by Ruby Reade
This is fabulous. There is nowhere to hide, and I am stuck up here until the stupid thing is over while my face looks like a post-box.
I look over to my mum and Jenny who are in the bride’s stalls, I watch them trying not to laugh at me behind their service sheets, but I can see it in their eyes. My mum's shoulders are shaking.
I can't concentrate on what the vicar is saying. There is a white noise building in my ears instead, and I am starting to feel faint. Kate will murder me if I pass out now and make her miss her wedding slot. Just keep doing slow breaths and you will be fine. Why oh why did I agree to this? My worst nightmare is playing out while I am awake.
I look over to the boys, Kevin looks up and I can see even he is laughing at me.
Laura nudges me to get the first hymn ready.
Brilliant, now I am forced to sing. Today is one long regret apart from seeing Kate so happy. Why didn't I get to be a guest instead? I could have hidden in amongst the crowd behind my song sheet and it would have all been okay.
The first painful line of the song over with it becomes a bit easier, at least I have a reason to look down and not have to stare at the crowd. Also, if I keep my head down, I can get away with miming.
The door at the back bangs open and in walks Amy. If you hit me over the head with a saucepan, then that is how over dramatic reaction is. I can't help it. I gasp and drop to the floor. I fuss over my shoes trying to keep out of view.
What the fuck is she doing here? I mean what the fuck.
I can't believe he invited her. Bastard. I look up expecting to see him smiling and waving at her, instead he is talking to Luke and shaking his head. I can just about hear him whispering, 'I didn't invite her. It's nothing to do with me.'
Kate looks furious and growls at him. 'Get her out of here.'
'But I didn't invite her.'
'I don't care this is my day now fucking remove her before I do.' She jabs her finger in his face.
I look back to see the bitch has taken a seat at the back and looks to be thoroughly enjoying herself.
If he didn't invite her then who in the hell did?
The singing continues, but people in the crowd keep turning back to look at the woman dressed in black and see what the commotion is all about.
'Leave it, stop stressing out and I will deal with it in a minute.' Luke puts his hand on her shoulder and calms her down.
Heads keep turning back every so often, but other than that, the rest of the service goes off smoothly.
I can't believe she turned up here. What is that all about? What a boiler. She must have come to check up on Kevin.
I see Kate muttering under breath in mid-rant, I assume about Amy.
'Look, fuck her. Let's go and have our pictures done, enjoy our wonderful day, and I will deal with her in a minute.' Luke says managing to keep a smile on his face the entire time and even shake people’s hands as he walks past.
Laura and Drew are behind them, then me and Kevin follow them side by side. I try and look at him without turning my head, but it's impossible. I wish I was a mind reader then I would know if he was telling the truth about her randomly showing up.
We all gather together outside the church. Hopefully we all get used to sun or we will all have screwed up faces in the photos.
'They did it.' Jen says putting her hands on my shoulders and squeezing them.
'Oh god, here it comes.' Jen nudges me and nods over to Amy who is slithering her way over. Her dress is skin-tight and looks like it should be for a twelve year old and her hat is huge and bright red, with matching shoes. Slut.
She is moving steadily towards Kev and not taking her eyes off him. She knocks into several people but doesn't say sorry or slow down.
Kevin is talking to Drew which I didn’t imagine would ever happen again, they must have made up on the stag do. He has his back to her and doesn't see her coming until it is too late. She wraps her arms around him and leans in. I watch him smile until he sees it's her. He tries to unravel himself but doesn't have much luck. Drew pulls a face at him and backs up.
'Oh darling, I am so happy to see you.' She screeches, looking over her shoulder at me to check if I'm looking. She smiles and turns away. 'Do you like my new shoes?' She asks doing the splits and waving her sandals under his nose, displaying far more than is appropriate at a church, even if we are outside it.
I turn around to face Jen and pretend nothing is happening behind me. I felt rough beforehand, but that sickening display has set me off all over again.
