Dissident

by Lisa Beeson

  Just when Val was about to run over there and go through the darn thing to bring them all back herself, Skylar’s breath caught as Cam strode out of the portal with Soren in his arms.

  “Soren!” Skylar screamed at the top of her lungs. Jumping in the air then tripping in her haste, she tumbled down the hill, righting herself at the bottom like a pro and then sprinted to her brother.

  Cam put Soren down, and the little boy made a mad dash towards his sister, screaming her name repeatedly as he ran.

  Skylar was faster than Soren, and they met in the field just past the pond, crashing into each other, crying, giggling, and rolling in the grass as they grasped on to each other – two pieces becoming a whole once more.

  There was another distant scream of joy. Val looked back towards the portal to see a man with silver hair and tattoos, and clothes like Jean-Baptiste walk through as the portal closed behind him. Jamie ran past everyone and tackled the man with the force of a linebacker. Anyone else would have crumpled to the ground but the silver man was strong enough to take it and stayed on his feet as he wrapped Jamie up in a tight hug.

  Val figured that the man must be Jamie’s brother Adam, the other Xjaamin.

  Val felt genuinely happy for them, but her heart twinged with anxiousness. Ari was supposed to be with them. But the portal was closed. What’s going on? Where is she? She was supposed to be there…

  The tall grass rustled behind the veil of the weeping willow.

  Val turned to look.

  Chapter 30

  Ari carefully held the ancient map in her hand, as she ushered Soren through the portal into the hangar, thinking of the old man’s plea to take it before asking her to end his life. Though she felt no guilt for stopping Markus Reinhold’s heart, it was still one more tally on her body count.

  Once through the portal, she immediately walked over to where Paloma and Johnson were by the tables still in the middle of the hangar. Johnson was pointing to a map and explaining something as Ari walked up and handed them Markus’s map. “Here, it might help.”

  Paloma nodded as she gently took the ancient vellum from her and carefully laid it out on the table by the other island maps.

  Ari looked around the abandoned looking hangar. The Reinhold brothers were guarding the Chinook holding the prisoners, while catching each other up and mourning their dead. The squad guarding the hangar from Mara and the others were already outside patrolling the plateau, and everyone that wasn’t staying behind had already gone through Adam’s portal to Paradise Glades. Everyone except for Cam, who was now holding Soren and making him laugh in the most adorable way. The sound and the big, excited smile on Soren’s face were like a balm for her soul. He was safe and going back to his twin. One promise down.

  “Come on, Ari!” Soren called to her. “Let’s go home.”

  Ari smile back at him as she forced herself to walk towards the portal. Convincing herself that little falter in her step was from her weakened state, and not because she was chickening out.

  Making her own portal had been a mistake; she could feel the energy drain like a blow to the head. The woozy, sick to her stomach feeling had her hand reaching for her pocket.

  “Don’t,” Adam said, suddenly by her side with a gentle restraining hand on her arm. “You can’t be popping those things like Tic Tacs.”

  “I know,” Ari rasped through a dry throat. “But I need them. I’m falling apart. I won’t make it if I don’t.”

  He patted his chest. “Then skim off the top. It’ll help.”

  “What?” Ari scowled.

  “Amp me up then skim off the excess,” he explained as though it was the easiest and most obvious thing ever. “Now that I’m a Xjaamin my energy will help you more than those things ever could.”

  Her heart was hammering in her chest with both fear and a sick anticipation. It was revolting how enticing the offer was to her. “You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.”

  “I do,” he said with an unwavering confidence. “I’m a superhero now, remember? I can take it. I trust you.”

  “But I don’t trust myself.”

  “Hey,” Cam said walking over. “If you need energy, I can give you some of mine. I saw myself doing it when you were amping everyone while you were getting your leg attached. Here, let me try.”

  He reached out to touch her hand, but before he made contact, Ari flinched away with a panicked “No” – scared that his touch would bring on an uncontrollable lust surge that she did not need right now.

