MoreOfYou_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  I closed my eyes for a second. Breathed. Wondered how this was even my life. I was dating a guy that people wanted to be with so badly, they’d sell stories to the press about fictitious weekends. I didn’t know how to fit into this world, and I was starting to feel like an outsider watching it all take place.

  A sob escaped and I put a hand over my mouth to try to stop it. It wasn’t like I believed any of it was true. I trusted Cruz. We talked all day, every day. Our bond was unbreakable. But the realization that so many people wanted to come between us was a hard pill to swallow. The thought of my father and my friends seeing this story and wondering if my boyfriend was unfaithful to me—it bothered me. It bothered me so much. It shouldn’t, but it did. I didn’t want to have to convince people that my boyfriend loved me. I wanted them to know it. I knew it. But this girl had just put doubt out into the world, and I hated her for that. Hated being in a position that allowed it. Hell, it even invited it.

  “Baby, please don’t cry. This is all a bunch of bullshit.”

  I held the phone down for a minute, twirling the ring on my finger. I needed to get myself under control. I wasn’t going to let some crazy girl come between us. I wiped my eyes and sucked in a long, slow breath before holding the phone back up. Cruz’s honey brown gaze was wet with emotion. He held a cocktail in his hand and took a long swig. That was a whole other issue I didn’t know how to deal with when I wasn’t there.

  “I’m okay. I know it’s not true,” I said. My bottom lip betrayed me as it trembled with my words.

  “There is no one I want but you.”

  “I know,” I said. My voice barely above a whisper. I didn’t feel like having this conversation out on the street with people walking past me.

  “You believe me, right?”

  “Yeah. Let me call you when I get home, okay?” I said.

  “Jade. Don’t hang up like this. I need to know that you’re okay. We’re going to be together next weekend.”

  “I can’t come next weekend,” I said. As the words left my mouth, I lost it.

  This was hard. So much harder than I’d ever imagined. Every day I questioned my decision to come back to school. Wondered if it was going to cost me the boy I loved most in the world. I didn’t know how to fight against so many obstacles. I cut through the park and found a bench to drop down and sit on.

  “Why can’t you come? Ponch can fly you out whenever you want.” His frantic tone made my chest squeeze.

  “Professor Callahan needs me to be here next Saturday to meet with some of her colleagues, and Halloween is on Sunday. I have to be in class at eight in the morning Monday. There’d be no way to go to California and be back in Chicago that fast. We’ll just have to wait until the following weekend.” Sobs escaped me, and I looked at him through my tear-streaked gaze.

  “Okay. I get it. Please don’t be upset, baby. I’m so sorry I’m not there with you right now.”

  “I think I’m just tired. I’m overwhelmed with my classes, and it feels like everyone is against us being together. It’s hard enough being apart. Why would someone make this up?”

  “Because people are assholes. But it’s all a bunch of bullshit. Fuck her. I don’t even know this chick, which pisses me off. And she spent the weekend with Dex. So why the fuck doesn’t she just say she was with him? He’s probably behind it, but he’s MIA right now and not taking our calls, so I can’t ask him. He’s a fucking piece of shit. I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?”

  I closed my eyes for a minute. This was too much. It was all too much. Now it might even be more personal than a crazy girl making up a story. His actual bandmate might be behind it?

  “I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I said, my voice low. Tired.

  “What can I do, baby?”

  “Quit the band and move here,” I said. I didn’t laugh. There was no tease in my voice. I was dead ass serious. I didn’t want to be apart. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I wanted him with me.

  “Baby, I’m trying. Luke has his feelers out. He doesn’t want to bring it up to the label until after Christmas. But he’s on the lookout for a new lead singer. I want to be there for you. More than anything.”

  I shook my head. I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t beg my boyfriend to give up his job to be with me. I’d never been an insecure person, but I was so out of sorts. School was tough. Long-distance relationships were a nightmare and throw in the fact that my boyfriend was growing more famous with each passing day, and it was hell.

