Low Country Christmas

by Lee Tobin McClain

  He blew out a breath and handed her the baby, who was starting to fuss a little. “Not a family man, never gonna be,” he said, grinning easily. “Too busy doing deals. Besides, somebody’s got to work late while all the other guys are at their kids’ soccer games.”

  Despite his lighthearted expression and words, he seemed sad, and Rita didn’t like it. She changed the subject. “What about you, Norma?”

  “What about me?”

  “We’ve delved into Cash’s personal life. When are you gonna get one?”

  “At my age, really?”

  “It happened to me.” Rita felt compelled to play matchmaker because she’d found a wonderful man herself: her boss at the diner, Jimmy Cooper. Not like they were planning a walk down the aisle or anything, but they’d been having a blast together. Rita wanted her best friend to be as happy as she was.

  “We should get together with Jimmy and that neighbor of yours,” she said. “The good-looking, cranky one?”

  “No.”

  Rita didn’t push it, not now, because she understood Norma’s reason for keeping herself closed off from men. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t keep encouraging her.

  Holly came out and lifted Penny, who was still fussy, into the sling she wore across her chest. “This always calms her down. She likes being close.”

  “Is your little one content to ride with you in that thing?” Norma asked. She was obviously trying to shift the focus off herself, but Rita hoped she’d planted a seed.

  “She seems to love the sling.” Holly ran a hand over the baby’s fine hair, smiling down at her. “Pretty soon, though, I’ll have to invest in a backpack. She’s getting heavy.”

  “You might not need one,” Rita said. “She’ll be walking soon.”

  “I don’t think so,” Holly said. “She hasn’t even started crawling yet, not really.”

  Uh-oh. Rita sucked in a breath and looked at Norma.

  Norma frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again.

  “What?” Holly asked. “Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

  “It’s just unusual,” Norma said, “for a baby of that age not to crawl.” She hesitated, then added, “If you’d ever want to have her tested, we could set something up through the women’s center.”

  “Tested for what?” Holly’s voice rose to a squeak.

  “Just see if the fact that she’s a little behind on crawling is cause for concern. See if she has other delays.” Norma’s voice was reassuring, but Holly didn’t look reassured.

  “I didn’t know the center did that kind of testing,” Rita said.

  “Yep. A lot of our clients have faced abuse, and sometimes their kids haven’t had the support they need for normal development.”

  “That wasn’t Tiff’s situation, I don’t think.” Holly frowned, deep lines forming between her eyebrows. “But she did neglect Penny early on, I’m sorry to say. Could a baby have delays from that?”

  “She could. But it’s almost never irreparable. Early-intervention services are free, and they can help a lot.”

  “Ready to go?” Cash stood abruptly. He always made himself scarce when the women’s center was mentioned. Just another part of him avoiding the past.

  “Um, sure.” Holly shrugged at Rita and Norma, and the two of them left.

  “She’s got a lot on her plate,” Norma said as soon as the door closed behind her. “Wonder if Cash will take it upon himself to give her some help.”

  Rita lifted her hands, palms up. “Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t even pretend to understand Cash, even though he’s my son.”

  * * *

  HOLLY WASN’T GOING to worry about what Rita and Norma had said, not today, anyway. They were kind, but how could they know anything about Penny just from the fact that she wasn’t very mobile?

  No, Holly was just going to enjoy the ride inland to pick up her stuff. Today, Cash had brought his SUV. The better, he said, to haul her things.

  How many cars did the guy have?

  He’d agreed to the paternity test, even offered to pay for a faster analysis from a private lab. Which he’d obviously done because he thought the result would get him off the hook. So he had a surprise coming in a few days, and undoubtedly, he’d be angry at her for bringing it to his attention.

  Although, maybe not. He seemed to really like Penny, and children in general. Maybe he’d be happy.

  Maybe he’d want custody.

  The thought chilled her. She hadn’t even considered it before. What if he wanted to take the baby to Atlanta and put her in the charge of nannies, send her to private school and have her raised by one of the girlfriends he doubtless collected by the dozen?

  She reached back and rubbed Penny’s leg. They’d known each other only a month, but already, Holly couldn’t imagine parting from her. Penny was all she had left of her beautiful, troubled sister, but it was more than that. Penny was a happy, expressive baby, and Holly already loved her desperately, wanted the best for her, couldn’t wait to help her grow up right. She wouldn’t let Cash take her away.

  “So... Thinking about if you’re Penny’s father,” she said, trying to feel him out on the topic, “your life isn’t really set up for a baby, right?”

  “Absolutely not.” He glanced over at her. “I don’t think anybody’s really ready for a baby, me in particular.”

  Now was the time to show that she was, in fact, prepared to raise Penny. “I’m ready,” she said, then quipped, “I have a grand plan.”

  “Grand plan, huh?” A smile quirked up the corners of his mouth, and there was that dimple again. It gave him a boyishness that loosened up the look of his expensive, preppy clothes.

  Her mouth went dry. She nodded, cleared her throat. “As soon as I’m settled in, I’ll start step two.”

  “Wait, you’re really moving here? For good?”

