"And what'd he say?"
"Like you have to ask?" I say, pretending to be insulted. "He said yes. Who wouldn't want to go out with me?"
John laughs. "Sorry. So how long did you date him?"
"About ten minutes. We met at the mall, walked around a little, and then I kissed him."
"That fast?"
I shrug. "I thought he was cute. And honestly, the only reason I asked him out was so I could see what it’d be like to kiss him."
"Was he your first kiss?"
"No. The first one was Cannon Jackson from first grade. I thought he had the coolest name and he always wore a red t-shirt which I thought made him look even cooler. I kissed him on the playground one day, which totally freaked him out. He told the teacher and got me in trouble."
"So not a good first kiss."
"Are you kidding? It was awesome! I didn't care about getting in trouble. At the time, Cannon was my dream guy. I even dreamed about marrying him and living on a boat with our five kids and three dogs."
"Five kids?" John asks.
"When I kissed him, his lips tasted like grape candy." I smile, remembering it. "He'd just eaten a grape sucker and the candy was still on his lips. It was magical."
John laughs. "So going back to the other guy, the one you asked out, what happened?"
"The kiss sucked. Worst I've ever had, and I've kissed a lot of guys. I don't think he'd ever kissed a girl before, or if he had, the girl was too afraid to tell him how bad he was at kissing."
"Did you tell him?"
"Of course. He needed to know."
"What'd you tell him?"
"I didn't tell him. I showed him. I taught him how to kiss. And a few months later he got a girlfriend. One of the most popular girls in school, which I take total credit for. If I hadn't taught him how to kiss, he'd probably still be single."
"He's still with his girlfriend?"
"They got married last spring."
"That's kind of young to get married."
"He's older than me. He's 22, which I guess is still young to get married but who am I to judge?"
"You taught an older guy how to kiss?"
"Yeah. He was 17 at the time, which is why I was afraid to ask him out. That, and because I'd never asked out a guy before."
"Was that the only time you did it?"
"No. I ask guys out all the time."
"And you don't get nervous?"
"Not at all. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Isn't that true for guys?"
"Not me. I still get nervous."
"Were you nervous with me?"
"Yeah, but I tried to be casual about it, like it may or may not be a date, so I wouldn't scare you off."
"I'd rather you just tell me if it's a date. I don't like having to guess."
He smiles. "Then yes, it's a date. But now I'm nervous because I'm afraid you'll say I'm a bad kisser."
"Who says we're kissing?" I ask with a straight face.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to assume. I just—"
"I'm kidding." I nudge his foot under the table. "I'll probably give you a kiss."
As the dinner continues John looks at the TV a few times but only to check the score instead of watching the game. It's not the greatest date but I've had worse.
"I had a good time," John says as we stand by my car. "Maybe we could do it again?"
"Sure," I say, hoping the second date will be better. I've found first dates don't usually go well. You have to at least try a second one. If by the second or third I don't feel it's going anywhere, I end it and move on.
John steps closer, positioning himself for the kiss. It already feels awkward and we haven't even done it yet.
Does a first kiss ever feel natural? Because in my experience, they always feel forced. Like you know you have to do it so you do. Just once I'd like to have a kiss that just happens. That's unexpected.
Unfortunately, that's not happening tonight.
John leans down to kiss me. He's not even touching me. No arm around my waist, or hand along the side of my face. There's not even eye contact. His eyes are on my lips, like they're a target he needs to hit. At this point, I just want it over with so I put my hand on the back of his neck, pull him to my lips and kiss him.
My plan was to keep it quick and lips only, but before I can back away, his tongue makes its way into my mouth and he's moving it around like he's searching for lost treasure as fast as possible before someone else finds it.
It's a really bad kiss. Not as bad as the guy from high school, but almost.
I slowly back away. "I should go."
He smiles. "How was it?"
"Um, it was fine."
His smile quickly drops to a frown. "It sucked, didn't it?"
"John, I really need to go. I have an early morning class."
"Just tell me what I did wrong. I won't get mad. I promise. I really want to know."
I pause, trying to figure out how to say this. "The tongue was a little aggressive."
"Aggressive how?"
"You know like when a fish is out of the water and it's thrashing around trying to get back in?"
"Yeah?"
"It was kind of like that. Fast. Frantic. Out of control."
"Shit, really? So what do I do?"
"Slow down. Pretend your tongue is doing a slow dance. Slow is sensual. Fast is messy. Distracting, and not in a good way."
"A slow dance," he repeats, nodding. "I can do that."
"And maybe touch the girl while you kiss her. Don't grope her, but put your hand behind her head or around her waist."
"Yeah, I should've done that. I don't know why I didn't. I think I'm just nervous."
"You don't have to be nervous. But if you are, just imagine the other person being nervous too, because she probably is. Most people are nervous during a first kiss."
"This explains why I don't usually get past the first date."
"Keep working on it. You'll get better."
"Can I try right now?"
I really don't want him to kiss me again. I normally wouldn't mind but I'm not in the mood.
