Loved by the Beast

by T E Elliott

  “I’ll be fine!” he called back. “You’d better close that door though, you’ll freeze!”

  She let out an exasperated huff, then closed the door and went back to her reading. After taking a turn around the perimeter, he swung back around and noticed Lambert was wrapping the rose bushes. The temperatures had dropped the past two nights and Audric knew he wanted to aid their dormancy for an early winter.

  “Hello, Lambert,” he called to the old groundskeeper as he strolled up, rubbing his arms vigorously as the wind began to pick up.

  Lambert sat up on his heels and observed the younger man. “Monsieur. Did you have a pleasant evening?”

  “Yes, thank you.” He was about to head back in when he noticed the man was still watching him.

  “Is all well with the roses?”

  “What’re you waiting for, boy?” he answered back.

  Was the man impatient to have him gone? Lambert was known for being blunt, but not for being rude. Confused, Audric asked, “Pardon?”

  “Why haven’t you married the girl yet?”

  That wasn’t what he was expecting. Taken off guard, he mumbled, “Um, well, I…” He caught a glimpse of her through the window of the cottage where she was still reading peacefully. He turned back to Lambert, “I guess I’ve been afraid…afraid that she wasn’t ready. In a way I was expecting her to back out of the bargain by now.”

  Lambert took a deep breath and stood up. “Forgive me, Master, but you know very little of the ways of the world. It would not treat her kindly were she to back out now, and you’ll only make things worse if you wait—for her and you.”

  Audric looked over at Léa again. This time she turned and saw him. Smiling, she waved at him, and he did the same. Deep down he knew it was time, but he was still terrified.

  “Might want to head back to the house,” Lambert said as he turned back to the roses. “The rain will start soon.”

  “Yes, sir,” Audric answered. “Lambert?”

  “Yes, boy?”

  “Thank you.”

  Lambert nodded in acknowledgment and Audric returned to the cottage to bring Léa back to the house.

  The rain came down in sheets and persisted through the night. The wind picked up and howled against Léa’s window, until it crashed in without warning. She woke in a panic and ran to the window to close it only to find that the latch was broken. The wind and icy rain flooded in on her, whipping against her face and arms. In a moment, her fire was snuffed out. The room went pitch black and she froze in terror as the rain continued to pour into the room.

  Groping her way to the door, she slowly crept up the stairs, waiting every few moments for a flash of lightning to light her way for but a moment. Large homes were enticing and enchanting during the day, at night with not a single source of light, they were haunting. Especially when one's imagination runs wild. She couldn't stop thinking of Bluebeard and his locked room of blood and murdered wives. Once she made it up the stairs, she hesitated. No light flashed for several moments, her heart started pounding and her breath came heavy. Finally, she bolted down the hallway to the west wing, hoping she wouldn’t trip on anything on the way but desperate to find someone in this oppressive darkness.

  A flash lit the end of the hallway and illuminated several doorways. Which one was it?

  “Audric! Audric!” she called. “I don’t know where you are, I need you!” she cried out.

  Audric bolted upright, it took a moment to realize what he was hearing, but once he did, he stumbled out of bed, grabbing a pair of breeches and pulling them on over his nightshirt.

  A door opened behind Léa and she turned quickly, seeing the faint glow of a fire and the faintest outline of a man, she ran and barreled into him.

  “Shh, shh, it’s okay, Darling,” he said as he placed a hand on her back. He was suddenly aware of the thinness of her nightgown and that she was soaked to the bone and trembling. He hurried her to the fire in his room and grabbed a blanket to wrap around her.

  “What happened, why are you wet?” he asked as he stood across from her by the fireplace.

  Léa hugged the blanket around her. “The window in my room blew open and broke the latch. My fire went out, I didn’t know what to do.” The words came out in one steady flow.

  “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

  They stood quiet for a moment, but she never took her eyes off of him. She desperately wanted his comfort and he was desperately afraid to give it. In the end, it was the soft glow of the firelight against her face that drew Audric to her, lulling his senses like some hypnotic spell. He reached up and lightly caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingertips, then cradled her face in his hand. He gently brushed his thumb over her lips and leaned closer. She didn’t pull away. Audric bent his head down and kissed her softly. He waited to see how she would respond. Léa kept her eyes locked onto his. In her fear of the storm and darkness his touch was like liquid comfort, warming her inside and making her feel completely safe. When he perceived that his touch wasn’t unwanted, he tenderly moved her wet hair away from her face and slid his hand to the back of her neck. Drawing her to him, he kissed her again. His lips lingered on hers, savoring their sweetness and warmth.

  Léa surrendered to his touch, so gentle, so loving. Drawing in a breath as their lips parted, she closed her eyes and brought her hand to his where it rested on her face. She nestled into it. Audric brought her head to his chest and cradled it there, kissing the top of her head and holding her close.

  Then her voice broke the spell. “Will you let me stay with you here? I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Léa…” his voice was low and it took everything in him to say the words. “I can’t, not tonight.”

  He let go of her, stepping away to create distance. Léa nodded, lowering her head.

