MoreOfYou_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  Me ~ I miss you more. Are things any better with Adam and Dex? I met Tory for coffee this morning and she’s still devastated about their breakup. I wish he would give her another chance.

  Cruz ~ Dex is an asshole, and I don’t think he’s ever going to change. Adam doesn’t want to be around him any more than he has to. So, yeah, that’s been fun on a tour bus with limited space. I think he’ll forgive her eventually. He’s been in a bad mood since the day she left.

  Me ~ How about you? Have you been in a bad mood since the day I left?

  Cruz ~ You know me. I’m always in a bad mood, but I’m a much bigger asshole when you aren’t here. Can’t wait for this weekend. Ponch will text you the times later today.

  Flying on Cruz’s dad’s plane made everything easier. Aside from saving money purchasing a ticket, I didn’t have to arrive hours early and I could study the entire time.

  Me ~ Can’t wait. Having dinner with Dad tonight, so FaceTime me after your show. I don’t care if I’m sleeping, I’ll wake up so I can see your face. Class is starting. Love you.

  Cruz ~ Love you more.

  Class started and I took notes for the next hour and a half. Brayden asked me to study later and I was happy to have a valid excuse for not meeting him. I was meeting my father for dinner right up the street from my house.

  Sept. 24th

  Dear Journal,

  Last night I went with my roommate to the Sydney Opera House and it was amazing. I’m experiencing so many new things each day. Australia is such a beautiful country and I’m so thankful for this experience. I am surprised that I’m a bit homesick at times. I really miss Jack, but we write often, and he has been so supportive. Yesterday was our one-year anniversary and I was excited to speak to him on the phone. Did you ever think I’d be celebrating special dates with a boy? Who has time for that, right? Turns out… I do. He’s amazing. He finished all his coursework and was accepted into the fire academy. He’s one step closer to doing what he wants to do. He’s so passionate about it too. Of course, I don’t like the idea of him running into burning buildings, but I have to support his dreams just like he supports mine. It’s called compromise, apparently, and I’m learning how to do it. Ha Ha. Not my strength, obviously.

  Okay, I need to go pick out a cute outfit for my day trip to Bondi Beach. What? Yep, there’s something new to find each day in Sydney. And I plan to see it all.

  Ciao for now,

  J.E.

  I chuckled before I closed Mom’s journal. She was so driven at my age, and I loved reading her love story with Dad. I’d asked him if he wanted to read her journals too, but he didn’t. He said the memories were still there for him, and that’s how he wanted to remember them.

  I hurried out the door and walked a few blocks to meet Dad at our favorite Italian restaurant. He was waiting outside for me, and we hugged before walking inside. We took our seats and ordered dinner.

  “You look skinnier than usual. You eating enough?” Dad asked. Never one to mince words, he said exactly what he thought.

  “Yes. I’m eating plenty. Just busy with classes and research.” I stabbed the spaghetti and twirled it around my fork.

  “So, what’s happening with Cruz. You’re going to see him this weekend, right?”

  “Yep. Flying to Miami for two nights. They’re performing there, but I can spend the days with him at least, and I’ll study during the shows,” I said, twisting the promise ring around my finger. It comforted me in a way. Made me feel closer to Cruz even when we weren’t together.

  “Is he still trying to find a replacement? Seems like they’ve gotten pretty big time overnight. I don’t know how they’re going to be okay with him leaving.” Dad reached for another piece of garlic bread.

  I hated this topic. Deep down I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to think about it. Right now, I was having a hard time, because I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a few weeks. I tried to keep a smile on my face the best I could and focus on school, but I was struggling. I didn’t sleep well being away from him. I occasionally got online and looked at pictures of him in the media. Cruz had become a well-known rock star over the summer, and everyone wanted a picture, a comment, a moment with him. There’d been a few photographs with girls hanging on him as he walked inside the venue. I knew logically they were just grabbing on to him, he wasn’t asking for it, and he had his head down and just continued walking. But it still stung. That tinge of insecurity always crept in when I thought about how many girls wanted to be with him. What made me so special? And I wasn’t there. There was a lot of speculation online about our relationship. The hashtag #CRADE had gone viral. People had said we’d broken up, some believed we were on a break, some thought we were still together but had an open relationship. I tried to tune out all the noise and just focus on what was true. But it wasn’t easy. I knew Dad heard things and probably worried, but there wasn’t much I could do to stop the gossip.

