Loved by the Beast

by T E Elliott

  “Oh, ho, and I’ve missed your joyful spirit, dear girl.”

  After a sweet visit and several stories, the young people bid adieu and walked home, the girls leading their horses so they could walk with Audric.

  “Did you enjoy the visit, Léa?” Audric asked her.

  “Yes, very much.”

  “What did she say to you when we first came in?” Lisette asked outright.

  “Only if you want to tell us, Léa,” Audric was quick to add.

  “She told me that it was right to miss my family, but that given time, my new one could become just as dear, and...something else, that perhaps someday I’ll share,” she said quietly and looked up at Audric. After a moment, she went on, “Do her words about you bother you?”

  He smiled, “No, she’s said them many times over the years and she means well enough.”

  “May we go to see her again sometime?”

  “Yes! We must!” Lisette exclaimed.

  “That sounds just fine to me,” Audric concurred.

  As they reached the house, Léa offered to take the horses back to the stable. Audric and Lisette lingered in the formal gardens together.

  “Do you think Léa is terribly sad to be here?” Lisette asked, worried that their friend was unhappy but hoping she enjoyed their company as much as they did hers.

  “I...don’t know.” Audric was equally concerned.

  “What were you going to tell me about her in the garden the other day? When she was sleeping.”

  “Oh, it’s nothing.”

  “No, it’s not, or you wouldn’t have said anything. Tell me. I won’t stop pestering until you do, you know I won’t!”

  “Okay, okay, very well. I only meant to say that I wasn’t sure if her heart could come to be as attached to...ours...as ours are to her. You told me you loved her already, I only meant to warn you that I don’t know if she’ll come to love us in the same way, or rather that she’ll love me enough to want to make her heart’s home here.”

  Lisette studied her brother’s face and contemplated his words. “You don’t think she’ll love you because of how you look, you mean?”

  “Yes, of course that’s what I mean.” He kicked a pebble. “Consider how many options she’s had. She didn’t choose the best of them, why would she choose me now? She didn’t know what I looked like before agreeing to marry me. Under the best of circumstances who knows whether she would love a stranger, but to love a beast? How can I be sure she even wants to be here anymore, that she doesn’t just feel trapped by her obligations.”

  Lisette stood in front of him to stop him and placed her hands on his arms, “You’re not a beast, Audric. I don’t want to hear those words come out of your mouth again! Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Mother,” he lowered his head in proper contrition.

  “I’m serious. As for all those other men, she rejected every one of them even with their pretty looks and fine words. You have something to recommend you that none of them do.”

  “And what is that?” he asked skeptically.

  “A lot of things, that’s what! You have depth, you have wisdom, you have gentleness, and genuine kindness. So you’re not the most witty conversationalist, but you have substance—the meat and potatoes rather than the dripping honey. Believe me, they have nothing on you as someone who’s actually worthy husband material! You heard her say it yourself at dinner that first day. And most important, don’t be mad at me for saying so, you really truly love her.”

  Audric looked at her in surprise then frowned and looked away.

  “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

  He suddenly grew agitated and stepped away from her. “Yes, yes, it is true, but is that really enough? As much as we like to think we’ll be noble and look past the exterior for true love, as much as the poets gush over love that would weather any storm, is it really fair to assume that she’ll return a love for someone she’s not attracted to? Have you seen that happen?” His voice grew hoarse, “Though she may appreciate the depth of conversation and that I’m not a ridiculous fop, will she rejoice at living her days with someone whose touch disgusts her…” Audric sucked in a breath through his teeth in frustration then grew quiet. “I’m sorry, Lisette.”

  “Audric, is that really how she feels about you or is that just what you believe about yourself?”

  “She as much as told me so herself,” he answered sullenly.

  “But it’s possible that familiarity could soften any reservations about appearance. I won’t say it happens often, but it has happened. Attractions can change, there is some hope.”

