Melanie's Awakening

by Michael Cross

  I slept really soundly that evening. I woke up around 7am and got myself ready for the day. Reflecting on my decision the night before, I have to admit I was a bit unsure of visiting Matt’s family. I knew I would be under their magnifying glass so I did my best to make myself presentable. I wondered just how conservative they might be and as I looked in the mirror I raised my arms and tried to do something with what little hair I had. I wanted to create a professional image, maybe a perfect caricature of a modern career woman, but instead I worried that I instead looked a bit too edgy. With too little hair in some places and too much in others I looked more like a radical feminist. And while Matt did not seem to mind I wondered how I could make myself more feminine, at least more traditional for his relatives.

  I suppose I could have easily altered my appearance, but then I would have to make up some reason for Nicole. I came up with the perfect solution! I took what make-up I brought and tried to apply it not only to make myself look more “ladylike” but also to give my face a more mature look. After all, I knew that I would be quite a bit younger than Matt’s sister and husband. I also needed something new, something pretty and most of all modest for such an occasion.

  Matt knocked on my door at 8am sharp I noticed he was dressed more conservatively than I had seen him before while I had merely thrown on a shirt and jeans. I greeted him with a hug and kiss before he asked if I was hungry. I replied, “Yes, I am. Oh, Matt…after we eat can we go clothes shopping? I really want to make a good impression on your family.” He smiled and replied, “Oh they won’t mind how you are now. However, I would really enjoy taking you to the mall.” He seemed sincere, which surprised me since I had always assumed guys hated shopping with women. We left the room and soon arrived at a 24 hour restaurant. Even then I was pleasantly surprised to discover he too liked to order the lunch menu rather than standard breakfast.

  That day we would go into downtown Seattle and explored all the sights. However, our first stop was at a large suburban mall. I was only a little worried that I might run into Sara, but I reasoned that the chances were quite remote. We went into several shops but I could not find anything I liked. Then, just by chance it seemed, I noticed a small store with a somewhat New Age selection look about it. We went in and my eyes suddenly became fixed on a particular dress – one with a certain Celtic look about it. It was dark green with long narrow sleeves and the length appeared to reach to the floor. I picked it up and held it against me and asked, “How do I look?” Matt merely replied, “Try it on!” I went into the changing room and put it on – it was so “me” I concluded. It had that mystic aura about it while not too mystic as to cause his family to think I might be a Wiccan. It also solved any problems created by Nicole’s preferences.

  When I walked out to get Matt’s opinion he surprised me. I asked him, “So how do you like it?” He laughed and hesitated to answer. I poked him and asked, “What? You don’t like it?” He replied, “Please don’t take offense, but I just have to say you look almost as good in that dress as the outfit you wore in the springs yesterday.” I absolutely took no offense at his compliment, but I could not resist answering, “Oh, well if your sister would not mind I suppose it would be cheaper if I appeared naked for the party.” He shook his head, rolled his eyes and smiled, “No, my family is much less open than I am. Go ahead and take the dress to the register and I will buy it for you.” I was caught off-guard and answered, “Oh that’s okay. I can pay for it.” However I was more open to his generosity after I glanced at the price tag. He insisted, “Let this be my present to you, okay?” I accepted and as I was to return to the changing room he cleared his throat and asked, “Why not just keep it on?” I nodded and took the price tag off and handed to him.

  We continued to browse the mall for a while. It felt quite natural to hold his hand as we looked through the shops. On two occasions however I noticed some stares from middle-aged women. I assumed it was due to their noticing the age difference between Matt and me. However, rather than being annoyed I found it amusing as they must have felt a certain threat to their own little ways of living if they were thinking their husbands might find a younger woman more desirable than their overweight, and probably boring, current wife. As for feeling like an outsider I was already used to it – after all, it was not as if people had not taken notice when Nicole and I had made it abundantly clear in public that we were a couple. The only thing that crossed my mind was how Matt’s family might react.

  We had a great time that day exploring Seattle. I was used to this city but I still tried to act as if it were at least somewhat novel to me. He seemed to enjoy window shopping as well so just to play with stereotypes I asked if he was into watching sports on TV. He said he never found any interest in seeing other people play a sport to make money for some corporation that owned their team. He likened the whole thing to the Roman gladiator games and even talked about Plato’s Republic. I very much appreciated the way this guy thought – Maybe Sara was not really necessary after all.

  We seemed so conventional that morning. Of course nothing could be further from the truth. Here he must have thought of me as some innocent grad student, a bit unconventional in personality and interests – like he was. He had no clue either of me or the brother he grew up with. Yet he loved his brother and I wondered if that would have changed if he became aware of everything about Mark. I wondered if he would still find me attractive if he ever discovered the darker part of me, that part that originally bonded me with the brother he only knew a little about. If he found out would it repulse him towards Mark, towards me? Of course Nicole wasn’t repulsed...she was the one who introduced me to my lifestyle, every portion of it. Why was I even bothering to create something doomed to failure? Was my goal of sexual conquest really worth all the effort? And yet I was developing a connection with this guy that rivalled that of Mark. Was it possible to have my cake and eat it too, so to speak? Was Matt really that open? Daniel had certainly not been and look what happened to him! Still, I wondered what Mark would say if I at least were honest about the aspect of my life encompassing sexuality. He might be unconventional, but would he accept my alternative lifestyle?

