He puts his hands up. "Wasn't my idea. I swear. When she said she wanted you to come, I told her you'd say no."
"Why'd you tell her that? It makes it sound like I don't like your parents! And you know I love your parents."
"But you hate ME. I told her you wouldn't come if I was there."
"Why would that matter? I see you all the time. I'm taking swimming lessons from you."
"Only because you're desperate to learn how to swim."
"If I hated you I wouldn't have gone to a party with you last weekend."
"That was a deal we made with my dad. And you hung out with Zach the whole time."
"And spent the night with YOU."
"Your mom told you to."
I sigh. "What's your point?"
"That given the choice, you'd rather not be around me."
"That's not true," I say, looking down at my book.
Stone returns, tossing his backpack on the floor as he sits next to Cal. "Let's go out tonight. I met this girl at the party last weekend and her friend needs a date."
"Can't tonight. Birdie and I are going to dinner with my parents."
Stone glances at me, then back at Cal. "You two got something going on?"
"No," I answer. "I'm friends with his parents."
"It's for my dad's birthday," Cal explains. "His birthday is Friday but he'll be out of town so we're celebrating tonight."
Stone turns back to me. "So what's the deal with you and Zach?"
"Nothing. Why? Did he say something about me?"
"He said you were into him and then took off."
I huff. "I didn't take off. HE did, as soon as he found out I wouldn't have sex with him."
"Ever?" Stone asks. "Are you a virgin? Saving yourself for marriage?"
Cal hits him. "Don't fucking ask her that! What the hell?"
"It's just a question," Stone says.
"It's none of your damn business." Cal looks back at me. "Ignore him. He's a shithead."
"A shithead who can give you toilet duty if you piss me off," Stone says.
"You do and I'll quit the house. It's not like there aren't others I could join."
"We're going to get started," the professor says. "First I'd like to call out names again so I get to know everyone."
"Is he fucking serious?" Stone mutters. "I fucking hate new teachers."
The professor calls off names and once again, he calls me Agnes. I correct him but I'm sure he'll forget.
When class ends, Cal turns back to me. "So now that you're coming to dinner, are we doing the swim lesson?"
"Yeah." I grab my backpack and stand up. "I'll be there."
I was really hoping to avoid him this week but with this dinner tonight that's not going to happen. And now our swim lesson is back on.
What am I going to do? Having Cal touch me is going to stir up even more feelings I don't understand. I'm going to have to find a way to keep him away. Maybe he could just yell instructions at me from outside the pool.
"You made it," Cal says when I arrive at his house.
"Sorry, I'm late. I couldn't figure out what clothes to bring for dinner. I'm guessing we're going to a fancy restaurant?"
"I've never been there but my mom said it's nice. What'd you bring?"
"A black dress and heels." I hold up the duffle bag. "Where should I put this?"
"I'll take it to Taylor's room. You can change in there."
"I can take it. I'll be right back." I run up the stairs to Taylor's room and hang up the dress in her closet. Being in here makes me miss her. I wish she wasn't so far away. I also wish I could talk to her about whatever's going on with me, but I can't because it involves her brother. I don't want her knowing I'm having these feelings for Cal. She'd push me to tell him, or even worse, she'd tell him herself.
"Birdie?" Cal knocks on the door. "I'm gonna wait by the pool."
"Okay, I'll be down in a minute."
Checking my phone, I see a text from John. It's a picture of him at the coffee shop, smiling and saying he misses me. Does he really miss me or is he just saying that? I don't miss him. I just met him. I barely know him. So how could I miss him? I text him back, telling him I'm at my swimming lesson and will see him at work tomorrow.
Walking over to the window I look down at the pool and see Cal standing there in his swim trunks, taking his shirt off. Holy crap, he's got a good body. I swear he didn't have that body before last summer. It's not like he didn't look good before. He was just softer around his middle and didn't have big arms. Now his body is hard. Solid. His shoulders are bigger and his arms have muscles I can actually see. All that working out with Luke last summer really made a difference.
When I get down to the pool, Cal is swimming laps.
"Where's your parents?" I ask as I slip my sundress off. I always wear a sundress over my suit. I like dresses better than shorts and t-shirts. If I wear a t-shirt, it's usually with a skirt. I've never really liked shorts. I have a few pairs but I don't wear them much.
"They're out running errands," Cal says. "My mom said they'll be home around five."
It's only four. We have a whole hour with just the two of us, all alone in the pool. I was hoping his parents would be here. I was going to invite them to sit by the pool during our lesson so I wouldn't be alone with Cal.
I don't trust myself with him. Not now. Not when I'm having all these feelings.
"You getting in?" he asks, wiping the water from his face.
"Yeah." I walk to the side of the pool. "I was thinking today maybe you stay out here and let me try being alone."
He looks at me funny. "You want to be alone in the water?"
"I think I should try it. You know, to get over my fear."
"I don't think it's a good idea." He walks over to me, holding his hand out. "C'mon. Get in."
"Cal, really, I want to try it."
"You're gonna freak out."
"If I do then you can jump in and help me. I'm not asking you to go inside the house. I'm just asking you to be here on the patio instead of in the pool."