  He turned to face her and stated emphatically, “Hope is a terribly dangerous thing.”

  Chapter 16

  As the days rolled on, the ever-busy Lisette decided she wanted to walk the perimeter of the grounds for a change of pace. Audric decided it would be better not to join them and stayed behind. They hadn’t walked far along the long wall when they heard a whisper. Looking at each other, then around them, they noticed a wrought iron gate in the wall behind them. Jacques was calling to her in a hushed voice from behind it.

  “Beauty! It’s me!” he whispered sharply.

  Léa inhaled, looked over at Lisette, then ran to Jacques. “Jacques, you shouldn’t be here!” He stuck his arms through the gate and pulled her into a hug. She took his face in her hands and started to cry, “Jacques, it is good to see you. Are you all well? Father isn’t still distressed is he?”

  “Not as much as at first. We are all well, better than that, in fact, thanks to you. But what about you, I’ve come here several times hoping to see you. They said you were content, but I had to know for myself. He’s not mistreating you, is he?”

  She laughed softly through her tears, “No, Monsieur Rousseau is very kind, I lack for nothing.”

  “Is he what everyone says he is? Is he horrible?”

  “Jacques, don’t say that, he’s not what the rumors say, but I can’t tell you more.” She glanced over at Lisette then around the other way toward the garden. “You really can’t be here, if the Duchesse sees you or you see Audric…”

  “Audric? And who is that young lady? She’s lovely. Though she’s got a scowl that could kill.”

  Léa looked back over at Lisette, who really was scowling death at him. “That is Lisette…Mademoiselle Rousseau.” She reached through the bars and put her hands on his chest. “Jacques, it really is so good to see you. I’ve missed you all so much, but you must go now. Send Father my love, and let Madame Beaumont know I am happy if you can.”

  He nodded his head and patted her hand before she turned away and walked back to Lisette.

  “Beauty!” Jacques called. When she turned he continued, “I love you.”

  “And I you.” She smiled through her tears, then turned and continued walking, trying to put distance between them.

  Léa looked around several times, making sure no one saw her brother. The Duchesse would not be pleased if she knew he’d been there. She sniffed and wiped her tears. Lisette walked beside her. Léa could sense her displeasure as she bored holes in the side of Léa’s face with her stare. When they were a greater distance away, she turned to Lisette.

  “Lisette, please don’t tell your mother what you’ve seen today, she would be very displeased…I don’t know what she would do to my family if she knew.” She lowered her head and started to cry again.

  “Léa, I’m confused,” her voice was cold, and she crossed her arms, “if Mother would be upset, I wouldn’t blame her. How can you do this to my brother? It would break his heart to see you behave as you have with that man.”

  Léa lifted her head and thought for a moment, then let out her breath and took the younger girl by the arms, “Lisette, that man is my brother.”

  The girl’s face and stance relaxed immediately, she released a breath and put her hand to her chest, “Well, that explains everything! I’m sorry for being so harsh, but the idea of my brother being hurt so severely—it brings out th
e worst in me.” She laughed, then gave Léa a big hug.

  “But, Léa, Mother would be upset, no doubt, but surely she wouldn’t harm your family.”

  Léa kept walking and smiled weakly, “No, surely not.” Inside she knew differently, but there would be no use in telling Lisette so.

  As the summer days passed, the trio spent much of their time together. Audric and Léa soon found out that Lisette was rarely silent. Even when they turned to other things for occupation, the girl continued to chatter on either to them, whether they were listening or not, or to Marguerite when she brought out their lunch. Marguerite loved hearing her talk, Léa was patient about it but tended to turn to the harpsichord when it came to be trying, and all of it together proved to be at the same time savored and entirely too much for Audric, who was used to almost complete silence.

  When the music and the chatter turned to just plain noise and he couldn’t hear himself think, Audric would quietly escape the cottage to take a turn around the garden.

