Shatter the Suns

by Caitlin Sangster

  The last measure of sedative in the medikit goes into Howl’s bloodstream, and I sit with my eyes locked to his, his hand grasping mine too tight as we wait for the medicine to take hold. His face is so pale, nothing but a ghost of the person I know must be fighting inside, strangled and suffocated underneath all the bandages. But once his eyes close and his fingers relax from their frantic grip, I can’t sit still any longer. Can’t stay. The world seems out of focus and sickly as I trip my way out of the storage closet. Down the ladder and out of the heli. Xuan’s protests as I drag him along after me are nothing but a mindless buzz that I can’t make myself pay attention to.

  Outside, the sun has burned the mist from the air, leaving a clear view of the three hills we landed behind and the odd, grasping, and gangly trees clustered at their base. And past that . . . the ocean, a disorienting monochromatic horizon that seems to go on forever. The air still feels wet and smells of something I can’t place, leaving a brackish taste across my tongue, the world all over in teals and grays, as if we’re in the center of a storm cloud and the colors have all been stolen.

  Bloodstains splash the grass all around the heli, the creature we left dead on the ground pulled into gruesome bits, the heaps of flesh that used to be the huge beast strung out all around the clearing and gathering flies. I pull Xuan a step closer to the spot I fell last night and have to bite back a retch as the wind blows the gamey scent of unwashed fur and death into my face.

  “Is there a reason you want to stand out here? I’m getting blood on my boots.” Xuan complains.

  Tai-ge comes down the ladder after us, and I have to think for a minute to remember why he decided to bring the gun out with him. Xuan. He tried to hurt Tai-ge. Tried to run.

  “It’s not safe out here.” Tai-ge’s voice is terse. “There were more gores.” He bends down near what is left of the gore’s head, wrinkling his nose. “Somehow I don’t think there was enough here to feed them all.”

  “Gores are nocturnal, Tai-ge.” I wrinkle my nose, stepping over a blood-caked spot in the grass. “Not that you’re listening.” The last part is under my breath.

  The creatures ate the one that almost killed us. Or some of it, anyway. Something catches sunlight under the monster’s detached jaw. Xuan points to it just as I walk forward, reaching to pluck it out of the bloodied remains of the gore’s maw.

  The knife. It pulls out easily, stink of feral beast mixing with the tang of congealed blood in my nose. Underneath the blood I find Tai-ge’s name. “Howl must have stabbed the roof of its mouth so it wouldn’t bite him.” Trying to remember what happened last night is like trying to walk back through a nightmare, the images jerky and incomplete. I do remember blood on the gore’s muzzle and cheek, the bloody remains of the creature’s eye. Howl must have stabbed it there, too.

  “So, you two must be pretty close, right?” Xuan’s voice makes me jump, reeling me back from the thoughts clouding my mind.

  “Close?” I glance over at Tai-ge, who has gone back to the ladder, his eyes hard as he watches us. He cocks his head, waiting for me to answer. “What do you mean?”

  “You and the Chairman’s son? It’s not every day you see someone jump between a gore and its prey.” His teeth glint in the afternoon light in an all-too-knowing smile as he gives my shoulder a nudge. “Seems like the City has more reason to be hunting you than I thought, Fourth. Everyone always used to talk about Tai-ge, but I’d side with you on this one. Howl’s definitely got something.”

  I wipe the curved blade off on my pants, the notched edge catching against the fabric. “Go write your romance novel somewhere else.”

  Xuan laughs, jingling the handcuffs between us. “If only I could. Does that mean Tai-ge is after Blondie instead?”

  “Stop calling her that.”

  Xuan ignores me, his hand tugging against the handcuffs as he bends down to pick something out of the churned-up earth. “Here’s another mystery solved.”

  In his hand are four metal stars joined at the points to make a line. Mine. My hand goes to my neck, the leather cord that usually holds them gone. I didn’t notice it missing in the adrenaline-soaked hours since the gore charged us. Twisting around, my fingers barely touch the bandage pasted between my shoulder blades, about the right distance for my cuts to have been from the necklace. Xuan holds the stars out to me, careful of the sharpened points. City red barely shows through under the rusty brown wash.