  “I’ll take you to Lisette’s room. There should be something dry for you to change into. She’s shorter than you, but…”

  “It should suffice,” Léa finished.

  Audric smiled tenderly at her. He turned and lit a candle in the fire, then led her down the hall to the east wing, past the Duchesse’s sitting room to a door down that hallway.

  Once in his sister’s room, he lit a second candle before making a fire. Léa sat in front of the fireplace and watched him.

  As he stood up to leave, she grabbed his hand and said, “Audric, wait.”

  He sat down next to her and waited for her to speak as she kept his hand in hers.

  “You’re not like other nobles. Any other man in your position wouldn’t have hesitated to allow me not only into their room but also their bed.”

  Audric lowered his head and half shook it as he took in her words. “I won’t invite you into my bed until we are married. I would never ask anything from you that you weren’t willing to give, nor give what you’re not willing to receive. When we are married, it will be no different. I want you to know that. I don’t know how other nobles behave, the only one I’ve known is my father, and I’ve never seen that in him.”

  “Why won’t you stay with me tonight then?”

  He turned his head away and seemed to be struggling with something in his mind. Finally, turning back to her, he spoke with intensity, “I would do anything for you, Léa, anything that was right. I’m not...I’m not…I’m not a beast,” he forced the words out, “that I can’t control myself. If you want me to stay, I will. I feel, though, that you have already given me more tonight than you would in the light of day. Forgive me if I am wrong.” He sighed and continued, “I don’t want you to come to hate me for it. I am but a man and I don’t know that I trust myself not to take what you give in the moment. I love…” he blinked and swallowed. Léa wrapped the blanket tighter around her, a chill suddenly running through her at what he meant to say.

  “And that is why I said I couldn’t have you stay with me tonight. If my presence is needed, I promise that is all I will give you…”

  “No, I understand.” Tears began to fill her e
yes as she said, “Thank you, Audric, for everything.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “You’re safe. Get dry and warm, and sleep well. The night never lasts forever, ma chèrie.”

  She brought the back of his hand to her cheek, then let go as he stood.

  He picked up the candle, bowed to her, and clicked the door shut as he went out.

  After slipping into a fresh nightgown, Léa sat down on Lisette’s bed and stared absently into the fire. Her fingers were pressed to her lips where she could still feel the warmth of his kiss.

  Chapter 19

  Léa couldn’t sleep that night and returned to her own room at first light the next morning. The room was a mess from the rain and wind blowing water and debris into it. As she started to clean it up as best she could, everything from the night before came fresh upon her and she sat down in the midst of it all and cried.

  Villeneuve came into the room unexpectedly, Lambert close behind. Upon seeing the girl sitting on the floor in tears, she rushed to her and knelt down.

  “My dear, what’s the matter? Why are you here? Master told us what happened and we thought you’d still be in Mademoiselle’s room.”

  Léa tried to respond, but couldn’t manage it past the tears.

  Villeneuve turned to Lambert, “I’ll find you later.”

  He nodded and left the room to the women.

  The older woman tenderly stroked Léa’s cheek. “Will you come sit on the bed and we’ll talk about it, hm?”

  She nodded through her tears and allowed the housekeeper to help her up. Villeneuve waited patiently until she was ready to talk.

  “He loves me,” she finally said, looking down as she fiddled with the sleeve of Lisette’s nightgown.

  “Of course he does, Dear,” the woman replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Does that distress you?”

  “Not exactly. It’s my own feelings that distress me.” Léa started to cry again.

  “Do you know what they are?” she gently prodded.

  Léa shook her head.

  Madame Villeneuve brought her arm around the girl and pressed her head to her shoulder. “There, there. These things have a way of becoming cloudier before they’re seen as clear as day.”

  “Do you think so?”

  “Indeed. Why don’t we dress you so you can take a turn in the clean air for a bit, then Lambert can see about fixing that window.”

  “Will Audric be in the garden today, do you think?”

  “No, I imagine he’ll keep to the house until his mother and sister return. Now, before I forget, he asked if I would deliver this to you.” She pulled a note out of her pocket and handed it to Léa, who sat up to take it. She ran a thumb over it.

  “Thank you, Madame Villeneuve,” Léa smiled appreciatively.

  “You’re welcome, my dear.”

  After dressing, Léa made her way to the hedged garden. She didn’t want to see anyone, not Audric, not even Lisette, and especially not Duchesse d'Aramitz. She opened the note and read it, Audric asked her to meet him in this very spot in three hours’ time. Léa took that time to wrestle her own heart, but found she was no closer to understanding it than she had been all night.

  Everyone returned in high spirits. Audric didn’t waste any time in telling his mother and Lisette what he was going to speak to Léa about, and requested that they stay out of the garden at that time. He headed that way himself a little early, intending to prepare himself, but instead found Léa there already. Nerves suddenly took over. He clenched his hands and sent a silent prayer to heaven for peace. He cleared his throat and approached her from behind.

  “Hello, Léa,” he managed.

  She turned to face him and he noticed she seemed uneasy as well.

  “Good morning, Audric,” her words were quiet.

