MoreOfYou_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  “Why not? I’m older than your girlfriend.” I snorted.

  Lennon left the room. Bailey had just arrived, and he’d had enough.

  “I screwed up. I get it. Your mother’s going to be fine. She has to be. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her. That’s why I ended it with Victoria, because your mother is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “You don’t get brownie points for breaking up with your teenage girlfriend. You know that, right? Cause it feels like you think you should be applauded.”

  “Listen, Cruz. The shit’s about to hit the fan. The story is going to go public. I’ve offered a lot of money to stop it, but Victoria is telling anyone who will listen. That’s why I filled Lennon in on the situation. Right now, they just know I had an affair. Fuck. When they find out it’s with David’s daughter, I’m fucked.”

  “I mean, your wife is fighting for her life, but by all means, let’s worry about your image. You’re an asshole. Focus on Mom right now,” I hissed.

  He was right though. Our lives were about to become a media frenzy. All while my mom lies there in a coma. What the actual fuck was wrong with my family? I stepped out of the room and stood in the hallway. From where I stood, I could see Jade. She sat on one side of Lennon, while Bailey sat on the other. Lennon’s girlfriend had just flown in to be with him. I wanted my girl as far from this shit as she could get.

  Jade’s books were spread out on the waiting room table. She was going to try to study, take care of me, and herself. She’d barely recovered from having mono, and here I was dragging her back down again. She didn’t have a clue the shitstorm that was coming. She would be hounded by the press, too. All because she was dating me. The light coming from behind her shone around her like some sort of halo.

  I spoke to Luke and texted Ponch to make arrangements. Jade looked up and met my gaze as I walked toward her. I stopped at the table and grabbed her books and started shoving them in her backpack.

  “What are you doing?” She rose to her feet and wrapped her delicate fingers around my bicep.

  “Ponch is taking you home. I have a car coming to get you in fifteen minutes,” I said, closing her laptop and sliding it into the backpack as well.

  “What? No. I want to be here with you,” she said, her tone more frantic than I’d ever heard it.

  “Jade, you don’t need to be here. Shit’s about to explode in our faces. My mom may not wake up for months. There’s nothing for you to do here. You need to be back at school, kicking ass.”

  “I don’t care. This is where I want to be.” She crossed her arms over her chest and held her ground. I normally liked Jade’s strength, but I wasn’t in the mood for it today. I needed her to go home, needed her to remove herself from this situation. Unfortunately, this situation was my life.

  I took her hand and led her to the far corner of the waiting room. “Listen to me. My father had an affair with a nineteen-year-old girl. A family friend. His best friend’s daughter, actually. The story is about to break. I need to get you out of here. They will probably bombard you for a few days. But at least if you’re back at home you can focus on school. I need to deal with this.”

  “Why won’t you let me help you?” she said, and when I met her gaze my chest squeezed. Her green eyes welled with emotion. Sadness. Devastation. The Winslow family was like a wrecking ball. Taking out everyone in their path.

  “Baby, I appreciate that you came here so much. But it will help me more if you go home. I don’t want to take you from school, from your research, you know? I promise to keep you posted, okay? Please, please just do this for me.”

  She let out a long sigh, and she used the butt of her hand to swipe at the tears running down her face. “Okay.”

  “Luke has the driver pulling up at the side entrance. Apparently, the press is camped out downstairs. I can’t imagine how bad it’ll be when the whole story comes out.” I led her down a long corridor.

  Jade was quiet when I pushed the door open and saw the car in the back alley.

  “Hey,” I said, lifting her chin to meet my gaze.

  “Okay, then. Keep me posted.”

  She was wounded. I got it. But I was protecting her whether she liked it or not. She didn’t know how bad this would get. I worried about Jade all the time, and right now I needed to focus on my mom and my brother. Make sure my mother would pull out of this and Lennon wouldn’t get pulled into the abyss of hell. I could feel everything slipping away, maybe it symbolized my life. I had no control over anything, but the one thing I could do is save my girlfriend from going down with me.

  “I love you, baby. You know that,” I whispered against her ear, when I wrapped my arms around her.

  The driver walked to our side of the car and took her bag for her.

  “I love you, more.” She held her head high and backed away before stepping in the car. My eyes locked with hers through the window, and tears streamed down her pretty face.

  A piece of me broke as I watched her drive away. It felt more final than I meant it to. Maybe I was preparing for the inevitable.

  I’d always feared that I’d taint her in some way.

  Jade was so good, and my family was so fucked up. And whether I liked it or not, I was a part of them. A part of something ugly. And I didn’t want Jade anywhere near it. I’d seen what the press would do when they had a story like this. And the Regates were going to crucify my father. And they were justified in doing so, but it meant we were going to be dragged through the mud by the media.

  I picked up my phone and called Dr. Grove. “Hey. I’m going to need a new prescription of Xanax. Maybe you can up the dose.”

  “Sure. I’ll call it in now. Text me your location and I’ll find a pharmacy.”

  “Thanks,” I said before ending the call.

  And I couldn’t wait to stop feeling all the shit that was threatening to pull me under.