  She nodded. “Yes. That apartment that’s available in Rita’s complex looks perfect, so I called the manager and negotiated a longer lease, six months. It’s the right size, comfortable and it’s walking distance to town. I won’t need to rush into buying a car.”

  “You didn’t choose Safe Haven because of me, did you? Because I’d hate to see you pin your hopes on a paternity suit that’s not likely to go your way.”

  “No,” she said, ignoring his negativity. “It’s not all about you, though you’re a part of it. It’s because I know it’s what Tiff wanted. She thought this town looked like a great place to raise a child. She’d even considered moving back here herself, once she got clean.” Her throat went tight on the last word, so that she had to choke it out.

  “Wait, where’s Tiff now? She shouldn’t use you as childcare for much longer, right?”

  She felt her eyes go wide as she stared at him. He doesn’t know.

  CHAPTER THREE

  HOLLY LOOKED AROUND at the thick vegetation speeding by, gathered herself and drew in a breath. “I just assumed you realized,” she said.

  “Realized what?” Cash accelerated, passed another car.

  There was no easy way to say it. “Tiff’s dead.”

  His head snapped to face her momentarily. “What?” The word cracked out like a gunshot as he turned his attention back to the road.

  She swallowed, cleared her throat. “She OD’d three months ago. Penny went into the system for a little while until they could find me and I could get custody.”

  Cash signaled, then pulled onto the berm of the highway, the SUV cruising smoothly to a stop. He shook his head back and forth slowly. “Tiff’s dead? You’re sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure!” Then she took a deep calming breath. Cash wasn’t implying she was stupid or joking; he was just shocked and wanting to deny it.

  She recognized the feeling. She hadn’t believed it herself, at first.

&nbs
p; Soon enough, her grief had morphed into a heaviness that weighed down her shoulders, a quivering, aching sadness that hovered between her stomach and her heart.

  “I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked.” Cash stared off into the distance, where trees lined the highway. His eyes looked shiny.

  “I guess I didn’t realize you were that attached to her,” she said.

  He shook his head and drew in a huge breath. “I wasn’t, not exactly. It’s just that...she was so full of life, you know?”

  “I know.” She bit her lip, her stomach churning. “I try not to think about it too much. Can’t,” she added, “because of Penny. I have to take care of her.”

  “Penny.” He turned around and held out a finger for Penny to grasp, almost like he needed the comfort of human touch. “Do you think she knows what she lost?”

  “She does know,” Holly said. “I talked to a social worker about it. No matter how young they are, babies who are attached to their caregivers experience grief.”

  Cash still stared off into the distance, not talking.

  And for once, Holly let herself think about her sister. They hadn’t been close as adults—their lifestyles had been so different—but they’d loved each other. The utter finality of the thought that she’d never see Tiff again pressed down on her like a stone.

  After a few minutes Cash started the SUV again, and they drove the rest of the way to her motel. He didn’t speak as he turned into the parking lot, as she directed him to a parking space in front of her room. He cut off the engine and got out of the car.

  She and Cash made quick work of bringing her humble belongings out to the SUV. Cash arranged everything neatly, and there was still plenty of space for more. “A function of living in a bunch of different places,” she explained, feeling apologetic about how little she owned, but also wanting to bring their conversation back to everyday stuff, to show Cash he didn’t need to keep talking to her about Tiff. What else was there to say, really? “It didn’t make sense to accumulate a lot of possessions.”

  “I’ve got way too many possessions,” he said. “I like my toys.”

  Penny woke up then, fussy from being in the car too long. “Put down a blanket and let her crawl around a little,” Cash suggested, waving an arm toward the grassy side lawn of the little motel.

  “You don’t mind? I figured you’d have somewhere to be.”

  “Kids come first,” he said without an ounce of resentment in his tone, and her heart warmed toward him, just a little.

  He even spread the blanket for her, pulled a couple of toys out of the diaper bag and proceeded to make Penny laugh while Holly got out some baby food. She sat cross-legged and fed Penny, changed her diaper. Even then, Cash didn’t seem in a hurry to leave. “How are you going to manage here?” he asked. “I mean, for a job and childcare and the like.”

  “I have a few plans,” she said, not sure if she wanted to go into it, if he wanted to hear it.

  He was quiet a minute. Then he tilted his head, studying her. “I heard you telling Rita you lived in New York. What did you do back there? Where’d you live? I’m pretty familiar with the city.”

  This was always hard to explain. “I didn’t have a home address,” she said.

  He glanced over at her. “I can’t believe you were homeless.”

  “Oh, I lived in the finest of places,” she said.

  “Explain.”

  “I was a pet sitter for the rich and famous. I went from ritzy apartment to ritzy apartment, taking care of people’s dogs.”

  Most people were shocked by that, by the unsettled nature of it, but Cash actually looked impressed. “So you didn’t have to pay rent.”

  “Right. Which, as you probably know, is exorbitant in the city.”

  “Very clever,” he said. “What would you do if you didn’t have a client?”

  “That was rare,” she said. “But I’d either book a hotel for a few nights or stay with a friend.”

  “Boyfriend?” he asked.

  She didn’t answer. That was a way too personal question.