  Such was the case on this day. “Father in Heaven,” Audric prayed, “how much you have given me these many weeks. First with Léa, then Lizzy’s return. I’d forgotten what a chatterbox she was. Is it possible to love our greatest blessings and to wish for just a few moments of peace at the same time?” He laughed.

  “Audric?” Léa picked up her pace to catch up with him. “Do you mind if I join you?”

  “Of course, as long as you promise to enjoy the quiet for at least some of the walk.”

  Léa smiled, “Gladly! Lisette is such a dear, but who knew one person could have so much to say!”

  “Indeed.”

  “Who were you talking to just now?”

  “Hm? Oh, I was just complaining to God for giving me so very much.” His smile broadened.

  “I’ve never heard anyone talk to God as you do, so freely.”

  “Do you know God, Léa?”

  “I believe in him, certainly. Doesn’t everyone?

  Audric regarded her for a moment but didn’t attempt to refute her, walking together in silence for a time.

  Léa stopped abruptly. “Audric, how will the banns be posted and how can we marry if we can’t go to the church or have a priest brought here?”

  “I…don’t know,” he shook his head. “Did Mother not say what she had in mind?”

  “No. No, she didn’t.” Fear started to take hold of her heart.

  Audric watched her, a look of confusion on his face. “I admit I know very little about the church. The truth is, Léa, they don’t recognize me as a human being, so I can’t imagine that they would recognize a marriage between us.” His face clouded even more as he scrambled through his memory for anything his mother might have said about it, anything he had learned that might provide another way. Nothing. Nothing came to mind. Panic gripped him. He turned away from her and ran shaky hands over his head. “I knew this would never work,” he spoke in a ragged whisper. “To cage her with the beast doesn’t make a marriage, it just makes her a prisoner.”

  For a second, a thought flashed through Léa’s mind—this could be her way out! But that would mean confirming the idea that he was nothing more than an animal, telling him to his face that he didn’t have the right to live a normal life, that he didn’t deserve the chance to love and be loved. Yet how could the church be so wrong in this? Then another thought struck her. What was the Duchesse’s plan? To trap her here, to make her so isolated from the world that it wouldn’t matter to anyone that Léa became her son’s mistress? She looked over at him and thought about his words, it was clear he felt the weight of this. Even if that was what the lady had in mind, he would never accept that.

  “Audric,” Léa came to him and placed a hand on his arm. “We’ll figure it out, don’t distress yourself. You’re not ready to marry now anyway, are you?”

  “No,” he turned to her with a small measure of hope lighting his face again. “Not if you’re not.”

  Instead of confirming or denying that, she said, “So when that time comes, we’ll find a solution. If God could find a wife for Isaac, working out every detail miraculously, then surely there’s something we can do that will suffice.”

  Audric took her arms. “Do you think so? Do you think that perhaps God has a plan in all this? Do you…” As he looked into her eyes, the last question died on his lips. Do you love me, Léa? Is what he meant to say. Though it was confusing to him, he wasn’t sure that the answer would be what he hoped for. She hadn’t rejected him just now when she had a valid reason to do so, but she also seemed to feel only friendship for him still. Or was it merely pity? He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

  Léa didn’t answer his questions but threaded her arm through his and started walking again.

  After some quiet and time to ponder, Léa asked, “Do you hate the church for how they’ve treated you?”

  “Hate is a strong word. I can’t say that I know enough about it to reject it outright.”

  “But, they reject your very existence, what more could they do against you?”

  “If history is anything to judge humanity on, it shows me that there is no institution that is not subject to corruption. Yet, if you look closely, there is always some good, some light, that rises up from dark places. That light is where the true Church is. It’s kind of like the night sky. In a sea of darkness—when we see corruption for what it is—those that have the light in them are the most visible.”

  “You’ve thought much about this, haven’t you?”

  “Cogito, ergo sum.” He smiled and shrugged.

  “But where do you get your knowledge of God if not from the church?”