'You okay?' Jen asks grabbing my arm.
'Oh yes, just, you know.' I say rubbing my head.
'Ah bless you. I wish I had been there with you.' She says pulling a sad face. She thinks I mean my accident, not the slut weaving her evil magic behind me.
'All the bridesmaids next.' The photographer’s voice cuts through all conversations. My shoulders sag. I sigh and move slowly over to the designated photo area to take my place.
I hate photos, especially when I look a million times worse than usual.
My head pounds that little bit more with every order to smile more, to hold the flowers higher, no lower, a bit higher, and to tilt my head, lean in, and smile more.
Jen is standing behind the photographer and mimicking him making my job of posing so much harder.
'You.' He barks at me. 'You are smiling too much now. Serene. That is the look we are going for.'
Amy moving into view, dragging Kev along by his tie puts a stop to my smile altogether.
'You. Stop fidgeting.' He shouts at me.
Kate shoots me a look of death. I hold my hands up and do my best to get on with it.
I can't wait to get out of here.
As soon as the circus is over, I head straight to the toilets. Jen sees me making a break for it and waddles after me trying to keep up.
'That bloody cow. Did you see her all of Kevin? I just want to smash her face in and watch those whitened teeth vanish down her throat. I would love to give her a piece of my mind.' Jen rants leaning against the sink to rest her swollen ankles. They seem to have doubled in size. When she pops her shoes off, I look at them and wonder how she will get them back on. They don't even look real anymore.
'Honestly, it's not worth it. As much as I want to hurt her, today is Kate's day and it will soon be over, then I won't have to see either of them again.' I say into the mirror, reassuring myself and Jen at the same time.
'Pretty please. The way I feel about her I swear I could rip my own arm off and batter her.' She informs me wiggling her eyebrows.
'Wouldn't it be a better idea to rip her arm off and use that as a bat, as a soon to be mum you're going to need both of yours soon.' I say giving her a half smile. Folding my arms, I lean on the sink next to her.
'At a girl. I like that type of thinking.' She says. I grab a handful of her dress to stop her marching out of the toilets. She stops in her tracks when the door opens and in walks Amy.
'You do know that fighting at a wedding is just tacky and repulsive.' She gives us her best snotty look and walks over to the mirror to check her flawless face. 'And in your condition, you would have thought you know better.' She says to Jenny not bothering to look at her.
'Yeah, you just keep walking.' Jen yells at her as I drag her forcibly from the toilets.
'We are the ones walking.' I tell her when we get outside. I shake my head and drag her a bit further away from the toilets, so we don't bump back into her again when she leaves.
Why can't this day end?
'What?' I ask the table of people who are staring at us.
'I'm a bit uncomfortable now.' Jen says pointing down to her bump which looks shrink wrapped from my vice grip on her dress. No wonder people are staring. I look like I am wrestling a pregnant woman.
I let go of her immediately and straighten her dress out. She tries tapping my hands away, but I feel terrible now. I have just squished my niece or nephew. Bad auntie.
The table of nosey git's next
to us are distracted by the sight of Kate's Nan trying to dance sexily around Luke's cousin and his mates. We have been forgotten in an instant. I couldn't be more grateful.
I rub my hands roughly over my face. I have no doubt that I look worse now, but hopefully everyone is too drunk to notice.
'Only another couple of hours to go.' Jen says, leaning her head on my shoulder.
'I might shoot off now instead.' I say and attempt a smile. Today has been physically, mentally and emotionally draining and I have nothing left in the tank.
'Are you feeling rough?' She asks.
'Yeah and all of this shit isn't helping.' I rub the sides of my face and scan the room looking for Kate. Surely she shouldn't be this hard to find. I am looking for a gigantic white meringue.
'Well I think you have been a trooper coming here today after last night.' She pulls me in for another hug to hide the fact she is crying again. 'Bloody hormones.' She sniffs in my ear.
