MoreOfYou_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  Damn, I loved him so much, I had a hard time staying annoyed with him for very long.

  I listened as he sang More of Me, and he looked over at me several times. When he finished singing, he jogged over to me and kissed me before returning to the stage for one more song.

  And that was why I was willing to go through hell to make this work. Because I needed to be here for him. He was worth all the effort.

  “I can’t believe we have a midterm tomorrow. It’s the day before Thanksgiving. Who does that?” Brayden said. His tone was more of a whine, but I understood it. The library was pretty dead tonight, because everyone was leaving to go home for the holidays. Most classes were canceled tomorrow, as it was the day before Thanksgiving. Cruz would fly in tomorrow after my test, and we’d have five whole days together. Exiled had a break in their tour, and it couldn’t come at a better time. I tossed a lozenge in my mouth to coat my ever-present sore throat.

  “I know. It sucks, but at least we’ll be done for a while,” I said.

  “That’s true. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Are you going to see Cruz?”

  “He’s coming home. My dad and I have a tradition of cooking together every year, so we’ll go to my house,” I said.

  “All that travel has to be tough on you guys, huh?”

  “Yeah, but we make it work,” I said.

  “We sure as shit do.” A harsh tone came from behind me as two hands settled on my shoulders. I turned around to see Cruz, and he wasn’t happy.

  “What are you doing here?” I said, jumping up to hug him.

  “I came early to surprise you. Is there anything else you want to know about our relationship?” Cruz hissed at Brayden.

  “Dude, we were just studying and making small talk,” Brayden said, putting his hands up in defense.

  “Sure, you were.”

  I tossed my books in my backpack. Cruz looked like he was about to lose his shit. His hands gripped the back of the chair, and his knuckles were white.

  “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow for the test. Sorry,” I said as Cruz glared at him.

  “Why are you apologizing to him? He knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing.” Cruz pointed at Brayden.

  My heart raced and I grabbed his hand and led him out of the library. I was fuming.

  “What the hell was that,” I said, my tone loud and angry once we were outside.

  “Are you kidding me? That asshole wants you,” he shouted and pointed his finger at me. Thankfully, campus was fairly desolate, not that I really cared at the moment.

  “Really? You’re mad because you think one guy wants me. That bothers you, does it?” I stormed off, walking ahead of him.

  “You’re fucking right it bothers me.”

  I whipped around and he almost slammed into me. “Everybody wants you, Cruz. Girls jump on stage and grind up against you in front of me. They throw their panties and their bras at you. I’ve had to change all my social media accounts to private because I get so many messages from girls telling me that I don’t deserve you. That I’m not pretty enough. My boobs aren’t big enough. I’m not sexy enough. Do you have any idea what it’s like to date you? How scary it is to love someone that everyone wants to take away from you? But I don’t make a scene every time it happens because—I’m not a whiney vajayjay.”

  Cruz stared at me with his mouth gaping open. “Did you just call me a vagina?”

  I rolled my eyes and started walking again.

  “Baby,” he said, wrapping his fingers around my bicep.

  “Don’t baby, me. You’re such a hypocrite.” I turned to face him.

  He laughed. The sky was gray, and the air was chilly. I zipped my coat all the way up and tucked my hands in my pockets.

  “You really think I’m a vagina?”

  “I said whiney vajayjay.” I tried to hide my smile.

  He quirked a brow and tugged me close to him. “I’m a whiney vagina asshole, aren’t I?”

  “You are.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “I hate that guy.”

  “He didn’t do anything. He’s actually seeing someone.”

  “I don’t care what he says. He wants you.”

  I tipped my head up to meet his honey-brown gaze. “Did you not hear anything I just said?”

  “I blacked out after you called me a vagina.” He laughed. “I’m kidding. I heard you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were getting messages like that. You can’t keep things like that from me.”

  “What is it that you think you can do about it?”

  “I’d respond to every single message and tell them to fuck off. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. With the best boobs. And you’re sexy as hell, especially when you’re angry,” he said, his lips grazing mine as he spoke.

  “Is that so?”

  “It is,” he said, nipping at my bottom lip.

  “I’m glad you’re here.” I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed him.

  “Me too.”

  “You two cheated. How do you win every time?” Sam said, tossing the cards across the table. I’d known Sam my entire life. Literally, we’d grown up together because our parents were the best of friends. He’d never been a good loser.

  “Don’t be a sore loser. We’re just that good,” I said.

  “Why don’t you call him a vagina?” Cruz asked, and Sam sputtered the water he just guzzled all over the table.

  Cara, Sam’s girlfriend, and I both laughed.

  “Why the hell would she call me a vagina?” he said, reaching for a napkin.

  “The hell if I know. She called me some sort of vagina yesterday.”

  “I called you a whiney vajayjay, which you are sort of being right now,” I said, trying to cover my smile.

  Uncle Jimmy, Sam’s father, walked in to grab a beer. “Hey, I’ve heard of this vajayjay. Maria, what’s that cocktail your sister said we needed to try? Was it a vajayjay?” he shouted, so she’d hear him in the living room.

  My jaw hit the ground and Sam, Cara and Cruz fell over in a fit of hysterics.