  I take them and drop to my knees, feeling the ground for the rose-colored jade piece my mother gave to me when I was young, but the blood-soaked dirt divulges no secrets.

  The rusted ring is gone too, lost forever down a monster’s gullet. Of the three pasts strung around my neck, it would be my traitor stars that stuck with me, too sharp even for a gore to swallow.

  “How long do you think we have before the people from Port North—from Kamar, I guess—notice we’re here?” I ask.

  The hint of smile that always seems to be on Xuan’s face drops. “I don’t know. Maybe Kamar is too occupied evacuating to the island to pay attention to us.”

  Panic twinges in my stomach. “We’re supposed to have another three days.”

  “They sent out the first forces the night of the Chairman’s meeting. The main force hasn’t gone over yet, but . . .”

  “They’re already at the staging area? I saw a heli yesterday from Port North—a woman came in it to evacuate the people in the village. Do you think Dr. Yang has already sent people to the island?” My heart sinks. What if it’s already too late? I stand, scratching at the blood crusted on my hands. We couldn’t move now even if we wanted to. Not with Howl lying broken in the storage closet like that poor bird from the orphanage, trapped in its cage.

  “I don’t think so.” Xuan looks south, toward where Port North is supposed to be, absently rubbing the Second mark scarred into the skin between his thumb and forefinger. “I was supposed to ship out with the main group tomorrow and meet up with them at the permanent camp south of Kamar.”

  I follow his gaze, hopelessly looking for some clue as to where Port North starts or a hint of the Red staging area I saw on the map south of it. Where Dr. Yang and the Chairman probably are at this very moment, plotting how best to take the one thing my mother left for me: the cure.

  CHAPTER 40

  TAI-GE CALLS OUT WHEN I start toward the empty dwellings, Xuan trailing behind me. “I should come with you, shouldn’t I?” He glances at Xuan, hand on the gun.

  “No. I need to think.” I probably shouldn’t be angry at Tai-ge. Xuan was the one who ran and brought the gores down on us. But Tai-ge was the one who wouldn’t listen to me or Howl in the first place.

  “I can’t drag her into the woods and expect Kamar not to figure out where we came from,” Xuan breaks into my thoughts, directing the comment at Tai-ge. “Blending into a crowd is difficult when there are handcuffs and a less-than-compliant teenager attached to your wrist. A dead teenager would probably attract even more attention.” He squints at me, sizing me up. “You’re smallish, though. Maybe if I found an overcoat, I could stash you under it and pretend I spend too much time in the cafeteria.”

  Tai-ge doesn’t laugh. “We need to get moving. If getting to the island during the evacuation is our only chance . . .” He glances toward the heli.

  “I need some time to think about it, Tai-ge. We can’t leave Howl.”

  “We can’t leave Howl? Isn’t that what you’ve wanted to do all along?” Tai-ge raises his eyebrows, waiting expectantly. As if now that he’s finally done tolerating Howl, I’ll be the one to open the hatch and throw him out.

  “Things have changed.” I clear my throat and take a step toward the hatch. “We’re stuck in plain sight of a bunch of people who might want to poke holes in our vital organs. Give me a few minutes to figure it out.”

  “We had a plan. One that doesn’t require a Menghu.” Tai-ge waits for a second, then impatiently waves his hand, as if commanding me to explain myself. “You’re going to risk l
osing the cure to Dr. Yang over this?”

  I take a deep, steadying breath. “Just let me—”

  “And you’re going to wander off with him.” Tai-ge looks at Xuan. “After he attacked me and ran?”

  “What exactly did you have in mind?” The words explode out of me, patience gone. I hold up my wrist, handcuffed to Xuan’s. “Should we saw his arm off? We’re going to go look for the key, and I’m going to figure out a way to not abandon the person who just saved my life and still get to the island before Dr. Yang. I’d rather do it without you yelling at me.”

  “Sevvy, I . . .” Tai-ge looks down at his boots, but looks up immediately, the slosh of blood and hair underfoot too gruesome to meditate upon. “Sorry. I’ll . . . get things ready to go here.”