  For the first time in my life—I really felt like a Winslow.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jade

  It had been two days since I’d been home and I’d barely heard from Cruz. I wished I hadn’t left. He was pulling away from me. I could feel it in every bone in my body. He sounded weird on the phone, and I knew in my gut he was using something to cope. I didn’t know if it was booze or pills, but he was so distant and short with me. I asked him if he was taking something, and he ripped my head off. Said he was fine and now wasn’t the time to question him.

  I sent texts and called several times a day. He’d only responded twice. The texts were short. I knew he was going through a lot, but it was more than that. It was like everything had piled up and he was done fighting it. Maybe he was done fighting for us. Fighting for me.

  I knew it had to be an outside factor, because Cruz and I had been through a lot and he’d never stopped fighting for us. Why now? What was different? There was no emotion there when we spoke. He was completely detached.

  The story had come out, and I don’t think anyone could have prepared for what followed. Steven Winslow’s affair with his best friend’s teenage daughter took on a life of its own. Photos of Cruz’s parents and their family were on every news channel, splashed all over the internet, and the topic of almost every conversation I overheard. Lennon’s overdose had come out in the story, and his photo was splashed all over social media as well. Victoria had spilled a lot of details about Cruz’s family. She was clearly determined to take Steven Winslow down, and she had succeeded in destroying his reputation, and his family was left in the crosshairs.

  “Jade,” Ari called out when she stepped inside. “Are you home?”

  “Yeah. I’m back here.” I moved to my feet, leaving my bedroom to meet her in the living room.

  “There’re four dudes camped out front. Did they follow you when you went to class?” My roommate set her backpack on the couch and dropped to sit
.

  “Yep. I’m just ignoring them.”

  “I should try that. I told them to fuck off. Probably not the best thing to do.” Ari laughed, and I forced a smile.

  “I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” I said, reaching for my phone in my back pocket when it vibrated.

  “Don’t be silly. It’s not your fault. Is that Cruz?”

  “Yeah.”

  Cruz ~ She’s awake and she seems okay. She’s talking normal and is pissed at my dad, so she must remember what happened.

  Jade ~ Oh my gosh, I’m so happy she’s awake.

  Tears ran down my face and relief flooded. Thank God she was okay. I watched the three little dots disappear. He wasn’t going to respond again. That was all I was going to get. I swiped at my cheeks.

  “What did he say?” Ari asked, concern filled her blue eyes.

  “She’s awake and she seems to be okay.” I smiled, but I still couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that something was going on with Cruz.

  My roommate hugged me and ran off to take a shower. I ordered a pizza for us, and we’d both hunker down and study. Hopefully the press would back off now that Juliette was awake, and they’d let Cruz’s family heal in private. I called my dad and Sam and filled them in.

  My dad sent a police officer friend to drive by a couple times to scare off the men huddled out front, but it was public property and they could park themselves on the sidewalk if they wanted to.

  My phone buzzed a little past two o’clock in the morning and I reached for it.

  Cruz.

  I was happy he’d FaceTimed me. I hadn’t seen his face in a few days, and I missed him terribly. I sat up in bed, anxious to finally talk to him. See how he was handling everything. Hear how his mom was doing.

  “Hey,” he said, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. My stomach twisted. Cruz never avoided my gaze.

  “Hey. How are you? How’s your mom?” I tucked my hair behind my ear.

  “She’s doing well. She kicked my dad out of the hospital, so her memory is intact.” He chuckled, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

  “How long will they keep her there?” I hated how distant we were being.

  “I don’t know. She doesn’t want to go home with my dad. She’s talking about living on her own, getting a divorce, possibly going into a program. God, Jade. My family is so fucked up,” he whispered, and my chest ached.

  “Every family has issues. No one is perfect, Cruz.”

  “Really? Drugs and overdoses. Affairs with teenagers. Now probably divorce and years of fighting over money. Lennon isn’t speaking to my father either. So, the man calls me every five fucking seconds. Wants to know what’s happening with Mom. Wants me to speak to her. We can’t leave the hospital without being bombarded by the press. Luke bought us time, but we have to be back in California for five shows next week,” he said. He finally looked up to meet my gaze, and my heart sank. He looked sad.

  Anxious.

  Broken.

  “Do you want me to come there? I could come tonight. Tomorrow. Whatever you need.” The urgency and desperation in my voice surprised me. He was pulling away and I was holding on for dear life.

  “Listen, Jade, I um, I think I should distance myself from you for a while.” He looked away after the words left his mouth.

  “What? No. Why would you distance yourself from me?” My voice broke on a sob.

  “Because this isn’t good for you. Hell, it isn’t good for me, but I have no choice but to deal with it. You can separate yourself from this. You have so much going on in your life, and you don’t need my shit,” he said.

  “Oh my God, you’re breaking up with me, aren’t you? At least have the balls to say it.” My heart raced as the realization that he didn’t want to be with me set in.

  “Fuck, baby, I’m sorry. I can’t be with you right now. I can’t be with anyone. I’m doing this for you.” He looked up at me, but his honey-brown gaze was so distant that a piece of my heart shattered as I took him in. He wasn’t there. He showed no emotion. Like he was empty.