  Sam’s mom, Aunt Maria, walked in the kitchen. “What so funny? No. It’s called a Moscow Mule. What the hell is a vajayjay?”

  “I’m begging you both to just drop it. Get yourselves a Moscow Mule and call it done,” Sam said. His face was bright red, and his eyes were wet from laughter.

  “These kids and their fancy cocktails. It’s hard to keep up,” Uncle Jimmy said, following his wife out of the kitchen.

  “If my dad says vajayjay one more time, I’m going to lose my shit,” Sam said.

  “He also mentioned cock—tails,” Cruz said with a smirk.

  I smacked him on the shoulder, and we all lost it. I shook my head and started gathering all the pieces to Sequence and piling them in the box. Cruz got up and poured himself another cocktail. I didn’t want to keep track of what he was drinking, but he was putting back a lot of whiskey lately. It concerned me. But I didn’t want to start a fight when I only got to spend a few days at a time with him.

  The apartment smelled like turkey and pie. I loved being home. I called Dad in to start carving because the pop up in the bird showed it was ready. Cara helped me get the side dishes onto the platters that I’d set aside.

  “Did you see that pamphlet on the counter I set out for you, Jady bug?” Dad asked when he plugged in the electric knife.

  “Oh, yeah. I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet.”

  “It came in the mail yesterday and I read through it. Sounds like an amazing opportunity.” He carved as he spoke, and I handed him the platter to put the meat on.

  Cruz glanced over at me and reached for the pamphlet sitting in front of him. “What’s a medical brigade?”

  “It’s this club I joined on campus. They go to Honduras, Nicaragua and Ghana—areas
with limited access to healthcare. It’s pretty cool. They set up sustainable health initiatives. Things we take for granted like running water, and dental care. Restrooms with showers and resources for basic hygiene. They build water systems and provide services at local schools for the kids. It’s really amazing.”

  “That’s a great group to be involved with,” Dad said.

  “Do you want to do it? How long would you be gone?” Sam asked.

  My gaze locked with Cruz. “I might do it down the road.”

  “They have a brigade over Christmas break,” Cruz said, studying the brochure.

  “I know, but I’m going to be with you on tour. I can do it next year when you’re back home. Maybe you’ll even want to go with me?”

  Cruz and my father exchanged a look, but I couldn’t decipher what it meant. My boyfriend stood and wrapped his arms around me. “You know I’d support you if you want to go this year.”

  “I know you would. But we’ve been apart enough. I’m not going to take away the little time we do get to be together.”

  He kissed my cheek and whispered against my ear. “I love you.”

  “Love you more,” I said, turning in his arms to kiss him.

  “Get a room for God’s sake. There’s food in here,” Sam said, and Dad’s head tipped back with a chuckle.

  “You’re really on one today,” I said to my best friend, and everyone laughed.

  We had an amazing dinner, and we played our usual game where we went around the table and answered the questions that I’d placed under each plate. Platters still covered the table, with remnants of food lingering. Frank Sinatra sang in the background, giving me that warm holiday feel. Sam, Cara, Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Maria, Uncle John and his wife Aunt Teresa sat on one side of the table. Their two littles, Sienna and Piper, Uncle Vinny, his girlfriend Emma, Dad’s best friend Sara, Dad, Cruz and I all sat on the other side. Everyone I loved most in the world minus Ari and Lennon were all here. Lennon went to Mexico with some friends, but he’d FaceTimed Cruz and I twice today saying he wished he’d stayed and joined us.

  “Let’s hear yours, Cruz,” Sam said to my boyfriend.

  Cruz lifted his plate and opened the folded paper in his hand. “Name something or someone you were proud of this year?”

  He winked at me before speaking. “Honestly, it would probably be when you decided to return to school after the summer. Yeah, it fucking sucked for me—uh, sorry, I mean it sucked for me.” He paused and everyone laughed. Dad sat at the head of the table with his hands folded as he listened intently to my boyfriend. “But I was so fuck—shit, I did it again, sorry. I was so proud of you for making the right decision.”

  I sighed. I still doubted the decision I’d made, but it made me want to burst that he was proud of me for making it.

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  “You’re the last one, Jady bug,” Dad said.

  I lifted my plate. “What is the best gift you’ve ever been given? That’s easy. The song you wrote me. More of Me. And, the bag full of Office Max supplies was a damn close second.”

  Everyone chuckled and Cruz pulled me close to him. His breath smelled like whiskey, but I didn’t even care. He just got me. Always had. He understood my joy of all things office supplies and he’d bought me a giant bag filled with sticky notes, highlighters, and every office supply one could dream of last Christmas.

  “I wish you could write me a song,” Cara said to Sam.

  “I don’t have a clue how to write a song.”

  “It’s not as hard as you think. If you have the inspiration—you can write a song,” Cruz said, looking down at me.

  “Then I guess you’re going to have to help me write a song,” Sam said.

  I smiled up at Cruz.

  Maybe I’d write a song for him, too.

  He was all the inspiration I’d ever need.

