A Thrill of Hope

by Marie Higgins

  Her body shook with silent sobs. “Thanks,” she said with a broken voice.

  “Hey, Holly, I’m sorry someone did that—”

  In a split second, she spun around and buried her face in his chest, clinging to his coat. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “It’s killing me to see you like this.”

  “I-I-I don’t know what to do.” She lifted her face and peered into his eyes. “Nothing is going right. It’s not just the innkeeper’s front. The past two days, I’ve felt like such... a failure.”

  “No, my sweet Holly. You’re not failing at all.” He cupped her face, and using the pads of his thumbs, swiped them underneath her eyes to remove the tears. “You’re doing a great job.”

  “But, I’m not. Don’t you see?” She inhaled sharply, holding her breath as her bottom lip trembled.

  “Why do you think that? Sure, you’re going to feel frustrated a time or two. You’re dealing with a range of children and a few adults.” He smiled. “I remember several times during rehearsal when your mother used to yell at the top of her lungs and walk out of the theatre. But she always came back, and we performed the play just fine.”

  Her face relaxed and a light laugh hiccupped from her throat. “True. My mom did lose her patience a few times, didn’t she?”

  “More than a few times.”

  “See? There’s nothing to worry about. This is normal.”

  A frown claimed her expression, again. “No, there is more to my stress.”

  “What is it?”

  Sighing, she pulled away from him and walked to the wooden railing of the stall. She leaned her back against the railing, and toyed with the zipper on her coat. “Nothing is going right. I’m not satisfied with the cast, especially those who play the main parts. I’m pressed for time, and I feel like the kids aren’t taking their parts seriously. I want this movie to be perfect, but I’m not happy with anything.”

  Rafe moved beside her and pressed his hip against the railing. “Maybe you’re trying to push your dream too fast.” Her wide-eyed gaze snapped to his, so he continued. “You’ve worked on movie sets before, so tell me. How long does it take to put a movie together?”

  “It depends on the length, but anywhere from three weeks, to three months.”

  “Do the actors have their parts memorized when you start filming?”

  “Usually, yes.”

  “There’s your problem. These kids don’t have it memorized.” He arched an eyebrow. “And you’re trying to do this in two weeks?”

  She nodded slowly. “The annual program is always on Christmas Eve.”

  “If you want your production to be perfect, maybe give it more time. Everyone can still do their parts and perform for the town on Christmas Eve, just as planned. But for your movie, you might have to stretch it out a few weeks longer. Then the stress is taken off you, and you won’t feel like you’re constantly yelling at the cast.”

  Closing her eyes, she rubbed her forehead. “I just don’t know anymore, Rafe. Am I doing the right thing at all?”

  He moved closer to her and touched her arm. “What do you mean?”

  She looked up at him. “This... movie-making business.”

  He narrowed his gaze on her. “Why do you doubt yourself? Didn’t you tell me this had been your dream for several years?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not thinking straight. Forget I said that.”

  “Tell me one thing, Holly.” He folded his arms. “If for some reason, you can’t be a movie producer, what else do you want to do with your life?”

  Holly chuckled and lifted her hands in surrender. “I really don’t know. I’ve wanted to work on a movie set all my life. At first, I wanted to be a director, and then I changed my mind, and I worked toward being a producer. All I know is that I enjoy creating movies.”

  He stroked his knuckles along her jaw. “Don’t give up your dreams. It’s when you give up that you’ll lose hope in yourself. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

  “Thanks.” She managed a small smile and took hold of his hand. “What about you and your dreams? Are you still going to be a doctor?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know when that will happen, or where I’ll be.”

  “Are you going to sell the ranch, then?”

  “Yes.” He sighed. “Although, it’ll be very hard to do. I mean, my family has lived here for generations.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “I’m feeling very guilty for wanting to do this, and I hate myself for it. I can’t stand the thought that I’ve brought chaos into my cousins’ lives.”

  “I know what you mean. But you have to do what’s best for your life. You can’t live your life for everyone else.”

  He laughed. “Blake told me something like that, too.”

  Nodding, she winked. “He’s a smart man.”

  Rafe took her hand and lifted it to his mouth. Softly, he brushed his lips over her knuckles. “Are you going to be okay now?”

  “Yes. I have a lot of thinking to do about my career and where I want to take it. This is something I need to do myself.”

  “I hope you know that you’re welcome to stay at the ranch for as long as you like while filming, even if it’s after the New Year.”

  Worried lines creased in her expression and her frown returned. “Rafe, I don’t know if I’ll—”

  Suddenly, a loud thump shook the ground, and the back wall of the barn shook. Rafe released her and swung around, peering toward the door where he’d removed the Halloween decorations. His heart dropped. What had happened now?

  HOLLY RAN BEHIND RAFE as he dashed toward the barn’s back entrance. Once he stepped outside, he stopped. A loud groan came from him. Kicking the dirt with the toe of his boot, he grumbled.

  “This has got to stop!” His hands fisted by his sides.

  She glanced down at the spot where his glare was fixed. Everything he’d built and nailed to the wall of the barn for the innkeeper’s scene was scattered on the ground. And broken. Her stomach twisted and her heart ached. Who was doing this?