  “I know you are. I think I made a mistake coming back to school.” I swiped at the tears streaming down my face. I pulled my knees up on the bench and rested my chin there.

  “You didn’t. We’re going to be fine. You just need to trust me, okay?”

  “I do,” I said, pushing to my feet and continuing my walk home.

  “Tell me something good about your day,” he said.

  I laughed. Cruz had a way of calming me. “Well, Professor Callahan asked me to continue working with her through next year. Until I graduate.”

  “That’s fucking awesome. You’re such a rock star, baby.”

  “One rock star is enough in this relationship,” I teased. “How about you? Did you take your final this morning?”

  “Yep. One down. A few more classes to go. I just don’t want to do more than one at a time, because our tour schedule is so tough,” he said. Cruz would finish his courses online and have his degree by the end of the year if all went well.

  “That makes sense. I’m proud of you for doing it. Are you getting any sleep?” I asked.

  “I’m trying.”

  “Me too. You don’t have a show tonight though, right? Maybe you can catch up on some sleep.”

  “Why don’t we FaceTime and fall asleep together,” he said, and I smiled.

  “Sounds like a plan. I have a few hours of homework and I’m going to do my anatomy reading in the tub and multitask.” I laughed. “I’ll call you when I get in bed.”

  “How about you FaceTime me from the tub?” He quirked a brow.

  “Well, that would be an awful lot of multitasking, wouldn’t it?”

  We both laughed as I walked up the steps to my house.

  “All right, I’ll talk to you in a little bit. You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yep. I’m good,” I said, walking in the front door.

  “Okay. Love you, baby.”

  “Love you more,” I said, before ending the call.

  I dropped down on the couch and read through the rest of my texts and cleared my voicemail. There were several more messages from Cruz, Ari, Sam, and Brayden had even sent a text saying he hoped I was okay. It irritated me, because I got the feeling, he was just waiting for my relationship with Cruz to fall apart.

  I clicked on the internet and typed in Cruz’s name.

  Endless articles popped up regarding an interview with Farrah Clearwater. I clicked on her picture and cringed. She was pretty. Blonde hair, big boobs, blue eyes, and unusually plump lips. She claimed that she and Cruz were holed up in a hotel room in Miami the weekend I’d been there. She got pretty graphic about all the sex they’d had and how he’d told her he was done with me. I fricking hated her. Why would someone go out of their way to do this? She’d had a fling with Dex. Wasn’t that enough of a claim to fame? Why drag Cruz into her crazy story?

  Our meetings with Professor Callahan’s colleagues lasted longer than expected. Professor Wilden and Professor Black were both brilliant, and they had years of research compiled on the vascular changes that occur in patients with dementia. We’d be compiling our own data as well, and together, I knew we would have a lot of resources to offer. It had been a productive day.

  “Thanks for staying all day, Jade. I hope you have some fun plans for tomorrow. I’m sure there are a lot of Halloween parties on campus, huh?” Elaine said with
a wink.

  “Yeah, we’ll see. I think I’ll probably get caught up on homework and sleep.” I smiled. I’d learned my lesson last year. I had no intention of going out this year. I’d planned to be with Cruz and now that wasn’t happening. He was performing in California tonight, so I’d talk to him after his show. He had to be in Seattle to perform on Monday, so he had one day off in between. He’d intentionally taken Halloween off in his contract so that he could be with me, but we hadn’t thought out the logistics and how to make that work if he was across the country. I would fly out to see him next weekend, and I’d get through tomorrow just fine.

  Dad and I were going to have breakfast. He wanted to make sure he saw me. Last Halloween had been an epic disaster, and I’d learned my lesson about trying to ignore the day that Mom passed away. This year I’d allow myself to grieve. It had been a crappy week. Farrah’s story was finally dying down, but she’d put enough doubt out there that everyone had an opinion. I’d set all my social media settings to private because I was getting endless messages from strangers giving me advice about my relationship. Some were telling me to hang in there. Others were telling me that Cruz and I would never last. One even told me that I was too plain to date him and that she fully intended to sleep with him when he performed in Canada. She said she was just giving me a girl code heads up.