"Why don't we wait and do it next time?"
"We're going on a second date?"
"I thought we already decided that."
He smiles. "We did. Maybe later this week?"
"Maybe. We can figure it out later. See you at work tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I get there at three."
"I start at four." I reach up and kiss his cheek. "Goodnight, John."
"Goodnight."
On the way home I keep thinking I should call John and tell him I changed my mind about the second date. Why go out with him again if I don't feel anything for him? And that kiss. How could someone be that bad at kissing after dating for years? Why hasn't any girl told him this before now? I didn't want to make him feel bad but he needed to know.
I'll give him one more chance. Who knows? Maybe the second date will be great and I'll decide to keep going out with him.
I'm home just after ten. My parents are in their room and I'm assuming Max is already asleep. His bedtime is nine.
I go in my room and check my phone. Still no messages from Cal. I'll text him one more time and if he doesn't answer, I'm going to have to assume he's dead.
Hello? I text. Cal, if you're there, text me.
I pace my room, waiting for a response. My phone dings.
I'm here, he texts. What do you need?
I call his phone.
"Hey, Birdie, what's up?" he answers.
"What the hell?" I yell in the phone.
"What? Why are you yelling at me?"
"Why didn't you answer my text?"
"What text? The photo? I didn't know I needed to text back."
"The one about you being alive!"
"Of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be?"
"If a person asks if you're alive, you need to text them back as soon as you see the message."
"Um, okay. I thought you were kidding."
"Birdie, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were serious. I'm fine. I'm not dead. I'm very much alive."
"Great, well, now I'm gonna kill you so you won't be alive much longer. Why didn't you text me back?"
"I've been out all day."
"Yeah? So? You can't take two seconds to send me a text? With anyone else I wouldn't care but you always text me back right away so when you didn't I—" I take a breath. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."
"You were worried. I get it. I'd be worried too if I didn't hear from you. I'm sorry, Birdie. I really am."
"So what happened? Why didn't you text me?"
"Because I was out with this girl and she didn't want me texting you. She said it was rude to text another girl when I'm on a date. I told her you're just a friend but she still didn't like it so I put my phone away. I didn't want to start fighting with her."
"You were on a date? I thought you were going to study."
"I did, but then Lara called and asked what I was doing today."
"How do you know this girl?"
"I met her last night at the party."
"You didn't tell me you met someone."
"Because I didn't. I talked to some girls but it didn't go anywhere. I didn't even give anyone my number. I'm guessing Lara got it from one of the guys."
"And she called and asked you out?"
"She just asked if she could go to the driving range with me."
"Another girl pretending to like golf? That's so pathetic."
"She was actually telling the truth. She knows how to play. She hits the ball really well. This definitely wasn't the first time she's done it. I was impressed."
I feel my chest tightening and it started when he mentioned this girl. She called and asked him out? It's something I would do but it bothers me that she did it. Or maybe I'm just annoyed she asked out Cal. I'm sure she's just using him for his money or his name. He always picks the wrong girls and they always claim they can golf. Sounds like this girl actually can, which annoys me even more.
"So you went to the driving range?" I ask. "That's it?"
"We went to dinner afterwards." He pauses. "Then we went to her apartment."
Of course he did. He's a guy and guys like sex. Maybe they didn't have sex but I wouldn't be surprised if they did.
"You went back to her apartment?" I say. "Must've been a good date."
"It wasn't like that. We didn't do anything. Well, we didn't do what you were thinking."
"You don't have to tell me. It's none of my business. Just like I don't have to tell you about MY date."
"What date?"
"The one I just got home from."
"You went on a date? I thought you had to work."
"I did. And then I went on a date."
"With who?"
"The guy I work with. The one who told me about the job."
"You didn't tell me you were going out with him."
"This was our first date. And it was great! We're going out again later this week."
"What'd you do on the date?"
"It's getting late. I need to shower and get to bed. See in you class Tuesday?"
"Yeah, but hold on. You didn't answer my question. What'd you do on the date?"
"Why do you care?"
"I just want to know."
"We didn't have sex, if that's what you're thinking."
"I wasn't, but okay."
"We had dinner. That's it."
"Did you kiss him?"
"Cal! Why would you ask me that?"
"Did you or not?"
"Yes. I kissed him." I pause. "Did you kiss that girl?"
"I did."
"Great! Well, I have to go."
"Birdie, wait!"
I end the call, tossing the phone on my bed.
He kissed her. Why does that make me so angry? Why does it make my chest hurt? Why does it make me feel like I can't breathe?
Why does Cal have this effect on me? And why can't I make it stop?
Chapter Twelve
Birdie
"Hey, Birdie," Cal says as he takes the seat in front of me.
"Hey," I mutter, my eyes on my statistics book. I pretend to be studying so he'll leave me alone.
Cal turns around so he's facing me. "Are you avoiding me?"
"Why would I be avoiding you?" I ask, not looking up from my book.
"I don't know. That's why I asked. Does it have something to do with Lara?”
