The Fall of Autumn

by BobA. Troutt

  *****

  The Fall of Autumn

  Apt. 3 Across From Apt. 4

  About fifty miles north of Nashville was the town of Muddy Pond in Giles County, Tennessee. It was autumn there and the town was dressed with trees of orange, yellow and gold. The ground was nearly covered with all the different colored leaves and a lot of people were raking and burning leaves. The smell of the burnt leaves helped give the fragrance of fall. High in the sky geese flew over honking as they made their way south for the winter. The sky had a light blue cast and the golden light of the sun warmed the cool autumn breeze. At the Executive House Apartments, 50-year-old Deborah Rivers was moving into apartment three. Her daughter, Diane, and Diane’s two daughters, Kathy and Miranda, still lived in Nashville. Deborah was divorced. Her ex-husband, Rich, still lived in Nashville as well. Deborah and Rich had been divorced for five years. Deborah moved to Muddy Pond to get out of the hustle and bustle of the big city life but more importantly to get away from her ex-husband. She was a retired school teacher who had taught English and literature. Diane, her daughter, was a math teacher at a private college in Nashville. The day she moved to apartment three, she met Jonathan in the hall; Jonathan was 60 years old and lived in apartment four which was directly across the hall from her apartment.

  He spoke, “Hi, how are you doing?”

  She replied, “I’ll be doing much better once I get moved in.”

  “Do you need any help?” he asked.

  “No, I don’t think so,” she replied. “The movers have just about got it, I think. But, thanks anyway for asking.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. “Do you think you’ll like it here in Muddy Pond?”

  “I believe so,” she replied. “It’s quieter here and more laid back than the big city.”

  “Yeah, you are right about that,” he agreed. “But, I think it is nice here. I don’t think I could make it in the big city,” he said as he laughed.

  “Well, I’ll talk to you later. It was nice meeting you,” she said as the movers brought in some more of her things.

  Jonathan was also retired and he had lived in apartment four for six years. He had a passion for writing although he had never had anything published. He had been turned down by countless numbers of publishers in the past. But, he kept trying, hoping and praying that one day he would see his work in print and sitting on library shelves. After thirty-three years of marriage, Jonathan was also divorced. He had been divorced for eight years. Jonathan worked two jobs most of the time to make ends meet. He helped raise his stepdaughter who was two years old at the time they got married. Later on, his three grandchildren moved in with him and his wife. Their marriage started off on the wrong foot and as the years passed, they never could get their relationship on the right course. When the grandchildren moved in, their marriage became more shaky and unstable. Things continued to change and their marriage hit a really bumpy road. In the latter years of their marriage, his wife had an affair which drew the line with Jonathan. The grandchildren went back to live with their mother and her third husband. Jonathan finally filed for divorce and moved on with his life. His wife, not long afterwards, remarried for the third time. Sometimes, love is not enough.

  As time passed, Jonathan and Deborah would pass in the hall and say hello. Sometimes, they would stop and chat for a few minutes. They became good neighbors first and then friends. He talked to her about his books and she read several of them and gave him her honest opinion about them. He always wanted to share his books with anyone who liked to read. Eventually, she began to help him with them. She corrected his spelling and edited them for him which she enjoyed. She thought he was a nice man who had a passion to tell a story and who wanted to share his stories with others. As time passed, the books drew them into a closer bond of friendship. Not only did he love to write, he loved clocks, too. He loved to hear them tick, dong and chime. Deborah enjoyed them just as much; she was fascinated by all of his clocks.

  Deborah met her husband, a minister, when he became the pastor at her church which is how they first met. He was a nice looking man, single like her, attractive, sweet and kind. They started out as friends that later grew in to something more. They spent a lot of time together. They went out to eat, shopped and went to movies. After dating for a little more than a year, he proposed to her and they got married. Everything went well for the first year. When they were dating, she saw only the good side of him. She didn’t find out until after they were married that he had a hidden dark side that no one knew about. They had been married for about two years when his dark side came to the surface and things in their marriage began to change. He lied to her and stayed out late without any explanation as to why. He put on a big front with the church and everyone else to cover up his hidden problem with drugs. The church only saw one side of him and he was well liked by the members. But, she knew both sides. She stayed with him because she loved him and wanted to make their marriage work. She told him she would stand by him and help him if he admitted he had a problem. But, he was in denial and he didn’t think he needed any help. Finally, one day, she’d had enough. However, she even told him the day she moved out that she would help him with his problem and stand by him if he would get help. He never gave her an answer and denied he had a problem but he didn’t know she had found evidence of his drug use in the house. She filed for divorce and moved on with her life. A few years later, his dark side caught up with him. He stepped down as pastor and gave up his church. The members and the church headquarters had found him out. He was in and out of rehab for years trying to get help but he never could let go of his addiction. He continued to live within the dark side of his problem; it controlled him. Deborah never remarried. Love, sometimes, is not enough.