  Chapter Eight

  Cruz

  The mattress bounced and I rolled over. It was still dark outside. It couldn’t be morning yet. I’d been up late writing music after spending Christmas Eve at Jade’s father’s house. My sleep routine was so fucked up I never knew if it was day or night anymore. The time zones we traveled to were always changing, and I’d lost the ability to sleep during normal hours. It probably didn’t help that I took Adderall like it was candy and used Xanax to balance me out. It took the edge off, and I was always on edge, except when I was with Jade.

  The label wanted more songs. Word was out that I was trying to leave the band. Finding a new lead singer wasn’t the issue—I was a stronger songwriter than I was a singer. AF Records wanted to suck every last bit of lyrics out of me that they could. My brother and Adam were on edge because Dex was out of control, and they feared it would all blow up when I left. Jade was supportive and understanding. I was fucking lucky to have her. She didn’t pressure me about it, because she knew I was getting pressured by everyone else. I had until this summer to get this figured out. That was the deal. I gave them a little over a year, and time was ticking. But we hadn’t expected Exiled to grow as fast as it had. We didn’t know we’d be going on a worldwide tour, which would start in January. It meant a lot more traveling, twice as many shows, and less time with my girl. I’d lost my anonymity. Privacy was now a luxury, not the norm. I was still figuring out who I was, but the whole fucking world had something to say about me now. I was doing my first big interview with Rock the World magazine in a few weeks, and I didn’t have a fucking clue what we’d talk about. An entire day had been set aside for it, as there would be a photo shoot with the band and an interview with me after. Most days I felt like a hamster running on a wheel that led nowhere. And I was falling into a pattern of survival that scared the shit out of me. Drinking too much and numbing myself with prescription meds that I was trying to justify I needed. Then more booze to compensate for the massive hangover that greeted me each morning.

  The mattress bounced again, and I peeked one eye open. She was a vision. Jade wore a white hoodie, pajama bottoms with candy canes all over them and a Santa hat on her head. Her cheeks were flush, lips full and turned up in the corners, and green eyes that I dreamed about when I actually slept. She’d become my pulse, my grounding force, the only thing in my life with any normalcy. I had no home anymore. Jade was my home.

  “Why are you awake, baby?” I mumbled, pulling her down to lie with me.

  “Oh, no. Did I wake you?” she whispered.

  I laughed. “You weren’t trying to?”

  “Nope.”

  Her body vibrated when she laughed, and I wrapped my arms around her.

  “Why are you bouncing beside me on the bed and staring at me?”

  “Was I?”

  “You were,” I said, kissing her mouth hard.

  “It’s Christmas morning. I’m excited to give you your gifts.”

  So fucking sweet. This girl was everything good in my life, and I was holding on as tight as I could. There were times that I felt her slipping away. When we’d been apart for weeks on end. When stories came out in the press about me that were unflattering—rumors of other women. They were all untrue. There was no one I wanted but her. And then she’d come visit or I’d come here, and it was like no time had passed. Like nothing had happened. Like we were unbreakable. I hoped we were. Because she was it for me.

  “What time is it?”

  “Hmmm… I don’t know? Five eighteen?”

  I laughed even louder now. “Only you would be up this early.”

  “We could open gifts and then go back to bed? We don’t have to be at Dad’s until eleven.”

  I rolled her on her back and settled above her. “There’s only one thing I want.”

  I tickled her sides and she squirmed and laughed.

  “Presents first,” she said. Her smile beamed and I looked down at her and studied every feature. I pushed the dark hair
back from her face and traced her bottom lip with the pad of my thumb.

  “Okay, let’s go.” I leaned down and kissed her before pushing up.

  She clapped her hands together and ran out in the living room. Her roommate Arianna had gone home for the holidays, so we had the place to ourselves. Hell, I had my house down the street that was also empty. But Jade had a Christmas tree set up and the whole house looked like a winter wonderland. I wasn’t used to the holidays being like this. My family decorated, sure. It was over-the-top, but there was no warmth. No excitement. And we didn’t wake up early to exchange gifts. There was nothing traditional about the Winslows.

  I dropped down on the couch in front of the tree. There were a few packages that she’d wrapped, and I’d brought mine in the shopping bags they’d come in. I wasn’t much of a wrapper, but I liked shopping for Jade. There wasn’t anyone I liked buying for more than her.

  She formed a pile of packages and dropped down on the floor near my feet.

  “Who should go first?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “Ladies first, right?”

  “Well, I don’t see any ladies in here, but I guess I’m the next best thing.” Her head tipped back with laughter. “Is there one that I should open first?”

  “Nope. You choose.”

  She picked up a package from Neiman’s and shook it. “This one’s quiet. Let’s see what’s in here. Never had anything from Neiman Marcus. My boyfriend is a big spender, huh?” She wriggled her brows.

  I laughed. “Sure, he is.”

  “Ooooh, I love this.” She jumped to her feet and tried it on. “This is so nice. Thank you.”

  She ran off to her bedroom to look in the full-length mirror. I’d gotten her a blazer because of all the research she’d been doing. I knew she’d be presenting at some point and needed that classy, professional look.

  “This is gorgeous. How did you possibly find a blazer with a hoodie zipped inside it?” she asked, bounding back out to the living room.