  His hand froze at her reaction. The look of confusion and hurt on his face made her want to crawl into the earth and die. His pain was like a dagger in her heart. Before she could explain, his face hardened with grim, heartbreaking, acceptance. “Right,” he said with a curt nod. Then pivoting on his heal with Soren still in his arms, he strode into the portal to Paradise Glades without a backwards glance.

  It felt like her skewered heart was going with him, leaving in its absence a deep piercing ache in her chest.

  Soren looked back over Cam’s shoulder, confused.

  Ari mouthed that it was okay, but it was so not okay.

  Turning back to Adam, she clutched at her chest. “I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I can’t keep hurting him. It’s killing me.”

  “Then explain it to him.”

  “How?” she asked, turning all her pain and frustration on Adam. “How can I explain that I love him with all my heart, and we’re made for each other, but we can’t be together because I’m a Fluxxai and my love will kill him, or change him into something unrecognizable? That I’ve been lying to him this whole time about what I really am, because I’m a coward and I’m afraid what his reaction will be. And oh yeah, I murdered a whole bunch of people when I was a small child, which traumatized me so much that I lost my memories and somehow ended up here, and now I have to go back to fix a rune on my head or I might kill a whole bunch of more people,” she panted out in a hopeless rush. “How can I possibly tell him all that when merely looking into his eyes makes me turn into a hormone-fueled lust monster?”

  “You’ll figure it out,” Adam said with an infuriating shrug and a knowing look in his eyes.

  “No.” Ari pointed an accusing finger at him. “Don’t you dare give me one of those vague, I know something you don’t, non-answer answers. You’ve been a Xjaamin for all of what, a minute? You don’t get to do that to me.”

  Adam held up his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, I’m not trying to be vague on purpose. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. It’s like watching the tide come in and there’s all these runnels in the sand. Some of them are deeper than others, so you know that the water is most likely going to flow into one of those. But there could be hidden variables in the sand between the water and the runnels that could make the water go a way that you would never have considered. I have a likely idea what could happen, but me saying it aloud to a certain person at a certain time could be one of those hidden variables messing everything up.

  “The Xjaamin have to be vague, so they don’t accidently influence things in the wrong direction. The older ones are pretty good about not screwing things up, but like you said, I’ve been a Xjaamin for all of a minute.”

  “So they’re not purposefully being jerks to the Seers and Oracles… they’re just being cautious…?” Ari mused.

  “Now, I can’t speak for all Xjaamin, I’m sure there’s a couple jerks in the bunch. But on the whole, no.”

  At her reluctant grin, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “So when I say that you’ll figure it out…”

  “It means that I most likely will…” Ari conceded with a sigh.

  “Bingo,” Adam said with a smirk. “Now hurry up and take what you need from me, so you can say goodbye to your family.”

  Ari’s blood chilled. My family…

  “Maybe it would be best if I just… didn’t go back. Maybe I should just stay here and plan out the way to the gate with Paloma and Johnson.�
��

  “You can do this, Ari,” Adam said seriously. “You need to.”

  “How? I’m not the daughter they’re waiting to see. I’m not innocent, twelve-year-old, Kira Riley anymore… if I ever really was.”

  “Sennah, Kira, Ari,” he listed off. “They’re all chapters of the same story. They are you, and you are all of them. Everyone changes, Ari. Life isn’t static. You’ll find that the Rileys aren’t the same as they were either. Experience changes us all.” He sighed and looked off into the distance. “Whenever I came back from a deployment, I felt the same way you do now. That I wasn’t the same person who left – not after all I’d seen and done. That my family wouldn’t like or understand who I was now. But every time I felt like I’d become a stranger, that I’d lost who I was… my family accepted me with open arms and helped me find myself again, even if it wasn’t exactly who I was before. We grew together.”

  Ari looked back towards the portal, but her fear kept her rooted in place.

  “You have to be prepared for them to see the differences, but the love will still be there.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Think of it this way, if you had a chance to see and speak with your biological mother again, even if it was only for a moment. Would you take it?”