  We continued to enjoy ourselves until around 1:30 when we returned to the car and headed off to his sister’s house. I was not really all that nervous, just perhaps regretting I had agreed to meet them. It was Matt that I liked being with, and so why complicate things so soon with meeting a group of strangers? However, I had a great deal of curiosity and that was enough motivation to counter any misgivings.

  We pulled into the driveway of a home in a nice residential area, not unlike where I lived. The yard was perfect though, as if someone went over it with a comb to make sure no grass violated some height level. Everything about the place seemed so conventional, so conformist to a middle-class ideal of manicured lawns, a well-kept flower garden and nothing out-of-place. Matt turned to me and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this? We can turn around and head for the mountains this instant if you wish.” I took his hand and asked, “Aren’t you going to open my car door?” He hopped out of the car and escorted me to the front of the house, hesitated a moment and then proceeded to open the front door.

  Matt called out, “Hello everyone!” A female voice answered and said, “Coming, just a second!” and then, to my utter astonishment I was looking at the last person I would ever have expected to meet again! The woman who appeared around the corner was none other than the lady from the Mexican restaurant in Portland that I and Nicole had been able to have so much fun with – to the point of her storming out! I thought to myself, “Oh, this is going to be really bad” as she greeted Matt and then positioned herself to meet me.

  Matt politely declared, “Ester, this is Melanie.” I looked at her and said “Hello!” The woman, wearing an apron with the slogan, “I love my family” looked at me a moment and then asked, “So this is the girl my brother has been talking about, I am really glad to make your acquaintance Melanie.” She cont
inued to look me over, really looked me over, but I wondered if she recognized me, or was just analyzing the girl who had caught her brother’s attention? I also wondered what Matt had told her about me. However, my main concern was obviously the fear she might remember our encounter at the restaurant. At that point I was really thankful Nicole had sliced off my hair since the alteration of my appearance might save me from a very embarrassing situation. Apparently it was enough a transformation since Matt’s sister then asked us to come into the dining area so I could meet everyone else.

  As his sister led us to the kitchen I looked around into the living room. Everything seemed in perfect order, just like the outside of the home – nothing out of place and essentially no signs of human habitation I thought. There was a piano with a large picture of Jesus hanging over it. There was also a large family portrait over the fire place. I asked Matt to wait as I walked over to look at the picture. I noticed his sister and apparently the husband and one, two…six kids! They were all really handsome or beautiful it seemed, and all dressed in Sunday apparel. One of the boys looked just like a younger version of Matt. Maybe it was weird but I was thinking perhaps this is what would be produced if Matt and I had children. I sighed and thought about what a portrait of Matt and I might look like – of course just like this one, he and I surrounded by adorable children.

  Matt led me to the dining area. It was a bit crowded with several people who appeared to be the kids from the picture – one guy who looked like he was around twenty five introduced himself as Kenneth and then introduced his wife, a girl about my age. She was holding a baby while a toddler held onto her leg and looked at me with an impish smile. Then a man at the stove turned around – it was his sister’s husband. He was stirring something in a pan and merely smiled and called out, “Hello there! Make yourself at home!” I was glad he did not recognize me either. I met the entire little tribe that was Matt’s sister’s family one by one. They all were brimming with hospitality. Soon it was announced by the father that everything was ready and so we all sat down. Matt’s brother-in-law welcomed us, and then called on his daughter to say a prayer. This was actually the first time I had ever experienced a prayer in someone’s home prior to a meal.

  By now I felt confident that neither Matt’s sister, nor her husband, recognized me. Everyone passed food around in an orderly fashion and once I had what I liked on my plate I started eating – yet I suddenly became aware that nobody else had started. Matt quickly asked if I liked the meat and I said it was great. Apparently, he was trying to divert people’s attention from what they might have considered rude table manners.

  For what seemed like an eternity Matt and I sat there quietly while his sister’s family talked about what they were doing in school or work or even in church. Then, Ester asked me what I was studying and I said I was a graduate student in psychology. She said that was interesting but then started talking about some TV program she had seen the day before. Ester started her diatribe, “You know, yesterday they had some program on TV that they were interviewing some woman who was a lesbian but was pregnant with her third child. Her so-called partner was a psychologist and when they asked her if they thought their kids would be well adjusted she said she thought they would. Do you agree with such a thing? I mean to me it is just a sign of the last days approaching.”

  Before I could respond Matt jumped in, “Oh come on, I’ll bet a hundred years ago people were saying skirts showing women’s ankles were a sign of the end of the world.” Ester glared at him and replied, “I was asking your friend what she thought, not you little brother.” He grinned like a mischievous schoolboy and looked at me. For a second I thought maybe she actually did put it together as to our previous meeting but I dismissed the notion as I responded, “Well, I doubt Freud would have liked the arrangement.” Ester raised her eyebrows and nodded approvingly as her mouth was now full. I could not resist the temptation to stir things up and added, “Of course Freud believed everyone was potentially bisexual and that society determines how we express our sexuality.” Matt continued to smile but it seemed my response was rather foreign in this environment as everyone went silent except Ester, “If that’s what he believed then he was just sick! Men were made to desire women and vice versa.”

