little extra bits and pieces I hadn’t noticed before, but the glaring gaps were always still there, wide chasms that I couldn’t cross or connect together. The phantom echo of their cries, caused my adrenaline to spike, my pulse picking up as I tried to recover anything th
at would help ease my conscience and give the guys and I more information to go off of as we all searched for answers to the multitude of questions surrounding us. Yet, nothing else would come to the light, the vague memories all tangling together, refusing to make sense—like scattered pieces of a puzzle.

  I was so zoned in my thoughts—drowning in my own frustration—that I didn’t even realize when the class ended until the students around me began standing and packing their things, heading for the door as they dispersed to other classes.

  Heading for the door myself, I wasn’t surprised to see Theo standing sentry outside of the classroom. The guys had hated the idea of me leaving the house, let alone heading back to school, trying to integrate back into life again. What they didn’t realize was that my whole life had been a series of the same thing. You didn’t die repeatedly for your whole life only to curl into a ball the next day and hide from the world. If I had done that, the punishment would have been severe. It had always been better to carry on with routine so as not to draw more of Michael’s attention toward myself. Granted, the kidnapping had been much different from the things I had suffered in the past, but with the Council watching us, it was best to keep things as routine as normal. A few days of school I could explain away, but too many missed days and I wouldn’t have a viable excuse.

  “How was class?” Theo asked, his blue eyes studying my face critically.

  I tried to smile, but he saw right through the shallow expression.

  “Honestly? I couldn’t focus at all. I keep trying to remember what happened, and the frustration of not being able to fit these damn clips of memories together is driving me insane and giving me a headache.”

  “You should talk to Killian about all of this on your date today. You know he suffers from something similar every time he has a vision that won’t stay with him. He may have some exercises or coping skills that could help jog your memories. We’re going to figure it all out, but right now your safety is paramount.”

  I nodded but the sound of the kids crying haunted me. If they were real then they needed help, and I didn’t give a damn about my safety over theirs. Growing up in such a shitty home situation only solidified my heart to help others less fortunate or unable to stand up for themselves. It was what had driven me to want to be an FBI agent, even though those dreams seemed like they were getting further and further away with each passing day.

  “Come on. Let’s get you over to Killian.” Theo smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I tucked myself into his body, sliding my own arm around his waist. What a picture we must make walking down the hallways of the school building. The perfect couple. Others would never know or understand all that we’d been up against lately. I squeezed Theo to my side tighter, holding on.

  After a quick stop at a restroom so I could change, I threw my backpack over my shoulder as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The note from Killian was tucked protectively in my bag, an invitation on our long awaited date day. As distracted as I had been today, I was looking forward to seeing my hunny bunny. My lips quirked to the side as I realized how much Killian would hate that little nickname. Deep down, I had a suspicion that Kill didn’t mind my nicknames as much as he protested. Either way, I loved teasing him with them.

  The low heels on my black boots clicked quietly against the tile floor as I excited the bathroom, and Theo’s eyes lit up at the sight of me.

  “I hope that’s a good reaction.” I rubbed my hands down my jean clad legs, nervous about the outfit I’d picked.

  “Killian is one lucky man.” Theo’s genuine response eased my mind, and I took his proffered arm as he escorted me outside. Cold nipped at my nose as he walked me to the aviation building where I was meeting Killian after his class.

  Theo checked his dad’s watch which was strapped to his right wrist. “His class should have concluded by now. You’ll probably find him right through there.” Whipping out his cell phone, he called Killian, not letting me walk the whole ten feet to check the large hanger myself. A few quick spoken words and Theo grinned sheepishly. “Alright. He’s inside.”

  “You mean I can walk the whole way over there by myself?” I gasped in mock surprise.

  “Very funny, Nix. After wandering off the way you did to launch your own investigation and getting kidnapped by a lunatic school counselor, you’ll be lucky if we ever let you out of our sight again.”

  “I want to complain—and feminists everywhere will probably cry out in outrage—but I don’t think I mind having you all near me.” I squeezed his hand and gave him a quick peck before heading off, hugging Ryder’s coat around my frame to keep warm. Flurries fell around me as I darted quickly into the inside of the large garage like structure.

  Catcalls and whistles sounded out as I stepped inside and I flinched, trying to calm my suddenly racing heart. Where the hell was Killian?

  “Nix!” Killian smiled from the back of the hanger, walking toward me as he wiped his hands off on a dirty towel. “Sorry, I meant to be done by now. I was just finishing up some work on this engine.” Killian vibrated with an energy I didn’t normally find in my growly bunny, and I was excited to see him in his element surrounded by engines and planes.