  Ari knew without a doubt that she would. “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Then give them the same chance,” he said gesturing towards the portal. “They understand why you had to do what you did. Ruby and Cass explained everything to them. And they’re still there. They’re still waiting to hold their daughter, their sister…”

  Ari knew it was the truth. She wanted nothing more than to be their daughter and sister again, if only for a moment. “Okay,” she said. “But there’s something else I have to do first.”

  Adam nodded, then held out his arms in offering. “Energy boost before you go.”

  Ari made herself invisible and popped a manna cube instead, not trusting herself to skim off the top, no matter what Adam said.

  As the manna did its job, Ari sifted towards where she felt Val. Blurring past the crowd by the portal, past her reunited minions, past the pond and across the field, up to the top of the hill with the weeping willow. Ari was surprised to see the little family cemetery. The last time she’d been here the place had been wild and overgrown with weeds.

  Circling around and hiding behind the curtain of willow branches, Ari took a minute to take in Val’s altered appearance. It was like a sucker punch to the heart – the eyepatch, the new scars, her shaved head, and she was so thin.

  Swallowing her sorrow, Ari was determined to be like Reid and see Val’s strength not the pain she endured. Val didn’t want her pity.

  Dropping her invisibility, Ari walked towards her friend with pride shining in her eyes.

  Val turned and gasped.

  Dashing through the curtain of willow branches, Val ran into Ari’s arms – holding onto her with everything she had. All her love, hope, joy, and relief crashed around her in a swirling torrent.

  Ari held her close and bent to rest her head atop of Val’s shaved scalp. She felt so tiny and brittle in her arms. Ari felt like she’d break her if she squeezed too hard, but she also sensed Val’s newfound strength infusing her soul. She felt the love outshining the darkness in her heart.

  They were both Humpty Dumptys that had learned to put themselves back together piece by piece, using the love of others to keep them in place. They weren’t perfect, but they were smarter and stronger for it.

  Ari gently took Val’s face in her hands – her beautiful, shining face – and looked into her remaining eye, letting all her love and admiration pour through her. “You did it,” she managed to say through the tears. You’re alive. You survived. You’re here.

  Knowing what she was trying to say, Val nodded. “You too.”

  Ari held her close again. “Val, I have something to share with you.”

  “What?” Val mumbled into Ari’s sleeve.

  Shoring her courage, Ari took a deep breath. “It’s about Anita…”

  Val tensed. “What about her,” she asked, pulling away.

  “She was on the island, in the Olympus Tower with the others hiding from Kael and his men…” Ari swallowed, giving herself time to figure out the best way to explain. “Ever since they had taken her to the island, after she left you in that apartment… well they…”

  “I know,” Val said, glancing down at the ground. “Diana told me what happened. She said that Anita wanted to get back to me, but they broke her mind. She said that Anita was basically catatonic and that they were using her to make more Progeny babies…”

  Okay well, that makes that part easier… “Right, well, a little part of her managed to survive the mind tampering. And well, when Mara went nuts and tried to shoot Marin’s sister… Anita jumped in front of her and took the bullet.”

  Val blinked and scowled, trying to wrap her mind around that.

  “We portal-ed in as quickly as we could and I tried to save her, but she… she didn’t want me too. She uh, gave me a message for you though. I can show you if you want?”

  Val scowled. “What do you mean, show me?”

  “I can show you my memory of it telepathically.”

  Val swallowed as her brows rose. “Oh um, okay. I guess. Sure.”

  Ari connected their xjaasai and showed Val her memory of what had happened.

  As soon as she was able to see Anita on the floor, lying in a pool of her own blood, she rushed over. Kneeling over her, inspecting and putting pressure on the wound in her chest, Ari connected to her xjaasa.

  The bullet had grazed her pulmonary artery. She would bleed out if Ari didn’t heal her right now. But before she could even try, Ari was overwhelmed by the agitated anxiousness of Anita’s consciousness, pulling at her and trying to communicate something her damaged mind couldn’t convey.