  As time passed, Jonathan and Deborah would go out to eat, sometimes, and go to a movie together. They would play old records and enjoyed the old songs of the past. He would always say that every song holds a memory for someone. They laughed and talked a lot as they exchanged their life stories. A strong bond grew between them. They had a deep friendship that neither one of them wanted to lose. Over the years, they remained close friends and she continued helping him with his books. They enjoyed sharing birthdays, church socials and holidays together. But, the biggest celebration they enjoyed the most was when, with her help, he got his first book published. To celebrate, he treated her to a steak dinner and a movie.

  In high school, Deborah met her first sweetheart and they fell in love. She loved track and field and participated in it throughout her high school years. He played basketball and after graduation he went on to college to play. It was during his time at college when their relationship changed. He had a child by another woman which put a wedge between them but they remained friends. He never married.

  Jonathan’s first deep love was for a girl he met when he was growing up. Her name was Jennifer; she was his special angel. They met one summer at a swimming pool when she was visiting from Louisville. She had come to stay with her cousins in Muddy Pond for part of the summer. She and Jonathan were both young then, teenagers, you know. The first day he met her at the pool, he nicknamed her sunshine because she looked so pretty in the sunlight. From that point on, they spent the summer together at the park swimming and having fun. Neither one of them wanted the summer to end. However, it did and she had to go back to Louisville. For the next year, they kept in touch by writing letters to each other. Her parents allowed him to come visit her one weekend. Her parents allowed him to stay at their house but he had to sleep in the basement. Jennifer’s parents were nice people and so was her sister. He even went to church with her that Sunday. They spent all the time they could together. They even went to a couple of movies while he was there so they could be alone. But, the weekend was like the summer. They didn’t want it to end but it did. When he had to leave and return home to Muddy Pond, he missed her terribly but
time and distance slowly faded away their relationship. He eventually quit writing her and they went their separate ways; it broke her heart. In the spring of 1973, his senior year, he received a scholarship to attend a university in Chicago. When he went to school that morning, his teacher told him about the scholarship. She was so happy for him. She hugged him and wished him the best. On the outside, he was excited. However, for some reason he was sad and afraid on the inside. He graduated from high school that spring and it was one of the saddest days of his life. In the summer of 1973, he went off to college but only stayed for a short time. He couldn’t go through with it so he returned home. He felt something was wrong but he didn’t know what it was. As he flew across the city of Chicago, the day he went off to college, he looked out the window of the plane, saw all the buildings and became afraid. He thought if he ever got lost in them he would never find his way out. When he returned home, he went to see his teacher and told her how he was feeling. She suggested that he needed to get some help. But, not knowing what was wrong, he didn’t. He went on with his life. He got an apartment, got a job and went to work. That was his life for a long time. He would go home from work each day, fix a bite to eat, close the curtains and go to sleep. He stayed to himself and hardly ever went out. Then one day, out of the blue, in June of 1974, he sat down and wrote Jennifer a letter and asked her if there was any way they could get back together. Day after day and week after week, he waited to hear from her. He checked the mail every day and hoped there would be a letter from her. But, no letter ever came. He understood and didn’t blame her. When he didn’t hear from her, he believed it was all over. Not long afterwards, he started to get out some with his friends. In August of that year, he met a woman and they started talking on a regular basis. It just so happened that she was moving to Muddy Pond in the apartment building across from where he lived. Not long after she moved in, they began to date. After only a few weeks, he asked her to marry him. They chose October fourth of that year as their wedding date. It was late September and he was at her apartment when someone knocked at her door. When he answered the door, there stood Jennifer with her cousin and boyfriend; he invited them in. It was a little awkward at first since the woman he was going to marry wasn’t there. They talked for a few minutes and he told them they were getting married in October. Jennifer, her cousin and boyfriend left. He never saw Jennifer again. Jonathan and his girlfriend wed in October and started their life together. It was a bumpy start for both of them. He eventually started seeing a psychiatrist because his haunting past resurfaced, once again. In 1976, he tried to commit suicide and was placed in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in Nashville where he was diagnosed as being bipolar. He remained with his wife for thirty-three years and took his medication faithfully. As the years went by, he thought about Jennifer and often wondered where she was and how she was doing. Many times, he wished he could go back and do it over. But, it was too late. He wished a thousand times, the night Jennifer came to the apartment in late September, he had taken the time to talk to her and explain why he ended their relationship. He always wondered what she would have said and how she would have reacted. He felt if he had told her, his life might have turned out differently. But, he didn’t and always believed he broke her heart a second time. Through the years, he often wondered if she ever thought about him or missed him as much as he did her. He believed there was something special between them that would never change and with every rainfall, he thought about her even more. Years later, he saw her cousin and her boyfriend who had become husband and wife. He asked her about Jennifer and she told him Jennifer was doing fine; she was married and had two daughters. She told him Jennifer asked about him from time to time. He was glad to hear she asked about him and he was happy she was happy.