"That doesn't make sense. How can I teach you stuff when I'm not in the pool?"
"Would you just try it?" I ask, sounding annoyed.
He hops up on the edge of the pool, which makes his arm muscles flex. I try not to look but I can't help myself. I need to stop denying it and just admit to myself I'm attracted to Cal. There's nothing wrong with that. I can be attracted to him and still hate him. A lot of girls are attracted to guys they hate. It's completely normal.
I get in the pool and stand in the shallow end. "What should I do?"
"Try floating on your back. Keep your eyes open and watch where you're going so you don't float to the deep end."
Leaning back, I get in position, then lift my feet up and stare up at the sky. I've heard people say it's relaxing to do this but I'm not relaxed at all. The bright sun is blinding me, my ears are filling with water, I have to keep checking I'm not in the deep end, and I don't like being on display like this with Cal watching. I didn't buy a new one-piece so I'm wearing a bikini again and feel like I'm naked with so much skin exposed. Normally showing some skin would be a good thing if I were with a guy I wanted to date. But I'm not. I'm with Cal.
"How do you feel?" I hear Cal say, although I could be wrong because the water is muffling his voice.
"What was that?"
"How do you feel?" he repeats but louder so I could hear him.
"Okay."
"Try flipping over."
"I can't. Let's just keep doing this." I close my eyes to focus on my breathing. If I keep my breath steady I seem to float better.
I feel the water move and when I open my eyes, I see Cal right next to me.
"Cal!" I stand up in the water. "I told you not to come in!"
"I'm your swim instructor. I make the rules."
"You don't—"
"You're never gone learn to swim if you don't face your fear of the water. Try floating again but face down.
"
"I'll sink if I'm face down."
"I'm gonna hold you up like last time. But this time I want you to alternate putting your face in the water and then to the side."
"I won't get enough air. I'll die."
"You won't die. When you need a breath, take one. It's that simple."
"Not for me. I don't know how to do this."
He folds his arms over his chest. "Birdie, why are you scared of this? You have no fear when it comes to anything else. You ask guys out. You yell at people who cut you off in traffic. You dye your hair different colors. You wear stuff nobody else would wear. You're fearless in everything you do except this. Why? Why does it scare you so much?"
"Because of what happened when I was a kid. I thought I was drowning. I couldn't get any air. I couldn't get to the surface."
"You were only five. You panicked. But your mom was right there. Isn't that what you told me?"
"Yeah, but she wasn't paying attention, and in those few seconds she wasn't watching me I almost drowned."
"And that will never happen again if you learn to swim. You're not a little kid anymore. You don't have to be afraid. You need to pretend this water is some guy you hate and kick its ass."
I smile at his analogy.
"Are you thinking of me?"
I laugh. "No, but maybe I should."
"Whatever it takes to get you over your fear."
"I'll think of Fake Steve. I'm still pissed at him for breaking my heart."
"He didn't break your heart. You didn't even date him."
"My heart was fragile back then. And I didn't know guys were such assholes. If I knew that then it wouldn't have bothered me so much but at 14 I thought if a guy said he liked you he really did. Now I know better. Guys just say what they want to get sex."
"That's not true. Not all guys are like that."
"Are you trying to tell me you're different?"
"I'm telling you to forget about Fake Steve. He lived in Oregon. You guys never would've dated even if he hadn't made up a fake name."
"He was from Oregon? What else do you know about him?"
"Birdie, stop stalling. Get in position."
"I want to know what else you know about him."
"I don't remember. It was years ago."
"Would Luke remember?"
"Maybe. Who cares? You need to let this Fake Steve thing go. It's time to move on. Now get in position."
Lowering into the water, I already feel that strange sensation in my stomach that I get whenever I'm in the pool with Cal. I'm sure it's nerves, not excitement. Why would I be excited about this? I could die!
"It's okay," Cal says, his arms going under me. "I've got you."
I'm floating face-down in the water with Cal supporting me. He has one arm just above my breasts and the other one under my thighs. It's too much. My body's going crazy. His hand is just inches from a place that's begging for attention right now. Throbbing with need. Soaked with desire.
Why the hell is this happening? With Cal? Why didn't this happen with John? If he were the one holding me, would I still feel this way?
Chapter Thirteen
Birdie
When I try to imagine John is the one holding me up, I feel nothing. Maybe if I keep imagining John I can get myself under control.
"You okay?" Cal asks, leaning down so I can hear him. And just like that the feelings are back, my mind and body very aware that it's Cal holding me, not John.
"I'm fine," I say, hearing how breathless I sound.
"You don't have to hold your breath until you put your face in."
"I'm not holding my breath," I snap.
"You sound out of breath. Are you nervous?"
"Of course I'm nervous! I could die!"
"You're not going to die. I've got you." He adjusts his hands, his fingers curling around my thigh and the side of my chest. It makes me feel more secure in the water but also more turned on. Two of his fingers are pressed into my breast. Given the size of them he can't avoid touching it when he's holding me this way, which is why I didn't want him doing this.
"Try to relax," he says. "Focus on your breathing. And when you're ready, put your face in the water."