  What kind of girl code is that?

  One girl thought I should consider getting a boob job if I wanted to keep a guy like Cruz around. All in all—I was done with the messages and set all my accounts to private. I blocked anyone I didn’t know well. I rarely got on social media anyway, so it was for the better.

  Cruz had confronted Dex, and he admitted to sleeping with the Farrah girl. He denied being the one who told her to make this story up, but he also argued that this had been good press. He claimed that it didn’t look good for the band that Cruz had a serious girlfriend, and it was for the better. Cruz said they’d gone to blows and ended up being torn apart by Luke and Lennon, and he’d FaceTimed me after with a swollen lip. He said Dex took a pretty good beating, and I didn’t feel bad for him in the slightest. Adam still wasn’t speaking to Dex, but he’d finally reached out to Tory, and hopefully they would eventually patch things up. They were at least talking now, so that was a start.

  I waved goodbye to Elaine before trudging out into the damp Chicago weather. The sky was gray, and rain fell from above, leaving puddles scattered across campus. I pulled my hood up and made my trek home. I’d never been so exhausted, and I was looking forward to having a day off tomorrow.

  When I walked in the house, it smelled like garlic and basil.

  “Ari?” I called out.

  “Hey, girl. I’m making us dinner,” she said from the kitchen.

  This was a first. Ari didn’t cook, nor was she usually home on a Saturday night?

  “What’s all this?” I asked, dropping my backpack on the dining chair, and pulling my hood down. My hair was damp, nose ice cold, and I rubbed my hands together to get warm.

  “I just wanted to do something special for you. I know you’ve been working so hard, and I thought a good homecooked dinner would be nice to come home to.”

  “You just scored some major BFF points,” I said, giving her a hug and snagging a cucumber from the salad.

  “Good. You deserve it.”

  She insisted I sit down at our cute white round table in the kitchen, which she had already set with white plates and yellow linen napkins. She served me a plate of ravioli, salad, and garlic bread, and I forgot about my crappy week for the next hour.

  Chapter Six

  Cruz

  I was existing on no sleep, a lot of booze and a couple Adderall a day to keep me going. I texted Jade’s best friend Ari when I got on the plane and spent the next four hours writing lyrics for our new album. I thanked Ponch for flying me on such short notice and agreed to meet him in eight hours to fly to Seattle. Was it crazy to go to Chicago when I could only stay for eight hours? Probably. But I didn’t fucking care. My girl was struggling, and she needed me. She wouldn’t say it, but I knew her. I’d made a promise to be with her on Halloween this year, and it was one I intended to keep. She was the one person I didn’t want to disappoint.

  I had a rental car waiting for me at the hangar and I drove over to Jade’s house. I talked to her this morning after she’d finished breakfast with her dad. They both had a tough time every year on this day, so I was glad she spent some time with him. She told me she was going to do homework the rest of the day, but Ari kept me posted and said she’d been in bed since she’d come home from breakfast.

  On top of the fact that today was the day her mom had passed away fourteen years ago, it had been a shit week. Dex had some skank sell a story to the press that she’d been having an affair with me. Why would my bandmate do that to me? Because he was an asshole. Always had been. And when you mixed in a little fame, and a shit ton of drugs—the guy was out of control. Jade had been with me the entire weekend in question, so it wasn’t like she believed it. But it didn’t mean it didn’t bother her. Having people tear apart our relationship online sucked. None of it was true. It’s an odd phenomenon to have complete strangers write about what’s going on in your life. I was still adjusting—and I felt like Jade was pulling away a little more each day. Trying to protect herself in a way, which I understood. But I loved her so goddamned much I needed to be with her.