  “Oh, Rafe. This is terrible.”

  “I don’t understand what’s going on. I nailed these pieces securely to the barn. Someone is purposely trying to ruin my work.” He raised his gaze to hers. “And what happened the other day with the light fixture? I think that was done on purpose, too. The wires and nails were cut.”

  She gasped as her hand flew to her throat. “Oh, no. Who... why...” She shook her head.

  “I don’t know, but you can be sure I’m going to find out by tonight. The person responsible will be sorry they tampered with my work.” Rafe knelt on the ground and examined two pieces of wood. After a few moments of silence, he looked up at her. “I wanted this perfect for you – for your movie.”

  Sadness filled her, as well as guilt. He’d done all of this for her, and yet, it was all for nothing. She wasn’t going to make her movie. There wasn’t enough time. She still planned on leaving Montana after New Year’s Day. But now, she hesitated to mention it.

  She sighed and sank to her knees beside him. She removed the pieces of wood from his hands and slipped her palms against his. “I think we both need a break. We’ve been working constantly for a week now. I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to lose the Christmas Spirit.”

  “Yes, I am, too, and that’s not like me at all.”

  “Well, to be honest with you,” she paused, licking her lips, “I think I lost the spirit before I graduated high school. My mother lived Christmas twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all year long. Once I went to college, I didn’t celebrate the holiday. I was tired of Christmas songs, of seeing the pretty lights, and every time I saw a Santa Claus standing in front of a store ringing his bell, I wanted to slap him.”

  Rafe shook his head. “Then why do you want to make a movie about Christ’s birth?”

  She chuckled. “Because this is the perfect setting
.” She swept her hand toward his land. “When I thought of the star your father had put on the barn years ago, that’s when I imagined this movie. In my mind, every scene was perfect... because of your land.”

  He grinned. “You’re too funny.” He exhaled a breath and glanced around them at the broken pieces. “I’ll tell you what.” He met her gaze again. “Tomorrow both of us will take a break from all of this nonsense. And, if you let me, I want to spend the day together away from the ranch.”

  “But my mother—”

  “I’ll have Blake help her while you’re out.” He arched and eyebrow. “What do you say? Will you spend the day with me?”

  As much as she wanted to, she hesitated. Her heart was slowly becoming involved with this wonderful man, which meant he would hate her when she returned to California. On the other hand, she loved spending time with him. She especially loved gazing into his dreamy eyes. And heaven help her, she loved kissing him.

  Before they had run out of the barn, she almost told him she would be leaving on January 2nd. Now, she realized she’d have to hold her tongue until the right time... until it was closer to New Year’s Day. She didn’t want him mad at her yet.

  “Yes, Rafe. I would love to spend the day with you.” She grinned.

  He smiled widely. “Good. So the rest of today, I’ll sulk and see what I can repair, and you can finish your rehearsal. But tomorrow, I don’t even want us to think about the Christmas program. Deal?”

  She laughed. “Not think about it? I’ll try, but it’ll be hard.” She stood and brushed the dirt off her jeans. “I suppose I better get back to the group now.”

  He nodded.

  She turned to leave, but he quickly stood and caught her wrist. “Holly, wait.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Things will look better soon, I promise. The sun will shine on you, but you might have to wait for the clouds to pass first.”

  Shaking her head, she moved to him and rested her palm on his chest. He stared into her eyes, and she felt her mind – and heart – spinning out of control. “Rafe, you say the sweetest things, but sometimes the words that come out of your mouth are things my dad would have said.”

  “Is that a compliment?”

  “Yes. My dad was a very special man.”

  Rafe stroked her chin before dropping and placing a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you. I think you’re pretty special, too.”

  Her heart flipped, but this time, she let herself enjoy the feeling. She wasn’t going to fight it, anymore. She would cherish the time she had with Rafe, knowing it wouldn’t last forever. Besides, he couldn’t make commitments, either. In reality, they were perfect for each other.

  FIFTEEN

  Holly rushed through the morning ritual of showering, dressing, and eating. Although she accomplished the first two, her stomach danced with excited nerves and she didn’t want to eat. Last night’s sleep left her feeling calmer than she had been all week, and yet her mind spun with ideas of what she and Rafe could do today. Every image that had popped into her head resulted in her being in his arms, or holding hands, and especially, kissing him.

  As she collected her gloves, scarf, and coat, her cell phone buzzed with a call. She checked caller ID. Brian. She held her breath, wondering if she should answer. If he wanted to start his project sooner, she would have to turn him down. She needed to finish putting together the Christmas program for her mother first.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “Hey, Holly. Good news. We can start working on the project right after Christmas. Do you think you can meet with me on December 27th?”

  She sighed with relief. “Yes. Because it’s after Christmas, one of my sisters should be able to help my mother so I can return to California.”

  “Great. I’ll see you then.”

  “Yes, you will.”

  As she hung up, her heart dropped. Christmas would be here before she knew it, and then she would leave. She might not see Rafe again for a few years. She’d definitely miss his gorgeous smile and his toe-tingling kisses.