  “We’ll talk when I get back, okay?” I tug on the handcuffs and whistle at Xuan. “Come on, little puppy!”

  Xuan groans theatrically. “I think I’m more upset about being tethered to you than being stuck in the middle of enemy territory.”

  “Wait. Take one of the guns.” Tai-ge holds it out to me.

  I grudgingly take the weapon, sticking it into my waistband. If Xuan does decide he has a better chance at survival running away, even if it means dragging my dead body along behind him, then he has access to a weapon now. Actually, if I were dead, he could probably figure out a way chop off my arm, then hide the cuffs. On the other hand, if Xuan wanted to kill me he probably could have done it with medical supplies and blamed the gore. I don’t trust people as easily as I used to, but Xuan did help us with Howl.

  Walking to the spot Howl had Xuan pinned isn’t as difficult as I’d expected, our footprints from last night scarring the ground as if we dragged shovels through the plants. It’s sort of eerie, the marks we made between the houses making me realize just how long this place has been abandoned. There are no signs of any other humans. What happened here?

  The wet dirt sticks under my fingernails and in the lines of my knuckles as Xuan and I search the scrubby grass for the tiniest hint of silver. Maybe if we dig long enough, I’ll wake up. This whole nightmare will be over and . . . I’ll be back in my bed at the orphanage with absolutely no future, wishing Tai-ge’s two stars didn’t weigh down his shoulders quite so much, and patiently waiting for the headsman to call my name.

  I stand, the abrupt movement startling an expletive out of Xuan. Is that what I am doing? Walking toward an early death, no matter which path I take? How is it I managed to drag so many people with me? How long until there are Reds or Port Northians or more gores peeking up through the heli’s hatch? How many of us will even get close to Mother’s cure, or will we all get shot, bitten, or killed one by one? My mind trips over the horrible image of Howl burned into my brain, hovering a breath or two away from the line between living and dead. Could I have done something different last night to change what happened?

  Last night is over. What can I do now?

  Xuan touches my shoulder, surprising me into pulling the gun out of my waistband and shoving it into his face before I can think.

  “Whoa.” He puts his free hand over his head, the other tugging at the chain that connects us. “I just thought you might like to know that you are talking to yourself.”

  I groan, the sound chafing against my throat as I lower the gun.

  “What is it you’re so twisted up about?” he asks. “Getting into Kamar now that you have a mostly dead guy to carry around? Or is it the dead guy himself you’re worried about? What to do about Sun Yi-lai, who so dashingly just saved your life?”

  “Please do not refer to him as ‘the dead guy.’ He’s not dead.”

  Xuan rolls his eyes, but then he sighs and sits on the ground, pulling me down next to him. “There’s not much we can do for him. The tape inside him is going to dissolve before it can do any good. All you have here are medical supplies that are meant to keep someone alive until they’re flown back to a hospital. He needs a scalder for the chemicals. And an anmicro wash and bond to close it all up. We don’t have that stuff.”

  “But . . .” I look out to the empty horizon, the lack of mountains and heavy tree cover making me feel exposed. “That staging area south of here? Would they?”

  Xuan gives a slow nod. “Probably. But they’d also have some less comfortable sorts of things for us if we tried asking for medical supplies. I don’t know who down there is . . .” He goes silent, looking at the ground.

  “Don’t know who is what?”

  He tips his chin back up. “Did I tell you how lovely those bandages make you look? They really set off your skin tone.”

  “The girl who is holding a gun is about to lose patience with you, Xuan.”

  “What is it you want me to do? Sneak into the camp? With you and your traitor brand attached to me? If they got your mask off, anyone would know who you were, and they’d take us both to the Arch.” Xuan points to the mark under my ear, the one that links me to Mother, then shakes his head. “Or whatever they’re using for ceremonial killings these days. I’m not quite that desperate yet.”

  I flick his hand away from me. “But if it means the difference between Howl living and dying . . .” My mind is still running faster than I can keep up. If we got medical supplies somehow, then what? Expending the time it would take to get them would eat up any chance we have of getting to the island before Dr. Yang.