  After his divorce, he remained single and never dated again. He moved to the Executive House Apartments and spent his leisure time writing. One day, he went to Deborah and told her something was wrong; he didn’t feel right. She called his doctor for him so he could talk to him. The doctor told him to go to the emergency room. He asked Deborah if she would take him and she did. The next thing he remembered, he was in the hospital. He was admitted into the hospital and he was taken off the lithium he had been taking since he was first diagnosed as being bipolar; he had lithium poisoning. It took him a while to get back on his feet but with the help of his friends and family, he was finally able to return home. Not long afterwards, he retired. He continued to live by himself and his writing kept him company. He still struggled with his depression and manic states. He had good days and bad days.

  Through the years, Jonathan and Deborah remained friends. They went through plenty of struggles and hardships together. Deborah was a big help to him and he found comfort in her company. Plus, he really appreciated her help with his books. He knew he would never be like the writers he so loved who had books published. Writers such as Poe, Dickens, Irving, Twain, O. Henry and Doyle. He accepted the many handicaps that held him back from writing beloved stories to sit on library shelves. But, he was pleased about the stories and books he had written and shared with those who love to read and for those who takes the time to read them. He always gave the Lord praise for everything he had done and brought him through. He also found comfort with his friends, family and five grandchildren; his stepdaughter had two more children with her third husband. However, besides it all, his lifelong prayer was to see Jennifer again to make things right with her. He wanted to apologize to her for the hurt he caused her and to let her know it wasn’t her fault because she had done nothing wrong. He blamed no one but himself for the way things worked out between them. People say the Lord has someone for everybody, a soul mate. He always believed she was his.

  Everyone has those things in their life they look back on and wish they could change. Some things, unfortunately, can’t be changed. All you can do is accept them and go on. You may not be able to change the past but you can sometimes get closure for the things you have done by trying to make things right.

  As the days and weeks passed on, through those so-called golden years, Jonathan and Deborah remained close friends and the bond of their friendship was never taken for granted because all they had was each other On Valentine’s Day of this year, Jonathan sent Deborah a dozen roses as appreciation for everything she had helped him with and especially for her help with his books.

  When it rained, Jonathan still thought about Jennifer and wondered if she still thought about him. His wife once told him that he would never be happy. And, he agreed with her. The old songs of long ago reminded him of Jennifer and his lifelong mistake. The swimming pool where they first met was demolished years ago. Every time he passed by where it once was, he remembered that one perfect summer in his life.

  Some people have many lifelong secrets and some have only a few. Some are good, some are bad and some will be taken to their grave with them. Life is too short; it is but a vapor. But, when we face those things, we can overcome and move on to the next stage of our lives. The circle of our life is made complete when we are able to mend what is broken. At the judgment, some people’s sins will go before them and some people’s sin will follow behind them. Life can be good. When life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If tomorrow ever comes, who knows what it may bring. When you get old, you will come to accept living your life day by day.

  Deborah still lives in apartment three across from Jonathan in apartment four. The golden years have been good for both of them. Jonathan still writes and Deborah still helps him with his books. His clocks still tick, dong and chime each minute of the day. Jonathan and Deborah still laugh and spend time talking about things. They still play the old songs and enjoy their time together. And, their bond of friendship is still, today, as strong as it was years ago.