'Pull yourself together you’re an emotional wreck.' I tell her and manage to pull off a smile. 'I am going to find Kate and mum, then do the offs.' I kiss her on the cheek and step back.
'See you later.' She says giving me a wave.
'Love you.' I call over my shoulder as I am swallowed by the crowd.
Chapter 41
Lucy
I am almost at the doors after being stopped by practically every guest in the room. I can't wait to get out of here and put my pj's on, some old school Whitney, and cry myself to sleep. It might not sound that appealing to anyone else, but it is exactly what I need right now.
'This song is dedicated to Lucy.' Kev's voice over the microphone stops me mid-step.
'When a man loves a woman, she ca-an do no wrong. He'd turn his back on his best friend if he put her down...' I slowly turn around because I cannot believe what I am hearing. Kevin is singing to me. Singing to me in front of all these people. I feel a blush rising from my toes until my ears feel like they are going to melt off the side of my head. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is staring at me.
I half expect a spotlight to find me.
'When a man loves a woman...' He carries on. I catch Kate's eye and she mouths 'sorry.' I can't believe she told him my dream wedding song. Traitor. I scowl back at her folding my arms.
I look up at the stage, but Kevin has disappeared. I can still hear him though.
He isn't.
The crowd separates, and I realise that yes, he is. The crowd moves apart leaving a runway straight to me. I want to run but I am so horrified I can't move. Every muscle is locked still. If I was an animal, I would be the one that plays dead.
'Lucy, I...' His voice cracks when he is standing right in front of me. The band stops playing. The room is silent watching to see what happens next.
Talk about intense.
I can't breathe. What if I pass out? I can't do that now. How embarrassing. Come on Lucy keep breathing, in and out, in and out. That's it, keep going.
For god sake. Someone say something.
'Lucy.' Anyone but you.
'Lucy, I love you more than I have loved anything or anyone before. I love you because you are the better half of me. You are the person who makes me want to be a better man. I want to be able to wake up every morning and know that you will be lying next to me.' He stops and stares at my face waiting for a reaction, but I am still playing dead.
'I'm pregnant and hormonal, move out of my way. I need to see this.' I can hear Jen saying whilst shoving bystanders out of the way. She is dragging mum along with her who is apologising to everyone Jen bumps into.
'Kevin,' I try to get my thoughts together.
'Please, wait. Hear me out first and then you can say what you want. We have been together for over two years, and they are the highlight of my life. When we made it official, I was so happy, but obviously there was the whole Amy situation.'
'I know...' I try again.
'Please, let me explain. Her Dad bribed me to keep seeing her because whatever Amy wants, he gets for her. The business was going to shit, my Dad fucked off and he had me by the balls. I needed to get paid and he was withholding the money until she was happy. I tried to end it, and then I tried to be so awful she would get rid of me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and so I didn't tell you. I was too scared to lose you, but that happened anyway. If I had told you, we wouldn't have gotten into this mess. I know I didn't treat you the way you deserved when we were together, but I panicked. I didn't think I wanted to be tied down, I worried what everyone thought of me, and I thought I wanted someone like my mum who I love to pieces but was my Dad's doormat. You are the furthest thing from a doormat. You challenge me and push me, but without you I am nothing.' He lets out a big whoosh as he finishes and holds his own hands. He is looking at me now and waiting for what I have to say. I look around the room and see everyone else waiting too. Jenny is crying into a tissue and my mum is beaming at me. Kate and Luke have their arms around each other smiling at me. I see Drew stick his thumb up and Laura is clapping. All the faces around me seem to get closer and are filled with smiles.
He looks down when I don't answer straight away.
Instead of waiting he bends down on one knee and grabs a small box from his pocket.
I feel like a caged animal. Everyone is edging closer.
He takes my hand making me jump. A giggle pops out of nowhere.
Please don't start laughing now. This is not the time or place. Pull yourself together.
He opens it and I see the ring inside. Calming down is not an option.