  Trying not to think of that, she hurried down the stairs into the kitchen area. Her mother and Blake sat at the table, chatting. They stopped and looked at Holly.

  Her mother smiled. “Are you ready to go, dear?”

  “Yes, I’m ready.”

  “You should have something to eat, first.” Blake pointed to the pancakes.

  “Thank you, Blake, but I’m not hungry.” Holly glanced into the spacious living room. “Have you seen Rafe?”

  “He went out to start the truck and get it warm.”

  “Okay, thanks.” She scrutinized Blake a little closer. The tone of his voice sounded on edge, but his expression didn’t look upset at all. Maybe she was making too much out of it.

  Just then, Rafe walked in through the side door from the garage. He looked so handsome today, although he always looked good. It was like every day he kept getting better looking. Today he wore a crisp pair of black jeans, matching his black boots. He wore a dark blue sweater that appeared to be new. As she stared into his dreamy eyes, she realized he looked really good in blue.

  His face lit up as he scanned her attire. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” Her heart hammered.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked.

  “I was just waiting for you.”

  “Holly?” her mother asked.

  She glanced over her shoulder at her parent as she shrugged into her coat. “Yes?”

  “Have you contacted the cast to let them know there won’t be any practice today?”

  “Yes, Mother. I called them all last night.”

  Her mother smiled. “Good girl.”

  Chuckling softly, Holly turned back to Rafe. He lifted his dark brown coat and matching scarf off the hook by the door. This was a different coat than she was used to seeing him wear. But he still looked incredibly handsome.

  As Holly walked to the back door with him, she gazed into his eyes. They twinkled when he grinned. “So, what do you have planned for us today?”

  Rafe opened the door for her. She entered the garage with him right behind her.

  “I don’t have anything planned. We will do whatever we want.”

  She stopped suddenly, and studied his eyes. He was serious! “I’ve never been spontaneous before. This will be interesting.”

  “I hope so.” He opened the truck door for her. “But I wondered if we should start the day by going somewhere for breakfast. I haven’t eaten yet, and I didn’t want Blake’s pancakes.”

  Climbing in the truck, she laughed. “I didn’t want to eat his pancakes, either. Not that I think he’s a bad cook, but my stomach was too nervous to eat.”

  Rafe paused, not closing the door yet. He leaned into her on the seat. “What are you nervous about?”

  Her breath caught in her throat as her heart flipped crazily in her chest. He wore a silly grin, which made her smile. His face was close to hers, and his masculine, sexy scent of spice enclosed around her. She had the urge to bury her face in his neck and inhale. She was also tempted to run her fingers through his hair, hold onto is head and bring him in for a kiss. Instead, she resisted.

  “You ask me this question while you have a teasing smirk on your face?” She laughed.

  His gaze dropped to her mouth, and she thought he was going to kiss her. She wouldn’t push him away. The other night, she had wanted him to kiss her while they were cuddled in the afghan in front of the fireplace, and when he didn’t, she was quite disappointed. But now, he just seemed content to stare at her. Then he moved closer. She held her breath. But a second later, he stepped back, chuckled, and shut the door.

  Disappointment washed over her again. What was wrong with him? Why did he make her think he would kiss her and then not do it? This must be his way of driving her insane with wanting... it was working.

  She clasped her hands in her lap to keep them still. So what that he didn’t kiss her just now. The day was just starti
ng. There was plenty of time for that later. And she vowed not to let him pull away again.

  She decided that she’d make the best of the time she would spend with Rafe today. Starting tomorrow, she’d help those children rehearse for the program, and she wouldn’t worry about her own movie project. That, too, could come later.

  He climbed in the truck, started it, and backed it out of the garage. After being on the road for a few minutes, he softly cleared his throat.

  “I asked around the ranch yesterday, to see if anyone noticed someone messing with the structure I’d built for your innkeeper’s wall.”

  She whipped her attention toward him. “And?”

  He shook his head. “Nobody saw anything. As I was asking around, I studied everyone’s reaction, and unfortunately, I couldn’t tell if they were lying or not.”

  “You know, Rafe,” she shifted toward him in the seat, “people tell me how trusting you are. I don’t think you’d be able to spot a liar. Maybe I need to be the one to ask around.”

  Glancing at her, he arched an eyebrow. “Really? You don’t think I know when people are lying to me?”

  “Yeah, really.”

  “Do you think I’m wrong to trust people? I mean, I’ve lived in this town my whole life. I know these people well. Why shouldn’t I trust them?”

  She shrugged. “I see your point, but the bad people out there can use your weakness to their advantage.”

  “What bad people?”

  “Exactly.” She nodded. “You are so trusting that you can’t tell the difference.”

  “So now you’re saying that trusting is a weakness?”

  “I suppose it depends on how you look at it. In my life, I’ve met more deceitful people than those who are kind. It’s hard for me to trust people.” A moment in her past popped into her head, and she frowned. “When I was young, I was very trusting – so much, in fact, that I believed my friend when she told me she was going to arrange a secret meeting between me and a boy I liked. I’d listened to her and went blindly into the prop room...”

  He turned and glanced at her before looking back at the road. “And that was when I first kissed you.”