  “This your girl Killian?” A man a few inches shorter than my Celt walked over and gave me a grin and a once over, and I stepped into Killian’s side as my discomfort rose.

  “Yeah, she is.” Killian smiled at me, wrapping a possessive arm around my arm.

  “Lucky man.” He clapped Killian on the shoulder before turning to me. “Best damn pilot I know. This guy’s a natural.” The newcomer hiked a thumb at Kill, and I beamed at the praise being showered on my shy Killian, who was now shifting uncomfortably. “If he gives you any trouble, you come let me know and I’ll knock some sense into him.”

  I chuckled as Killian narrowed his eyes at his so called friend. “Believe it or not, I have plenty of men to knock some sense into him.” I blushed slightly as I realized what I’d just said to a human who wouldn’t understand our ways. Tension shot through my body as it registered that I’d actually just classified myself as a shifter for the first time. The truth was, I fully embraced my shifter side, but the same couldn’t be said about the world that came with it. My head ached as those jumbled memories rose to the surface, and my Phoenix squawked in stress and agitation.

  Sensing my change in mood, Killian excused us, grabbed his bag and mine, and ushered us out the door into the parking lot and to his Hummer. Pulling the door open like a perfect gentleman, Killian helped me up into the seat before placing his palms onto my thighs and halting my intended pivot to face forward. “You alright, Nix?”

  I growled and wiped at the tears that were spilling out of my eyes suddenly. Letting me go, he gave me gentle nudge to swing my legs into the Hummer and shut the door with a soft slam. The vehicle rocked as he climbed in, slammed his own door, and leaned across the console. Cupping my face, he brushed my tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

  “Nix, baby, what’s wrong?”

  Killian’s face swam in my watery vision, and I blinked rapidly, trying to get my emotions under control. “I can’t make sense of the images Kill, and it’s eating at me. I keep hearing crying. Like little children crying, and everything in me is fighting to remember, but it’s like the memories are blurry, unfocused, and unwilling to make sense.” I growled again as more tears spilled down my face, and I pulled away to inelegantly wipe at them. I was sure my nose was red, and as much as I wanted to blame it on the cold, I knew it was from the tears. I’d never been a pretty crier.

  “I know the feeling,” he said so quietly I barely heard him.

  “Your visions?” I glanced over to see his green eyes going soft as his gaze skimmed over my face.

  “Yeah. They never want to make sense or reveal themselves to me. Lately, the only way I’ve been able to figure them out is as they actually happen, which is a little too late, you know?” he grumbled, but I found his deep rumble soothing and
I grasped onto another topic to talk about. “I may have something that could help you.” He dove his hand through his hair. “But first, let’s get to where we’re going.” His eyes held a twinkle as he started the car and turned up the heat, trying to warm us both.

  He drove us a few minutes away, pulling his large black vehicle up to the airstrip before turning off the engine and hopping back out into the cold October air.

  He walked around the car like a true gentleman and opened my door for me. A laugh bubbled up at how chivalrous Killian was acting. I’d never pictured him to have this refined set of skills, but it endeared him to me even more than he already had been.

  “Alright Abra, where are you taking me?” I arched a brow as I slid to the ground. He grabbed a few provisions form the Hummer and locked it up, proceeding to lead me to a small prop plane.

  “The where is a surprise, but I’ve been wanting to show you this beauty for a while now and just hadn’t gotten the chance.” He opened one of the doors to the plane and tossed our things inside before spinning back toward me and widening his eyes. “Isn’t she a beauty?”

  The plane was a bright yellow, smaller than any plane I’d ever ridden on, and had ski’s where it seemed wheels should go. “Is this your other girlfriend?” I teased, clearly seeing how much this plane meant to Killian.

  “Jealous?” He smirked playfully, and I could tell that his Puca was close to the surface, enjoying our banter.

  “As long as I get you at night.” I bit my lip, my arms wrapped around my body to keep my heat tucked close to my body.

  “Any night you want me, baby.” His voice deepened and his eyes heated while flecks of neon green glowed in their depths. Clearing his throat, he broke the spell and motioned for me to come forward.

  “I’m saving up for her.” He rubbed his hand along the smooth, shiny surface of the plane and the reverence he felt shone in his eyes.

  “You’re buying it?” I gaped. I hadn’t realized Killian wanted to own his own plane.