  “Did you sleep well?”

  “Well enough,” she answered simply.

  “Um, shall we sit?” He gestured toward the bench and they sat down.

  “I realized the other day just how long you’ve been here already.”

  “Nearly eight months,” she answered flatly.

  “Indeed. Lambert reminded me that we have not yet been married…” he quirked his head to the side.

  She smiled and turned her head down, “You needed to be reminded of that fact, Audric?”

  He exhaled, “No, I don’t suppose so. But I did need to be reminded—pushed really—that I needed to remedy that fact.” He looked at her anxiously and hastened to continue, “Not that I didn’t want to remedy it, I just, well, I wasn’t certain for a time.”

  She lowered her head again but didn’t smile, there was something in her demeanor that was beginning to worry him, something was amiss.

  He lifted her chin gently, “But I’m certain now that, if you are willing, the time is right for us to marry.”

  “Yes, I agree,” her words were affirming but her tone was low and she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

  “Léa, will you not look at me? Is this not what you want?”

  She stood up quickly and walked a few paces, wrapping her arms around herself, half turned her head and said, “Of course, it must be so.”

  He moved his mouth to speak then stopped. Standing up, he came behind her. At the touch of his hand on her shoulder, she turned and he gently placed his hands on her arms, “I hope you know how much you’ve come to mean to me. For all my bumbling words, I didn’t mean to make you think that I was forced into this.” He laughed lightly, but her face didn’t change. His brows came together as he lowered his hands and took a step back.

  “Please tell me what’s wrong. Is it about last night? I…I wasn’t sure that you would feel the same way for me as I do for you, but I had come to believe that this wouldn’t be received as…unwelcome. I thought you’d come to care for me at least a little.”

  “I have. I do care for you very much. I’m not upset about last night, you were honoring to me in all you said and did.” Léa brought a hand to her face then ran it down her throat as she turned her head and struggled to find the words to say how she felt.

  “I have waited for you to ask me and prepared my heart to hear the words you’ve spoken today, but now that you have spoken them, I find I’m not as prepared as I’d thought.” Her last words came out choked. She searched desperately for what she could say that would hurt him the least, he deserved better than this, and he had to know why she felt the way she did.

  “It’s true that I came here of my own choice and that I wanted a better life for my family. Everything I told you was true. But, the better life that I was giving them was that my father would be kept out of prison.”

  “On what charges?” He wasn’t quite following yet.

  “Trespassing, poaching, and thievery,” she stated bitterly. “For stepping a foot on Rousseau land, for losing his way as he hunted on our own, and for taking a single rose—for me no less.”

  Understanding was beginning to dawn. He turned his head away and rubbed the back of his neck. “Business with her father,” he said under his breath.

  “I don’t count my father blameless, Monsieur, but he did nothing worthy of such heavy charges. I promise you he did not know the rumors about you then, he had no knowledge of what he was risking for you.” She could barely speak as the tears began to form.

  At her “monsieur” his stomach lurched and he felt winded.

  “I believe you,” his words felt hollow.

  “You may not have been forced into this, but I most certainly was! And, of course, I’ll gladly marry you for my father’s sake, but it would seem my heart is rebelling just now, rebelling against every word your mother spoke against my family, against every time she reminded me of my place and her power over me, for every time I feared for my father even though I’d done everything I was supposed to.” She heaved a ragged breath as the words that had built up for eight months came flooding forth unbidden, and with every word a blow to Audric’s heart.r />
  They both stood silent for several moments, all Audric could hear was his own heart beating. Finally, his voice broke the silence, “Léa, I’ve been told that you might not be well received were you to return home now unwed. You would know better than I. Knowing this, would you still return home if you could, without repercussions from the Rousseau estate?”

  She couldn’t reply, but Audric caught the briefest glimmer of something cross her face—hope. The smallest whimper escaped his throat and he turned away from her. He fingered the tip of a branch on the rose bush in front of him, trying desperately to hold the floodgates of mounting emotions inside him closed.

  “You are free to go, I will not hold you here. Everything given to your family they may keep as reparation for grievances made against them. Your father will not be held to account for anything he has done or not done.”

  Léa’s head spun and a great swirl of conflicting emotions ran through her. “Audric,” she paused, trying to grasp this sudden change of events. “I…” She couldn’t finish the words that she knew would ease his heart, not this time. “And your mother?” she said instead.

  “I will deal with her,” his voice was stone. Léa had never known him to sound angry until now. She came up behind him. “Audric, I…have truly enjoyed our time together and do care…”

  “Please stop,” his voice was full of anguish and he turned his head only slightly. “Just go…may you live a happy life.”

  Léa reached out a hand but stopped short of touching him. Pulling her hand back, she turned to run softly away. Only then did he turn, watching her slip out of the garden. His breathing grew constricted and his vision blurred. Rubbing frantically at his eyes to clear them, he turned and staggered to his knees. Leaning against a bench, he groaned as what felt like a thorny vine encircled his heart and squeezed tight around it. Clutching his chest, he took in a great breath and released a single, prolonged cry that could be heard all the way to the house.