  Matt jumped in to my defence, “You know, she’s right and all one has to do is look at various societies where such behaviors started out as taboo and then became normalized – the rates of people doing it must have gone up dramatically.” Ester did not look all that pleased as she asked Matt, “So you think it is okay for these women to have children?” He took a deep breath and said, “You know, if they are healthy and intelligent I would hope they would have more than three since they have not even replaced themselves yet!” There was still a hushed atmosphere in the room as Matt continued, “There are a lot of heterosexuals who aren’t having kids these days. I am not going to criticize any women who are still willing to bring children into the world.”

  Ester was clearly not happy with Matt’s comments, nor mine either I suppose. She immediately changed the subject to her son’s baseball practice earlier that day. No controversial topics were brought up at all for the rest of the meal.

  After everyone had eaten, Ester went into the kitchen to get things prepared for the serving of the cake. I asked Matt if I should volunteer to help and he said it would be greatly appreciated by her.

  I went in and asked what I could do. In a nice tone she thanked me but she had it under control. As she began to put more decorative icing on the cake she asked, “Melanie, you said you are in graduate school, so you are what, twenty five or twenty six?” I replied, “No, I am twenty two.” In a tone that sounded as though she was deep in thought she replied, “I see…my oldest daughter in Idaho is twenty four.” I realized where this was going. Ester continued, “I remember twenty two years ago, or was it twenty three, I don’t recall…we gave Matt his farewell party for his mission to Japan. You must have been still in your mom’s womb at that time I’ll bet.”

  I nodded, folded my arms and waited patiently for her passive-aggressive assault to continue. “It is just so strange how time passes Melanie – maybe you don’t notice it so much now but you will. I guess you were playing house with your dolls when Matt and his wife were playing house for real.” I sized up the variety of responses I could give. I could tell right off she had her opinions of Matt being with me here. I commented, “You know, I have looked up what Mormons believe in regards to life – even life before we come to earth. So let me see…Mormons believe that we all are spirits before birth, do you believe that?” She replied, “Yes, that is true.” I continued, “So, are all spirits created and sent into bodies immediately or can some that are older come down before younger ones are sent?” Again, she nodded and fell into my trap, “So in the next life, we should all be around the same age in appearance, maybe in our prime but we will all look the same age?” Ester still didn’t seem to catch where I was going. I concluded my questions, “So it’s only in this life that an age difference really matters since I could be older than you from an eternal perspective? If that is the case maybe Matt should determine who he hangs out with, right?”

  Ester remained silent as she looked at me. I really could not make out what she was thinking at that moment. She sighed and merely commented, “I have to go serve the cake, if you want some you should go into the other room.” I felt I had clearly not made a friend, but her comments had deserved rebuttal. She gave me the silent treatment the rest of the day, although her children were quite friendly towards me. I wondered if perhaps I should have just ignored her in the first place but that was not in my nature. At least the festivities around her husband’s birthday allowed me to avoid her for the most part.

  The social activities lasted until around seven. Some people were leaving and I was wondering what Matt had in mind for us the evening. He suggested we could relax and go sit in the park. I was up for that. As we were excusing ourselves, and people were telling me h
ow nice it was that I had visited, Ester positioned herself by the door to make sure she got the last comment in. She told Matt that her husband had wanted to speak to Matt about some business thing he was involved in so it would be appreciated if he would come home fairly early. She smiled at me and said, “It was nice to meet you Melanie. I wish you luck in your studies.” Well, that was easy to interpret – she didn’t expect to see me again.

  Matt later apologized for Ester’s behavior while we walked in the park. He even commented, “She is kind of strange. She still gripes about some strippers she ran across in Portland after a symposium she had attended. She will undoubtedly confront me over my comments at dinner. I don’t really care though.” He then took my hand and said, “Hey, I hope it didn’t bother you…what Ester said and all. I really was impressed with your standing up for your views and not being intimidated by anyone.”

  We spent the rest of the evening just talking and watching the sun set over the horizon. I really didn’t want the day to end. It had been fantastic to be with Matt in Seattle; the second part was not the most fun, but even meeting some of Matt’s family, aside from his sister, was interesting. And I was enjoying being with Matt more and more. I thought about my earlier goals, and I still would have accepted any invitation to take our relationship to the next level, but I could tell Matt had certain standards he would not bend. I was not sure why I decided not to push it – at that moment I felt like I did not want to risk losing him. And I was extremely curious as to when we would get together again.

  At the end of the evening he asked if I had time for breakfast before I had to leave. I figured I did, as Nicole said she would not be back until late Saturday night. I said I would really look forward to it. We kissed and he said he too looked forward to our meeting the next day. Then he gave me a type of foreshadowing of his plans for the future when he said, “The next time Ester has a celebration I will assure you she will be nicer to you.”