Just hearing her name makes me angry. I seriously don't know why, and until I figure it out I've decided to stay away from Cal. I've been annoyed with his girlfriends before but this time is different. This time just thinking of him with another girl is causing all kinds of emotions that don't make sense. And the one that's most confusing? Jealousy.
Why would I be jealous of this girl Cal is dating? It's not like I want to date him, so why am I jealous? And why do I keep hoping they'll break up? There's obviously something wrong with me and I need time to figure it out.
"Who's Lara?" I ask, pretending I don’t remember her.
"The girl I'm dating," Cal says. "I told you about her Sunday night."
I nod. "The girl who plays golf. Now I remember."
"You haven't talked to me since I told you about her. I thought that's why you've been avoiding me."
"I haven't been avoiding you." I look up from my book and see Cal's blue eyes staring back at me. He has gorgeous eyes. And when he stares at me with them like he's doing now, my stomach does these weird flip flops that feels like I'm either nervous or excited. I can't tell which.
"If you're not avoiding me then why haven't you talked to me since Sunday night?" Cal asks.
"I don't talk to you every day."
"We did last week. We at least texted."
"I'm busier now." I look back at my book. "I have tests, homework. My job. A boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
"John." I look at Cal. "The guy from the coffee shop?"
"Since when is he your boyfriend? I thought you'd only been on one date."
"How many dates do we have to go on for him to be my boyfriend?"
"More than one. Did you go out with him again?"
"No, but we're going out this weekend. And I see him when I'm at work. What about Lara? Have you seen her again?"
"She came over last night. She left something in my car and had to come get it."
"Sure she did," I say, rolling my eyes.
He smiles. "So I was right."
"About what? Why are you smiling like that?"
"You're pissed that I'm dating Lara."
"Why would I care?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. You don't even know her so I don't know why you don't want me going out with her."
"Maybe I'm just sick of hearing about all your skinny blond girlfriends with their fake boobs and fake personalities. It'd be nice if you dated someone normal for a change."
"What's normal?"
"I don't mean normal. I mean real. Someone who isn't just dating you because you have money."
"Lara isn't dating me for my money. She's rich. Her family has more money than mine. They own a chain of luxury hotels."
"Yeah? So she's dating you because you're famous. It's still shallow."
"I'm not famous. I'm not even on TV anymore."
"People still know you from golf."
"I failed at golf. I couldn't make it. You really think she's dating me for my failed golf career?"
"You didn't fail. You'll go back. You're just taking some time off."
"Hey, man." Stone appears, wearing dark sunglasses and a phony smile. I don't trust this guy. At the party last weekend I found out he's president of the frat house. Zach said he got the position by lying and making deals with people.
"Hey," Cal says. "I'm in your seat."
Cal gets up to move.
"Take it," Stone says. "I'll sit over here." He sets his bag on the seat that used to be Cal's.
"I'll be right back."
He leaves and Cal looks back at me. "Can you be at my house at 3:30 today? I want to start a little early so we have more time to work on stuff."
"Oh, um, I'm not coming today."
"What do you mean you're not coming?"
"I'm busy."
"Do you have to work?"
"No, but I have to study. I have a test on Thursday."
"It's only Tuesday. And we can't skip the lesson. You'll forget everything you learned."
"I won't forget. We'll do it next week."
"Birdie, what the hell's going on?"
"I just don't feel like going in the pool today, okay?"
Being in the water, having Cal touching me? That wouldn't be good, especially when I'm having all these feelings for him. Feelings I don't understand.
"It's not okay," he says. "We made a deal. You get in the pool at least once a week. Even if you don't swim, you at least need to get in and get used to being in the water."
"I will. Just not today." I reach down and get a pen from my backpack.
"You make no freaking sense," Cal mutters. He turns around, facing forward.
My phone rings. I go to turn it off but see it's Cal's mom. She doesn't usually call me so I'm wondering what this is about.
"Hello?" I answer.
"Birdie, it's Barb. Are you in class?"
"Yeah, but it hasn't started yet. What's going on?"
"I'm sorry to ask you this at the last minute but could you join us for dinner tonight? Lou's birthday is Friday but he just found out he has to fly to LA tomorrow to reshoot a commercial and will be gone all week. So we're celebrating tonight and I was hoping you could join us. Lou's been missing Taylor and since you're like a second daughter, I know he'd really love having you there in Taylor's place."
"Oh, um, I don't know."
"Our dinner reservations aren't until 7. You and Cal will have plenty of time to do your swimming lesson and clean up before we go. Please, Birdie, it'd mean so much to him."
I sigh. "Sure, Barb. I'll be there."
"That's great! We'll see you tonight."
"Wait, what should I bring for a gift? Any ideas?"
"Don't worry about a gift. You being there is enough. I'll let you go. Bye!"
Cal turns to me as I put my phone down, a big smile on his face. "Who was that?"
"You know who it was."
Kinda Hate You: An Enemies to Lovers College Romance Page 12