  “The Bible, mostly.”

  Léa stopped. “Are you a Huguenot?” she almost whispered.

  “A Protestant? No, I wouldn’t say that. Like I said, my experience with such institutions is limited to history. I do feel for their struggle and hope they find their freedom in this country one day, but there is corruption even among the Huguenots. Although…Léa, do you think that a Huguenot would marry us?”

  “Maybe, but King Louis revoked the peace treaty, I doubt there are many left in France.”

  “Hm, I’ll have to see what I can find about them in the library. Would it bother you very much to not be married under the official church?”

  “I don’t know,” she lowered her head as they walked on. “It’s all I’ve known, and all I know of God comes from there. I’ve had no reason to doubt before now.”

  “What do you doubt exactly?” His words were gentle.

  “Well, one thing that I will never doubt is that you are indeed a man, a human being, and a good one at that. Anyone who says otherwise can’t be anything but wrong, no matter who it is that says it.”

  Audric's hand curled over Léa’s on his arm, and his words came out heavy with emotion, “I’ve waited a long time to hear someone outside of my own household say what you’ve just said. I can’t…words could never say what that means to me.”

  A gentle smile lit her eyes and for a moment Audric thought he saw something deeper than friendship, deeper than a need to tend something wounded, deeper even than admiration or respect. But as quickly as it came, it also left as Lisette and Marguerite called out to them that it was time to return to the house.

  Supper was even quieter than usual. Léa sensed that Audric was still contemplating the logistics of their wedding, and she wanted, by all means, to keep him from asking his mother about it. She didn’t want to hear the Duchesse’s answer, nor did she think it wise to disrupt the delicate balance that kept Léa, as well as her family, in the lady’s good graces.

  Finally, Audric turned to his mother. “Mother, there’s…”

  “Lisette, did you say there was a play you thought we’d find amusing?” Léa interrupted.

  Audric stopped and looked between Léa and Lisette.

  “Yes, Molière’s The Misanthrope. His plays are all the rage in Paris.”

  Léa nodded, and Audric turned back to his mo
ther, but before he could say anything further, Léa hurried to say, “Perhaps you can read some to us tonight.”

  “Of course! How delightful! Perhaps we can recruit Marguerite and some of the others and everyone can read a different part…”

  Lisette continued to talk, while Léa glanced in Audric's direction. He looked confused, so she gave him an almost imperceptible shake of the head. This was enough to keep him from trying again, though his face still registered confusion.

  When Lisette finished saying what she had to say, the Duchesse turned to Audric and said, “What were you trying to say before you were interrupted?” The lady sized Léa up and down.

  “Oh, it was nothing, don’t trouble yourself.”

  In the sitting room, the Duchesse vetoed the reading of the play, so they took up cards instead.

  “What do you like to play, Léa?” Lisette asked.

  “I prefer Lansquenet, but I’m fine with playing whatever everyone else wants to play.”

  “Mama, will you play?”

  “Yes, but I’ll only play Ombre,” the lady answered.

  “Mother…” Audric shook his head and would have defended Léa’s choice, but she placed a hand on his arm and announced that Ombre was just fine.

  “But, Mother, Ombre only calls for three players,” Lisette noted.

  “I’ll sit out, it’s really no trouble,” Léa offered.

  “No, I’ll sit out. I hardly ever play cards, and I’d likely ruin the game anyway,” Audric insisted.

  They both turned to look at the Duchesse, who made no move to defer, so they proceeded.

  As it turned out, Léa was skilled in both games and won two hands, after which the Duchesse gave her a sour expression and declared she didn’t wish to play any longer.

  “Oh, come now, Mother, don’t be a spoil sport,” Audric scolded.

  “Of course, C’est la vie!” she exclaimed as she sat in her armchair.

  There was something in her tone that Audric didn’t like.

  “Why are you acting this way?” he asked in a low tone as he turned toward her from the table.