I start fidgeting and hopping from one foot to the other.
'Stand still Lucy.' My mum hisses as me. I shoot her a look. It's easy for her to say from the safety of the crowd.
'Lucy, you mean the world to me and I spend every day we are apart wishing I could see you or talk to you. I want to make this right between us. I want to spend each day with you for the rest of our lives.' I look down at the man who I lusted after throughout school, who became my friend and developed into the man I love, on bended knee before me. I wish I could pause this moment so I could scream, have a freak out, jump, laugh and clap, then have another minute to get my head together. Unfortunately, that isn't possible, so I make do with looking around the crowd again. They are smiling at me and there are random people clapping and whooping already.
'Lucy, will you marry me?' He asks holding the ring up to me. Everything has slowed down.
I look up at the crowd again. Mum has her hand over her mouth, Jen is crying still and everyone else is already clapping.
'Lucy?' He asks and I look down at him and smile for the first time. It feels weird.
'Yes.' Croaks out. Now I am at it. My eyes are welling up.
Please don't cry. I look awful when I cry.
'Yes?' He confirms eyes wide.
'Yes Kevin. I will marry you.' I tell him before the flood starts. He slides the ring on my finger and jumps up to wrap his arms around me.
'Hey, marrying me isn't that bad is it?' He leans back to ask me, still smiling.
'I can't think of anything worse mate.' Luke shouts over the noise of all the clapping. Kate punches his arm for the comment.
Mum yanks me sideways and crushes me in a bear hug. 'I can't believe you're getting married.' She says and is off crying again.
'If you make me a bridesmaid while I am fat, I will kill you.' Jen warns me over mum's shoulder.
'You're not fat darling, you're pregnant.' Pete tells her rubbing her belly.
She swats his hand away.
'You look beautiful today babe.' He says ignoring her look and puts an arm around her.
'I look like I have a football down my dress and the legs of an elephant.' She tells him.
'You always look beautiful. He says.
I turn around and see Kev swamped by guests who want to slap his back, shake his hand or kiss him on the cheek, congratulating him.
He catches my eye and wiggles his eyebrows, pointing upstairs.
/> Before we can sneak away, our song comes back on, and we are dragged onto the dance floor by Kate, Luke, Laura and Drew. Once we are there Jen and Pete come and join us, dancing in a big circle. Luke and Kev run into the middle of the dance floor when the Dirty Dancing song, Love Man comes on. All the girls whoop as loudly as we can when they take turns pretending to be Johnny Castle.
Luke is really getting into it now, 'I'm a love man, ooohwoohhh, I'm a love man.'
'Oh baby.' Kate calls out encouraging him.
She comes over and starts thrusting herself against me attempting to be seductive. I give in to the inevitable and dance with her. It looks like the staff club house from the film.
Kev jumps up to us just as we are in full swing.
'Hey, do you mind if I steal her for half hour?' He asks Kate.
'You rate yourself that much? I would have put you down for five minutes maximum.' Luke says and slaps Kev on the back.
'Don't be jealous. I can still outlast you, the infamous two-minute man.' He counters.
'I bloody hope not. I just married that man.' Kate says hands on hips.
'I'm sorry miss, but for all of his charm. He is like an express train that makes no stops. As soon as the journey begins, it is over again.' Kevin warns her.
'Refund. I want a refund.' Kate shouts pointing at Luke and looking around.
'I'll give you a refund.' Luke shouts back charging at her, picking her up and swinging her over her shoulder.
'Hey, now is our chance.' Kevin whispers into my ear.
'Do you have wicked ideas planned?' I ask.
'Just get upstairs.' He growls at me tapping me on the bum.
'Oooh, don't you dare.' I point my finger at him.
'Why? What are you going to do hmmm?' He asks leaning in for a kiss.
I can't believe I am getting engaged.
'Seriously move before we get pounced on again.' He says ushering me up the stairs.