  I pulled up at her house and Ari opened the door the minute I jogged up the porch steps.

  “I’m glad you’re here. She hasn’t eaten since breakfast. I’ve checked on her a couple times, but she’s been sleeping all day. I heard her sniffling, but when I tried to talk to her, she just acted like she was asleep,” she said, and her concerned gaze had me hurrying inside.

  “Okay. Thanks for looking out for her. I’ll make sure she eats.”

  “Thanks for coming, Cruz. I think it’s exactly what she needs. Text me if you need me. I’m going over to Jace’s tonight to give you guys some privacy,” she said, wriggling her brows.

  I laughed. “Okay, crazy ass. Talk to you later.”

  I got out my phone and ordered a pizza. It was her favorite, and I was starving too. I walked down the hall into her room. It was dark, but the moonlight coming through the gap in her curtains provided enough light to make out her silhouette beneath the covers. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into bed with her. My chest pressed against her back and my arms came around her. Her hands came over mine, and she sniffled.

  “You’re here,” she whispered.

  “Of course, I am.”

  She turned in my arms and faced me. Her eyes were puffy and her nose red. I used my thumbs and wiped away the tears running down her cheeks.

  “You have to be in Seattle tomorrow though?” Her voice trembled.

  “And I’m in Chicago tonight.”

  She buried her head in my chest and hugged me. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too.”

  I just held her, stroking her hair the way I knew she liked it and telling her how much I loved her. The doorbell rang and she stilled in my arms.

  “It’s just pizza, baby. Come on. You need to get up and eat something. And then you and I are taking a bath together.” I jumped up to go grab the door.

  “You don’t like baths,” she said as I made my way to the door.

  “I know. But you do.”

  I brought the pizza to her room and got her to eat a slice. I managed to down half the pizza on my own. She sat back on the bed and dark circles rimmed her pretty eyes. I pushed up and walked to the bathroom to start the tub, pouring in whatever bubbles she had sitting on the side of the bath.

  “You’re really taking a bath with me?”

  “Yep. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you,” I said, dragging her out of bed and leading her into the bathroom.

  She dipped h
er hand in the water. “Ooh, perfect. It’s nice and hot.”

  “I know just how you like it, baby,” I said, lifting her T-shirt over her head.

  I dropped down to my knees and kissed her stomach before sliding her panties down her body. Goosebumps covered her skin and I fucking loved the way she reacted to me. To the way I touched her. Kissed her.

  I stood and yanked my shirt off and she pushed my joggers down and blushed when she noticed my overly enthusiastic erection. “You get in first, and then I’ll sit in front of you.”

  I laughed. I loved when she took charge. I stuck my foot in and howled. “Jesus. It’s fucking lava.”

  Her head fell back in laughter, and I was so fucking relieved to hear it, I was willing to sustain third-degree burns in this tub to make it happen.

  “It only feels that way when you first get in. You’ll get used to it fast. I promise.”

  I dropped into the water that was far too hot for any normal human and reached for her hand. She settled between my legs and I adjusted myself, so I wasn’t stabbing her in the back with my overachieving boner. My desire for her had never wavered since the day I’d met her.

  “I’ll have to trust you on that.”

  “Ah, this is nice,” she said, settling her head against my chest. Her hair was pulled up in some sort of messy knot on top of her head.

  I wrapped my arms around her, and my chin rested on her head. “Feeling better?”

  “Yes. I can’t believe you flew here for just a few hours. That’s crazy. You’re going to be exhausted,” she said, tipping her head up to look over her shoulder at me.

  “There’s nowhere else I want to be. I knew today would be tough for you.” I traced my finger over the tiny music note on her wrist.

  “I don’t get it, honestly. It’s been fourteen years. I don’t know why it’s still so hard.” Her hands covered mine.

  “I don’t think there’s an expiration on grief. I think this day will always be tough for you.”