  “You’re doing this for me? Stop lying. Are you taking something, you don’t seem like yourself. Are you back on Xanax?” I asked, concern taking over.

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m doing what I need to do right now. I’m trying to keep it together, and I don’t need to be judged. Nor do I need a babysitter. This is exactly why I need to let you go right now. I need to figure things out.”

  Wow. Was he really choosing pills over me? He’d called me a babysitter. This wasn’t the Cruz that I knew. I was hurt and pissed at the same time. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

  “So, you’re going to numb yourself just like your mom did because that worked out so well for her?” I croaked.

  “You’re right, baby. I’m a fuck up. Always will be. You can do a lot better than me.” He smirked. His gaze cold and distant. My chest squeezed and my bottom lip betrayed me when it trembled so much it was difficult to talk.

  “Don’t say that. I’ve never thought that.”

  “I can’t do this anymore,” he said, his voice shook, but he kept his mask in place.

  “You can’t do what? You can’t fight for us? For me?”

  “I’m tired of fighting.” He looked up, and his gaze was wet with emotion. Was he still in there, somewhere?

  “I’ll fight for both of us,” I said, sounding like a pathetic beggar as I tried to cover my mouth when another sob escaped.

  “That’s the thing—I don’t want you to.” His face gave away nothing, and he stared at me. All the emotion left his eyes, and he shrugged. “I want you to let me go.”

  “Okay. Got it,” I said, taking long, labored breaths between my words.

  “I do love you, Jade. Goodbye.” He ended the call.

  I sat there in complete shock for a few minutes as the tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t see a future without Cruz in it. I didn’t want to. He may have left me—but he took my heart with him.

  “So, my family does this crazy thing. We’ve never told anyone what it was before now, but I ran it past my mom, dad, and brother and they all agreed you are part of the family and I should share it with you,” Ari said.

  She stood in front of me where I sat on the couch in our living room. I’d only left the house for class and research over the last three days since Cruz had broken up with me. The guys who’d been camped out had moved on since there was no story here. I’d never spoken to them, and they’d gotten the message. If they only knew Cruz and I weren’t dating anymore, they’d have a whole new slew of questions. And I didn’t hold any of the answers.

  “And what is this crazy thing your family does?” I asked, setting my book aside.

  Mono had been physically exhausting for me, but nothing could prepare me for a broken heart. Broken hearts could kick mono’s ass any day of the week. There was an ache in my chest that never went away. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and I cried every time I was alone. I hated being that girl. The one who fell apart when her boyfriend had no use for her anymore. I’d been tossed aside like I’d never meant anything to him. And it hurt so bad it was hard to wrap my head around. I hadn’t told my dad or Sam that Cruz and I weren’t together anymore. Only Ari knew that he’d broken up with me. Dad would worry, and Sam would be pissed. I didn’t have the energy for either. I leaned on Ari the most. She understood what I was going through. Cruz had gone radio silent on me. I’d not heard from him since our FaceTime call when he told me he was done and he wanted me to let him go. I’d broken down and called him the next day, but he didn’t pick up nor respond. I’d sent a few texts asking if we could talk about it—and nothing. Not even a response. He’d erased me from his world. Like I never existed. And I didn’t know how to fight for him. How do you fight for someone that wants nothing to do with you?

  “Get up and
come to the bathroom with me.” Ari offered her hand and led me to our little powder room off the living room.

  “What are we doing in here?” I rolled my eyes, too tired to think. We were crammed in the small space with beadboard covering the bottom half of the white walls.

  “Are you ready to feel better?” She eyed me curiously.

  “I don’t think it’s possible.”

  “I’m not promising to cure you overnight, but you’ll feel better than you do right now, I promise.” Her blonde hair was tied back, and she grabbed my hands.

  “I’m waiting…” I yawned.

  “Okay, so I’m going to count to three, and then you and I are going to say these words: fuck those bitches. We’re going to repeat it, louder and louder until you feel better.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “Do you trust me?” she asked.

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Let’s do this. One, two, three—fuck those bitches,” we shouted together. She held both of my hands and we repeated it over and over. Louder and louder. “Fuck those bitches. Fuck those bitches. Fuck those bitches.”

  We must have said it a dozen times before we both burst out in hysterics. I hadn’t laughed in days. I laughed until I doubled over and dropped to the floor. I couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying, because I was doing both. And it felt good. And it felt terrible at the same time. Ari dropped down next to me.

  “Just let it out, Jade.” She rubbed my back and hugged me close to her. My laughter turned to sobs and the sounds that wracked my body weren’t recognizable. Everything hurt. My arms and my legs. My throat and my chest. My eyes burned and my chapped lips stung. Everything was broken. I was broken. Cruz Winslow had broken me.

  We sat on the bathroom floor for over an hour. We didn’t speak. I sobbed and Ari held me.

  “Who are the bitches?” I finally whispered. My breathing still labored.

  “What?” She sat forward and turned to face me.