  “I don’t know. He’s going to try, that’s all I know.”

  Dad set his fork down and studied me. “You okay? Is all this getting to you?”

  “No. I’m fine. Just tired.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing, Jady bug. You know, coming back to go to school. I know it’s tough, but you’ll get through it,” he said.

  “Sure.”

  The rest of dinner was quiet and uneventful. Dad changed the subject, and we stopped talking about what would happen with Cruz and Exiled, and I was thankful for the reprieve.

  When I got home, I studied for a couple hours before slipping into the tub. Once I dried off and pulled my jammies on, I climbed into bed. I slept with my phone beside me so I wouldn’t miss Cruz’s call. There was a text from Ari letting me know she would be sleeping at Jace’s tonight. I envied her having her boyfriend here at school with her. I wished Cruz were here with me too. I dozed off with dreams of my beautiful, disheveled, sexy boyfriend.

  My phone buzzed and startled me from sleep. My hand searched around the bed for my phone. It was two o’clock in the morning. I’d been out for a while.

  “Hey,” I said as I waited for FaceTime to show me his handsome face.

  “Hi, beautiful. Sorry to wake you.” His voice was raspy and tired. His words slurred a bit, so I knew he’d been drinking. I saw the bags under his eyes, and he pulled the baseball cap from his head and tossed it on the nightstand in the hotel room.

  “Don’t be. I wanted to talk to you. It’s late there, almost four in the morning, right? The show ran long?” I asked, rolling on my side and propping the phone against a pillow so I didn’t have to hold it.

  “Yeah. We had a few drinks after. I don’t have a reason to hurry back to my room anymore,” he said, scrubbing a hand down his face. His tone was all tease, but I heard the sadness, and I understood it. Hell, I felt it. I didn’t like that he was drinking so much more now, either, but I had to choose my battles.

  “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, and I pushed to sit up, holding the phone in my hand again.

  “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  “It’s harder than I thought it would be, you know. Us being apart. I miss you. I don’t sleep much, and the days are long when you aren’t here,” he said. His honey-brown gaze was filled with emotion, and a pain settled in my chest.

  “I know,” I said, my voice breaking on a sob. “I hate it.”

  “Please don’t cry, baby. It’ll be fine. And I get to see you this weekend.”

  I swiped at the tears streaming down my face. “I know.”

  “I drank too much tonight, so I’m feeling sorry for myself. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine,” he said, setting the phone down while he yanked the T-shirt over his head and dropped his pants. He climbed into bed and grabbed the phone again.

  “I miss sleeping with you.” I wip
ed beneath my eyes.

  “I know. I fucking wish you were here with me right now.”

  “Me too,” I whispered, and I slipped back down beneath the covers.

  “You going to be able to sleep?” he asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Close your eyes, baby. I’ll sing to you. That always settles you,” he said.

  And that’s exactly what he did. I set the phone down beside me and closed my eyes, and the sweet sound of Cruz’s voice singing the lyrics he’d written just for me lulled me to sleep.

  “Why can’t Jace be a rock star?” Ari asked as we drove down the highway toward the hangar. She and I were really happy that we were no longer living in the dorms and we loved having a house of our own.

  “Please. Be thankful your boyfriend isn’t touring all over the globe, with girls throwing their panties at him. I’d love if Cruz were still here going to school with me.”

  “I guess you’re right. But you get to jet set off to concerts to meet up with your hot superstar boyfriend. It’s kind of sexy, come on,” she said.