I try to focus on my breaths instead of the feel of his hands on me. After a few steady breaths, I think I'm ready.
"You've got me?" I ask. "You promise?"
"I promise. I won't let go."
"What if you slip?"
"I'm not moving. How could I slip?"
"I don't know. Maybe a wave will go by and move us."
He chuckles. "We're in a pool, not the ocean. There's no waves."
"Okay, I'm doing it. Ready?"
"I'm ready."
I hold my breath and slowly move my face into the water, then quickly take it out.
"What's wrong?" Cal asks.
"I didn't like it. I couldn't see."
"You don't need to see. Just focus on getting used to having your face in the water."
"I don't like not being able to see."
"Then open your eyes but you're not gonna like it. The chlorine dries your eyes out and makes them burn."
"You're telling me I have to swim blind?"
"Or get goggles. I have some inside. You want me to go get them?"
"No. Let's just keep going."
"Try to stay down longer this time. Count to three before coming up for air."
I put my face in the water, count to three, then whip my head to the side and blow out the breath I was holding.
"Birdie, you did great!"
"I did?"
"I didn't think you'd make it three counts. You want to try five?"
"I'll try." I do it again, counting to five before coming up for air.
"Birdie, that's awesome! How do you feel?"
"Still afraid, but also kind of like I kick ass."
Cal laughs. "You definitely kick ass. Are you doing what I said? Thinking of a guy you hate?"
"No. I don't need some stupid guy to help me do this. Well, except you, but you know what I mean."
"Want to try again?"
"Ten this time."
"Seriously?" he asks, sounding impressed.
"I can do it."
"Okay, go ahead."
I put my face in the water, and as I'm counting I open my eyes just to see if I can. It stings but it's not bad. I look down, noticing the water moving Cal's swim trunks. And then I realize it's not the water moving his swim trunks. It's him!
I lift my head up. "We're done! Let me down!"
"Why? What happened?" He lets me go.
I find my footing on the bottom of the pool and go to get out.
"Birdie, what's going on?"
"I've done enough for today."
"We just started." He swims over to me. "What's going on?"
"I don't think this is a good idea."
"What?"
"Us. Doing these lessons. I'm sure I could find a place in town that gives swimming lessons. Maybe they teach swimming on campus." I try to lift up to get out but Cal has my arm, holding me in place. "Cal, let me go."
"We're not done."
"I told you I didn't want to do any more."
"Why? You were doing great. Why do you want to stop?"
I stare at him. "Because you're having the same problem you had the other day." I glance down at his swim trunks.
"Yeah? So?"
When I look up, he's looking right at me, not even embarrassed.
"You don't find this to be a problem?"
"Do you?"
"Yes! You're not supposed to have an erection during our swim lesson! It's completely unprofessional!"
"I'm not a professional. I'm just a guy teaching you how to swim."
"And getting turned on while doing it!" I look away.
"And this surprises you?"
I turn back to him. "With me? Yes!"
"Why would it be different with you?"
"Because we're friends."
"Doesn't me
an I don't look at you."
"Look at me how?"
"Like a guy looks at a hot girl."
"You think I'm hot?" I laugh and look away. "Yeah, right."
"Birdie." His hand goes to the side of my face and he turns me back to him, his eyes on mine. "If I didn't think you were hot I wouldn't be having this problem."
I don't know what to say. Did he really mean it or is this some kind of joke?
"Cal, I—"
"I wish I could control it but I can't."
He's still holding my face and looking me in the eye. It's making my heart go faster so I glance away.
"You need to find a way to stop it because it's completely inappropriate."
"I agree, but I don't know what to do. This has never happened to me before."
"You're telling me you've never had an erection around a girl?"
"Not that fast. And it usually happens when we're doing something. She's on my lap, or we're kissing. It doesn't happen if I'm just standing next to a girl."
"So what are you saying?" I ask.
"I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out." He pauses. "Does it ever happen to you?"
"I don't have erections."
He smiles. "You know what I mean."
I hesitate, not sure if I should admit it.
"Do you or not?" he asks.
"Sometimes I...feel things. But I think that's normal. You're a guy. I'm a girl. We're alone together, practically naked. Touching. It's normal to feel that stuff."
"Not if you're not attracted to the person."
"But it doesn't have to mean anything. You can be attracted to someone who's just a friend."
"Can you?" he asks, his hand going around my waist. "Or will something eventually happen?"
"Like what?" I ask, my heart pounding.
He pulls me against his body, and when his lips touch mine, it's like someone lit a match. A spark going off inside me, a heat spreading through me, the feelings I had earlier multiplied by a million.
"Cal, we're home!" I hear Barb yell from the kitchen.
I pull away from Cal but his arm remains around my waist. Our eyes connect and he looks at me like he's never looked at me before. I don't know what that look is but I think I'm giving him the same look back. I can't figure out what these feelings are because they're ones I've never had before. Is it because of Cal? Is there some kind of forbidden attraction going on between us? I know I'd never date him so I'm more attracted to him than some other guy?
Kinda Hate You: An Enemies to Lovers College Romance Page 13