  “I’m not going to walk back into a City camp, Sev. I did what I was supposed to do in the City—and didn’t ask questions—but now I have a chance to get away from all that. I’m not going to waste it because the Chairman’s stupid son let a gore get its teeth into him. If you ask me, him fading away might help the situation a little bit here.”

  “He’s not the Chairman’s son.” Gun loose in my hand, I curl up, my free arm around my legs and my cheek against my knee as if I can squish small enough that the world will forget I exist. As if I’m somehow the one who did all of this and if I wink out of existence, then everything will go back right. Tears burn behind my eyes.

  “Sure he’s not the Chairman’s son. I was ready to cut off my marks to get away too.”

  I shake my head, not willing to argue. “If we just sit here, we’ll lose the cure. We might all get killed. But I can’t just watch him . . .”

  “That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Xuan points at me when I trail off, his eyes narrowed. “You don’t want him to die, but even admitting that is hard for you. Why?” I shake my head at him, unable to answer. “I’d ask if you want a hug . . .” He backs away an inch when I wrinkle my nose, his hands going up. “A very nice, platonic, comforting sort of hug from an older brotherly type who is not even a little bit interested in you, I promise . . . but I don’t really want that thing any closer to me.” He points to the gun, which is still absently pointed in his direction.

  A week ago, Howl being eaten by gores was hardly punishment enough for what he’d done. But now, actually watching as his cheeks hollow and eyes go glassy is completely different. I can’t block out the image of him facing down the gore. Or the memory of him carrying me away from the Reds after we pulled June from their tent and I ended up with the butt of a gun to the head. Of his face in the dark, starlight dotting his nose like freckles.

  Xuan pats the ground next to him with a patronizing smile. “Talk to me, honey. I’m good at love problems.”

  Annoyance boils up dangerously inside of me, every word out of his mouth a dire chance that he won’t make it back to the heli alive. Why do I feel like this? my head screams. I must be going insane. Suddenly I’m ready to kill? For Howl?

  Xuan sort of laughs. “I gave E. coli to the last girl I liked.” He states it matter-of-factly, a hopeless smile curling in his mouth. “So really, being the reason Yi-lai got bitten in half is nice in comparison.”

  “You . . . what?” I tuck the gun back into my waistband, Xuan’s explanation putting wrinkles in my forehead.

  “It was an accident. Sort of.” He tears a stalk of the rough grass from the soil,
spiky seeds blistering from the top.

  I watch as he picks the seeds off one by one, rolling them between his fingers and throwing them into the grass. “How do you accidentally give someone E. coli?”

  “I was working in one of the labs up on the Steppe. She taught a class a few doors down. We used to cross paths on the way to self-criticism. But she was a First.”

  “She didn’t like you back? So you gave her E. coli . . . to put her out of her misery?” I think for a second, my mind fuzzy. “To put her out of your misery?”

  Xuan smiles, a thin veneer of humor over a less-than-happy memory. “I took the slides her class was working with out of their protective unit—lots of different colors: red, pink, blue, green—and spelled I love you on her desk. She wouldn’t have known it was me. I just wanted to see what she would do.” He shifts over, running his fingers through the grass, bent from our search. “Turns out it was an infectious disease lab and all the different colors were different strains of E. coli. She didn’t come back for a long time.”

  “You’re a medic. You didn’t look at the labels?”

  “It was a First-only lab. None of their research that’s out where people can read it is labeled in a way that’s public-consumption friendly.”

  I give a halfhearted smile. “At least she recovered.”

  “She didn’t even know who I was.” He lifts his hand to show me the two lines carved into his hand, dragging my hand up with it. “Second. I don’t think she even saw me until they checked the surveillance and she came herself to yell at me. It’s hard to be the one who wants to start things. I couldn’t, because she outranked me. She might as well have been a different species. Living on another planet.”

  “What happened?”

  He shrugs. “I made her laugh. We got to talking. Things were . . . good. For a while.” He looks down, and suddenly I remember Tai-ge’s explanation of Xuan wanting to leave. That his girlfriend had gone mad and run off into the woods. “At least you don’t have to toe the line with Howl. If he wants you, all you have to do is say yes or no.”