  I could see how people would think that. It sounded exciting and romantic. But it wasn’t. I had to share Cruz with the world, and this weekend would be hectic for him. He had two shows, which meant late nights and lots of people. Alone time would be hard to come by.

  “Sure. But there’s something to be said about just living a normal life, too.”

  “Just remember, it’s not forever. Soak this shit up, girl. Before you know it, he’ll be back here by next summer.”

  I twirled the ring on my finger. “Yeah, I hope so.”

  “You worry too much. So, are you meeting him at the venue? You get in just an hour before the show starts, right?”

  “Yep. He said there’d be a car there for me. I can’t wait to see him.”

  “I bet. I know it’s been tough on you. I told Jace he has to sleep at our house from now on. I don’t like you being there alone,” Ari said.

  “Now who’s worrying too much?”

  My phone vibrated and I saw a text from my best friend Sam.

  Sam ~ Hey J-bird. You on your way to Miami? Be safe. Text me when you get back. Dinner next week?

  Me ~ Yes, on my way now. Definitely down to meet for dinner next week. Miss you.

  Sam knew I was struggling. He’d been thrilled when I decided to return to school after spending the summer with Cruz on tour. But he understood how difficult it was at the same time.

  “Who’s that? Cruz or Sam?”

  I laughed. “It’s Sam. Just telling me to be safe.”

  “He’s like a built-in big brother, huh?”

  “Definitely. Thanks for driving me. Sorry I’ve been such a dud this semester.”

  “Stop it. I know your class load is crazy. What pre-med tries to graduate in three year’s? You’re insane. And brilliant. You’re doing all this research and you have a long-distance boyfriend. I’d say you’ve got your hands full. But when you get back, we need a girl’s night out. You deserve to have some fun.”

  “Okay, I’m in. I could use a little fun,” I said with a laugh.

  We pulled in front of the hangar and I hugged Ari goodbye, hurrying inside to meet Ponch.

  The flight was uneventful, and I finished most of my homework before he called me up to assist him with the landing. I loved getting to ride co-pilot. It was crazy to think I’d flown for the first time last year, and now I’d been on a plane more times than I could count. Ponch always let me ride co-pilot and it made the time fly by quickly.

  “You excited to get there?” he asked. Ponch was Cruz’s favorite pilot, and the only one I’d ever flown with.

  “Yeah. I hate being apart from Cruz.”

  “Just remember, it will be a small blip in the big picture of life. Sonia and I spent three years doing the long-distance thing when we were young. Here we are thirty-five years later. It seems long right now, but you won’t even remember this time apart. You’ve got your future to look forward to,” Ponch said with a wink.

  “That’s true.”

  When the plane touched down and we came to a stop, I hugged him goodbye. We agreed to meet Sunday evening to fly back to school. I didn’t even want to think about returning. That meant saying goodbye to Cruz. I saw the car sitting on the runway and slipped my backpack on my shoulder, pulling my suitcase behind me. When the back door opened and Cruz stepped out, I dropped all my stuff and started sprinting toward him. He wasn’t supposed to be here, and I couldn’t get to him fast enough.

  The air left from my lungs when I slammed into him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face in his neck, and his arms came around me, hugging me tight.

  “What are you doing here?” I said, my words labored and breathless.

  “I couldn’t wait to see you.” He kissed me, and all my worries melted away. All the anxiety, stress, sadness—it all dissipated. Just like that.

  “Don’t you have a show in less than an hour?” I asked, slipping back down to my feet.

  “Tough shit. They can wait. We aren’t far from the venue. It’ll be fine. Dex had a temper tantrum, but Adam and Lennon both thought I should come.” He took my hand and led me to the car, and the driver grabbed my bags.

  He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me, in lieu of a seatbelt. I knew better, but I just didn’t care. I needed this right now. I ran my fingers through his unruly hair and studied his features.

  “I’m so happy to see you,” I said.

  “Me too. One month down.”