  High on adrenalin, Ari’s thoughts were firing off in rapid succession leading her to a solution that seemed both obvious and impossible, but she had to at least try.

  Calming her mind and letting her instincts take over, she opened her consciousness to the Aethos. Taking Anita’s weak xjaasa with her, Ari felt her way back to a place forever branded on her heart.

  With the sound of a train rushing through a tunnel, Ari opened her eyes to the colorfully striated fields of her family’s Inbetween world. The tall grass swept at her fingertips, and the familiar scents and sounds nearly brought her to tears.

  “I did it. I’m actually here… I never thought-”

  “Am I dead?” A woman’s voice said in Spanish behind her. “Is this heaven?”

  Ari turned around to see Anita gazing at the world with clear, cognizant eyes.

  “No,” Ari answered her. “It is a place between places, where we can talk without the constraints of our physical bodies.” As she said it, Ari realized the ever-present ache in her bones was gone, as were the flu-like symptoms. It was a welcome relief.

  Anita scowled as she tried to wrap her mind around what Ari had said. The expression reminded her so much of Val that it made Ari smile.

  “You were trying to tell me something,” Ari prompted, remembering that they were short on time.

  “Of course,” Anita said with a shake of her head. “Sorry, it’s been so long since I could think clearly. You were trying to save me, yes?”

  Ari nodded.

  “Don’t.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “I did what the angel told me to do to save my soul. I saved the girl. Now it’s time to move on.” Tears glistened in her eyes as her shoulders drooped in weariness. “I’m so tired.”

  “An angel told you to save Brenna?”

  Anita nodded. “When the devils were trying to steal my free will, I fought back. I fought so hard, because they had already taken so much from me. They would not take that. I needed to get back to my little girl. I needed to protect my Valencia from them. I had to repent and atone for my sins. I couldn’t do that if I was one of their zom
bie slaves. Then there was a bright white light, and a voice from Heaven told me that I could atone and be free if I saved the girl. A vision of a young girl’s face, and exactly what I needed to do, blazed into my mind.

  “I promised that I would do it, that I could do one great thing in my life. And then my mind…” She waved her hand in the air as if searching for the right words. “It became a prison. In a way, I was trapped in my own place between places. Except it wasn’t beautiful like this. It was hell. My eyes would see, but they wouldn’t focus. My body moved, but it was hard to control. My thoughts fractured and would float just out of my reach. I couldn’t protect the babies they grew inside me. They tore them from my arms as soon as they were born, and I had to sit by and watch them turn into devils themselves. The only thing I could hold onto, the only thing that kept me going, was the promise I had made – the promise that would absolve me and free my soul.

  “And when the moment came, my brain cleared, and my body moved to where it needed to be. And now I’m done.”

  Ari understood. The poor woman had suffered enough.

  “I only wish…” Anita trailed off, and then shook her head as if she was asking too much.

  “What?”

  “Do you know if Valencia is safe? Is she happy?”

  Ari’s heart ached for the woman; there was so much pain and regret in her heart, so much torment.

  “Val is in a safe place,” Ari assured her, “Surrounded by people who will love and care for her. I promise.”

  Tears fell as Anita closed her eyes, and she sighed in relief. After a moment, her pleading eyes met Ari’s. “Will you tell her… please tell her that I’m sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry.”

  Ari nodded that she would.

  “I tried so hard to be good, to be perfect for my grandparents. But it was never enough. Any lapse, any mistake I made, meant my soul was in jeopardy and I had to be corrected with harsher and harsher punishments. I couldn’t live like that anymore. So I escaped. I left school and everything I knew for a big, unforgiving country full of danger, but also opportunity for those strong enough to take it. I was terrified, but I was free, and still kept myself pure. I convinced myself that if I could just do that then… then I’d be okay. My mother’s curse would be broken, and my soul would be safe.