  He seemed to realize it. “Sorry,” he said. “Not my business. I can actually identify with a lifestyle like that. I haven’t wanted to put down a lot of roots, either.”

  “There’s something to be said for freedom.”

  “There’s something great about freedom, yes,” he said, “but there’s also something to be said for having a place to call home.”

  “I wouldn’t know.” She remembered when she and Tiff had laughed about small towns and made fun of the whole apple-pie-and-family-down-the-street business; as kids, they’d eaten pizza on holidays and they certainly hadn’t put up Christmas decorations very often.

  Maybe, though, they’d laughed out of defense? Because they’d never had the opportunity for the traditional things, not with their mom and her string of boyfriends.

  Time to change the subject. “I’m hoping to start a dog-walking business here. I have great recommendations, and I can bring Penny along in a carrier while I get on my feet financially.”

  “Sounds a little rough,” he said.

  She shrugged. “I think it’ll be fun. I want to do it. I want to spend as much time with her as possible.”

  He nodded, then entertained Penny by hiding a toy from her and then showing it. “Speaking of that,” he said, his voice hesitant, “what do you think about what Norma said? Do you think she might have some delays?”

  Holly’s heart lurched. “I didn’t until this morning.”

  He shrugged. “It’s not like I know much about babies,” he said. “But Anna’s son, that’s my nephew, the one I was holding last night—he’s crawling and standing up. Doesn’t seem like Penny is doing a whole lot of that.”

  She certainly wasn’t, but Holly hadn’t been around enough babies to know what was normal.

  “Did Tiff...? Did she use drugs while she was pregnant?” His voice sounded tight, controlled. Like he was trying not to express the condemnation he felt.

  Defensiveness for her sister flared up. “She worked so hard to stay clean while she was pregnant,” Holly said. “She said in the letter she left for me that she’d managed it, and I believe her. When I got custody of Penny, I also got her hospital records, and I saw her Apgar score. She was perfect.”

  “But...” Cash prompted.

  Holly sighed. “But Tiff had to have a C-section, and afterward, they gave her opioids for pain. They didn’t have the sense to check into her history, and she didn’t have the strength to turn them down.”

  Cash blew out a breath. “That stinks. Do you think it’s why Penny is...behind the curve? Because of neglect?”

  Cash was voicing questions she didn’t want to deal with.

  Had Tiff’s neglect, due to her addiction, set back Penny that much? If so, how could Holly forgive herself for not stepping in?

  Guilt, her perennial companion, wrestled her down. When Tiff had started abusing drugs, Holly had tried to get her into rehab time after time, but Tiff had always refused to go. She’d taken up with bad characters and stolen from Holly over and over, and finally, they’d had a terrible fight and stopped speaking.

  Holly hadn’t known how bad her sister’s addictions had gotten. Hadn’t known she’d even gotten pregnant, let alone that she’d had the baby, gotten addicted again and neglected her. She’d just lived her carefree, New York life.

  Was Penny paying for it now?

  * * *

  TWO EVENINGS LATER, Cash climbed the steps to Holly’s new second-floor apartment.

  He couldn’t stay away. This would all be over soon; the DNA test results would prove to Holly that he had no connection to the baby. She’d get on with building a life here, and he’d head back to Atlanta, and that would be that.

  Precisely for that reason, he felt okay about indulging himself in his odd
attraction to Holly, just for tonight. He shifted the pizza and the six-pack of cola to his other hand and rang the bell.

  When she opened the door, her eyes widened. “Cash! Wow, did you...? Wow. I was going to call you, ask you to come over tomorrow.”

  He got a little jolt from that: Did she like him, that she wanted him to come over? “I saw you walking two dogs today, carrying the baby,” he said. “It looked tiring. Thought you might welcome not having to cook dinner.” He held up the pizza.

  “Oh, you didn’t have to...” She broke off and inhaled, her eyebrows lifting. “That smells amazing.”

  “Bert and Bimbo’s best,” he said. “And I brought up the cola. But there’s wine in my car.” Which he hadn’t planned to offer, but all of a sudden, he had a get-lucky feeling. Maybe she’d be open to getting closer.

  You’re not doing that anymore.

  He ignored his conscience. Yeah, drive-by relationships had started to seem empty, especially since his brothers had gotten married to women they were crazy about. But one more time wouldn’t hurt. Holly Gibson was a very pretty lady.

  “Oh, soda’s fine. I’m not much of a drinker. Come on in,” she added, holding open the door.

  He walked into the furnished apartment, strewn with toys. There was a half-eaten banana on the table and newspapers scattered across the couch.

  “Let me clear a space for you,” she said, and collected the newspapers into a stack so he could sit down.

  He liked that she didn’t apologize for the state of her apartment. “I’m sorry to drop in on you,” he said. “I should have called first.”

  “I don’t mind,” she said, “as long as whoever drops in realizes he has to take it as he finds it.”

  Penny chose that moment to blow a raspberry, and the sound made her laugh with delight and do it again.

  “Yes,” Holly said, all animation, kneeling beside the Pack ’n’ Play. “You’re so funny!” She handed Penny a baby cup. “Juice,” she said, and Penny seized it and drank.