  “One month down,” I said against his mouth.

  He kissed me again and then trailed his lips down my neck. I tipped my head back to give him better access. I reveled in his touch. His hands slipped beneath my blouse and roamed around my stomach before teasing me over my bra. I gasped as my skin heated and he nipped at my ear.

  “God, I missed you, More Jade.”

  “Missed you too,” I said as the car came to a stop.

  “Damn, we’re here.” He looked down at his phone when it vibrated. “Shit, it’s Luke. Apparently, word’s out that I’m not here yet, and there’s a crowd at the back door. Fucking Dex probably leaked it. Keep your head down and stay right in front of me, okay?”

  I nodded, before glancing out the window. My stomach dipped as I took in the large group gathered outside. Two people came close to the car and banged on the window, and I jumped back, slipping off his lap and onto the seat. The windows were tinted so they couldn’t see inside. Cruz appeared visibly uncomfortable, and the driver turned to face us.

  “Security is on their way out, Mr. Winslow. I’ll lead you both in, and they can flank each side of you,” the large man said.

  “Thanks, Eddie.” Cruz reached for my hand. “I’m sorry about this. It gets a little crazier with each show.”

  “I can see that,” I said, reaching for my backpack.

  “You can leave everything in here and Eddie will take it over to the hotel for you. Just bring what you need with you for now.” Cruz looked out the window. “Okay, here they come. Keep your head down, Jade. Stay right between me and Eddie, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said. My heart raced and I sucked in a deep breath.

  Someone knocked on the door before pulling it open. Eddie was there, reaching for my hand. I ducked out of the car, and Cruz held on to my arm. Two security guards flanked our sides, but several hands reached out and tried to grab my hair. What the hell was this? The screams were deafening, and flashbulbs lit up the dark sky. We hurried inside, and I looked back to make sure the door had closed behind us.

  “You okay?” Cruz whispered against my ear, still urging me forward.

  “Yeah.”

  “Thanks guys,” he said before we stepped into a room and he shut the door.

  He turned, pinning me to the door, holding my ha
nds above my head. His mouth covered mine and he kissed me. My arms dropped back down, and my fingers tangled in his hair.

  “Fucking finally alone, and now I have to go out there in a minute. But we’re out of here as soon as the show ends, and we have the whole day together tomorrow.”

  I stroked his handsome face. “Okay. I’ll be watching you the whole time.”

  “Where I can see you, right?”

  “Where you can see me,” I whispered.

  He was more energetic than usual, but his adrenaline was always up before a show. Or maybe it was from the crowd that had pawed at us while we tried to get inside.

  Someone pounded on the door and Cruz pulled me back before he opened it.

  “There she is,” Lennon said, rushing over to hug me.

  “Hey there. I missed you,” I said.

  “Missed you too. And this one’s been a mopey asshole. Thank God you’re here. I heard the crowd out back was a little crazy?” Lennon dropped down to sit on the couch.

  The room was small, with a couch and a coffee table, cement floors, no windows and a mini bar. I noticed rooms without windows now. Ever since the fire, I’d search the space I was in for an exit strategy. Cruz and I had barely made it out alive when The Dive had gone up in flames last year, and I was more aware than ever now. Note to self—this room didn’t have a window.

  “A mopey fucking asshole?” Cruz rolled his eyes at his little brother.

  The door flew open again and Adam and Luke came through, rushing me one at a time for a hug. Adam lifted me off the ground and spun me around.

  “Thank God you’re here, Jade. I can’t take much more of this sad sack,” Adam said, flicking his thumb at my boyfriend. Everyone laughed. Except for Cruz. I made my way over to him and wrapped my arms around his middle, resting my head on his chest.

  “I hate to break this up, but there’s a rowdy group out there tonight and I don’t think it’s wise to keep them waiting.” Luke rumpled my hair. “I have a chair for you beside the stage, Jade.”

  Dex walked in and his gaze locked with mine. “Welcome back, princess.”